NOTE TO ALL READERS:
Guys, this chapter is the reason I started writing my story in the first place, I really hope you like it. It was my first idea for a story, lol. I have to say, after this chapter, my story may get a little darker, but it still will be about the cute ways of Sirius and Remus. In the chapter where they play truth or dare, Remus' reluctance to play (because of Phoebe Fucirel) was not just some random piece of information thrown in, so bear it in mind after the next couple of chapters. It may be important. The drama they have to go through is what is going to bring a certain two people closer together. I hope you all enjoy my next chapters. I hope you guys don't mind songfics, but I couldn't resist including two songs in this... Thank you for reading!
Elfeh: I'm glad you liked my chapter 6. I'm sorry that chapter 7 was not as funny. I'm trying to vary it lol, some of it in fun, some soppy and I'm afraid there is some serious stuff coming up. I hope it's all balanced. Thank you for continuing to review my story. It was kind of you to offer help on my story, maybe my next attempt i'll be sending you an e-mail. -hugz you- I think for this one, I'd rather try it on my own, since it's my first lol. Well, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of my story :)
Apus-Equuleus: I owe you a big thank you! I had no idea that I wasn't accepting annonymous reviewers, it defintiely wasn't intentional. I think I've changed my setting now lol. I should read things more and perhaps I'd notice lol. Thank you for your suggestions for paragraphs. I think perhaps from chapter nine, my paragaphs probably do shorten in length anyway as I get more into my story than the descriptive parts. Hope you like my next chapter. As for how Sirius finally realises he likes Remus, I'm afraid it will be a little darker than your fun suggestion, sorry lol, I got my evil on. Hope you enjoy it anyway. xxx.
Kilikapele: Lol, you have no idea how tempted I was to let Sirius and Remus kiss in that chapter... However, I think when they eventually do, the emotion behind it will now be stronger, so I hope you don't mind waiting too much, I think it will be worth it. Thank you for reviewing. :D
Audrey G. Black: Well Isa, I'm glad you are following my story still, I hope you enjoy my next chapters. Thanks for the reviews D
Moony-38: I'm glad you are enjoying my story so far, I only hope the rest does no disappoint lol. Thank you for reviewing again XX -mwah-
Chapter 8: Christmas Alone
Throughout December, teachers seemed to want to mob the students with as much homework in the lead up to the Christmas holidays as possible. Classes had been twice more taxing than normal. Just as it had seemed Professor Reficul's hatred of Remus had begun to wane, the arrival of the upcoming break had seemed to jog his memory into making Remus suffer as much as possible before he could have the chance to enjoy the holiday. He had definitely been acting with additional sourness toward Remus than towards any other student. He'd been giving Remy a really hard time, breathing down his neck and causing him to muck up potions through nervousness, only to take a myriad of points from Gryffindor for doing so.
Everyone had been exhilarated when the term finally ended and exhaustion suppressed itself as the students partied late into the night. Most of them were going to leave in the morning and Remus had been elated to find that he was going to be alone, all through the Christmas break with Sirius. James's family were going on holiday and Peter was going home. Remus's parent's had sent a letter to him telling him they were too busy to have him stay over. Sirius had been invited on holiday with the Potters, but he'd refused, to stay with Remus. Peter could have done it instead, but the Marauders had decided it was best for Sirius to stay with Remy for the full moon because a dog was much more capable of handling a wolf than a rat was. Only four Gryffindors all in were staying at Hogwarts over the break. Pity for Remus that that included Melanie Brown and her friend. Remus had been happy to witness, though, Sirius had tried to convince her to go home to her family, but she had insisted on having this quality time with Sirius.
He and Sirius had been having hundreds of snow fights, and Remus was immensely enjoying the time alone with him. It made him want him even more, though. And his attention had been divided unfairly towards that cow of a girl, Melanie. She'd been stealing Sirius away all the time. Every time he and Sirius were having an amazing time together, she would surface her damned face. She'd lead Sirius away. She'd get to spend that important time with him instead. Bitch. And Remus knew he was being incredibly selfish all the way. But even now, he found it hard to feel any nice thoughts about the girl. Now, as she had just, yet again, dragged Sirius away from his world. As she had led him through the portrait hole and caused him to disappear from the Common Room.
