Chapter 11: An Overdue Visit
It was New Year's Eve and late in the Gryffindor Common Room. It was surprising how many people had come back for the twelfth hour to celebrate together and Remus and James were not alone for long. It was about twenty minutes to the bells and Remus was sitting by the fire, chuckling halfheartedly as he watched James across the room, in another desperate attempt to win over Lily. James had been doing this from the moment Lily had returned to the Common Room from the break and it seemed to be having the desired affect. She was smiling every moment through and James seemed delighted all his hard work was finally being recognized. Remus couldn't be happier for him. But he could be happier.
Plagued constantly in conscious mind and in his dreams by the image of himself attacking the man he loved, Remus could not help but feel guilty, whether he had been in control or not. Sure, he did not know what he was doing as a wolf, but if he hadn't been mad at Sirius in the first place, this wouldn't have happened. Sirius could have died. The thought alone brought fresh tears to his eyes, but he held them back as noise grew around him in celebration.
He was missing his friend terribly. Madam Pomfrey had told them that 'in the best interest of the patient,' she could not allow them back to see Sirius as she did not want him disturbed. But Remus did feel anything that helped Sirius recover was for the best, even if he could not stop thinking of the next time they could speak.
Fear filled another space in his mind as he was scared that Sirius would hate him, for which he would not blame him, for the next full moon without him and for that dreaded day when Sirius would remember what caused those agonizing days of not speaking to each other. That silence, mad though he was at Sirius, had almost driven him to suicide. The anger had rather quickly ebbed away and during those three dreadful days the only thing keeping him from talking to Sirius had been shame in himself and fear that he would not be welcomed back.
Music that had been blaring tunelessly in his ear for hours had suddenly stopped and it brought him out of his reverie as he looked up and saw that everyone had a glass raised, ready for the countdown. He looked around and found that there was nobody in the crowd he felt like toasting with; James was toasting with Lily and he wasn't going to interrupt and Peter wasn't coming until tomorrow.
"Ten," ran out through the Common Room as all other noise died, "nine, eight, seven, six..." Keeping up the smile was one thing when people might look over at him, but whilst their attention was gone his smile slipped and he let his eyes wind through the crowd. His eyes rested on the door through a gap in the crowd. Maybe he could sneak down to the hospital wing ... "Five, four, three, two ..."
Remus didn't even hear the roar of the surrounding students as at that very second, the second that chimed New Year, his heart gave a massive leap and all sound disappeared as standing anew at the Common Room entrance, was Sirius, tall, beautiful and grinning at him through the crowd. Grinning at him.
In the same instant, it seemed, the gap in the crowd closed in and Sirius was lost. Remus hesitated in his seat, unsure whether he should get up and look for him or not, or even if it had been his imagination simply showing him what, who, he wanted to see. A few minutes later and just as his mind had decided for him to move, somebody split the crowd before him and Sirius stood a meter from his chair, just looking at him with a faint grin.
Remus smiled up at him. Surrounding people were eyeing Sirius up and down and a few people were trying to engage him in conversation, So, word is out Sirius is single again, I see, he thought as his heart raced wildly and he mirrored Sirius' grin. Guess he's not mad at me, he figured, as well as thinking simultaneously, he looks better than ever. And the people trying to talk to Sirius were completely ignored. Sirius looked to him and said, loud enough without shouting (the immediate crowd weren't making so much noise any more), "Moony, I wanna word."
Remus could have worried. He could have feared this was one of those dreaded moments that had been burning in his mind. But not with Sirius' smile still in place as his words were spoken. Not when all that seemed to go through his mind just then (nothing else registered) was how much he loved that beauteous boy before him, then the hand, the elegant hand, so soft, that closed over his arm to pull him from the chair and through the crowd. It was almost as if he were falling in love with him all over again.
In some part of his head, he barely noticed that they were now leaving the Common Room, the party, walking down the corridor or even that they had now in fact entirely left the Gryffindor tower and had just come to a sudden halt. Here, Remus felt, yet again, the loss he only ever felt when Sirius let him go. He came back to reality.
Sirius was standing a very small distance apart from him, smile momentarily missing from his face and waiting on Remus to notice. It was then his panic came back slightly, what if he remembered the kiss? But Remus was sure Sirius would not want private talks with him if that were true. Sirius spoke, causing him to slightly jump.
