Author's note: Ahhhh… FINALLY done. Wow, this chapter turned out longer than I thought it would. As always, many many many MANY thanks to Blitzkrieg9688, and to everyone who has been following the story! Hugs to all! I hope you all enjoy the conclusion. Oh, and in case you're wondering, the song towards the end of the fic is "Your Light", sung by Celine Dion. I couldn't think of a better song for Kei and God. ;-)
Chapter Four: Your Light
"Ahn….. Shin… turn off your Glow Worm, I'm trying to sleep…" Goh groaned as he rolled over and buried his face in the goose-down pillow. Wait… goose down? Slowly, painfully, he forced one eye open, then rapidly shut it again as the morning sunlight seemed to act like a lance of fire, shooting into his eyeball and going straight into his brain, which made him aware that his head was pounding and his stomach seemed to be bunched up in knots. "Uuuurrrk…"
Suddenly, the thought smacked Goh like a ton of bricks: the feel of these sheets, the scent of vanilla floating on the air, the lack of children babbling incessantly---- "Oh my god.. where am I??" He gasped as he sat up suddenly and immediately regretted it. He let out a strangled groan and flopped back onto his back, his eyes squeezed shut, silently chanting in his mind that he would like very much to go to sleep and never wake up again.
"Oh… you're awake." That gentle voice was the only thing that would have made Goh open his eyes at that moment, to be sure that he wasn't in fact dreaming. Kei stood in the doorway of the unfamiliar room, holding a tray with some toast and a pot of tea on it.
"Eh…?" Goh didn't feel quite up to speaking articulately just yet.
"Let it never be said I'm selfish. I spent the night on the couch so you could sleep in my soft comfy bed on my silk sheets, you lush," Kei said as he walked over and set the tray down on the bed next to Goh. "Toast and tea. I know you feel nauseous but you need to eat or you'll get dry heaves… the tea will help calm your stomach," He explained, with all the crispness of a hospital nurse.
"I don't… get it… where…" Goh stammered as he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began to pull himself together.
"You're in my apartment… I'm not surprised you don't recognize it… you've never been in the bedroom before," Kei said matter-of-factly as he poured the hot tea into a cup and forced it into Goh's hands. "Blow on that, it wouldn't do for you to burn your tongue," He ordered as he headed towards the closet.
"So… I'm in your place… but why?"
"Don't tell me you don't remember," Kei said as he walked over to the large bay window and yanked open the curtains, completely illuminating the room. "You declared your love to me… I thought you were talking about something else… you got angry, went to a bar to drown your sorrows, I tracked you down, and brought your hammered ass back here."
"You… kissed…me…" Goh muttered flatly. "I do remember that…"
"I'm flattered that out of everything that happened yesterday, that much you remember." Kei remarked, in his typical, bald honesty. He paused for a moment, and added, "I… I wanted to kiss you again, when we got back here, but… you threw up." He shrugged, as Goh's mouth dropped open from shock. "Besides… it wouldn't have been right…
Now it was Goh's turn to look like he'd been smacked upside the head. "I…I threw up? On your nice white carpet?? That carpet's probably worth more than I make in a whole month… Oh man…"
"More like a year…."
"Oh, man, oh man…"
Goh, focus," Kei snapped, before taking a deep breath and forcing himself to soften his tone as he carefully sat on the edge of the bed next to Goh. He did not look comfortable at all, but he seemed… determined, somehow. "I have a lot of things to tell you and I have to do it before I chicken out."
Goh shakily poured himself a cup of tea and blew on the hot liquid. Inhaling the steam made the pounding in his head lessen, but it was all he could do to focus on what Kei was telling him. Sheer will power and the desire to hear whatever Kei had to say was the only thing keeping him sitting up.
Kei took a deep breath before starting. "Up until yesterday… when you told me… in your own… special little way that you loved me… no one had ever said that to me before. I didn't know how to react… and… I'm sorry for hurting you."
Was that all? That was what had Kei so nervous? Goh opened his mouth, to say it was all right, but Kei held up his hand, silencing him.
