Had to be Fate

A groan from the bed jerked Hakkai from staring up at the ceiling as he turned to look at Sanzo who was now sitting up in his bed with a hand at his forehead.

"Konbanwa Sanzo…" Hakkai muttered and observed as slightly wider amethyst eyes darted to his direction on the floor.

"You don't have the skills for drinking Sanzo. I had to practically carry you here." Hakkai voiced while still on the floor, wondering whether Sanzo would remember his little "kiss" from earlier.

Sanzo's hand instantly went to his mouth while Hakkai quickly stood up helping the blonde out of his bed since he had tangled his legs within his comforter and watched Sanzo stumble from the room and head straight for the bathroom. With a sigh escaping him, Hakkai slowly walked towards the opened bathroom door and with eyebrows raised he found Sanzo standing in the shower stall. He was dressed in his jeans as he stuck his head under the cold water, ripples rolling down his body.

"Sanzo that isn't the way to rid yourself of a hangover, you need rest." Hakkai reprimanded the writer as he headed on over, turning off the water, but found his hand slapped away when he tried to help Sanzo out of the stall.

"What the hell do you know, you don't get drunk!"

"That may be true, but I've helped cure many." Hakkai cheerily voiced, too cheerily for Sanzo as he felt a towel drape over his head and shoulders, observing Hakkai leave the bathroom for him to have some privacy. While Sanzo remained in the bathroom, lucky for him there were a change of clothes in there, Hakkai headed back to his bedroom and sat calmly on the bed, one leg crossed over the other and with arms folded.

Entering his room once more Sanzo for once didn't care less that someone was prying into his privacy even though Hakkai wasn't snooping around, as he remained quietly perched on his bed. Moving over, with towel still draped over his shoulders and now dressed in black slacks and white shirt Sanzo flopped back on the bed, hand thrown over his eyes so he wouldn't look at Hakkai.

"So, what's the cure then?" Sanzo spoke after a long period of silence and felt a rustle of his bedsheets and instantly removed his arm from his eyes to stare narrowly at Hakkai. The brunette was currently tucking him in, which began a vein throbbing at Sanzo's forehead.

"Tea will help, but for now relax while I go make you some." Sanzo remained in the dead quiet of his dully-lit bedroom by a single lamp to his left and couldn't help but bury himself deeper into his comforter and pillows as he shifted to lie on his left side facing the doorway. It didn't take long before Hakkai entered the room and closed the door with his foot. He placed a teapot and two cups on the bedside drawer and then poured a cup for Sanzo. Holding it out to the blonde Hakkai smiled lightly as he didn't refuse the drink and gulped the scalding tea down.

"Lie flat…" Hakkai ordered as he sat on the edge of the bed, very much like a 'nurse maid' or 'mother hen' would and Sanzo knew something was completely wrong with himself when he did as Hakkai requested of him. Sanzo's eyebrows furrowed when his damp strands of hair were brushed from his forehead but voiced nothing as a warm heat assaulted his skin there. A scent of vanilla and lavender filled the air around him and Sanzo's eyelids grew heavy and then closed.

"Why are you here?" Came the sudden question from Sanzo, his eyes still very much closed as he felt Hakkai shift, but did not move from his mattress.

"Quiet usually helps rid someone of a headache Sanzo."

"Why are you here?" The writer stubbornly questioned once more and this time heard a sigh escape the brunette's lips.

"Because I want to be."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Emerald eyes locked onto Sanzo's covered form as only his face could be seen even though a face washer covered his forehead. The usual frown was on his face, but other then that he looked like he was sleeping if he didn't speak. Hakkai knew exactly what Sanzo was referring to and lifted his eyes to stare at the wall before him, his cup of tea resting within his hands against his lap.

"I wanted you to know me for who I am, not what people feel like classing me as." Taking a deep breath Hakkai knew it was a do or die situation and felt a little click in his supposed 'non existent' heart as a door had been opened. "Do you remember the day we met Sanzo?"

"Mm…" Came the muffled reply.

"I'd just returned from visiting a grave of someone very dear to me. Her name…was Kanan…"

"Kanan?" Sanzo couldn't help but repeat, as a quick memory flashed through his mind at the gold writing of that very name on a book.

