A/N: Sorry this one is so short, but was originally planned for chapter 5 alone has now been broken into 5 and 6.

Chapter 5

November had passed, and December had grown old since Harm left DC to stay with his grandmother. As he'd known would be the case, there was more than enough work to keep him occupied once he moved to the farm, but even exhausted and sore from a long day's work, Harm would fall into his bed to find his thoughts turned to one brown eyed Marine.

Just that afternoon he'd found himself with the phone in hand and his finger poised to dial her number.

"Go ahead Harm, call her," his grandmother had said softly from the kitchen where she was wiping her hands on a hand towel as she watched her grandson struggle with himself.

Slowly he returned the receiver to its cradle and shook his head. "I can't Grams. I don't have the right."

"She's still your friend, isn't she Harmon?"

"I can only hope," Harm answered truthfully.

"Then, as her friend, you have all the right you need to call her. Lord knows you never found much time to call me," she added with a slow wink.

With a grunt, Harm tossed over in his bed as he remembered the conversation with his grandmother. Deep down he knew he wanted to, should in fact, call Mac. There was just something in him that he couldn't get past, something that was preventing him from dialing the number. Maybe she didn't want to talk to him after he left her, or as he'd begun to think of it, after he'd cut and run.

With a muttered curse Harm grabbed his watch off the night table and looked at the time. Three in the morning and it didn't look like sleep was anywhere to be found for him, tired as he was. Easing his aching body out of bed, he pulled on a pair of jogging pants, padded his way out to the kitchen, and turned on the coffee maker. Already it looked like it would be a six cup day, at least.

Three hours later the rising sun found Harm sitting on the veranda staring thoughtfully out into space. He just couldn't get his mind to settle down as it skipped from the jobs to do on the farm, to Mac, to the history they shared, to his mother and step dad, to what he was going to do now that he wasn't at JAG anymore.

"You're up early," Grams said from the front door.

"Couldn't sleep," Harm answered with a shrug.

"I still think you should call her."

Pausing to take a sip of his third cup of coffee, Harm smiled ruefully. "I was thinking of actually heading into DC today. I want to drop off some presents at the Roberts'. Maybe grab a late lunch with Strugis."

"Harmon Rabb, that still doesn't address the issue of talking to Sarah," Grams actually tapped her foot impatiently. Harm noticed that his grandmother never referred to her as 'Mac', it was always 'Sarah'.

"Grams, I just don't know if I should, let alone could. I left to give her space to find someone that makes her happy, someone who does for her what I obviously can't. Didn't you and mom teach me to value the needs of others?"

"Not at the expense of your own happiness, dear."

"Grams, if Mac's happy, then I'm happy," Harm said, the words sounding hollow in his own ears. He'd said those same words over and over to himself every day since he made the decision to leave JAG and DC. And every day they sounded weaker and weaker in the reaches of his soul.

"Harmon, I've watched you for a month and a half now, and even though it's been a long time since you've spent a good stretch out here, I know you dear, and you are most definitely not happy. If you do go into DC today, this will be the first time you haven't worked yourself into your bed since you got here."

"There are a lot of things that need to be done Grams, and I want to do them for you," Harm protested weakly.

"And I appreciate that my boy," Grams said as she wrapped her arms around Harm's shoulders. "Now, are you going to go into DC or not?"

"I think so. I haven't seen the boys in months now, not to mention the twins are due soon. And I'd like to see Bud and Harriet and…" Harm fell silent as he thought about who else he would like to see. But could he? Did he have the right still? After he left her? "I'll head out after breakfast."

"And are you going to see Sarah?" Grams asked pointedly.

"I don't know Grams, I'll try."