DISCLMAIMER: None of the characters of Harry Potter belong to me.
NOTE TO ALL:
Okay guys, the following chapters may be even more shocking, just remember that no matter what, lol, that I love Sirius and Remus and that they are going to have a happy ending, promise you! Well, I've decided that I'm putting up all the chapters now, so I'm not leaving any more cliffhangers coz I think you would hang me with what's coming up if I just left it there, you need to see the outcome of it all.. Remember all the pain they go through is only going to bring them closer together and they are going to have that ending we all want for them ;o). I hope you enjoy the rest of my story guys. Lol this story took me over a year to write! Mostly because of silly school exams and things grr lol. Well, enjoy! P You guys are gonna hate me over the next two chapters lol, but you may fogive me in the end!
Apul-Equuleus: Umm, i dunno about a sequel, i hadn't really thought of one..Hmm.. Well, I definately get what you mean about JKR killing Sirius (lol am so sad, i cried P). I'm putting the characters through quite a lot right now, but keep in mind I wouldn't have anything but a good ending for them all. I would never have any of them dying for real! Can't belive that JKR did, I only hope he's somehow involved in the next book! mwah thank you for your reviews.
Audrey G. Black: Well Isa, lol! I hate her too! I hated her as i wrote her in, nasty witch lol. Bear her in mind too. All is relevant. She will have what is coming to her, Sirius does not have feelings for her, so it is ok P Only Remus for him lol, wouldn't have it any other way! XxXxXxXxX
Chapter 12: Unusual Detentions
Remus rolled over on the bed. A hand was gently shaking his arm, but still dazed, he had only just noticed. Turning back and opening his reluctant eyes, he saw Sirius standing there and heard somebody moving in the background.
He sat up as Sirius spoke and saw James was rushing around the room, pulling things from his trunk. "I just got back," Sirius said. "You should get up, we're late."
Remus jumped from the bed and swore, causing Sirius to laugh.
Remus looked to him and said mock accusingly, "Oh, yeah, you might be all right turning up late for Reficul's class," potions was first, "but he might not be so decent with me. Why didn't Peter get us up?" He threw at James across the room as he pulled his own robes from his trunk.
"Dunno, mate. Looks like he got there on time though," James said as he closed the bathroom door behind him.
Remus sighed impatiently as he saw he wasn't getting in the bathroom till Jamie came out and he looked at his magic watch. They were already ten minutes late and would be more once they finally arrived at the dungeons for class. I'll kill Peter, he thought as he sat on his bed with a thump. Sirius smirked and sat beside him, falling backwards so he lay stretched out with his arms above his head.
As he looked down on him Sirius yawned and he smiled to hide a thought that waved through him involuntarily, He's tired because of her ...
"Are you going to see her again?" He asked, he had to. It was the first thing he wanted to know. Sirius raised himself onto his elbows to look at him.
"Might. What did you think of her?" He asked, taking Remus by surprise. He hadn't prepared an unbiased opinion and Sirius noticed his hesitation.
"You don't like her?" He deduced.
Remus saw that Sirius did not look annoyed or anything, just slightly curious, so he might as well be honest.
"No," he said and Sirius raised an eyebrow for him to continue with a reason. "Well," he said awkwardly, "l didn't really get to know her ... But I thought it was a little -- er -- slutty -- to invite you back to her house only hours after you met her." He expected Sirius to stand up for her or look offended on her behalf, but he just frowned slightly.
"Good point," Remus' heart thundered in relief. "I don't think I'll see her again. She was nice though, but not really my type." Remus watched him and spoke before really thinking.
"What is your type, Sirius?" It was the sort of thing James would have known, or thought he knew, but Sirius and Remus didn't discuss girls often. Remus avoided it whereas James made it his business to ask this sort of stuff.
"To be honest, I don't really know any more. Used to be a curvy girl...long black hair, that sort. Now I don't really have one. Marissa just wasn't it whatever it is."
"Would you ever go out with a guy?" Remus mentally slapped himself for asking. How obvious could he be? Idiot, he thought of himself.
Sirius sat up and looked at him amused, "What made you ask that?" Remus cast around for a reason as he looked away from Sirius. Then he remembered something.
"Weeks ago Lewis Macmillan, from Ravenclaw, seventh year? He told me he liked you," Sirius looked slightly surprised. Remus was glad this had come back to him. It was true enough, though he hadn't felt the need to let Sirius know then, it wasn't important. "And guys ask you out all the time. Just wondering," he ended, turning back, calmer.
"I thought he was straight," Sirius said, looking lost in thought. Remus laughed.
"He is. So are most of the guys who fancy you. He's liked you for months apparently," he added, half amused at Sirius' bemusement and half still awaiting his answer.
"Oh," he said. Remus had to ask again.
"Well? Would you?" And he tried not to sound too pushy on the matter in case it was too obvious or in case it would push Sirius to remember Christmas night. Remus felt his breath catch painfully in his chest as he waited. It was not long before Sirius answered, he didn't need time to consider it seemed.
"No," Remus felt his heart sink slowly to his stomach and Sirius continued, "I don't think so somehow. Never fancied a guy, so can't see that happening. You?" Remus gasped.
The bathroom door opened and James walked into the Dorm room. Remus stood up with his robes and happily used this excuse not answer Sirius. Would Sirius have known he was lying if he had said no? Well, there was only one guy he'd say yes to, so it wasn't a complete lie.
He found James and Sirius waiting in the Common Room for him and they strolled down to class, Remus quite having forgotten they were already late and Sirius and James not caring anyway. It wasn't until they wandered into the dungeon to everyone sitting looking up at them that he remembered.
