Allrighty, chapter 5! For some reason I wanna say Zib and Dim…maybe I've been writing too much…ah well. Pay no attention to my babblings. On with the show! …story, I mean. You know what I'm incoherently rambling, right?
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Exhausted from their battle against the hellspawned stalker girls, Zim and Dib collapsed together on Zim's front yard.
"Cooties," Dib muttered. "Those aren't even real!"
"Don't question the book!" Zim yelled, and managed to thrust a finger into the air in victory. "We have succeeded, thanks to the almighty knowledge of the book of Victory!"
"Is that really what it's called?"
"Yes."
"You made it up, didn't you?"
"YOU LIE!!!"
"Ah! You poked me in the eye, Zim!"
"YOU LIE!!"
"No, you did!"
"LIES!"
"You're not even listening, are you?"
"LIIIIIIES!!!"
"…uh, I'll just…go home then…"
"Stop spreading your filthy earth lies, Dib! No one's buying them! Are you listening, Dib? Hey! Where'd he go?"
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"Gaz, have you noticed my sudden boost in popularity recently at school?"
"Only if it means you aren't going to hang out with me anymore."
"Of course I'll hang out with you, Gaz!" Dib promised. "I don't even know how to be popular."
"Good, 'cause popular people are annoying. Hey, you're perfect!"
"…ha ha."
"Ah, it's good to see my funny child and my crazy child getting along. Usually those things don't mix well together," Professor Membrane said.
"Were you planning on mixing us?" Dib asked.
"Well, now that you mention it…"
Dib and Gaz made a run for their rooms.
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"Bleeeeeeegh! I HATE female earth human flesh! I shall never kiss again! NEVER!" Zim declared.
"Aw, you went kissing? You should have brought me along! I luuuurve kissing!" Gir said.
"Well, Gir, it happens that Dib and I used cooties to DESTROY the freakish stalker girl scum!"
"Woooooooow! I WANNA HEAR THE STORY!"
"Not now, Gir, I don't have time-"
"I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA-"
"ALLRIGHT! Dib was puzzled, and had absolutely no clue what to do, so I had the genius idea of using cooties to destroy the girls…"
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The weekend. Still Dib's least favorite part of the week. His mind still wandered and pondered his life and what he was meant for. He thought he wanted all of humanity destroyed, and yet he was still protective of Gaz. Maybe just his family could be spared. The rest could be destroyed.
What about that girl with the freakish teeth? The one who gave you tons of meat on Valentine's Day?
Well, she had laughed at him and called him crazy as well.
Still…
"Aw, who cares!" he said out loud, getting off his bed and pacing. "Let them go! They don't care about you, and if you care about them, you're going to get nothing but pain in return! So give up on them already!"
"Still," he countered, "they are human, and I still have my sense of humanity…if I lost my sense of humanity, then I would become either a homicidal maniac or a Zimish person. Hm. I kinda like those ideas…No! I gotta keep my sense of humanity and protect my family ONLY! The rest can fend for themselves."
"Keep your crazy talking out loud to yourself, son!" Professor Membrane called.
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Dib came over to Zim's house on Sunday.
Knock knock.
Zim opened the door a crack, and flung it open when he saw it was Dib.
"Dib! What took you so long! Get inside quick!" Zim hissed, and yanked Dib inside.
"Wha?"
"An alien death bug got loose outside! You're in danger if you leave the house before-"
Zim glanced at a clock.
"Ten o' clock!"
Dib blinked. "Wow! It's a good thing I brought over these Twilight Zone tapes!"
"Yes, it is most fortunate! Come, to the couch! We must begin the viewing of these zones now!" Zim declared, marching over to the sofa.
Gir tugged on Dib's sleeve. Dib leaned down so Gir could whisper in his ear.
"There isn't really a death bug. Master was just lonely and overexcited to see you."
"GIR! What lies are you poisoning his mind with now?"
"I just told him that you were lonely!"