It was Christmas Eve and Remus had been playing a card game that Sirius had made up and had been having a great time with him. Now, he looked around the Common Room. Mel's friend sat by the fire and nobody else dwelled in the tower room. It was weird how it hadn't felt this empty when Sirius was in it. It hadn't even felt nearly empty. But Remus knew that that was because Sirius's presence filled the entire room and beyond. His warmth seeped through tiny cracks in the walls, under doorways and through your very skin until your own heart was content and placid - or racing wildly in your chest, either way. The room felt only icy and hollow now and Remus walked over to the window closest to him and rested into the window-seat.
He stared blearily out onto the vast lawn of Hogwarts and heeded how nice things looked outside. Too nice in his moments of being ripped apart from his dream lover. From his soul-mate.
The sky was azure in colour and no clouds corrupted it's appearance. The white grounds punctuated the scene beautifully and the treetops glistened with pure snow. Looking further on, Remus saw the frozen lake and a couple of people he recognized as third year Ravenclaws were attempting to skate on it. The sky looked ready to spill snow, but lack of clouds told Remus that no more would come tonight. Perhaps tomorrow. The scene was definitely soothing to his mind and he was brought out of his bleary daze by two figures walking into view, down a path that had been trodden in the crisp snow.
Sirius and Melanie walked along. Melanie had her arm linked through Sirius's as usual and Remus felt horribly like an intruder in their togetherness, as though he were tagging along beside them, craving their attention like a dog to it's owner. They walked on until their faces were no longer distinguishable before Remus saw Sirius put out his hand to turn her to face him.
For one formidable moment, Remus was sure the couple were about to kiss. Melanie had certainly thought so too as she had leaned up to Sirius and moved closer, but Sirius had held up his hand to stop her. Remus suddenly wished he was able to hear what was being said, as a moment later, Melanie had ran back towards the castle, away from Sirius, holding her face in her hands.
Remus frowned as he watched Sirius stand still, staring at the ground it seemed, for a few minutes. His frown deepened as he watched Sirius walk to the forest edge, and then disappear into the thick mass of trees, reminding Remus horribly of ten minutes ago when he'd been torn from view by Mel. He continued staring, as though expecting Sirius to come back out any second until he heard the portrait door opening.
He swivelled around and saw Melanie run over to her friend, crying and whimpering loudly. Her friend looked very concerned and motioned her to sit beside her. Remus strained his ears to hear, but he needn't have bothered for they spoke loudly, their voices reverberating around the lonely room.
"I want to go home. Tomorrow", Melanie stated and her friend patted her back. Remus tried not to look as though he was listening.
"Why, Mel? What happened?" Her friend cried. Melanie broke down and was clearly devastated. Remus held his breath as he waited to hear her reply.
"I was gonna tell him I love him, Nat! I was gonna tell him tomorrow! Nat, he dumped me!" Melanie ended, her voice rising higher than normal. Nat brought her friend into a hug and Melanie soaked her shoulder with a sea of tears. Remus now felt bad for her. But it was hard to make out that feeling as he was overcome by a sudden rush of happiness. His heart did a powerful backflip and his stomach somersaulted gleefully. He tried his best to hold back a cry of joy, to hold back the smile that threatened to cross his face, Sirius, single again! It was proving too much of an effort, so he wisely left the Common Room and ran up the stairs to his Dorm and collapsed on his bed in uncontrollable fits of laughter. He had to smother it with his pillow as he was sure the girls down stairs would hear. He was acting like a maniac and when he stopped, it was then he realized he felt sorry for Mel.
He wondered what it would be like to actually have Sirius, only to lose him. He was still jealous of her for having had the experience of being with him, but now he let his hatred of her speed away. He wasn't sure if it was the feeling sorry for her that made it leave, or maybe it was simply that she no longer had Sirius in her clutches. And he hoped Sirius would be okay. Wonder why he went into the forest, Remus thought.
Remus lay on the bed, waiting fruitlessly for Sirius to come back. Thoughts jumped into his head occasionally about what had happened. Thinking of what Melanie had said. 'I want to go home. Tomorrow'. That's what she'd said. Her friend would go home too and Remus would have the Common Room - and more importantly, Sirius - all to himself.