Reficul walked over to them as they sat behind their desk beside a cowering Peter, obviously regretting not waking them up. The whole class looked at them. James and Sirius were still talking to each other, not caring whilst Remus nervously glanced at Reficul, glowering down at him.
"First day back," he snarled at them and James and Sirius stopped talking and looked at him, annoyed for having their conversation disturbed. Remus had to admire their daring. "Already you three decide to make your own time for class to begin." Whilst he said 'three', Remus felt that it was directed only at him as it was him that he looked at.
"Well maybe you should restart the lesson then," Sirius said and a hush fell through the class. James smirked and Remus almost smiled, but dared not give their teacher the fuel he needed to blame him most.
His face turned an ugly shade of red. Had it been him being that cheeky, Remus had a feeling that the teacher would have exploded. Instead he just stared between the three of them for a moment. It was odd, but his face seemed to calm slightly as he looked at Sirius. Fleetingly Remus saw it, an admiration and then Remus quickly looked away as the eyes turned back hateful as they rested on him. He swept up the dungeon to his desk and seemed to be marking them present on the register before looking back up at them, before the class could begin whispering their shock and spoke in a voice much more calmed down. Remus figured he must have imagined the admiring glance. It had been there and gone so quickly he reckoned he must have made it up. Why would he admire Sirius when he was easily the cheekiest of the Marauders to him and hate Remus so much when he wouldn't even dare say such things?
"Detention. All three of you. See me after class. Now -- " He turned back to the class and they set about catching up. Sirius and James did so easily, without even referring to the board but Remus had a harder time, especially when Reficul stood behind him, waiting for some mishap. He just managed it on time for the bell, the bell he had been dreading hearing since finding out they'd have to wait behind.
As the class set about leaving, Peter told them he'd see them later and almost ran from the class before they could be mad at him for not getting them up. They stood at his desk and watched quietly as Reficul packed away a few things. Finally he stopped and sat on his desk, staring at them.
"From now on I want you all here on time or it will be more than detention you get. You might all think that you will be serving detentions cosily together and having a laugh, but no. Not this time. Potter, you will be this week. Black, the week after, then you, Lupin. 6.30, Potter. Now leave." Remus' name, he spat and they didn't need to be told twice before leaving.
"Did I imagine that or what?" Remus asked James and Sirius as they made their way upstairs for break. Stopping outside the Hall, Sirius turned to him.
"Imagine what?" He asked. Remus turned then to James and smiled as he seemed to know what he was talking about.
"The look he gave you," James said to Sirius.
"What look?" Sirius asked.
"And you're meant to be smart!" James exclaimed and Sirius hit him as Remus laughed. "It was weird. Like he was in awe of you or something. Reckon he fancies you... No way he'd let anyone else away with that."
Remus hadn't thought that. He supposed it might make sense. He didn't like it one bit though but Sirius looked at him in disbelief.
"I don't think so, somehow --' He began.
James cut in, "Ah, but I do. Think, separate detentions. So he can get you alone!" James looked delighted but Sirius laughed it off.
"Both of you will be with him on your own. Maybe it's you he likes, Jamie." James looked positively disgusted.
"Nah, we'll stick with you, mate. You'd handle it better anyway ... " He smiled.
"And how is that?" Sirius laughed.
"Come on, Sirius," Remus said, "How many guys have asked you out in the last month then count the amount Jamie's had to turn down."
Jamie smirked and Sirius burst out laughing, barklike as always, "If you say so. Hey, d'you think we'd make a nice couple?"
Remus spluttered, "No!" Sirius and James stared at him in his outburst. He hadn't been able to stop it forming in his mouth, it had come before the thought even had.
"Oh," said Sirius, "I thought we'd look good together too." He pouted and they both laughed at him. When the bell rang he and Remus headed for Divination.
Arriving in the class, Remus sat in the usual clouding mist of scent, easing his mind and relaxing him into staring once more at Sirius. He heard his voice in the distance, chatting in a low mutter at Sirius, "Jamie first in detention means it just me, you and Peter ... And we're mad at Peter ... You and me ..."
Sirius, he vaguely noticed, was frowning at him. As he opened his mouth to reply, Miss Reficul had come over to them. She was blocking the stifling heat of the fire and Remus felt some sense sweep back into him. Looking at her face, he noticed she looked incensed at him, though he hadn't done anything.
"Lupin, for half an hour you have sat there muttering something and not even attempting any single form of divining anything." Remus sat with his mouth open, dumbstruck. He had no reply. And had it really been half an hour? He couldn't remember all he had said ... It could have been anything. Even so, half an hour or not, Miss Reficul had never been so cross with him.
"Miss," Sirius said placatingly, "Remus is more affected by the fumes than some, the scent makes him dazed."
Remus was quick to agree, "Yes, sorry Miss, I don't mean it." As she glared down at Remus, she seemed for the very first time to bear resemblance to her brother and her grey eyes blazed as Remus spoke. Remus noticed she glanced briefly at Sirius and breathed out deeply, turning back to Remus and snapping, "Right, try not to do it again. Pay attention." She returned to the front of the class and proceded with the lesson. Fire ablaze and hitting him with its sweltering heat, Remus relapsed into his trance where it was okay to tell Sirius he was happy it was going to be just the two of them.
He was so embarassed on the way back to lunch that day thinking of things he remembered saying to Sirius (even though Sirius didn't mention it or act as though he'd noticed how weird it was) that he didn't even notice bumping into Snape. James had just joined them and Peter was lagging behind him and Snape stood before him as he looked up, face growling.
"Watch where you're going will you Lupin! Oh, and I hope the three of you enjoy your detentions." Remus hated him then. A heat crept up through his body very quickly. He dived forward to where Snape had stepped back from him and immediately felt arms grab at his shoulders, preventing him from doing any damage.