"Moony, you don't have to look so worried, we just need to talk over what happened," and Remus breathed out in relief.
"Oh, okay. Here?" Remus looked around and then back at Sirius, who he noticed was grinning.
"Yeh, didn't think we'd get much talking done in the New Year party..." Remus hit his shoulder playfully and regretted it straight away as Sirius staggered back, How careless!!!
"Sorry, I'm an idiot," he said rushing forward and putting his hand on Sirius' arm, "does it still hurt?"
"No. I'm not in pain any more. Just really really tired and kinda weary, y'know?" Sirius said seriously. Remus felt the guilt all over again.
To his surprise, Sirius sat down on the red velvety carpet and tugged on his hand to get him to do the same.
"It wasn't your fault" Sirius announced bluntly. Remus sat down, cross-legged in front of him, head down.
"It was my fault. I'm the one who did it. You don't remember do you? We'd fallen out ... "
Sirius butted in, "No. It doesn't matter if we had fallen out. I don't even want to know why, 'cos whatever it was I'm sure we shouldn't have fallen out over it, okay."
Remus disagreed mentally, but if he said that it was big enough to fall out over, he might end up having to remind Sirius why. What he'd done. But he had to protest in some way, so he said, "I'm the wolf, Sirius -- "
Before he could finish, a caring hand tilted his head up by the chin, so he was looking Sirius in the eye and Sirius spoke again, more firmly this time, "It wasn't your fault," he repeated with clarity.
Remus was about to argue again, but the look Sirius was giving him stopped him. Remus could tell that Sirius meant it, nothing Remus could say would change it, he really meant it. For the first time since it had happened, Remus believed it.
"Thank you," he whispered as Sirius wiped a tear from his face and he took over with his robes, shamed again, but not truly caring this time.
Sirius took his hand away and nodded his welcome. They sat in a friendly silence for a minute, comforted they were friends again and that the attack hadn't changed their friendship one bit.
"You wanting to go back to the party then?" Remus asked quietly. Sirius considered it, then nodded.
The Common Room was in an uproar when they returned and Sirius jumped into the middle of it all straight away and Remus watched as he was suddenly lifted up high and carried off over the heads of the crowd. It was a slow process as people seemed to much be enjoying it when Sirius was overhead of them.
That night, Remus went to bed, his heart far lighter than it had been since Christmas Day.
James woke up, knackered. The party of New Year had carried long into the night and he had stayed up even after his prey, Lily, had gone to bed. He and Sirius were two of the last left awake. James could not have expressed efficiently how happy he was that Sirius was back, livelier than ever to boot. If Sirius had died that night ... James would probably have killed himself. There was no life without Sirius Black in it so there would be no point in trying to live one.
Yawning as he stretched forwards, he glanced around at each bed to see who was up on their last day of freedom before school term began. Apparently, Sirius and Remus were out as their beds lay empty. Perry McKinnon lay, breathing deeply in his bed and Peter had come back and was snoring heavily on top of his covers; he hadn't made it into bed. Must have had a tiring journey, James thought with a smile.
James stopped as he reached the Common Room below and he watched for a few minutes as he had spotted Sirius and Remus sitting by the fire together. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed for the first time how cute they looked together. Sirius was currently sitting beside Remus, leaning over him and attacking him with some small object, James couldn't tell what. Remus was laid over the arm of the chair, squirming with a cushion blocking his face from whatever it was Sirius had. Remus looks far more comfortable with him, James thought, satisfied. He was supremely glad that Sirius could not remember Remus kissing him. It wasn't right those two not talking to each other. He noticed in amusement that the object was a bright red lipstick and that Sirius was really trying to smear it on Remus.
As he sniggered loudly, his friends looked up and paused mid-action as they did so. He walked over to them as they straightened themselves back out.
"Didn't think you'd bother getting up, Prongs," said Sirius, smirking, "I was sure even Peter would get up before you and he's been travelling."
"When did he get in?" James asked, choosing to ignore the remarks.
"Just half an hour ago," Remus answered, blushing madly still from the carry on with Sirius. He was grinning fixedly, seeming unable to stop or be unhappy. Well, it must be some relief to be able to talk to Sirius again. He loves him... In reality, James had had quite a difficult time getting his head around that fact, but it now seemed natural. Now he could only wish for Remus that Sirius could one day feel the same, though he had little hope of it. Sirius wouldn't ever like a guy. Plenty had asked him out, in and out of the school and he'd always been shocked and said 'no.' Or, at least, he had been shocked in the past, nowadays he didn't even blink, just explained he wasn't gay and refused them politely.