"It was three years ago to that day (that we met thanks to my not paying attention as I ran into Goku) that she had been gone from this world, gone from me. She was…my sister and for many years we lived together, going about our usual daily life never once thinking anything bad could happen. We were so happy together, so very happy. However, things change…and on this particular rainy day Kanan confessed that she loved me…was in love with me." Pausing to capture all his memories and thoughts to make sense of them for the very man behind him Hakkai gulped down the tea before placing the cup on the benchtop of the drawer.

"I'd never been so torn in my life. I loved her too, but knew it was wrong for us to be together. It wasn't just that though, I was denying who I truly was…whom I truly wanted to be with. I didn't know him very well at first, not until the night Kanan had died was I brought to him…or perhaps it was him to me."

"Goyjo?" Sanzo retorted more the questioned and watched Hakkai nod his head.

"I said nothing to her when Kanan confessed and watched as she cried and ran from me. It didn't take long for me to go after her, but I was too slow to reach the elevator in our apartment building and by the time I reached level ground she'd disappeared. I ran and ran, calling out to her, desperately wanting her to come back so I could give her my answer and hoped she would forgive me. However, the sin of Kanan and I loving each other, even though hers was much stronger then mine would be visited upon me and would forever haunt me to this day. I came across cries for help, Kanan's cries of help as I raced into an alleyway."

"Hakkai you don't need to te-" Sanzo began but watched Hakkai get up from the bed a look of pure sadness crossing his face when he turned his head over his shoulder to look back at him. Sanzo was now sitting up in his bed; headache forgotten as the younger man before him paced the carpet of his room, lost within tortured memories.

"I found her, bloodied, bruised and with her clothes ripped to shreds. She was barely alive as I kneeled besides her watching her trying to voice something to me but couldn't for her throat had been badly damaged thanks to those bastards strangling her. Her attackers hadn't finished with her either, five came out of hiding to finish her off and I grabbed the nearest thing I could, which was trash can lids to try and fend them off. It didn't work very well at all." Sanzo watched as Hakkai stopped in his pacing, observing as the school teacher turned to look over at him while removing his glasses from his face. Hakkai lifted his right hand brushing thick bangs away showing the scars at his right eye.

"I'd only brought down one by the time I received this scar and when that attacker fell unconscious he had dropped his knife and I found that to be my new weapon. When Kanan took her last breath before me, croaking out my name a rage burned within me. I never knew how much rage could be in a single person, but now knew it first hand. They'd taken away the only family I'd ever had and for that I made them pay. Three years ago I was Cho Gonou, but when I killed two of those men in cold blood I knew my life would be over, but back then I couldn't care less. I wanted revenge for what they did to my Kanan and with a single knife I let them slowly bleed to death, their screams nothing but music to my ears while I stared with blood gushing from my eye at Kanan's prone form. I don't know how long I stood in the rain for, but I was soon running away, as far away as I possibly could and kneeled within a deserted street, knife to my stomach." Sanzo gazed at Hakkai who was undoing several buttons on his shirt as he pulled the lower half away to reveal the grotesque scar.

"I did this to myself. I wanted to die, to join Kanan for all eternity for I had betrayed her love by not returning it like she wanted me to. That however, was not meant to be as a voice called out to me during the night. I looked up then, staring up at a hazy face of a man with reddish-pink hair. Goyjo saved my life that night and with that came my affection and devotion to him. I owed him my entire life as I placed my entire story before him, not caring how he would judge me and in fact when I was able to walk on my own he convinced me to go to the police. I did just that and showed the police the alleyway where Kanan still lay with two street thugs and for the first time I finally broke down and cried. I wouldn't even know how long I kneeled in that grim alleyway with Goyjo and the cops standing behind and around me. I was told to see a shrink, placed on a good behaviour bond, which I'm still on and the charges of murder were dropped and was placed down to manslaughter as I was only defending Kanan and myself. I identified the other thugs, they were arrested and sent to prison, but Kanan was still dead."

"One can never bring back the dead." Sanzo spoke firmly watching as surprised eyes locked onto his.