"Remus," Sirius said sharply. Had it been James or Peter, he would have carried on in his struggle. At the sound of the angel, he felt the tense muscles in his arms relax and he leaned back into Sirius. Snape's face dropped the fear and his lip curled at the corner. He turned and fled down the stairs in the Slytherin Dorms direction.
"Not like you to get that angry", said James. "What's wrong?" Before he could say a word, Lewis Macmillan had appeared in sight and grabbed Sirius into a kiss. As Remus' head got around it, Sirius had forcefully pushed Lewis away from him, face angry.
"What the fuck d'you think you're doing Lewis?" Remus didn't see how James' mouth was somewhere near the floor, accompanying Peter's as they watched on as he was busy staring at Sirius and Lewis himself. Lewis had come from nowhere and while Sirius continued to look furious, Lewis looked just as shocked as Peter and James.
"Can I -- can I talk to you?" He finally stuttered. Sirius stepped toward him a little, still mad.
"What, so you can fucking force yourself on me again, I don't think so!" Sirius gave off an irate heat. The other Marauders watched on, unspeaking as Lewis looked regretfully at Sirius and desperately in need of talking to him. It was clear at any rate that Sirius did not like being forced to do anything and that had certainly been a forced situation.
"I didn't mean to do that, I'm really sorry. But I meant to ask a word of you ... I think you might guess what about now ... I won't do that again, please, just hear me out?" Lewis was in despair. Remus was still sure Sirius would say no. He seemed to waver in thought a moment, then spoke.
"Right. Where?" Remus couldn't believe it. Lewis beamed at Sirius.
"Library?" Remus, James and Peter watched on as Sirius wandered off with Lewis, Lewis looking nervously at him and Sirius keeping his head forward, unwilling to look at him.
Once they were out of sight, it must have been at least five minutes that the three boys stood staring at the last spot Sirius had been in view and not speaking a word. Remus hadn't been surprised at how angry Sirius had been at Lewis for, well, attacking him sexually. That's what it had been. But he didn't expect Sirius to agree to a private talk with him after such a short apology. It was James who recovered first, as was usual.
"Now who else thought Sirius would have said no to that?" And he gave a shaky laugh.
"He's too nice for his own good," said Peter, "that Macmillan could try that on again. I know I wouldn't want to hear it."
Remus stayed silent. James looked at him and continued, "Lewis isn't gay..."
Remus spoke then, "Only when it comes to Sirius," and at the enquiring look from James and Peter he said, "He told me some weeks back. He really likes him --"
"We can see that," said James aggressively. "Maybe we should go to the library, head them off returning ... See what he's said to Sirius ... Or done ... "
"No, Jamie," said Remus. "I don't think we should. Poor Lewis must have found that very awkward there ... In front of us. When Sirius rejects him, he'll not want to see the people who get to see Sirius all day long every day now, will he?"
"What do you mean poor Lewis," Peter cried, "Poor Lewis just flung himself on Sirius!" Remus had his own guilty memories of doing something very similar ...
James seemed to notice the look and said, "Right, we heading up then? Got my detention tonight so I need to get my Potions essay out of the way -- " Peter butted in, not knowing that James was trying for Remus' sake to change the subject.
"What if Sirius doesn't reject him?!" Peter sounded panicky and horrified by the very thought. It was Remus who burst out laughing first, bitterly though it was. James followed it and Peter, realising how ridiculous it was, joined in.
"Nice one, Wormtail," James laughed and Peter seemed glad he'd been fully forgiven.
"I wonder what he will say though ... " Remus thought aloud. None of them thought Sirius would be long. Peter sat by the fire, barely blinking as he gazed at the entrance to the Common Room. Remus' head swivelled around each time the Portrait hole swung open, and was disappointed each time as the face seen was not that of Sirius. James, though having said he had intended to do his homework seemed to be to busy doing the very same thing Remus was doing and stared into the fire between the periods of facing the door. By six, his parchment for homework lay in front of him, blank and still there was no sign of Sirius.
As 6.30 approached, Remus watched James frustratedly throw his parchment and quill on the ground and say he'd better leave to go to detention.
"Tell Sirius to talk to me in the two-way mirror, will you?" He asked, then stormed from the room, leaving Remus to wonder what was in store for him in his detention. What way would Reficul find to punish them? Remus did his homework as he waited even longer for Sirius to come back. What was taking him so long? Long after Remus had finished his, Peter had given up waiting and decided at around eight o'clock that he was going to the library to do his Potions homework, as he didn't have a clue about the properties of an Onyx stone.
Remus was happy for this, as it meant that he and Sirius could be alone when he returned; Peter would certainly take forever to finish the essay. As fate had blessed him for the evening, Sirius entered the Common Room just ten minutes after Peter exited. He hadn't time to catch the expression on his face as before Sirius could make his way over to him, Melanie Brown had jumped up before him, just as though she'd been waiting all that time for his arrival too. She was left looking disappointed as Sirius left her but moments later. He sat across from Remus in the seat James had recently vacated, his face unfathomable and eyes not once finding Remus'.
"What took you so long? Peter and James waited a while for the news, but gave up. Jamie had to go to his detention," said Remus.
"Oh, yeah. Where's Peter gone?" It seemed to Remus that Sirius was delaying telling him about what happened.
"Library for Potions homework. Siri, you were away for hours, why so long? What did he say to you?" Remus had to know. Sirius met his eyes at last and Remus saw a sadness.
"Just wanted to tell me he loved me. How he wakes up in the middle of the night calling out my name. How the boys in his dorm agree with him that they would like to --" He broke off and looked at the floor.
"To what?" Remus prompted. Sirius smirked.