"Didn't know you were into lipstick, Siri," James commented, pointing at the lipstick still in Sirius' hand. Sirius looked up, face mockingly serious.
"Yes," He rolled up the lipstick again, "my colour isn't it?" He added, holding it close to his mouth. James and Remus laughed.
"Definitely."
When Peter awoke and tumbled down the stairs, the boys went down to have a late breakfast in the Hall.
Sitting at their end of the long table, they related to Peter what happened during the Full Moon. Peter was horrified. He kept asking Sirius if he was all right and giving half-fearful glances at Remus as though he might bite him any moment now. To this, James kicked him under the table and angrily muttered, "It was the wolf, Peter, not Remus." Peter, not looking entirely convinced and glad more than anything that he hadn't been there, fell silent a moment. He then asked, "So there will just be three of us next time?"
The Marauders looked, downcast at the table, then Remus said, "Of course it will, Sirius isn't going back for more is he?" He said it slightly bitterly. He knew the wolf would sorely miss Sirius. He knew that the wolf loved Sirius too and if possible, even more than he did. The attack had been because the wolf wanted Sirius and Sirius had refused and not only that, but had been scared to be alone with him in human form. Remus hadn't even spoken this to James. But he also knew now that the wolf was sorry, just as he was and that he would definitely miss him. It just wasn't safe for him to go now though, not yet.
"There'll be four of us, as normal," Sirius growled quietly. They all stared at him, James scarcely able to believe Sirius had said it.
"No there won't," he said at Sirius. James stared into his many-shaded blue eyes and found determination there, "Sirius, it's too dangerous," he glanced at Remus to see his mouth was parted slightly in shock, "The wolf might kill you this time."
"He won't" Sirius said, defiant.
"Sirius," said Remus, "I don't want to wake up and find I've killed you. It was horrible just in a dream, never mind actually doing it ... "
Sirius softened his fair features and looked to him then back at James, "It won't happen again. The sooner I get back in beside the wolf, the better. Like...falling off a horse," he ended.
James made a derisive noise, "Except this is more likely to kill you." Sirius frowned at him and shook his head.
"It won't happen again, I already told you," he said.
To James' surprise, Remus said quietly, "No, it won't. You're right. I can feel it. The wolf feels bad, it's there in me."
That seemed to settle the matter. James felt better for Remus' reassurance and knew that he was secretly glad for he could not imagine Sirius not coming along every month.
When they had finished eating, Sirius said in a quiet voice (there were other students around now at the table), "Do you want to go to Hogsmeade tonight?"
James grinned, "I was going to ask that," he said, true enough, "yeah." All were agreed to be going later on that night. There was a pub they regularly went to on their sneaking nights into the village. It was on the farthest side of the town and they only ever went at night, under the extra cover (apart from the invisibility cloak) of darkness. They hadn't even been this year to it, which was rather unusual as in their previous year at Hogwarts, they had been there every other week. They had been regulars.
The day passed without occasion, except from when Melanie saw Sirius for the first time since their split. Sirius had been told by James of the split, for he hadn't remembered and Sirius said he was glad, saved him from having to do it now. As Melanie had approached him in the Common Room in the evening, all the Marauders had expected either an angry outburst or her begging to be back with Sirius. Surprised, they were when Melanie had flung her arms around Sirius in a massive hug and smiled it him, saying it was great to see him. Turned out she had no desire to cause Sirius not to speak to her and was trying to get them friendly again, if only so she could be close to him. James blamed her not. He pitied all who had the misfortune not to have the pleasure of his company. Sirius had gracefully chatted to her a while before James saved him, insisting they had last minute holiday homework to do.
They had gone to their dorm, where the four lads had stayed chatting until darkness fell across the sky. Sirius truly had been extra lively since their return and he seemed to be painting most of his attentions on Remus. James smiled as he thought of it, he knew Sirius was making sure Remy knew he was not to blame and he also knew that Remus was enjoying it far more than Sirius would ever know ... Well, at least until his memory returned.