He was blissfully unaware of drifting off to sleep. His reality was almost as good as his dreams. There, stood in the Common Room alone with Sirius. Things were hazy as Sirius strode up to him and kissed him hungrily on the lips. A very good kisser, Sirius was...
Sirius stood in front of him, leaning in to kiss him one minute, then shaking him the next, shouting his name. "What", Remus shouted back, equally as loud, and with that, he awoke with a start. He flinched when he found he was looking into that gorgeous face of Sirius Black, and that it was only inches away from his own.
Sirius sat back, and Remus had to use everything he had not to pull him back, and saw he had a satisfied look on his face. Remus rubbed his eyes, smiling, then stretched and yawned. Sirius couldn't keep still and Remus was very amused. He then remembered it was Christmas.
"Merry Christmas, Moony. Presents!", Sirius exclaimed and pushed Remus's pile of presents towards him on the bed. Remus laughed at his friend's behavior, but couldn't help but feel highly excited himself. This would be his first Christmas alone with Sirius, after all. He looked up at Sirius before accepting his presents and happily spotted his own present to Sirius. It was a very cool chain and it had a black stone. When you looked into the stone, you could see a dog sitting on a rock with a realistic background of stars, representing Sirius' animagus form and also his namesake, the dogstar. He had had it custom made for Sirius and he wondered if he knew how to work it yet.
He began tearing the wrapping from Peter's present first, knowing it would be the lamest. But it was the thought that counted really. Out fell a book all about werewolves. As if I don't already know enough about them, Remus thought, annoyed.
Sirius was looking at the present too and shook his head, "Yeah, I'm sure you'll enjoy reading up on how best to avoid werewolves", he said sarcastically and Remus laughed.
"So did you see what was inside the stone? On the chain..", Remus said, pointing. Sirius fiddled with the pendant in his hand, grinning and nodded.
"It's amazing, Moony! Now, open your other presents", Sirius cried, motioning to what remained of Remus's pile. He decided to leave Sirius's until last. He grabbed his parents' present to him and found another book on werewolves, entitled 'Control the Inner Beast :Werewolves-part one'.
"Oh. Great, I'll be getting part two for my birthday", he moaned to Sirius who gave a bark of laughter. James's present was more satisfying. He'd gotten him a muggle song lyric book, that had actually been charmed to play the song on the page you opened it at. Madam Pomfrey had given him a book of simple healing charms.
Sirius's present was the only one left lying on the bed and it looked as though it was the only one that was not a book. Sirius sat forward on the bed as Remus opened it slowly, with high interest in what it could be.
Wrappers gone, and he was holding a long, thin rectangular box with a navy blue velvet covering. He looked back to Sirius curiously before opening it. He caught his breath as he saw a white-gold -Sirius would never buy him something silver, that was fatal to werewolves - kind of watch thing. It had the strap of a watch, but the black face had no numbers. Or anything, for that matter. He looked again to Sirius and found him smiling.
"Here", and Sirius scooted towards him and sat down in front of him, taking the watch out of Remus's hand, but not away from him. Sirius pressed a small button on the side of the watch face and a small screen appeared on it. It had a list, evidently of things it could do. He read down the minuscule writing. 'Alarm', 'photo-album', 'camera', 'spell dictionary' and 'radio' were the first five Remus was able to read on the long list before Sirius spoke.
"The alarm isn't to wake you up. It means a safety alarm. Here", and Sirius pulled a thin strip of metal from the case, "You leave this here with people at all times and if you're ever in danger, you just call 'alarm' to the screen and this huge noise goes off on this. It also shows a map of where you are on the receiver when you activate it. Oh, and that's how to get any of it to work. You just say the thing you want, and it comes up. See, Photo-album". Sirius called it to the screen and a split second later, the screen went blank and he called, "Marauders" and a moving picture of the four boys popped up. He gave it back to Remus and looked to him, "I put loads of pictures of us all on it for you. You just call 'next' for more of us".
"It's brilliant, Sirius!" Remus called, awed by the gift. That must have set him back some money, he thought. He put it on. Getting the hang of it, he called, "Camera" and held it up to face Sirius and it flashed.
