Forgotten Memories, Painful Past

A/N: Re: 'magiked.' I realize that magic is spelled with a 'c' but since I made it a verb 'magiced' would have a soft 'c' like in malice. So, I turned it in to a 'k'. I know it looks ugly, but magicked looks even less appealing to me. So, that's the story behind that. I'm not illiterate. Honest. Also, the song in here is by Lonestar. I do not own it.

Chapter Five

Dog Days of Winter

Never in his life could Severus recall waking up with such pleasure. His chambers were warm and comfortable, due to a fire he realized. The bright light of morning filtered in through the chiffon drapes of a magiked window. A pseudo-smile graced his lips a moment before he closed his eyes lazily. His bones were still in rather thorough pain. Albus would be here if he desperately needed to hear the news Severus had. Mmm... Sleep would do him good.

---

Raine woke with a start, realizing she shouldn't have fallen asleep. Luckily, Severus till lay lazily in his bed. Smiling, she stood up. Ouch. Her back was a mess. Her gaze drifted to the window, it must be around eight. A quick shower would do her good but Albus's words rang in her ear. "Do not leave his side for an instant."

Her glance skimmed the room, finding the door to his bath chamber. If she left the door open... She would hear him waking. Finally convincing herself, she headed for the shower and shed her nightclothes. The hot water was relaxing as it ran down her bare back. She tilted her head back in to the spray, wetting her hair and letting it cling to her body. Her vibrant green eyes were closed as Raine ran the soap along her body.

A muffled cry arose behind her and she turned around in surprise to see Severus looking extremely uncomfortable. His hand was brought over his eyes in distress. "I hadn't realized someone else was here, I thought the water was running for me..."

Raine laughed softly, "It's quite all right." She was strongly tempted to read his mind and find out what he was thinking but she allowed the man his privacy as she slid in to a pair of black pants and an emerald green blouse. Tying her verdant robes shut, she smiled. "You can open your eyes."

For a moment, he wasn't Professor Snape and she wasn't Professor Sullivan. It was Katya Pietrovich, Ravenclaw Prefect and Severus Snape, Slytherin Prefect. They were both in their seventh year at the Yule Ball. She was asking him for a dance, and he was nervously accepting. Shaking his head, the scene before him shifted back to his shower room. She was Professor Sullivan. "That's a charming color."

"Always were a Slytherin..." She smirked softly and walked out. "Sorry about that. Would you prefer I draw you a bath?"

Severus scowled, "I'm fine."

Raine nodded, waiting in the doorway a minute. "I'll send Dumbledore down." Her eyes lingered on his a moment, "If you want to talk to me, I'll be in my classroom."

He didn't reply, just started unbuttoning his shirt. She walked away.

---

Eventually, Severus did decide to see Katya, after all, he had to hear how his third years had done. Heading up to her classroom, he cracked the door. "I-" he stopped when he heard a sound that hadn't found his ears in several years.

"Got a picture of you, I carry in my heart,

Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark.

Got a memory of you, I carry in my soul,

I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold.

If you asked me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine...

But the truth is, baby, if you could read my mind...

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.
After all this time you're still with me it's true.
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside,
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by..."

"I still wait for the phone
in the middle of the night.
Thinkin' you might call me,
if your dreams don't turn out right,

And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark
Wishin' you were next to me,
your head against my heart.

If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine,
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind...

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.
After all this time you're still with me it's true.
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside,
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by.

Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days
Seems it's been forever, that I've felt this way...
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.
After all this time you're still with me, it's true.
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by..."

He watched her as she sang, her eyes closed in passion as those delicate feet of hers moved in motion with the music. It was a muggle song, as he didn't know it, but it was lovely. Her movements, her passion, almost made Severus want to feel that kind of passion. Almost. He did, however, applaud when she finished. Severus had seen her dance before, when they'd been at Hogwarts. It was ballet, and it was beautiful, but Severus no longer paid attention to beauty.

Raine was alarmed by the sound, "I didn't realize I had an audience..." She quickly pulled on a black robe over her emerald green leotard.

"You're even better than I remember..."

She blushed softly, hiding it by tending to the music player. God... Had he listened to the lyrics? Raine frowned, praying he hadn't.

Severus leaned against a desk, clearing his throat and turning to her. "I came to get the final grades for the students... I have to sign off on them..."

Raine watched him, noticing the significant improvement in his pallid skin tone. He was back to his pale greasy self... She smiled with relief and nodded. "Of course." Her hands nimbly searched the thick piles of messily stacked papers on her desk.