"I'm going to tell you a story," He folded his hands in his lap, staring down at them, as if he was afraid to look Goh in the eye. "When I was younger… much younger… before you were born, I was in love with someone…" He took a deep breath, and without waiting for Goh's reaction, continued. "He was a Leafe Knight… the oldest one, our leader… his name was… Goh…" He closed his eyes and there was no disguising the pain in his voice. "I remember it like it was yesterday… the day he died… You see, we had no Pretear at the time, and there was this sudden outbreak of Demon Larva. Hayate and Sasame were even younger than me at the time, little more than children, too young to battle, and had to stay behind in Leafenia when Goh, Mannen, Hajime and Shin went forth to challenge the demons. I was supposed to stay with Hayate and Sasame, but in my arrogance I demanded the older knights take me along, refusing to take no for an answer until they gave in… I don't know now if remaining in Leafenia and missing the battle would have been better for me or not…" He trailed off into harsh breathing as he slowly regained his control. It was obvious Kei had never talked about this to anyone before.
"He… was killed…" Goh said flatly, still trying to wrap his head around everything Kei was telling him. "Right?"
Kei nodded slowly. "I was… maybe 13… I never told him how I felt… how could I? I mean… relationships between Leafe Knights just… weren't done… AREN'T done… and he was so much older than me…"
"Just like us…" Goh said in a defeated tone.
"But the difference between then and now is… you had the courage to say how you felt… you gave yourself a chance I couldn't…" He twisted in place on the bed and actually looked Goh in the eye for the first time that morning. "Now I know how you feel… unless you changed your mind since yesterday?"
Goh's eyes were red and he looked like he was on the verge of tears as he shook his head, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as if he were swallowing the urge to cry. Kei's neutral expression slowly changed to a very soft smile.
"I haven't seen you cry since the day we lost them…" Kei said quietly, meaning the elder Mannen, Hajime and Shin who had fallen when Takako became Fenril. "…And I don't want to ever see it again… understand?" He reached out and touched Goh's cheek.
"It's gonna be hard… not to… I don't think I realized until now… how much I really love you, Kei," Goh whispered, lowering his gaze. "I mean, damn… so much, it hurts…" He choked back a whimper and tried to wipe his eyes, but Kei grabbed his wrist and held it firmly.
"Did I say I don't…" Kei cut himself off and shook his head, then began again. "I care about you, Goh… maybe I even love you, too… I don't know. But we are not ordinary people… we're-"
"Leafe Knights, I know, I know…" Goh shook his head. "But what about Himeno and Hayate? I mean… she's the Pretear, that has to be even more dangerous a pairing, but they're pulling it off… why can't we-"
"Because we have to accept what we were born to be, Goh.. I cannot control what Hayate does; no matter how much I may disapprove of it, I can't stop them.. but I can stop what happens here.." Kei said softly, almost mournfully.
"But aren't we allowed to live, too? I hate being alone.. I hate falling asleep by myself.. I.. I.." Goh pleaded, feeling more and more as if his hopes were being buried, never to be unearthed again. He balled his fists and wrenched his arm from Kei's grasp. His hangover was only secondary in his mind now. "If that were true, you would have taken me home and left me there, not brought be back to your place and let me spend the night in your bed, and STILL be here late in the morning!"
"..I-" Kei began, realizing Goh had caught him between a rock and a hard place. "He's right.. Oh, Leafe, he's right.." He shrugged off the thought though, coming up with a rational explanation for his actions, "I am looking out for a fellow Leafe Knight.. It is my responsibility." He explained, but Goh raised an eyebrow in skepticism.
"..but.. if you were not going to let anything happen.. why even bother telling me that you might love me? Or that you wanted to kiss me again after you got me back here? I know you're kind of cold.. but you're not cruel.. and you're such a straightforward thinker.. why would you bother adding in meaningless subtexts if you had no reason for it?" Goh began to stumble to his feet, nearly falling on his face as his hangover combined with the sheets tangling around his legs conspired against him, but somehow he managed to recover, and drew himself up to his full height, which was nearly a whole head taller than Kei.
"Enough of this bull-shit!" Goh snarled, while Kei stepped back, staring at him with a shocked expression on his face. "I love you, you, you… pompous, overdressed, 52-hair product-using, high-heels-in-battle-wearing…" He paused and took a deep breath, his face turning a bright red as he clearly tried to think up more to say. "…S-smart… kind…sexy… man…" He finally finished, letting out the breath as his shoulders slumped in defeat when he couldn't think of anything else. Kei continued to stare at him with a goggled expression, and Goh was suddenly quite aware of the gentle breeze of the air-conditioner drifting about his nether-regions. "I'm naked… aren't I?" He stated, as Kei sighed and covered his face.