"Hey! I wasn't ready", Sirius laughed, "Wait a minute". Remus laughed as Sirius posed sexily. He was licking his lips and looking at the camera through his eyelashes seductively, hands to the side of him on the bed, looking naughtier than ever. Remus shivered excitedly and felt himself flush as he hardened, well, more than he had already. Thank God for bed covers, he thought, but shifted slightly to make sure his erection wasn't seen. The picture took, Sirius asked to see it. But before he could, Sirius looked to his own, normal watch and said, "Damn. We need to go down. Christmas lunch. You slept late today!". Remus swatted at Sirius as he laughed at him.
He quickly showered and dressed before coming out to Sirius waiting for him. There's a change, he thought. They started to walk down to the Hall and Remus asked, "So, did Melanie go home then?"
Sirius smiled sadly, then normally and said, "Yeah. So you know then?" Remus nodded and Sirius said, "So. What was your best pressie then?" Remus laughed. He thought about saying 'you dumping Melanie yesterday' and thought better of it, "Well, don't tell Peter or Jamie, but yours was". Sirius grinned and Remus felt the strong urge to kiss him.
"Yup. Yours was mine. It's well cool. Of course, if Jamie asks, I'm gonna have to say his was my fave, but you won't tell him it's not, will you?" Sirius asked with mock-concern and Remus laughed, shaking his head.
The corridors of Hogwarts were decorated with sparkling snow that must have been enchanted to stay frozen and there were beautiful ice-sculptures everywhere. Mistletoe hung above every doorway, and Remus wished Sirius would take note of them as he longed to kiss him underneath it. But they walked through the doors together and Sirius didn't comment on it. Remus knew that even if he did notice, it wouldn't matter. It's not like Sirius would kiss his mate underneath it anyway.
Sirius must have noticed his sad look because he stopped Remus before entering the Great Hall and said, "You okay? You missing that girl"
Remus answered honestly, "No". He was with Sirius so didn't have to miss him. He just wanted to be closer to him. "I'm fine", he added, less truthfully.
Sirius didn't look too convinced, but Remus pulled him into the hall before he could say another word. The hall was really pretty. Icicles glistened on the walls and there were a dozen massive Christmas trees, all with live fairies buzzing happily in them. The house tables had been put aside and only one stood in the center of the Hall. All the teachers sat at the table - Remus felt Reficul's eyes bore into him, but didn't look up - and the other five students who had stayed at Hogwarts. Dumbledore stood up merrily to greet them and invite them to sit down.
The feast was amazing; there was every type of food Remus had ever loved all on the one table in mass proportion. He had helpings of nearly everything and felt very sick by the time pudding arrived. But he ate it anyway and so did Sirius. They had a great time, even if Remus did feel Reficul staring hatefully at him all through the meal. Sirius wanted to work off the stuffed feeling straight after and suggested a snow fight. He agreed reluctantly and felt as though he was waddling when he ran after Sirius. I don't know where he gets the energy after something like that, Remus thought as he tried to keep up with him.
Sirius stopped a short distance from the Gamekeeper's hut and scooped snow into his hands. Remus didn't have enough time to dodge it and it hit him squarely on the forehead. He retaliated as quickly as he could and they were soon consumed in their game. Remus's hands were numb from coldness, but he gave as good as he got anyway. It was fair to say Sirius was winning. He had a better aim than Remus. He definitely wasn't feeling sluggish any more and was satisfied with himself when he hit Sirius on the face. He was surprised when Sirius rugby-tackled him to the ground in reprisal. He felt Sirius's comforting weight upon him as he landed and they looked momentarily into one another's eyes before Sirius rolled over onto his side. Remus missed the feeling straight away.
They lay and spoke for about ten minutes. Remus knew he should have probably felt frostbitten, but he could only feel warmth. That's all one could ever feel when they lay next to a certain Sirius Black and were securing his entire attention to themselves. He looked to the boy beside him and felt as though he had entered a scene from heaven. Sirius looked completely angelic; his inky black hair fanned out to contrast magnificently with the unblemished pearly-white snow. His cheeks were lightly flushed and they complimented his full strawberry lips wonderfully. His eyes seemed more blue and piercing than they'd ever been against the background and Remus wanted to hug him, kiss him, feel their bodies entwine and blur until they became one. He'd have done anything for one hug at that moment. He was staring so intently at the features, yet he did not see them slightly contort in concern until it reached Siri's eyes. He blinked and looked away quickly, hoping his cheeks were too frost-nipped to blush any more.