He fought back an incredulous look, certain no one could fine anything in that mess of papers. Much to his surprise, she pulled a file out with a smile. Taking it slowly, he nodded softly. "Thank you." Opening the file folder, he read over the grades. "Seventeen Os?" A dark eyebrow arched questioningly.

"Yes," she insecurely pulled her robes tighter about her and looked at the floor. "Your students did splendidly on the final. I had them brew a polyjuice potion and a memory potion..."

His mouth almost fell slack. "Both?" Severus was sure they weren't capable of that. "The third years?" She nodded again, not facing him. "And they mostly managed?"

She gave a meek nod in reply. "You're mad."

God, he wanted to swear rather loudly. He'd seen this behavior, it was how she'd been at Hogwarts in the beginning. He approached her uncomfortably and took her chin in his firm hand, forcing her to face him. "I'm not mad, and even if I were, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Damn him. Stupid bastard... Anisim'd done this to her. He refused the snarl building in the back of his throat.

Raine's green eyes withdrew further. "Please, Severus, it is how women are supposed to act."

"Not nobility and not in Britain," he watched her sternly. "I thought you'd rid yourself of that when you left the first time."

"Old habits are hard to break," some of the fire returned to her eyes. "Anisim was an old habit."

"Katya," Severus's touch loosened, almost to a caress. "Don't ever be afraid of me. I never hurt you."

She shook her head, "You were always so thankful, so caring..." Her hand cupped his cheek. "Where did that Severus go? Why was he replaced with such an empty shell?"

Frowning heavily, he turned and fled the room. His black cloak followed him soundlessly as Katarina sunk to the floor against her desk. She sobbed heavily in silence. Her frail frame shook as sobs racked her petite form. Tears slid down her cheeks and soaked her emerald green leotard as her robes hung loosely around her. Cupping her face in her hands, she sniffled. The tears kept coming, for almost a half an hour, she cried.

He had rejected her, as she'd known he would. After eighteen years, who wouldn't? He had rejected her as he had last time... Nineteen years ago. She recalled the day she'd told him of her emanate departure. She had told him she loved him, and that she'd return. Raine had promised to come back for him as soon as everything was sorted out. Well, sorting things out took longer than expected. It was seven years before she even found the time to leave Russia again. She'd visited England, and heard he was teaching at Hogwarts. That's when she'd chickened out... If only she'd gone to see him... Maybe he'd accept her now.

Raine rose, drying her tears and clearing her throat. She wouldn't weep any more about it. She was a grown woman, she had chosen the life of solitude when she rejected her betrothed. From that moment on, she knew there was a large chance she'd be alone forever. Unfortunately, Raine had expected Severus to still want her. Why would he? He had never admitted to wanting her to begin with. She sighed and collected her grades to turn in to Dumbledore. Don't cry. She nodded determinedly and walked out of her office.

---

Severus frowned, he'd heard her crying. That was something he hadn't expected. The only other time he'd ever seen her cry was when he'd woken up from the self-inflicted unconsciousness that his suicide attempt had incited. She had cried with joy as she hugged him. Joy. She had wanted him to live. Katya had wanted him to love her, to say he loved her, when she left. He had left her standing in the cold England air. Now, she had wanted nothing more than kind, caring words and he could not even spare that. What thanks was that to the one woman who saved his life?

Shaking his head, he wrote it off his conscience forcefully. Better not to dwell on the past, it was a messy topic. He pulled out a dreamless sleep potion, intent on taking it and falling asleep, when he found Dumbledore in his office. "Yes Albus?"

The older man observed his colleague from above his glasses. "I came down to tell you that there will be a teachers' meeting before the beginning of the next term. On my way down, I found a rather distressed Miss Sullivan."

"Pietrovich... Her last name is Pietrovich. Ekatarina Pietrovich." He frowned. "Why are you mentioning this to me?"

Albus sighed, "Did you have anything to do with it? I can't have a rift in the Order, Severus. You, more than anyone, should realize how important loyalty is. We need to completely trust one another. Voldemort is not going to be defeated easily."

Severus frowned, "I understand that Albus, there is nothing between Katya and I."

"That's the problem. There isn't. You both want to share something, but neither of you will admit it." His blue eyes glimmered wisely.

"Headmaster," he sighed, "Please." Severus removed the stopper to the golden-liquid-filled vial. "Leave Katya's and my past in the past. There is nothing to worry about."