James checked that Perry was asleep as he slipped the Invisibility cloak and the Map from his trunk. Returning to the Common Room, empty but for his three friends, he threw the cloak over them and they set off for the One-eyed Witch floors below, as near some of their other passages to Hogsmeade, teachers or house ghosts or the caretaker seemed to be too close by, their tiny little dots accompanied by their names beneath them on the map. The two Reficuls were in a room on the third floor standing right beside the hidden passage entrance they would have taken normally, so they avoided it.
Arriving in Hogsmeade, the boys kept under the cloak until they reached the far end of the village, where few students or teachers of their school ever went; they could not risk the chance of a teacher being here. Satisfied the village was devoid of Hogwarts staff, they ducked behind a rather small, two-story stone building and removed the cloak.
It was a bar, 'The Fonne,' the bar they were going to that they stood behind. James hid the cloak behind a beer barrel at the far corner of the flagstone garden, making sure it was one that would not be used this night. The sky loomed dark over head, cast over with dark clouds, threatening rain. He rejoined his friends, chatting quietly and they walked back to the front and entered the pub.
The interior was dark yellow, and musty as ever it was. It was magically larger than the exterior. They faced the stairs at the opposite end of the room upon entering. Brown, shabby chairs decorated a large part of the room with very few people nestled into them and to their left as soon as they walked in, was the bar, stools lined against it and the bartender, a woman with iron-grey hair and a deep-lined cheerful face, lighting up as soon as she saw the boys.
"Sirius! James! Boys!" She exclaimed (James and Sirius had been accustomed to going last year every day but Mondays at times and only because it was closed, which was slightly more than Remus and Peter, who only liked to go normally at the weekends). A few people who had sat, asleep in their chairs, grunted awake at her voice as the room had been silent moments before.
James smiled and Sirius flopped into a stool before her and animatedly told her she was definitely aging backwards and looked at least ten years younger than last time they seen her. She laughed and waved it away, but looked even brighter still for it. She looked at them at length, surveying each in turn. When she looked back at Sirius she said, "Why, you've gotten even taller and more handsome! It has indeed been a while since you were all here, not once this year"
James shrugged, "Missed us?" He grinned.
Smiling, she turned to him, and gesturing around them, "They aren't exactly a spirited bunch, are they? Of course I missed you all. So, what can I get you?"
"Unfortunately, Madam Fonne," Remus said apologetically and glanced over to the stairs, "we're heading upstairs. Is it busy?"
Madam Fonne looked highly disappointed and glared a moment at the stairs before answering, turning back and smiling less enthusiastically, "Quite. You won't know the new girl there?" She asked.
The boys shook their heads, there was a club upstairs and since they had not been to the pub, they had not been there either. She continued, a scowl replacing her smile, "Yes. She sometimes forgets to renew the silencing charm on the stairs and I get such a fright when that music blasts down..." She smiled again and said, "Well have a good night then. I hope you come to bid me goodnight?"
"We will," said Peter cheerfully. It was a shame leaving her here with that lot, now dozing again, but they had come out to party after all.
On the stairs, they were silent due to the charm on them. James, behind Sirius, saw his eyes light up as they reached they top and he, himself smiled as they looked around. Peter, at the end, let out a small 'oh,' the silencing charm ending abruptly at the end of the banister.
Madam Fonne was severely understating the amount of punters; the room was full and the music blared through them, causing them to cover their ears gently until they adjusted to the volume. But what they were pleased about was, it was Dirty Dancing night, it seemed, as witches and wizards (mostly in their late teens or early twenties) were closely grinding their bodies together, moving dangerously close to one another, lustfully close.
The boys wound their way through the tight crowd, Sirius in lead. James noticed that everyone who was in sight of Sirius were turning their heads and looking stunned at him. He was far more beautiful than anyone in the room, James saw easily. Sirius walked on, indifferent to the staring and James wondered how he did it, took it so unabashed at so many eyes on him. James turned to see Remus behind him. Remus looked frustrated by the attention on Sirius, but when he noticed James looking, he hid the look and smiled unconvincingly. Last thing he needs is more competition for Sirius, James thought, pityingly.
Many in the crowd were breaking away from their partners and pressing themselves up against Sirius, trying to get him to dance with them, but Sirius just gently swept them aside and aimed for the bar at the end instead.
When they reached the bar, it was empty. Or, at least, it looked empty. Sitting at the bar, Sirius tapped distractedly on the surface, and James jumped beside him (as did Remus and Peter) as a young witch stood up from behind the bar, seeming to have been retrieving something from the floor. James' eyes widened, she was very attractive and when her eyes locked on Sirius, she smiled prettily.
