The telephone book sat on the upper corner of the desk, taunting him with it's silent presence. He hadn't been able to stop himself from checking, and now he almost regretted finding Goku's phone number within it. The number seemed seared into the front of his mind, refusing to be forgotten.
He felt the lack of the other's presence, like a throbbing pain in his chest. But there was this immense thing which hung between them, and Sanzo hadn't the slightest idea what he could say to the other that would make it alright. He'd spend endless hours burying himself into the case he'd been given, checking every resource he had until his eyes would blur and he would be forced to rest.
Sanzo knew it was a possibility just to ask Goku outright. But he shied away from this solution. How in the world could he ask that question? How could he look Goku in the eye, and ask him if he was a murderer? He hadn't even dared to go to the coffee shop, unable to face the fears in his heart.
Still, it was possible, as the phonebook reminded him. All he had to do was pick up the phone and dial the number.
Maybe Goku's reaction had been to something else. Maybe hearing Yamakura's name had reminded him of something that had absolutely nothing to do with murder. That was an entirely plausible explanation too, if Sanzo didn't consider the evidence he'd been handed.
It was just confusing, plain and simple. Even if Goku was capable of hurting someone, how would he of inflicted the injuries that Yamakura'd had? The waitress said that they were in the alley for only a few minutes. For anyone to find a weapon and inflict that much damage so quickly seemed unlikely.
Could it of been that they were both attacked? Maybe Goku had been injured while he was running away, and the waitress hadn't seen. Then, because he was suspected, the youth hadn't come forward afterward out of fear.
The police had no evidence to support that, but they also had no information against it either.
When it came down to it, he wouldn't get any answers without asking Goku directly.
His mind made up, Sanzo grabbed the phone and dialed before he could lose his nerve.
"Hello?" a quiet voice asked. It was Goku, but the familiar cheer was absent from his tone.
"Hey," Sanzo replied, realizing he probably should of thought this out a bit more as silence stretched between them.
"I knew you'd figure it out," Goku abruptly exclaimed, his voice sounding choked. "The way I reacted, there's no way you wouldn't of. I just couldn't believe, when you said his name, I was just so shocked! I thought that I'd put it behind me, as much as it ever could be. Even though it seemed so impossible, I knew for sure that I had done it, but I'd almost been able to convince myself otherwise after so much time."
He knew the other was crying, but he was so shocked, he didn't know what to say in return. Goku really had killed Yamakura. He hadn't actually been prepared for it to be true. He'd been ready for anything but!
"You don't know... Hell, I didn't even know! I made a mistake, thinking that I could chance getting close to someone. I'm so sorry, Sanzo. This thing inside of me, it's just a disaster waiting to happen. I... I have to go! Don't call me again, please, Sanzo. I can't... I just can't trust myself around you or anyone else."
And before he could of gotten a word out, Sanzo was listening to the dial tone. With automatic movements, he placed the receiver back in its cradle. He was even more confused than he'd been to begin with.
'This thing inside of me.'
'I can't trust myself.'
What in the world was Goku talking about?