With a weary sigh, Dumbledore stood. "If you won't listen to me... I won't press it any further. The next time the Dark Lord calls you, try and leave a note or something. She was quite distressed when you were suddenly gone."

He watched the Headmaster in disbelief. He was kidding, right? Severus frowned, "You're serious?"

"Yes," he nodded matter-of-factly. Feeling he'd made his point, Dumbledore turned and left.

---

Harry blushed faintly as Hermione kissed him under the mistletoe in the Common Room. "'Mione..." He stammered a moment before kissing her back.

She smiled at him. "Harry, I'm so glad to see you so much happier now." She'd come back a week earlier, without saying why. "I missed you while I was gone."

He chuckled nervously. "I missed you too..." God, he hoped he didn't screw this up like he had messed things up with Cho.

Ron watched from the stairs, his face growing red with anger. Not making a sound, he fled up the stairs to his room. How could Harry? Couldn't he tell that he'd fancied Hermione? He kicked his trunk in frustration. Now he obviously knew that Hermione wouldn't want what he'd bought her for Christmas... How could he have been so stupid? Of course she'd love Harry over him... Ronald Weasley... He was no competition for Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Scowling, he threw himself on his bed and forced sleep upon his weary body.

---

Severus swore he was dreaming. He could smell her perfume again. Then, as he sat at his desk in his chambers, he heard her lilting voice. "I've come to teach you the subtle science and exact art of love-making. As there is little foolish wand-waving here, you may not believe this is magic. I assure you, it is..." Her hands touched his shoulders and he jumped. It wasn't a dream. She was here.

He turned around, finding himself speechless. The Potions Master stood, about to tell her to leave, when she stole a kiss. A short, sweet kiss, but it felt like fire. He'd never admit to anyone how many times he'd envisioned this very scene.

When he opened his mouth to speak, Raine put a finger to her lips to indicate silence. It'd taken her two hours to gather the courage to come down here. She'd planned it all out in her mind, but the moment her eyes took in his visage her fleeting thoughts left her with only one thing to say. Had it worked? She wasn't sure.

"Did the Headmaster speak with you?" Katya nodded as Severus stared straight in to her eyes, their faces only inches apart. "And?"

Raine kissed the corner of his mouth, "I think he is a wise man."

Severus moved to back away, but didn't. "Katya... We've been through this..."

"Anisim..." realization dawned on her, "I rejected him Severus... We were not married, yet you still hold this against me?"

He sighed, "You lied to me and you betrayed me, Katya, of course I hold that against you!"

Raine wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the fervor she could muster before pulling away and staring in to his eyes. "Please don't..."

His first instinct was to slap her, she was trying to seduce him. For some reason, Severus didn't slap her. He paused. "Katya..." Thousands of thoughts raced through his mind. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't kiss her back, he just couldn't. She was Katya and he was Severus, things didn't work like that. He tried to find a logical reason for her actions, and was left with only the deduction that she was illogical.

Distressed about the silence lingering between them, Katya stepped back. "I-uh..." She sighed, "Sorry. I shouldn't have come." The next thing he remembered was seeing her back as she walked out of the room. That was something he immediately regretted... Severus was certain that he'd never have that opportunity again. He sighed, unbuttoning his cloak and shirt before sitting on his bed. Once he was free of his pants, he laid down, staring up at the emerald green canopy. His mind replayed the last twenty minutes over and over. She had been nothing but giving to him since she'd arrived, he'd been nothing but cold.

He rolled over. Good. He should be cold, that's what a Slytherin was. No, that's what Severus was. Cold. Stoic. That way, the painful memories couldn't come back to haunt you... He had enough of those already. As his eyes closed, Severus dreamed for the first time in twenty five years or so. He actually dreamed. No nightmares haunted him, and he hadn't taken a dreamless sleep potion, he just dreamed. Severus dreamed about Katya. Just because he had to be cold on the outside, didn't mean he could care (just a little) on the inside. Yes, he'd allow Katya just a little space in that dark and rotted heart of his.

---

She'd never been so tempted to quit something in her life. She wanted to leave... Pack up and leave for her homeland. Severus had changed so much. Everything about him... Raine recalled how she'd even seen a warm and sweet side of him when they were students. It had been wonderful. When she'd been betrothed... That fateful winter break... When her world had started plummeting into ruin... He'd been there for her as she had been there for him. Now, that Severus was gone, replaced by this cruel and cold man who was hardly a shell of that once great wizard.