"Are you sure you're okay? You're thinking about her aren't you?" Sirius asked and Remus was relieved. He breathed out, noticing he had been holding his breath and looked back to Sirius.
"Yes", was his simple reply. Sirius looked up to the sky for a moment and his face brightened suddenly. He sat up, then stood and held out a hand to help Remus up too. He accepted and was hauled to his feet by potent arms. He looked questioningly to Sirius and Siri laughed in return.
"You trust me?" Sirius asked him. He nodded his head and didn't doubt for a second that it was the wrong choice. Sirius smiled and said, "I wanna show you something in the woods. It's quite deep in. You wanna go?"
"Yes", Remus answered. As if he could have said no..Sirius knew that Remus didn't really like going into the woods unless he was in wolf form when he did, but Remus did trust him and felt curious about what Sirius wanted to show him anyway. So he willingly followed Sirius over to the forest edge.
Sirius stopped and turned to face him, "Oh. We might be back late. Better take the invisibility cloak if we don't want caught" and he nodded in consent. Sirius whipped out his wand and muttered the summoning charm and a moment later, the cloak fell into his outstretched hand with precision. Sirius, without another word, stepped into the forest and Remus pursued him.
Sirius sauntered on, leading Remy deeper and deeper into the forest. After about half an hour of walking, Sirius stopped in a slight clearing with quite a steep drop. Looking around, Remus saw only trees, an old chest, and at the bottom of the drop, a small stream and nothing else particularly remarkable.
Remus looked in puzzlement to Sirius, "Why have we stopped?" Sirius only pointed behind Remus. He turned around and the only thing Sirius could have been talking about was the old chest. It was in front of a very large tree and was embedded into the ground, it's right corner dipping solidly into the forest floor and moss had overgrown around it. He looked back to Sirius, again quizzically and Sirius rolled his eyes and said, "Open it!"
Remus went over and cautiously lifted the heavy lid. It was completely empty and he heard Sirius laughing behind him. Was this some sort of a joke? He looked accusingly to Sirius, but Sirius knelt down beside him and pulled his wand back out. Remus watched, intrigued as Sirius tapped the bottom right-hand corner of the trunk with it. He tapped three more times before a hidden compartment popped out, or at least it was a block of metal with a keyhole in the center of it.
"You can't open it with a spell", Sirius said, nodding to it before pulling out a penknife. Remus understood straight away. Sirius's penknife was able to undo any lock or untie any knot. It had come in handy for getting into certain storage cupboards and rooms at Hogwarts that they weren't supposed to be in. Sirius turned the knife in the keyhole, they heard a click and Sirius pulled out the knife and pushed the secret compartment back in so you would never have known it was there. "Open it now", Sirius said.
Remus suspiciously held out his hand over the lid and as he was about to lift it, he felt Sirius's hand around his wrist, stopping him. He looked to Sirius and saw he was looking darkly to him.
"Remy, you can't tell a soul about this. Not even James", wow, James and Sirius didn't share everything after all, yet Remus was getting to see this, "I come here when things get a bit too much". Remus looked for a long moment to Sirius. This was a revelation. He'd always thought Sirius was always rather inhumanly composed, now he was finding that Sirius had a place he came when he was upset. He was probably here yesterday when I saw him disappearing into he woods, Remus thought. He nodded his head and Sirius's face broke into a stunning grin.
"Good. Right. I brought this here in first year. The trunk. This seemed the perfect place to put it when Dumbledore said it was a forbidden forest. I came here with it on the first night. Right, you can open it now". Remus was now dying to see what was inside now. He pushed the lid up quickly and peered inside.
He was tremendously shocked to find a ladder leading down to a room ten feet below. His mouth fell open and Sirius laughed at his reaction. He nudged Remus over slightly and stepped into the trunk and began climbing down the ladder. Remus continued to watch, still openmouthed as Sirius reached the floor below and called up, "You coming down or what?"