"To fuck me, have me love them, to kiss me, that sort of thing." Remus sat in shock. Sirius sounded so hateful that Remus deplored his questioning. He might as well keep going now though.
"Sirius, it's not the first time you've been told this sort of thing, though, is it?" It was more a statement than a question, but Sirius said no anyway. "Well, why did it take so long for him to say that?"
"It didn't," Sirius replied, "I spent some time trying to convince him I'm just Sirius and he couldn't really love me --"
"And what did he say to that?" Remus interjected.
"He said that he's never loved anybody more in his whole life and that he wanted to grow old with me, love me forever and that nothing and no-one would ever change that and that he'd been wanting to kiss me for weeks upon weeks and he'd like to give me a complimentary blow-job just to see what was on offer -- "
"He what?" Remus couldn't imagine Lewis having the courage to say all this to Sirius, beautiful Sirius. Mostly because he would never have the guts himself. Sirius actually laughed now.
"Yeah, didn't hold back, did he?" He laughed again. "I would have laughed myself at the time but he was so serious ... "
"So you spent all those hours convincing him he didn't love you?" Remus couldn't imagine anything Sirius could attempt to say that would convince himself that he didn't love him, so was doubtful he'd managed to convince Lewis.
"No. He wasn't taking any of it, so I had to just leave him in the end, saying sorry but I don't happen to fancy blokes. After that I went a walk to--" He stopped and muted his words, not saying where he went. Remus figured he knew already.
"The old chest in the forest?" Sirius raised his eyebrows in question, he obviously didn't remember taking Remus there at Christmas, so would probably be wondering how Remus knew about it. "You took me there to take my mind off of--"
"Your girl," Sirius said, smiling at remembering. Remus felt that was too close a memory to his kissing him, so brought it back to Sirius.
"But why were you so annoyed about it? Like I said, this isn't the first time it's happened."
Sirius turned quiet. After a minute, Remus thought Sirius must have forgotten he was there or had just asked him a question, but as he was about to repeat it, Sirius answered. "Just something Lewis said. That he'd noticed how I never stick with anybody, always dump them after a short while. He seemed to think he was the one to change it, but I told him he was wrong. He made me think though. I do know why I don't stay with anybody for long."
"Why," Remus asked, very curious about the answer. Sirius looked apologetically at him before he spoke.
"Phoebe Fucirel," he said simply. Remus felt cold and guilt washed over him. Sirius spotted the guilt and corrected him quickly.
"Stop feeling guilty, you know it wasn't your fault. I just mean, she was my longest relationship. We'd gone out for nearly a year... Now you know how long that is for me, who knows how long we'd have stayed together if she hadn't took that dare. Moony! Did you hear me? She took the dare." Sirius said it sternly and Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"Yeah, okay. But that doesn't mean you can't stay with somebody now, does it?" He asked.
Sirius shook his head. "No. But that's it. I don't think I want to stay with anybody. I thought I did, but now I know I deliberately force people away."
"Why though?" Remus implored. Sirius shrugged his shoulders.
"Because I can't imagine a single person in the world I'd be able to love," he said. The words stung Remus. I wish you could love me, Padfoot, he thought. "I can't imagine actually wanting to be with somebody for more than a month or two at most."
"You will. Just when you meet the right ... Girl." Remus had nearly said his hope, 'the right boy'. Sirius, however sounded his disbelief.
"I don't think so, Remy. But you've found your right girl, haven't you," he asked, suddenly grinning. Remus stared into his shining eyes a moment and looked to the fire.
"Well, I found the love of my life. Doesn't mean they're right for me." To his surprise, Sirius laughed.
"You're so optimistic," he said sarcastically. Remus threw a cushion at him.
"Oh, and I suppose saying you'll never be in love is optimism?" He returned, laughing. Sirius smiled, fending the cushion attack with an arm. He took it and dived from his seat onto Remus, taking him by surprise and batting at him with the cushion.
Most people in the Common Room were staring at them by now. They stopped only when Peter appeared.
"Sirius! What happened?" He then gave them a funny look; Sirius was sitting on Remus' knee (something Remus was blissfully aware of, as was a certain enlarged part of his anatomy) with his legs hanging over the edge of the chair and Remus was now holding the cushion casually (He'd pried it from him easily when Peter interrupted). Instead of getting off of him, Sirius lay back on him and rested his head on the other arm, causing a friction tease for Remus as he shifted about, where he had to grip the cushion to stop himself from emitting any aroused sound.
Sirius stayed there as he told Peter the details. It was the longest erection Remus had ever had and lasted even longer as he didn't move after it either. With each tiny move he made, Remus had to hold in a gasp. Sirius didn't tell Peter all he'd told Remus. He gave him the very basics and admitted only to wandering the corridors of the school afterwards, not mentioning the Forest Trunk.
James returned some time after eleven. He exchanged a significant look with Remus as he saw Sirius lying there. Remus was overcome with contentment that it was with no dread he asked about the detention.
"What did he make you do," he said as Jamie sat in his former chair, grinning at Remus and Remus returning the grin, both knowing how much he was enjoying sharing his seat. Sirius shifted again, to face James and Remus blushed, his heart distending at how wonderful Sirius was making him feel.
"Oh, not much actually. Cleaned out all of these digusting jars he had, filled with repulsive slimy things. He never said a word the whole time, just sat behind his desk poring over this medicine book or summot. I hope it's not that tomorrow again, it was boring, never mind vile. I swear there was this hand thing ... "
James enquired why Sirius had not contacted him with the mirror, to which Sirius had replied that he 'was too busy sitting on a friend to'. Really, Remus had forgotten to tell Sirius at all that he was meant to. James also asked all about Lewis Macmillan and he got no more from Sirius than Peter had heard.