"LIES! Filthy robot lies! Don't believe him, Dib! He doesn't think like us! Quickly, put the tape on!"
Dib popped the tape into the VCR and sat back on the couch, drinking a Poop soda.
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Dib, having seen all the Twilight Zone episodes, quickly fell asleep on Zim's shoulder. Zim, fascinated by the shows, grew agitated.
"Dib! Get your fathead off of me!"
Dib drooled a little, and Zim watched it soak into the couch,
"Dib! This is your last warning! Move your ginormous head or suffer!"
No response from Dib. Zim slapped him awake.
"Agh! Hey! I wasn't! Ow! Zim! I'm awake! I'm awake! Ew, there's drool everywhere!"
"That's from you, fool! Your nasty mouth leaked it all over the couch of Zim! Now you have to watch these zones from the floor! Off! Off the couch, Dib!"
Dib muttered something and settled himself on the floor. Gir immediately ran over and jumped on top of Dib's head.
"Yahoo! Time for some zone-watchin'!"
"My head isn't a chair, you know."
"Quiet, chair-head! I can't hear the zone man!"
"I hate the abuse I get at this house."
"This has nothing to do with relatives of mooses! Silence!"
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At 8 o' clock, the Twilight zone tapes had all been watched.
"You can go home now, Dib. It's safe."
"But I thought you said I should stay 'til 10."
"Uh, well, it turns out the death bug got squished, so, it's safe now. Bye bye!"
Zim pushed Dib out the door.
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"Where'd you go?" Gaz asked as Dib walked in the front door.
"To Zim's house," he replied, sitting next to her on the couch. "We watched the Twilight Zone tapes I have."
"Really? That sounds dumb," she said, but Dib thought he detected some jealousy in her voice.
"Next week I'm bringing over the Night Gallery. You can come if you want."
"Hmph! I GUESS I will, if I'm not busy."
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The following school day presented Dib with some bad news. Torque Smacky had come back to school.
"Where's that runt, Zim? I'm gonna pound him for throwin' that crap and mayonnaise in my eyes!"
If Torque pounded Zim, then he might be revealed as an alien! Dib had to warn Zim or stop Smacky, or maybe even do both.
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"Zim! Get over here! Now!" Dib hissed, motioning for Zim.
"What's wrong, Dib? You look kinda funny. No wait, that's how you always look. Ha ha-"
"Yeah, hilarious. Listen, Torque's looking for you. He says he's gonna pound you, and I just wanted you to be cautious, ok?"
"He's looking for me?" Zim asked. "It was that corn crap I threw in his eye, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, I think it was. Listen, this won't end until you do something about it. Are you gonna fight him, Zim?"
"ME? Lower myself to fight an idiot earth-monkey? I think not!"
"All right, I'll fight in your place then. See ya, Zim!"
Dib dashed off down the hallway.
"Allrigh- WAIT! You're gonna get your butt used as a mop! And your head as a broom! And, uh, good luck, I guess!"
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"Geez, Dib, you never learn, do you?" Torque said, shaking his head.
"I'm just here to tell you that you better leave Zim alone," Dib warned.
"Or what? You're gonna fight me again? I'm petrified. Get out of the way, I want to find Zim so I can beat his-"
"I'm not moving."
"You won't be after this."
Torque threw a punch.
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Zim rushed into the cafeteria to see Dib beaming triumphantly as he watched Torque roll around in pain on the floor. Zim's mouth dropped open.
"What did you do to him, Dib?" Zim asked in awe.
"I just tripped him, and it kind of set off a chain reaction from there. He flew onto a table, slipped onto his back, and got hit in the face with some cafeteria food. Nothing to worry about, Zim."
"Human emotions. I'll never understand them."
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End of chapter 5. I hope it doesn't seem kind of cut off, but I was in a bit of a rush to finish. Oh well. Should I continue, or end here? Let me know!
Quote for…now?: "That was your fault, Gir. You're bad." –Zim (that episode with the slow green explosion)