Her green eyes slid shut. Forget him. She sighed, trying to sleep. Raine had a distinct feeling she'd have nightmares again. Damn him.

---

The staff meeting came all too soon for Severus's taste. Classes would be starting soon and he still had to speak with two more professors about how his classes had gone. He felt rather unprepared. Now Albus was wasting his time by calling all the teachers together... Katya was there. Dumbledore started out with a soft sighed, "Several parents have asked if anything extra is being done to help students defend themselves with all the talk of the Dark Lord's return." He frowned. "A Ministry official is being sent to monitor Miss Sullivan's classes so that they can be sure she is not teaching the children 'unnecessary magic.'"

Minerva was surprisingly the first to speak up. "This is ridiculous Albus! There must be something we can do! It is imperative that these children know. Their. Spells." Her voice accented the last three words with utmost grievance.

He nodded, "I realize this Minerva, but there is nothing I can do. He or she will be arriving the day before term starts."

Raine shook her head, "Don't worry. They'll learn their spells." She frowned and walked out of the room. When Severus didn't follow her, Minerva did.

---

Harry couldn't figure out why Ron was acting so differently. He hadn't been talking much, not cracking jokes or even arguing with Hermione about S.P.E.W. It worried him. He watched his friend from across the room studying but shook his head and returned to the Potions assignment that Professor McGonagall had assigned them.

"Harry?" Ginny walked over and handed him a scroll of parchment. "Would you read my Defense essay? I figured since you're so good at it..." She blushed.

"Sure." He nodded, "As soon as I finish these last three inches." She smiled and sat in the armchair near his.

Ron stormed out with a menacing glare. Harry looked to Hermione, clueless. She shrugged, but rose and followed him out.

---

"Ekatarina..." Minerva entered her office. "You need to calm down. If you're rash about this, it'll only brew trouble."

Raine frowned, Minerva had always called her by her full name at school... "I know..." She sighed. "It's just, this is ludicrous! I-" She was tongue-tied. "I have to do something."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "I realize that." She sat down in a second chair she'd magiked in. "You have to think this through before you act. When the Ministry is involved, you have to be particularly meticulous."

"The children told me that they started their own group the year before... When Professor Umbridge refused to teach them anything. I could allow that to start over, giving one of the students a weekly schedule."

Minerva looked deathly serious, "Do you have any enemies among our students?"

Raine hadn't thought about it. She was sure Malfoy and his miscreants didn't like her. "It's a possibility."

She nodded. "They'll either have to be exempt, or we'll have to make sure nothing points back to you."

"I can do that." She smiled, "I know enough jinxs, hexes and charms to make Remus think twice."

McGonagall chuckled, "So I recall." She nodded, "Alright. Harry or Miss Granger should keep the roster. They are both thoroughly resourceful and can manage a way to keep it all discrete."

Raine stared at her desk, in awe of it all. Hogwarts had changed so much... The world had changed... When she'd been young, no one doubted Voldemort's reign. Now, people were denying he was back. Why risk it? She didn't understand the Ministry anymore. Thank God she wasn't under their jurisdiction. "That's another thing..." She grinned, "All they can do is fire me. I have diplomatic immunity against any other charges."

"Yes," Minerva stood, "Well, let us hope that it does not come to that. Good-day." She nodded politely and walked out.

---

"Ron!" Hermione yelled unabashedly down the corridor, "Ronald Weasley!"

The red-head spun around on his heel. "WHAT?"

Taking a moment to catch her breath, Hermione frowned. "What is wrong with you? Why are you acting so ridiculous?"

"I'm acting ridiculous?" He repeated in a raised voice. "Me?" He shook his head, his red hair becoming even more disheveled. "I'm not the one coming back to school early from a bloody ski trip just to see the famous Harry Potter!" His cheeks glowered angrily.

Hermione put a hand on her hip, bearing an all too familiar resemblance to a furious Mrs. Weasley that Ron had encountered numerous times before. "Is that what this is all about?"

Ron narrowed his eyes as much as he could, "What d'you mean?"

"All this... It's about Harry and I? You saw me kiss him... Is that it?" Ron nodded, feeling slightly sheepish. "Ron," she took a few steps towards him and her voice softened, "Harry and I decided that we're just friends."

He stood there a moment, rather resembling a dog with its tongue hanging out and its head cocked to the side. "Friends?" he said doubtfully. Could he have missed all this in his haste to anger? Quite possibly. Wow, he felt awfully foolish.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, Ron, friends."