"Yes… yes you are."
"You undressed me?! Oh… THAT's not suspicious at all!"
"You threw up all over yourself!!" Kei barked, looking affronted at what he felt was an implication against his honor on Goh's part. "I had to wash your clothes, and you are much too GIGANTIC to fit into anything of mine!! Are you telling me you didn't notice until now? Believe me, when one sleeps naked on silk sheets, one is fully aware of it!!"
"Gigantic?? Why, I oughtta…" Goh snarled as he whisked the comforter off of the bed and wrapped it around his waist. "You are obviously just confused about your sexuality, and you're taking it out on me!"
"LOOK AT ME, GOH!!" Kei tossed his hair and waved his arms, gesturing around the meticulously decorated apartment. "Do I LOOK like someone who could POSSIBLY for a MOMENT think of himself as a STRAIGHT MAN?!"
"THEN WHAT IS THE FRICKIN' PROBLEM?!!" Goh roared, then winced, bringing a hand to his forehead. The momentary burn of anger was over and the hangover was reclaiming him. "Come on, Kei… I'm hungover, I'm naked, couldn't possibly get more vulnerable… don't kick me when I'm down… I love you…" His face bore a strange expression and he began to walk towards Kei purposefully. "I'm going to kiss you now," He said, in a tone that brooked no arguments.
Kei set his jaw and leveled a challenging glare at the younger, but larger, knight. "I'd like to see you try."
(Hey man, come over here/ There's a secret that I wanna whisper in your ear)
Goh securely knotted the comforter and dropped himself into a ready stance after taking a few steps, every line in his body indicating he was ready to charge. "If you really didn't want me to, I'd be flat on my ass right now."
( I've waited so long, too long/ But I can't deny it anymore it's just too strong)
Kei pushed his sleeves up and stepped back another pace. "You're crazy! You're going to assault me in my own apartment?!" He hissed, but he made no move to stop him. "You're still hung over, I could stop you easily. I'm not afraid of you."
(It's a special kind of feelin'/ Something to believe in, Oh yeah)
"So stop me," Goh said as he began to move towards Kei again, faster than before.
Kei rolled his eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."
(So lay back, and let it flow/ Then just open up your heart and let your feelings go/
I said "Hey man, Yo man"/ Well it's really not that difficult to understand)
"So don't hurt me, Kei," Goh murmured. They were now inches apart. He reached down and lightly ran his fingers over Kei's silky tresses. His stance was bold, but his fingers were shaking. He was acting tough, but he was actually terrified. He couldn't read the look in Kei's eyes, but he didn't seem to be disgusted or angry. Goh could see himself reflected in Kei's amber eyes.
(That it's me that you've been seein'/ Baby when you're dreamin', at night)
"You were raring to go a moment ago… why are you frozen now?" Kei asked, trying to sound scornful, but his voice was soft and scarcely audible.
"I guess I'm waiting for you to throw me out," Goh murmured back.
"…I don't want to have to throw-" Kei began, but Goh chose that moment to swallow the last vestiges of his pride, sum up what courage he had, and dart in for the kill. Well… dart in for the kiss, rather.
(So let your walls come down/ And you'll feel my emotion
I will shelter you/ From a tear or an ocean
Whenever your hope is gone/ I'll give you strength to carry on
In the darkness of the night/I will be your light)
Kei's hands moved reflexively to grip the younger knight's solid biceps in order to keep his balance. He did not fight back, though he could have easily frees himself from the kiss if he really wanted to. The problem was… he just didn't want to. It just felt too right. Goh's words echoed in his head: "… Aren't we allowed to live, too? I hate being alone.. I hate falling asleep by myself..."
…I do, too… Ah, Leafe… is that what that feeling was? Was that the pain…of loneliness? He felt a single tear trickle down his cheek. I feel… different… is this… happiness?
(I'll give you something to hold on to/ When you can't find your way
Like a fire burning bright/ I will be your light)
Well… I'm not going to let him think that he can just use his physical advantage to dominate me… Kei thought, as Goh took a tentative step backwards, two, three, guiding him towards the bed. The blond knight cracked one eye open, and when he saw the back of Goh's knees hit the edge of the bed… he shoved. Hard.