She was very curvy, about twenty, wearing a sleeved red top torn across the midriff, revealing a tanned slender stomach, with studded navel. Her hair was a dark brown, curly, with blonde streaks and it framed her pretty heart-shaped face. Full, dark red lips were parted to reveal her perfect white teeth as she smiled at Sirius. Her eyes were a steely grey and she was very sexy. She was lightly smaller than Sirius and was in muggle attire, as staff always were.
James looked to him, he was smiling back at her, "Four Firewhiskys," he called over the noise, leaning in towards her and her leaning into him over the bar. Still, though she was very very gorgeous, Sirius was more so and she obviously was attracted to him straight off. She went off confidently to get them, with one more look over her shoulder at him. All four were now sitting at the bar as she came back and James, looking again at Remus saw he was madly jealous. As James caught his eye, he did not attempt to cover it this time. He looked in a terrible mood.
She stood there in front of Sirius, ignoring all other punters as she watched him taking a swig of his drink. He said, once he'd done, "So you're the new one here that keeps forgetting to silence the stairs?"
"She tell you?" She grinned. Sirius nodded. "Oh, well it gets busy. I forget. Wanna dance?"
Sirius quirked an eyebrow and James smirked, watching the exchange happily. Sirius said, "You not supposed to be serving though?" James was sure Remus let out a relieved sigh beside him. But she laughed.
"Not any more," she said, nodding to the other side of the bar, where a young man had just entered to take over. They knew him and he greeted them as he walked down. "So how's about that dance?" She said, gaining back Sirius' attention.
He smiled, "Yeah, c'mon." Her smile was very wide now and Remus, from beside James, was frowning and James was sorry for him again.
James and Peter watched as Sirius and the girl they learned was called Marissa danced to the new song starting up. Remus was fixedly staring at the bar, unwilling to watch as Marissa ground her hips into Sirius' and dance just as vigorously and dirtily as the most raucous pair in the room. James was glad of his slack robes as he felt a tight erection forming at the sight of his best mate dancing so hotly. Many other eyes were on them, but Remus stubbornly refused the whole night to look. And it really was all the time they were there that they danced, coming back for a break now and again for a drink.
None of them danced the whole night, just watched Sirius. Remus looked thoroughly miserable. "Cheer up, Moony," he said, tearing his eyes away from the mesmerizing pair. Remus didn't even look to him as he murmured, "I'm fine."
When Sirius came over the next time, it was very late. James said to him, "We should go" and he nodded. Remus looked happy until it was dashed by Marissa following them out. Supposing she was just coming to wave Sirius off and tell him she'd contact him, none of them questioned her. They made sure to say good-bye to Madam Fonne, who was not pleased with Marissa. Marissa hadn't replaced the Silencing charm so the pub was full of noise too. It was odd, walking out of the pub, from the noise. On her way out, she silenced it with a flick of her wrist.
The sky outside was already lighter and they stood at the entry a moment, waiting for her to say good-bye. Instead, to Remus' clear distaste she whispered audibly to Sirius, "You could come back to mine" and landed a fiery kiss on his lips. Sirius broke it after a moment.
"Sure," then turned to James, Remus and Peter, "see you in the morning guys." They watched as he walked off with her and they walked round the back to get the invisibility cloak back.
Peter said, "He shouldn't be going off with her," unreasonably. Sirius could do what he wanted. James felt jealous too. He had hoped Sirius would be coming back with them and although he was straight, Sirius sometimes caused him arousal and to feel very possessive. This was one of those times. He couldn't even imagine how Remus was feeling. All of them traipsed back to the castle through the secret passage, considerably less happy than they had felt on their way here and feeling odd with only three of them under the cloak. They hadn't felt that way about Melanie, well, except from Remus. This was different somehow.
None of them were full of their usual happy chattering from their trips as they went to bed that night, all thinking unbiddingly of Marissa slutting herself on Sirius, their Sirius. James suddenly felt it stronger that he wished Sirius was gay, and even with Remus. It sounded right in his head, somehow, Sirius and Remus together. Not Sirius and that slut. Which was unfair, as they didn't even know her.
Dully, they spoke of how tired they'd be during lessons in the morning and avoided wondering aloud whether Sirius would be back in time or not. And one by one they joined Perry McKinnon in his deep sleep.
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