Shortly after James' return, to the discontentment of Remus, Peter suggested they go to bed, probably so he wouldn't get the blame if they did not wake up on time again. Remus hoped Sirius or James would argue they were staying up, but they raised no objection, and so it happened. Sirius left his temporary seat, Remus. He had seemed to Remus, to be made for sitting there. It had felt so complete, having him there and he had felt Sirius was exclusively his. He hadn't even felt the hateful penetrating glares of most people around, Melanie being one of them. This was the way he liked it, when Sirius was comfortable enough to do things like this with him. It was as though he'd never kissed him, as though his wolf form had never attacked him, as though he'd never breathed before knowing him. It was easy to get to sleep that night.
.--.
Sirius sat in the library, reading books from the restricted section. Madam Pince, as severe as she often was, could be talked around to letting him see the books without the signed permission normally required. He was looking up some new jinxes he thought he might test out on Snape and had come alone to do it. James was in detention and he hadn't felt like being with anyone anyway. He felt annoyed as he knew most of the good curses he'd read and also, his attempt at solitude in the school was failing miserably. Since Lewis Macmillan's declaration of love, a lot more people, mostly boys, had been 'accidentally' finding him and asking him out. They would just come over uninvited and sit opposite him, ask what he was up to and if he felt like a relationship with them. Well, mostly not so casually as that. Most of them were nervous wrecks.
Sirius was fine with all the attention normally, in fact, a lot of the time it was even fun, but after having just refused his fourteenth bloke it was wearing on him. He was very close to charming a message onto his head saying 'Determinedly Single' or something like 'I'm Straight!'.
As he flicked the page, he heard the clearing of a throat near him. Sure it was another person asking him out, he looked at the book in frustration, refusing to look up in hope they would get the point and leave him alone.
"Ignoring me Padfoot?" Sirius looked up with a smile. Remus sat down in the very seat all Sirius' admirers had. "You know it's really not nice --"
"Don't milk it," Sirius laughed. "I thought you were another one. I just had another seventh year bloke--"
"Ask you out?" Sirius quirked an eyebrow up.
"Yeah ... " He said. Remus shrugged his shoulders.
"Had five blokes and two girls ask me to ask you out for them. What have you done, it's worse than normal?" Sirius shook his head and chose not to answer. You should know better than me, he thought involuntarily. He wouldn't allow that sort of thought to be voiced.
Sirius had lied that he had lost his memory. He remembered everything. Christmas, the Kiss, the realisation that Remus loved him. He just chose not to acknowledge it. Sirius had been pleasantly surprised to find James, his best mate, even believed his lie, he'd thought Prongs would have seen straight through it. He had took the opportunity as soon as he'd seen it. Remus' move on him had almost ruined everything and he was just putting it right for him, saving him from having to be extra awkward around him until he realised that he didn't love Sirius after all.
Sirius ignored the little voice in his mind telling him that after six years, Remus was hardly going to wake up one morning and forget it. He chose instead to act as though it hadn't happened. It was going well so far and he'd been getting closer to Remus, grateful he'd found a way to stop the uncomfortable thoughts they both had had when Sirius had openly known of the love. An end, also to the stupid decision not to talk to each other. He was happy to have his mate back. He was glad, even, that Remus' wolf-form had attacked him and given him this lifeline, never mind it had almost stole his life. He felt too that he should be closer to Remus because it was a sure-fire way to put sense into him. The more he'd see Sirius and his ways, the easier it would be to see he didn't love him. This was how Sirius made sense of it anyway.
"Sirius, do you not think you're dangerous enough without learning more jinxes? Poor Snape'll be wasted permanently if you and Jamie don't back off him," Remus said, nodding towards the book on the table.
"Did you really just say 'poor Snape'? No, must be hearing wrong. And anyway, Snape already looks wasted, anything we do could only be an improvement, he should be thanking us," Sirius returned prosaically, as though it were the most sensible reasoning in the world. He carried on with his reading as Remus smirked.
"So, any of them turned you gay yet?" Remus said quickly. Sirius looked across the table slowly and saw a passing look of regret flit over Remus' face. It was as though he hadn't meant to ask and he promptly blushed as Sirius' eyes fell upon him. Sirius ignored it. It was his thoughts that Remus should get all the blushes out of him, so he could blush away. Soon he'd see it, see Sirius was just Sirius and not what he must think. Remus looked at the table.
Sirius laughed, "Funnily enough, no," he said. Remus didn't look as though he found it funny at all and seemed to have been stamped on before giving a hollow little laugh. "You'd think turning Lewis down would help them get the point, wouldn't you? It seems to have been encouragement instead." Remus' face began turning back it's normal colour.
"So should I not bother telling you who asked you out then?" Remus asked him, his voice quiet and quite unhappy.
"I'd rather you didn't. Are you okay, Moony? You look down," he said. Sirius hated the fact that he was the reason Remus would get so miserable at times.
"I'm fine," Remus said cheerfully. He forced a smile and it was obvious to Sirius it was lies. "Honest, I am. Just thinking of something." Yeah, me, said that annoying voice. Sirius dismissed it.
"Maybe you should try get over her then," he said. It was easy to pretend he thought Remus loved some 'her'. Probably, it was so easy because he wished it true. Or even, he wished it would just be some other guy. Remus seemed taken aback for a second at such a blunt comment, then abandoned surprise.
"I have tried that Padfoot, so many times you wouldn't believe it," Sirius frowned at this. "I can't get over...her." Sirius heard the pause before 'her'. It frustrated him more than the words, yet he showed no sign of it.
"C'mon, surely she isn't that special. Maybe you should just see her as a friend," he suggested hopefully. Remus shook his head.