"Yes, the past will always be just that, the past. I stayed with Goyjo for over a year after that and by then I'd gone back to trying to find a teaching job and had changed my name to Cho Hakkai. Of course as time went on I knew I was hindering Goyjo even if he didn't voice it and especially during rainy nights. All I'd ever think of was Kanan and there was always the constant sounds of women screaming in Goyjo's bedroom, which of course was because they were enjoying themselves, but those screams brought nothing but pain to me. I moved out knowing Goyjo could never give up the body of a woman for me and so I began to give up on life once more. I moved between badly paid jobs and was evicted from three apartment buildings."

"You certainly aren't like that these days. What changed your attitude?"

"You are who you are, whether people accept it or not. It's not about living for them, it's about living for yourself." Hakkai declared with a smooth even voice, as his eyes drifted to Sanzo's to see his wide with recognition. "True words spoken by someone who has gone through pain as well."

"How the hell do you know I've gone through pain?" Sanzo snapped.

"Because I'm one of the few that would understand those very words and take them to heart." The blonde remained silent, his eyes falling from Hakkai's as he stared at his navy blue comforter.

"Actually I'd heard about you from Yaone-san and as I was walking back to her restaurant I found one of your books and randomly flipped through it. As I stopped on a random page, there were those words boldly standing out as though only meant for me to understand. An incredible feeling surged through me as I purchased your book and went on my way again. There was still a cloud of depression hanging over me, especially on the anniversary of Kanan's death, but when I saw you leave Yaone-san's restaurant to come to see what the commotion was I was struck by your hair."

"My…hair?"

"Yes, it was bright and pure and unblemished and stood out from the entire amount of people around me. I'd been seeing everything in black, whites and greys and when you exited Yaone-san's restaurant a bright flash like a golden ray of sunshine hit me as I glimpsed upon you for the first time. That day, I felt a change in the air as we locked gazes and spoke for the first time. I finally took notice of everything around me and knew I wasn't so alone in the world anymore. I'd been saved all over again."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Maybe so, but I'll thank you every day for saving me Sanzo. After that meeting I questioned Yaone-san as to who you were and found out that you were Genjo Sanzo. I felt it was destiny that we had met and when I got home I received a letter in my mailbox which stated I'd be working at Goku's High School. When I pulled his record out, noticing whom his guardian was I immediately needed to see you again."

"So you called me to see you because you had some sick fascination with me?"

"Well…Goku was doing badly in History." Hakkai added while trying to fight off an awkward blush.

"Do you have any idea what you interrupted?" Sanzo snapped, watching green eyes widen at his words before he made a 'che' noise and turned his head away. Hakkai searched his mind for the date he'd interrupted Sanzo, began calculating and trying to remember what was so important about that day and snapped his fingers.

"Komyou Sanzo."

"What?" Sanzo spoke in surprise at the sudden name of his master, parent and friend.

"I'm sorry Sanzo."

"What the hell for now?" Sanzo was becoming a little irritated as he shoved his blankets away and stood up a little too quickly for his lightly throbbing head and tilted as though ready to collapse. He was unable to when arms wrapped around him to steady him, Sanzo not once jerking free of the light hold he was in as he stood slumped into Hakkai, his head resting against Hakkai's left shoulder.

"I'm sorry the one you cared most about left you alone." Sanzo tensed in Hakkai's arms but didn't know why he still remained within them and hadn't yelled for the brunette to get the hell out of his room. Sanzo hated how Hakkai could read him so easily. Perhaps that was also a reason of why he shared his dark past with him. He was not so easy to read.

"Like I said before Sanzo, you should be resting." Hakkai remarked but felt Sanzo shift as the blonde stared openly at him.

"You told me your past, to make me choose what to do about you…right? To ask for my judgment on what you've done correct?" Sanzo observed an uneasy smirk cross Hakkai's lips before the brunette began to pull away but couldn't when one arm moved around his waist while the other held the back of his head.

"I choose…Cho Hakkai…" Came the solid whisper through the room before lips drew together as one and a hand drifted up and over to flick the lamp off plummeting the bedroom into darkness.

# to be continued #