Remus hesitated before copying Sirius and descending the ladder. It lead him to a bedroom below and he stared at his surroundings. Wow. The room was coloured with black paint, yet somehow it appeared bright. Posters of Sirius's favourite wizarding rock groups took up the entire right wall and pictures of the Marauders and other people Sirius knew covered a large patch on another wall to his left above an immense King-sized bed with thick black covers that were pristinely spread. The bed looked really inviting. A warm, but dim light filled the room and Remus was finding it hard to see why it looked bright to him. There was a door at the far wall and thick messy writing saying 'bathroom' was displayed across it's width. Beside the door, there was a fridge and near the center of the poster-covered wall was a large music system that Remus knew was magic because electrical things didn't work at Hogwarts.
He stared around, astonished before Sirius told him to sit on the bed. He watched Sirius walking over to the fridge and taking out some Firewhisky. He gave Remus a bottle of it and walked over to turn on some music. Sirius put on the radio on it and fiddled around with the stations before looking up wickedly to Remus and walking over to sit beside him. Remus was shocked to hear a muggle song playing. He recognized it, but did not remember it's name. He looked to Sirius, wondering how he'd gotten a muggle radio to work, but Sirius shook his head.
"I know what you're thinking. But it is a wizard radio channel. See, it plays muggle songs. But not just from now. It plays songs they have from the future. It plays up to twenty-five years ahead of current muggle music. So, that's up to 1999. Cool, eh?" Sirius explained and Remus nodded. Very cool.
He heard the radio presenter announce that they were picking songs from various years that night and heard him say that the next song would be from 1983, nine years away and it was called 'True' by somebody called Spandau Ballet or something. It was strange to think that the song probably hadn't been written yet. Then they started drinking. For Remus, the music started to blend into the background and Sirius and him were the only people alive. Now and then he'd hear the titles of the songs such as, 'Stand By Me' or 'The One And Only'.
Remus realized he was getting really tipsy, but did not notice Sirius was too until a slow song began playing. It was from 1998 and Sirius stood up at the beginning at the guitar riff and extended his hand to Remus and in a formal accent said, "Would you do me the honour of dancing with me?"
Remus caught his breath and accepted his firm hand. This may be a joke for Sirius, but it certainly wasn't for him. He'd been wanting to dance with Sirius since the Halloween disco. He shivered as Sirius pulled him close and pulled Remus's arms up around his neck. God that felt so good to be this close and intimate. Even if Sirius was laughing softly. A shiver travelled down his spine as Sirius's hands traced his back and rested on his hips. He gasped as Sirius pulled his body close into his own and Remus's breathing became detached. His head rested on Sirius's shoulder and they swayed slowly on the spot, Remus vaguely hearing the words to the beautiful song, 'I need you in my arms, need you to hold, you're my world, my heart, my soul. And if you ever leave, well baby it would take away everything...'
Such beautiful words. Such a perfect moment. Sirius had his chin rested against his neck and Remus delighted in his skin pressed against such a sensitive part of his own. He was dizzy; not from the drink, not from the revolving, from love. 'How do I breathe without you, if you ever go? How do I ever, ever survive...' I would die without you, Remus thought as he was intoxicated by the atmosphere and the very scent of Sirius. It was strong, yet somehow sensitive, just like him and imitated some sort of naughtiness that Remus didn't understand how. How could something smell naughty? His erection was dangerously close to Sirius and through his euphoria, he desperately tried to avoid brushing that part of himself against Sirius. He couldn't help but feel calm and protected in Sirius's arms and he was almost crying from the feeling. And Sirius was amazing at dancing. Had he not watched him drinking, he wouldn't have known he had from the way he took lead. Of course, Remus didn't object at all to filling the ladies part. He was content with everything then. Nothing could bother him. 'Oh I, baby I don't know what I would do, I'd be lost if I lost you...' How true. He knew that had he not been drinking, he maybe would have fainted again. He was glad for that, that he wasn't completely sober.
