OK guys few things to say. Thanks for the reviews, glad you all enjoyed Alan's chapter.
Um thanks to my wee boat Zailfanaat. Who we all go awww for, cause she has the nasty flu bug and this chapter is so late cause I had it too. Um I think Jeff's final word will be quite short as personally I have no idea how I'm going to write it so bear with me. Enjoy your read and if you feel like it review. Thanks again killhill

Josie Tracy - The Grandmother.

Well I guess you have all read the 6 accounts of my grandsons' driving. Now, I'm not going to tell you that they have all been lying. However, I may just tell you the terrible driving that I have happened to witness in my time.

Well, first things first. I think you all deserve a wee bit about Jeff's driving. Now reading the accounts of my grandsons I have to tell you Jeff has a totally different and dangerous way of driving. The man has no concept of left or right. You tell him simple directions that take more or less 10 minutes to get there 3 hours later you get a call.

"Hello Mom, Help!"

Now, the day the boys were born I did wonder who they would take after. In driving, I haven't got a clue. Possibly Lucille. No, she was a good driver. Maybe the boys are aliens?

Now Scott's driving is like being on a roller coaster ride. Hold on tight and prepare to scream. Several head injuries I have sustained in that car from his whizzing round corners. I can tell you, his slices of apple pie were rationed.

I read here about Scott's girl Procedure, and had to laugh. He did have one, except with me it wasn't as obvious as it was with his brothers. He hid presents on the floor of the car and if he spotted anything in a skirt I was told about the present. At the time I thought: "Oh that grandson of mine is such a dear, giving his good old grandmother a nice wee gift."

This minute I have just foolishly realised it was a ploy. I knew that tire never really needed changing. I didn't accidentally fall in your trunk, Scott. Hmmmm I wonder. Rationing sounds good right now.

Oh dear, I really want to bypass John's driving. Lucky for you, I will tell you about his… well, what he calls driving. The boy should never be allowed to set foot in a car or any moving vehicle. Loud and crude. I tell you, not the way I raised him.

As you all know we come from a small town in Kansas where everyone knows everyone. Now, once John had passed his driving test he had the task of driving me to and from places like wee lunches. This one day, I'd had a lovely lunch with some old friends; they had given me some strange drink, tambooka or something like that. Anyway it tastes like liquorish.

It turns out I felt rather unwell after around 8 or 9 of them. So I called John to pick me up. Me and a few old friends got into a car with John. They have never spoken to me since. He must have really scared them. And I don't think it really helped that I was calling from my slouched position on the passenger's side, encouraging him to shout and scream at everyone. I do believe at one point I had my head sticking out of the window screaming at other drivers, with John screaming out of the sunroof. Let's never mention that again.

Anyway, as I was saying, we are from a small town. One day I was at the market buying some things for dinner when I bumped into the town's doctor who had happened to see John driving, and he offered to get me any prescription drug available to calm the boy down. I was downright mortified.

Now moving on, next is Virgil. The dreamer.

Now I will plead the 5th amendment on this boy. I did make sure one day, one day, that he was wrapped up warm before going on a driving lesson. He has a really nasty bout of the flu and he needed some medication to make him feel better. Well, after reading about him driving into a field I will never give him anything again. Lord knows where Thunderbird 2 may end up. The moon for all we know.

Well, Virgil really is a good boy, never does anything wrong really. I really didn't mean to hurt his feelings but once on the way home from the market we happened to end up crashing into a fire hydrant. You know, he was tired. I can accept that and I really should have been looking out for the big red box in the middle of the road. But do you want to know the worst bit? I know you do. We did a hit and run. We drove fast and furiously from that site. His father thinks he hit a tree. If only he knew. The worst part of it was me yelling at Virgil telling him to put his foot down. I really am a terrible grandmother.

Now next on the list is Gordon. The boy cannot drive. There's no surprise that he has lost his licence. Anyway, he never drove me around. He was otherwise detained, destroying something or causing mischief. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Oh all right. Once Gordon and I decided to go on a little drive to the beach. Yes, quite a distance he did manage the drive. From the back of a tow truck. Yes, a tow truck. Three minutes on the interstate and, bang, railed the car off the road. I was just thankful that we weren't going very fast and that only the car was damaged. Well, don't go spreading it around 'cause, well, Jeff still doesn't know about that wee incident.

Alan, you know when you have the task of driving around four elderly women, you do not break the speed limit and get stopped by the police. As we did one day on the way home from a community meeting. I swear, that boy tried to kill me.

I now realise why I can't have pets. It must be genetic? Killing my cats. I have only had 4 cats in my life and you know what? They all died the same way. My late husband killed one with the tractor. Scott trampled Mr Whiskers; I told him to be careful when backing up in the driveway. Jeff killed Sunshine. That poor cat had no chance. Jefferson Tracy, that poor cat didn't have a chance. 100mph is not acceptable driving on a driveway!

And now they killed Trixy. Actually they didn't kill her… they massacred her. Went for miles did she. Well wait till I see you, Alan and Gordon, you will go for miles. I loved that cat! She was a nice ginger one. I made her a house cat and I know it wasn't right but I couldn't bear losing another cat to the Tracy driving school. But wait. I did.

I swear, I only have once decent grandson. Virgil seems to have caused the least amount of damage or at least that's what he is admitting to.