"We are friends," he looked very uncomfortable talking about it, "But Sirius, it's love. She's an amazing friend, one I'd die rather than not have," Sirius felt heartened, but the words were hurting him too. He wished it was only as friends. "Sirius, I wish I could say, but I can't. You said you couldn't see yourself with somebody for more than a month or two, I could spend a lifetime with.. Her."
That was not at all what Sirius wanted to hear. He suggested they go back to the Common Room and play chess, to which Remus happily agreed.
The week passed and Sirius and Remus were very close then. Sirius was positive he must be cancelling out Remus' love or lust or whatever it could be and felt it was a good thing that his detention was next, giving Remus space now to see it was good to be without him. On the Monday, his first detention would take place.
He strolled down to the dungeon, dimly remembering in amusement Jamie's words, "Reckon he fancies you."
Reficul sat poring over a book, just as Jamie said he'd done all week through his detentions. His blond hair flopped over his hoary face. Wonder what I'll be doing, he thought, hearing James' annoyed voice in his head, "He did make me clean those slimy jars again. That was all week..."
"Come in Sirius," said Reficul. His harsh voice was softer, kinder somehow. He was smiling, which was something Sirius hadn't seen Reficul ever do that he could remember. "You're late," he announced.
"Guess so," Sirius replied, stirring things and not caring what would happen. He supposed Reficul would get annoyed, maybe shout or add another night of detention. But the smile turned into a grin and he gave a small laugh. Not malicious as he had heard before, genuine.
"Sit down, Sirius," Sirius pulled a seat round to face him. "You know, you remind me a lot of my sister. The way you say exactly what you mean."
Sirius raised a brow, "Miss Reficul, Divination?" This was interesting. It was as though this was a different man he was talking to. If James could hear it, he'd have felt it confirmed that Reficul fancied him, but Sirius didn't believe it as Reficul was comparing him to a relative.
The Professor shook his head, putting his book in a drawer. "No. My youngest sister. There's three. Do you have any brothers or sisters?" He sounded honestly interested. Sirius wasn't too surprised, he didn't think somebody related to Miss Reficul could be entirely an asshole.
"Yeah, a brother, Regulus," he answered contemptfully, swinging back in his chair, "He'll be here next year."
"You don't like him," Reficul spotted. Sirius smirked a no. "I've never had a brother, so I couldn't say what it is like. Well now, should we get started?"
"We?"
"Yes," said Reficul, "I would like you to help me prepare some ingredients for spells, cut them up, that sort of thing."
"What, Jamie cleaned all the jars?" He said, sounding hurt. Reficul considered him, searched his face before brightening with another smile.
"Afraid so. This should be easy enough for you, Sirius," he said, taking out some boxes of ingredients and herbs and such. He set them on the worktop and pulled out some leafy green plants, handing some to Sirius and a knife and taking some himself. "You're easily the best in the class."
Sirius laughed, "What, Snape not Teacher's pet then?" He looked at Reficul. Expecting him to be mad, he awaited his repremand. None came and Reficul looked him seriously in the eyes.
"A secret? I don't really like that kid. I'm not supposed to say. But he is quite obsessed with Dark Arts."
Sirius turned back to his plant and began cutting the roots away. He had not expected detention to go like this at all. James said Reficul hadn't spoken a word to him all through his yucky detention, yet with Sirius, he was helping him, talking with him, slagging off Snape (a bonus no matter who it should come from) and it wasn't a bad detention either. Not to mention he'd complimented him. "Then why do you indulge him in his jokes, laughing away and giving him points?"
Reficul frowned, "Now, Sirius, I'm a Slytherin leader. I would be kicked from the house if I showed any public signs of decency and fairness toward other houses. It's tradition I'm following here." He said it seriously and Sirius stopped cutting his herbs.
"You'd seriously want to stay leader of that house?" Reficul smiled now.
"It's the only House Leader position available to me. I have a tendency to enjoy powerful posts."
"Ah, then you are definitely well placed as a Slytherin," Sirius said. Reficul nodded. He and Sirius chatted all through the very short detention. Sirius was not willing to completely get on with him, it was he who was torturing and snapping at Remus whenever he could after all. But the detention went surprisingly well.
"Sirius, you've only been gone for two hours," James said in the Common Room, tapping at his watch as though it must be wrong. He then looked entertained, "Did you escape?"
Remus stared avidly at him and Peter sat forward in excitement. Sirius sat on the ground, back leaning against Remus' chair and smirked at James. "Nah. Let me go early."
James seemed confused. He said, "What do you mean, let you go early?" Peter repeated James' words immediately after and James shot him a scathing look.
"I mean, Prongs," he looked back at Sirius, "that he told me I could go early.
"What had you to do?" A grin spread across his face. "Did he ask sexual favours?"
Sirius looked at James in disgust. Remus shuffled fidgetingly behind him, obviously not liking the thought of it. "Prongs, yuk. Actually, no. I was just cutting up ingredients for potions and that and he helped me and started talking about --"
"Talking?" James called triumphantly. "I knew it! Not a word to me! He does like you."
"What did you talk about?" Asked a voice behind Sirius. Sirius leaned his head back to rest on the chair.
"How he doesn't like Snape," he told Remus.
"He doesn't?" Peter implored. Sirius told them all he could remember Reficul saying. By the end, James was even more convinced that Reficul liked Sirius.
.--.
Remus heard the same tale after each of Sirius' detentions. James made sure he heard everything Reficul would say, as though it was a soap opera he was watching and had to keep up with. He was glad for Sirius that his detentions weren't gruelling, as he predicted his own might be. To see Sirius suffer was to suffer himself. He was also happy that Sirius' detentions were so short. After being so close to him during James' detention, Remus had not been looking forward to being apart from him. Remus had been living in a state of ecstasy at finding Sirius getting closer and closer to him. More than ever, he was happy that Sirius did not remember that Kiss. Most days, while Sirius was away, Remus would wistfully think of the first Hogsmeade visit. If only he'd not fainted that day, he and Sirius would have kissed. And Sirius would not have recoiled.