He could feel Sirius's sweet hot breath delicately caress his exposed neck and his skin tingled under the sensation. Though Sirius continued to chuckle quietly, Remus felt utterly blissful. God, if this carried on he'd surely blurt out his feelings for Sirius. But he felt as though he'd been left to sink deep down to the bottom of a freezing cold ocean, like he had been stung by a thousand bees, like he'd just had one of the icicles in Hogwarts plunged into his heart when Sirius released him. The song had ended and he watched, wanting more as Sirius dropped back onto the bed, laughing richly.
Remus felt his knees weak in the absence of Sirius's body against his own. He collapsed down beside him and controlled the overwhelming need to pull Sirius back towards him and kiss him. But he knew he'd be thankful later that the song had ended, for he was sure he'd have told Sirius his feelings. Positive. But now he was too bitter against feeling that. Yet he was still blissfully happy at the same time. He was still beside Sirius. Still talking to him. Still capturing his full attention. Heck, he was on the same bed as him.
They talked for about an hour on the bed, words becoming more and more slurred, steadily getting more and more drunk until , inevitably, they fell asleep, bodies inches apart.
When Remus woke up, he heard a man saying 'Next up, a song from 1998. We've had one already. This one's..' He looked around the unfamiliar surroundings and he desperately tried to remember where he was and see who was speaking. Then, when he saw the peaceful form of Sirius crashed out beside him, and he instantly calmed and remembered everything. And that the voice was the man on the radio. He watched Sirius and heard the music beginning. It sounded nice. Perfect.
'I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you're far away and dreaming,
As if by magic, Sirius smiled in his sleep and Remus longed to touch him. How fitting the song was...
'I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,
He was lost in the moment. This song was meant for this moment. He was sure of that.
'Don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Not one thing, Sirius, he agreed silently with the song.
'Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you baby,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.
God, how many dreams had he had of Sirius, yet woke up wishing it was real? Maybe this song would be written for him...
'Lying close to you,
Feeling your heart beating,
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing,
He placed his hand on Sirius's heart, feeling a need to comply with the words as they continued to ring true.
'Then I kiss your eyes,
And thank God we're together,
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever,
Forever and ever..'
Well, he didn't dare actually kiss his eyes in case Sirius woke up, so he kissed his finger and traced Sirius's eyelid gently instead.
He listened carefully to each of the words and he smiled at the end and waited for the title and artist to be repeated. Aerosmith. 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing'. He'd remember that song for the rest of his life. He lifted Sirius's hand and looked at his wristwatch, noticing with a gasp that it was past one o'clock in the morning. That was the best Christmas he'd ever had. But they needed to go back to the castle now.
He reluctantly stirred Sirius from his sleep. It was very cute the way Sirius mumbled nonsense before awaking properly.
"Mhmm. What time is it, Moony?" He asked, stretching and yawning widely. The action exposed his mouth to Remus and he cleared his throat and looked away saying, "It's umm", and he lifted Sirius's wrist, "Twenty past one".
Sirius laughed and slapped a hand to his forehead, then winced in pain as he evidently had the beginnings of a hangover already, "Oh. Yeah. I'm wearing a watch".
Remus laughed and they got themselves ready to go and Sirius tidied up a bit and turned the radio off before they climbed from the trunk, taking the invisibility cloak with them.
The cold night air nipped Remus's face, definitely snow tomorrow, and he tremored slightly before he turned to wait for Sirius to follow him out.
"Do you not need to lock that compartment thingy again for it to go back to normal?" He asked as Sirius stepped away from it after closing it. He found annoyance in the fact that the dark coated Sirius's face and he could not make it out well. He wanted out of the forest to see him again.
"Nah. Goes normal once nobody's in it. C'mon. We'd better go. Stay close, okay?" Sirius said and Remus wanted to ask him to keep talking. It was soothing. He did as Sirius asked and was happy when Sirius wrapped his hand around his wrist and continued to walk. Sirius said, "So we don't get split up" when he did it and Remus felt warmth pass through him. Sirius was here to protect him. He knew had he been here with anyone else, he'd have been panicking, but he could only feel completely calm and secure under Sirius's grip. They walked on, taking longer than it had earlier now that they couldn't see as well in the darkness, even with their wand tips alight and Remus drifted after him, being lead all the way by Sirius, not truly caring where he was going. When Sirius walked-he walked, when Sirius paused-he paused, when Sirius turned-he turned.