"Why?"

Her lovely cheeks flushed softly and she hid behind her wavy hair. "It's complicated."

Ron couldn't squash his hopes. "D'you think you could ever like me?"

For a moment Ron was worried that Hermione might do something girly (like faint) and he moved closer in case he had to catch her. She blushed. "I don't think that'd be too hard since I already do."

A face that had previously been red in anger was now hued with embarrassment. "You're serious?"

She nodded eagerly.

"Wicked." He grinned.

Hermione didn't scold his ridiculous response, she was rather speechless herself. Clearing her throat, she smiled. "They'll probably be wondering what happened to us."

Ron nodded, "Right." The two walked back in to the Common Room side by side.

---

Severus found Raine in an empty dungeon classroom bent contently over a cauldron. "Have you figured out a way around this Ministry personnel?"

Raine's voice wasn't as fiery as usual. "Yes." She didn't look up at him either.

"Good. I was worried I'd have to assign every student 'remedial potions.'" He sighed when she didn't laugh. "What're you brewing?"

"What's it to you?"

Severus frowned, "Just curious."

Raine sighed and stopped stirring it. "This is a batch of dreamless draught." She pointed to the cauldron on her left, "That is an awakening draught." Her eyes lingered on the potion stewing on her right. "And that one is solely experimental."

"Experimental?" he repeated.

"Private," she clarified hastily. "So unless you're willing to fetch me some vials, I would like to be left alone."

Severus smirked dryly, "You're the one in my classroom."

Raine frowned. "It's an empty classroom. It's not yours," she retorted. Her wand moved to summon a tray of vials. Severus stopped them. She glared at him and called them again.

He watched her, challenging her. "As you say."

She filled the vials and practically pushed past him. "Leave me be Severus, you've had your fun."

"I receive little to no pleasure from dealing with you Miss Pietrovich."

"Sullivan," she corrected. "I don't need students finding that out like the last time." Raine smiled softly.

Severus gave her an expression that said he was hardly amused. "You always try to be friendly. Why is that? You hate me, and if you don't, you should."

Raine shook her head, "I'm not always friendly... You're always cold. Why is that?"

He frowned again, "You have your potions, don't you have someplace else to be?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." She nodded politely, as if he hadn't even insulted her, and left.

God, this year was going too slow. Severus sat at his desk, his head in his hands in an attempt to qualm the throbbing sensation in his temples that refused to cease. It didn't surprise him that his conversation with Katya had ended in a headache on his part. That was usually the case.

"Professor Snape?"

Oh, bloody hell. Was today truly Torture Severus Day and he'd been uninformed? Obviously, he stressed. "Enter."

Harry Potter sighed heavily and trudged in to the classroom as if he was carrying his own casket to be buried alive in. "Professor Sullivan said that you were well enough to handle my Occulmency lessons again."

Revenge is sweet... He was almost amused at Katya's subtle stab at him. "Of course I'm well enough, Potter. Have you been practicing?"

"I've been trying, Sir." Trying to convince Miss Sullivan to continue teaching me. He frowned.

Severus smirked, "Good, then you'll be ready for this." He took out his wand. Harry's frown only deepened.

In the name of all that is magical... He'd seen Harry curled up in his dormitory, crying. He'd seen Raine talking to him, holding him. Just like she'd held him... Severus was silent for several moments. She was in his dormitory, that was enough to get her removed from Hogwarts... No, he couldn't do that. He was above all those nasty tricks people like Lucius Malfoy used.

Harry was flustered and almost angry that Professor Snape had seen that. Luckily, Snape seemed distracted afterward, telling him that he was improving and that his lesson would end early. Harry was shocked at the compliment and hurried out before the instructor could retract it.

---

"Miss Sullivan?"

Raine sat up groggily, pulling away one of the royal blue bed curtains, "Albus?" She glanced around. The Headmaster wasn't in her room. 'Oh,' she thought, 'Of course he isn't!' Climbing out of bed, she slid on a robe and muttered the password to unlock her chambers. "Yes?"

Albus didn't look as jovial as usual, in fact, he looked down right displeased. "There is someone here to see you."

'Who?' She mouthed with an expression of pure confusion. He cleared his throat, watching her from above his glasses. "A ministry official."

'Oh God...' Her head sank and she frowned deeply. Shaking her head, she mumbled, "All right. I'll be down shortly." She disappeared back in to her personal chambers.

---

End Chapter Five