The Marauders, except Sirius, had expected Reficul to act differently toward Sirius. James was constantly on the lookout for any flirting signals, which was beginning to irritate Remus. Reficul showed no signs that he was chatting away to Sirius during detentions in a friendly manner. The only extra words he shared with Sirius were little reminders to Sirius to turn up to detentions. Peter had said to Remus, "Maybe he'll be nicer to you now." Peter had been wrong there. He was just as icy with Remus as ever, except maybe less often. He seemed to be less and less standing behind Remus in wait for a slip up on their potions. As a result, Remus was doing better in class.
Monday had returned with a snap. Double potions in the morning had brought a little fearfulness over Remus which only the closeness of Sirius seemed to stem. Remus could feel Reficul's eyes on him all through the class. He didn't approach him once, but it still made him very nervous.
After all his classes, Remus had a lot of this nervous energy and he went to his Dorm because he couldn't stick the buzz around the Common Room. He stood pacing up and down, when Sirius stepped through the door. Remus stopped wearing on the carpet and sat on his bed, smiling as Sirius occupied the space next to him.
"Don't worry about it," said Sirius. Remus sighed.
"Yeah. Only a detention. If he didn't make it clear to me he hates me so much, I wouldn't care." Even as he said it, Remus felt his worries drifting away from him. Sirius was once again sitting on his bed, comforting him, being close to him.
"Worst thing he can make you do is a bit of hard labour for some hours. For a week, then you're out." Sirius said soothingly.
Sirius always made things seem better. Remus' heart lost some mass. "Sirius, you're my best mate you know. Thanks for doing this."
"Doing what?" Asked Sirius, smiling faintly.
"This. Making me feel better. You always manage it, even when I'm really depressed." Sirius fidgeted with Remus' bedcovers. He looked to Remus to be deep in thought about something and there was a small crease in his forehead as he furrowed his brow. "Did I say something wrong?" Remus asked after some minutes. Sirius looked up at him.
"Nah. Anyway, you'd do the same with me."
"I'd do anything for you Sirius," Remus said sincerely. Sirius' face suddenly filled with horror and Remus felt so confused.
"Don't do this again Remus," Sirius said shakily, and Remus was even more confused.
"Don't do what?" He asked. Sirius said, "Oh," and it hit Remus like a ton of bricks. He remembers!
"You know," Remus breathed in alarm.
Sirius shook his head. "No!"
"Why didn't you say you'd remembered?" Remus whispered frightfully, jumping up from the bed away from Sirius, scared Sirius was disgusted by his presence. Hot tears stung his eyes and flooded his cheeks. He couldn't believe it. Sirius remembered. It was all over for them.
"Because..." Sirius looked guiltily to the floor, not seeming shocked at remembering or anything. "Because I never forgot in the first place."
Boom. Remus watched his world crumble from a distant terrace, overlooking his life. There was Sirius, sitting all ashamed at his revelation and himself, mortified and turning to sprint from the room, leaving a disembodied voice calling his name after him. Then, in the Common Room James' voice shouting after him. He ran from the room. Fled from the Gryffindor Tower and sped downwards. Down sets and sets of staircases.
Tears splashed across his face and he ran into a classroom where, sitting at his desk sat a blond-haired man, bent over a desk, deeply involved in a book.
Reficul looked up at him and seeing who it was, snarled. He took in Remus' state and sat, unflinching, uncaring. A sneer erupted on his lips, "Lupin, you're early for once. And I'm glad to see you're unhappy to be here. Don't sit down!" He cried as Remus made for a seat, resenting the teacher. Remus stilled himself and turned around, still crying and letting the tears flow freely. He had more important things than Reficul to care about. Why he'd ran there, he didn't know, his feet had led the way.
"And why not?" Remus shouted. Reficul's face contorted into a malignant grin. He stepped around from his desk, looking awfully pleased about something.
"We're not staying here, Lupin," he said venemously. "Follow me." Reficul left the class and Remus tailed him.
Remus' mind raced over things. James did his detention in class. So did Sirius. Sirius... His head was pervaded with thoughts of Sirius then. He distractedly kept up with the teacher, not looking where he was going, just keeping up with him as well as the thoughts in his head. He continued to cry.
Sirius never forgot. Sirius faked it. Sirius knows I love him, he's known all along. He pretended to forget because he can't stick the thought that I like him like this. Pain ripped it's way through his soul, tearing and wounding as it circled him like a vicious vulture, pecking unpityingly at his heart. Clawing and biting.
The Sun scorched Remus as a cloud shifted in the sky. He was almost running to keep pace with Professor Reficul as they sped across the vast castle lawn, and disappeared through the gate leading to Hogsmeade.
Remus stumbled on as Reficul marched ahead. His eyes, bleary, did not register what views were in front of them and he did not notice himself being lead far into the pleasant wizarding village. He wishes I didn't like him...
Remus heard Reficul turning a key in a lock in front of them, they had stopped in front of some building. Remus was surprised when he walked in after the teacher to find he was standing on the ground floor of The Fonne bar. Remus' thoughts finally settled on the place he stood in.
"Why are we at The Fonne, Professor?" He asked and Reficul stood close in front of him, face almost touching his and he smirked.
"This is where you are doing your detention tonight, Lupin," he said. Some manic glare had found Reficul's eyes and stolen over them. Remus took a step back.