When they reached the edge of the forest, Sirius stopped and, disappointingly to Remus, let go of his wrist. Remus looked up to the sky and saw the First Quarter Moon hanging low in the sky, half covered clouds and his breath formed a cloud in front of him. It would be full moon on the 29th. He looked at Sirius and was mesmerized by the way the moonlight danced across Sirius's hair in pools of beauty. Sirius pulled him over again to stand beside him and threw the invisibility cloak over them. When they reached they castle they, silently, made their way to their Common Room. They chose not to take the cloak off until they were in the safety of their Dorm. Remus was comfortable pressed up against Sirius and didn't look forward to when they'd part again.
They walked in and closed the door, throwing the cloak off over onto Sirius's bed. They walked forwards together and before Remus could turn towards his bed, Sirius took him by the arm and faced him once again. He'd used slightly too much force, so Remus was pressed close to him, facing him. Sirius didn't move back and neither did Remus. He'd grown fond of being this close and any chance at it was great and very welcome. Remus looked into those deep blue eyes and lust rose up in him more than it ever had before. His erection pressed painfully against his clothes, begging for freedom that it wouldn't get. Yet Sirius was still oblivious to the friction he was causing Remus. In all seriousness, he looked down at Remus.
"Remember, not a word to anybody about that room", Remus nodded, still stuck on Siri's eyes and Sirius grinned reminiscently, "Can't wait to tell Jamie we danced -"
Sirius was unable to continue his words. Remus had cut them off. Lost in the moment, Remus had pulled Sirius's head down towards his own and brushed his lips against Sirius's silky sweet ones. He realized straight away what was wrong. Sirius did not melt into his touch. He did not kiss back. Remus felt his world crumble to pieces as he watched the shock flash in Sirius's eyes. As he watched him recoil in horror.
He felt dead, frozen, shocked himself, paralyzed and ashamed all in one as Sirius backed away from him, mouth open in shock. Remus made to step forward, to say something, but Sirius flinched backwards and he stopped himself quickly. They both stared at each other, both shocked that Remus had done that. Remus couldn't believe he'd let himself do it. He had to say something..Anything..
"Oh my God, Sirius. I'm so sorry. I - " he began, hoping against hope that Sirius would pull one of his miraculous recovery stunts and grin. It didn't happen and Sirius cut off his words and his voice shook with undiluted trauma etched there on his face.
"No!...no...that's okay..er..I'm..I'm gonna forget this. Just a drunken incident, okay?" Sirius said, his body now shaking, his mouth still parted in shock.
"But- " he began, but Sirius put his hand up and shook his head, so Remus knew he wouldn't be allowed to protest. They both knew perfectly well that they'd sobered plenty during their sleep and held full comprehension over what they did, but Sirius clearly wasn't going to acknowledge that.
"I'm - um - going to bed. Good night", Sirius said with a tone that told Remus it was not up for any more discussion. So he silently watched as Sirius stepped away from him and it then suddenly hit him that he could no longer stare at Sirius and he quickly looked away. He rushed over to his own bed and hurriedly changed into his pyjamas, his mind numb. He slipped, trembling uncontrollably into bed and Sirius could be heard across the room entering his own bed. Not one other single word passed between them.
Remus lay there, terrified, but too numb to do a single thing. He just had to listen as Sirius's breathing became slow and regular before he allowed the full extent of it to hit him. It was like a bucket of ice had been thrown over him, he was so cold, as he thought things over with panic. Panic gave way to an overwhelming sense of despair, anguish and misery, taking over him. I've just ruined it. Sirius'll never look at me the same way. God, what if he wakes up and decides never to speak to me again, he thought as he was sure he'd lost the best mate he'd ever had. Silently, tears rolled down his cheeks and each new tear chased the one before until his pillow was soaked to the touch with his pain. I'll kill myself, was even a thought he had, but then he knew Sirius would blame himself for it and he didn't want that. Also, he had the tiniest, briefest infinitesimal hope that he and Sirius could get back to normal and be okay. He clung to the hope like a maniac and continued to cry for hours until sheer exhaustion overcame him, probably from all the crying and worrying, and forced him into a restless slumber where he tossed and turned wildly in his bed. He certainly didn't have dreams of Sirius kissing him.
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