Chapter 43

Failure

AN:

I don't own HP, and probably never will.

Story now:

"Failure, that's all you ever were," a voice echoed through Harry's mind. "All you'll ever be. You will fail the wizarding world, you will hand your friends to Voldemort on a silver platter. Unless you can finally do something right. But you've been trying haven't you?"

Harry shook his head slightly and turned his attention back to Professor Flitwick and his introduction to the Wensday pratical lesson, his last class before dinner and then Occlumency lessons. Madam Pomfrey had released him that morning after extracting the promise that he wouldn't over do anything, from Harry himself, as well as Ron and Hermione who had come to escort him to his first class.

"The psuedoimagina charm has only failed against wizards of great power. Although if you are aware of something fishy is going on you may be able to see the signs of the charm, but not through the charm," Flitwick was saying. "Professor Dumbledore is one of the few people today to be able to see through such glamour charms. Why is he the exception to the rule? And no, Mr. Finnegan, I will not accept because the answer 'Because he is a wizard of great power.'"

Hermione put her hand up, but contrary to previous years she did not wave it around wildly to call attention to herself. Professor Flitwick looked around the room to see if anyone else had an idea and then called on Hermione just as cheerfully as if someone else had known the answer. He was one of the few professors who didn't get annoyed with Hermione being the only one able to answer his questions.

"Yes Miss Granger?" he prompted from his stack of books.

"Professor Dumbledore can see through the psuedoimagina charm because the magic in him is so strong that it affects all of his organs, including his eyes. The reason he wears his glasses is not because he needs them to be able to see better, but to see worse because I imagine it would get dreadfully annoying seeing the patterns of energy in Hogwarts. Of course he did need training in order to be able to see the energy in the first place, but that was only to hone his sight to see it, sort of finding a camoflagued hunter in a forest. It can be done but if he is camoflagued well its difficult to point him out from the foilage," Hermione explained, loosing the purebloods with her last analogy.

"Very good Miss Granger," Flitwick squeaked happily. "You've got it exactly right! Today we'll be working on the tell tale signs of that particular charm..."

Harry stopped listening to the professor. He didn't care if he could figure out how to tell if someone looked different from what they normally did. Besides, he wouldn't be able to anyway. He couldn't do anything right. The previous night he had overheard Lupin and Dumbledore talking in the next room:

"Headmaster you have to talk to him! He's hurting himself, he's depressed! You would have never let this go on if it were any other student," Remus hissed at the man. "Even Severus has noticed it and he despises Harry! Harry's tried to kill himself at least once, probably more than that if Severus is right about the potion, and you have to admit Dumbledore, the man knows his bloody potions! Harry's hurting! Help him damn it!"

"I'm sorry Remus but I can't, he doesn't trust me," Dumbledore said sadly. "And yes, while its true that I would have intervened earlier with any other student, Harry is not any other student. I fear that if I intervene he would become dependent on me. He can't lean on me, thinking that I could do things for him, that was my mistake in the first place. I tried to protect him but all I did was cause him pain."

"Bloody Hell Albus! You're not helping him because you are afraid you'll make another mistake? Do you know how bloody stupid that sounds?" Remus asked fiercly. "He is a boy who is hurting. You're supposed to help him or at least let others do so. He will succeed sooner or later Albus. If he keeps trying to kill himself, he'll succeed. Severus, bloody Snape won't always be there to save him! Snape was the one who found Harry, who saw that the potion he made was poison, who kept Harry's brain inside his head when that bludger should have killed him! If he hadn't cast that Course Alter charm Harry would be dead and burried by now!"

"No he wouldn't," Dumbledore said quietly. "Harry can't die, not by his own hand, not by yours, or mine, or anyone's except Voldemort's until Voldemort is dead for good."

"You're speaking nonsense Headmaster," Lupin growled.

"That's enough for tonight Remus. I have some maintence papers I must get to and don't you have some fourth year test papers to correct? Goodnight," Dumbledore said and Harry heard a door shut soon after.

"Harry, come on mate, lessons are over," Ron said shaking Harry's shoulder slightly, causing him to jump in surprise. He hadn't realized he had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he had missed the entire lesson while still being in the room.

He looked at Hermione nervously, expecting to see an angry scowl on her face because he had been daydreaming during class, but was surprised to see her face frowning in what appeared to be concern.

"What's wrong Hermione?" Harry asked as they walked down the hallway.

"Nothing," Hermione replied quietly

Dinner was relatively quiet considering the fact that Harry was just released from the Hospital Wing that day, only three underclassman had come and asked how he was doing, followed shortly by asking for details of what it was like to be hit in the back of the head by a bludger.

"I've got to go to Occlumency," Harry said dully, standing up from the table.

"See afterwards mate," Ron said between bites of his pudding.

"Do you have to go Harry?" Hermione asked concerned. "You only got out of the hospital wing today. Don't you think you're overdoing it?"

"If I don't go, Snape will give me a week's worth of detentions doing manual labor," Harry said sourly. "That will be far more tiring than this. See you later."

"Bye," Hermione said uncertainingly.

Harry made his way to the dungeon's slowly, postponing the inevitable by a minute or two. He walked into Snape's classroom and Snape greeted him with, "Potter, tell me. How did you manage to keep your childhood a secret from bloody everyone? Including myself when I was rooting around in your memories?"

AN:

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