"But Sirius and James had their detentions in class," Remus whispered, looking around the empty bar. The Fonne was always closed on a Monday and looked eerily quiet without even the dosing customers or the humble Madam Fonne. He shivered, being alone with Reficul was making him suddenly nervous. He did not feel entirely safe. Reficul laughed a low harsh laugh and his eyes lit up.
"They did, but you are not. Follow me," Reficul said simply and turned toward the stairs leading to the club with a swish of his cloak. Remus followed on at a slower walk, regretting having come down early. The tears were drying now on his cheeks and whilst their reason for being there still burned painfully in his head, he pushed it aside as he concentrated on the present horror of a situation.
He followed Reficul over to the bar and watched as the Professor leaned over it. Remus didn't know how to feel as up popped Marissa, the barmaid, mimicking the first time he seen her before serving the Marauders. Marissa nodded acknowledgement to him and smiled as she turned to Reficul. Remus listened, confused, as Reficul spoke to her.
"Now, Marissa, I'm going to go back to Hogwarts for a while, I trust you can handle this," pointing to Remus, "while I'm gone?" Marissa glanced at Remus and said,
"Yeah, we'll be fine, see you when you get back," she replied. Remus felt glad on the one hand that Reficul was going and somebody else at least was here, but he couldn't feel too happy that it was her. Just looking at her was bringing many unpleasant thoughts into his head of things she and Sirius got up to, then the whole thought of Sirius at all burst forward again and he hurriedly wiped a tear from his face. Reficul nodded at her, then left.
"You coming then?" She asked Remus and she led him towards a door, just off from the bar.
"Marissa, how do you know Reficul?" Marissa froze, her back to him. When she turned, her face was blank.
"Oh, we're related," she said casually, turning the door handle and leading Remus in. "When he asked me if there was anywhere he could hold a detention outside the school, I told him he could use the bar, I'm doing the books anyway, so I gave him a spare key."
Remus stopped short at the door, "You're related," he gasped. She turned her steel grey eyes on him and he saw at once their resemblence to both Mr and Miss Reficul.
"Yes," she answered. She turned back and gestured him to come into the room. He hesitated and stepped through into a brightly lit pale green room with a bare concrete floor. It was huge, but had only a few items of furniture; a counter lined the furthest wall in the long room and in one corner stood a desk and chair. The only other thing from this was a tattered old cupboard. The cupboard looked odd, so shabby compared with the rest of the room, with the new metallic desk and the clean paint on the wall and also with the clinically clean worktop. Remus was unsure what to make of it.
"Did Sirius know you're related to Reficul?" He asked warily. Marissa whipped back to face him at the mention of Sirius, which was a painful topic for Remus to bring up. Her face brightened up.
"No, he didn't. How is he? I haven't seen him since ..." She seemed to lose herself in the memory of the night she spent with Sirius and Remus cleared his throat to bring her back.
"He's fine. Do you know why my detention is here instead of at the school?" He asked her. She came out of her reverie.
"Dunno. Maybe thought you'd be less comfortable away from the school so you would take it more seriously. Says to me earlier you've been a particular bother in class." Remus choked back.
"What? I don't -"
"Anyway," she cut over him, "we'd better get this started. He won't be back for a while." Remus walked with her over to the sparkling white worktop and leaned against it as she brought out some things from the cupboard. She sat them down on the table; a massive book, a few quills and an A4 lined notepad. Remus pulled a seat from under the counter.
"It's just a matter of copying from the book for now, and you'd better go quick 'cos Algen will not be happy if you've done no work for his return."
"But that book must be over five hundred pages," Remus exclaimed at her. She laughed with a nod.
"Actually it's six hundred and something," she said, pushing the heavy book towards him. Remus gasped as he turned the book over. The title read, "The Death Penalty for the Werewolf; A Century of Torture." Remus recoiled from the book and turned, feeling very startled, towards Marissa. She looked innocently upon him, with a faint trace of joy in her cold grey eyes. "A problem?" She asked sweetly.
"What the hell is this all about?" He cried at her. She frowned at him, turned the book towards her and pretended to read the cover; she had clearly already noticed.
"I'd say werewolves," she dryly remarked. Remus dropped his jaw. "Well, you should probably get started, it is an awfully large book. And I would try to take it in if I were you, Algen may ask you some questions later."
Remus turned his back on her, hardly able to believe how horrible she was. That she was related to Reficul, that Sirius slept with her. Sirius. He sighed as the pain redoubled for him. And it probably shouldn't have come as such a surprise that this would be his detention, it was a weak spot for him, his lycanthropy, and Reficul had certainly picked a topic that would normally have hurt him. But really, Remus wasn't able to think of anything but Sirius just now, so he pulled the book towards him again and began writing from the first page, 'Werewolves have been openly feared and hated by wizards for centuries and, until recently, wizards had the right to kill anyone proven to own this dangerous burden ... '
Had Remus been thinking properly, he may have connected some clues together and realised he was in danger, with no protector to keep him safe. But as Remus wiped away tear after tear, hour after hour, none of this occurred to him. All that played on his mind was Sirius-related worries.
As the hours went on, his notepad became filled more and more with various cases in which werewolves were slaughtered by cruel methods. One case he copied involved two werewolves being caged in together and watched by jeering crowds as they fought to the death, the winner being killed soon afterwords. It was sickening to read, but Remus could hardly care at all if he was caged to fight to the death. He was steadily sinking into a mood of deep depression as he saw a life with no Sirius facing him. It was impossible. All the while, Marissa sat at her desk, doing the books for the club.
As he turned the page, a shadow suddenly crept up his book and over the worktop. He turned just in time to see a large plank of wood speeding towards his face, and as it connected, all became dark ...
,--,--,--,--,--,--,