With a startled yelp, Goh fell backwards onto his back, loosing the comforter that had been his only cover and landing spread eagle in an entirely undignified, and somewhat obscene, pose. Kei averted his gaze as he felt his face heat up at the sight, but he couldn't stop his most basic reaction to what was going on. The laugh that bubbled up from his throat felt and sounded so natural, that he could hardly believe it was him making that sound.
(So relax, we'll take it slow/I wouldn't think you'd really have a better place to go
I said "Hey man, Yo Man"/Why don't you move a little closer here and take my hand)
"You… you prick! What was that for?!" Goh growled, but his expression became puzzled as Kei abruptly stopped laughed and fixed him with a look that Goh had never seen on the older knight's face before: a look of desire, adoration, and love.
Desire, adoration, and love. All for him. The Knight of Fire's heart was beating a mile a minute.
(Are you feelin' what I'm feelin'/I know I must be dreamin', oh yeah)
"It's not going to be easy, you know…" Kei sighed, his tone one of weary resignation mixed with mirth, as if he was summoning all the patience he had. "Everything I said about us being Leafe Knights is true. We can't allow a personal relationship to interfere with our work…"
(But sometimes life can come/ To build a wall in between us
Don't let it get you down/ Whoever said love was an easy thing)
Goh's smile could have lit up the whole room better than any beam of light Kei could have ever summoned. "Hey… who ever said love was an easy thing, right?" He said, his breath catching in his throat as Kei slowly slid onto the bed beside him.
"How's your head?" He asked, tapping the brunette's forehead. Goh winced in pain.
"I feel like shit… extremely happy, wonderful, pink-hearts-and-fluffy-bunnies-gay… but shit, nonetheless," Goh sighed, rubbing his forehead a little bit and closing his eyes. Kei chuckled, and kissed him on the forehead.
(Whenever your hope is gone/ I'll give you strength to carry on
In the darkness of the night/ I will be your light)
"Get some rest… I'll make you some soup. And I'll call Himeno and see if she can watch the kids for one more night…" The blond patted Goh on the shoulder as he lifted himself up from the bed and made his way to the door. "And I'll get your clothes for you in a little bit…" He cast a look over his shoulder on his way out the room. "And don't ever go out and get drunk like that again… from now on whenever you spend the night in my bed, I want you sober enough to enjoy it."
Once again, Goh's jaw dropped open in surprise, and he flopped backwards into the fluffy pillows, curling the silk sheets around him. He didn't think he would ever be able to sleep again, he was so elated, but as the aromas of Kei's apartment, combined with the smell of soup that began to waft in from the kitchen, the warm late-morning sunlight on the bed, and the feeling of being more content than he had ever felt in his life before all conspired against him.
"Kei…I love you…" He murmured, as sleep finally overtook him.
When Kei came in bearing the tray with a bowl of soup on it, he set it down on the bedside table next to the toast Goh had never eaten. He carefully smoothed out the sheets and kissed the slumbering knight on the forehead once more.
"I love you, too," He said quietly, surprised by how much he meant it.
(I'll give you something to hold on to/ When you can't find your way
Like a fire burning bright/ I will be your light
I will be your light/ Whenever you need a friend
Just come over to me baby/Baby Baby Baby
So let your walls come down/ And you'll feel my emotion
I will shelter you/ From a tear or an ocean
Whenever your hope is gone/ I'll give your strength to carry on
In the darkness of the night/ I will be your light
I'll give you something to hold on to/ When you can't find your way
Like a fire burning bright/ I will be your light
Whenever your hope is gone/ I'll give your strength to carry on
In the darkness of the night/ I will be your light
Light, shining bright, baby/ I'll be the one who holds you, baby
I'll be the one who loves you, baby/ Be the one who holds you, loves you,
Baby, baby)
Epilogue
Moonlight streamed through the window onto the bed, illuminating the figures within. Kei lay propped up on his elbow, his head resting in his hand as he watched the figure slumbering next to him. The beams of the full moon cast a silvery white glow to Goh's skin, making him appear like a dark-haired angel swathed in silken white sheets. Goh sprawled when he slept; Kei was glad for his king-sized bed, or he would have been clinging to the edge just to stay in it with Goh's long limbs splayed in every direction. Goh's nose twitched a bit and his mouth hung open as he snored softly. He looked ridiculous. Kei reached out and gingerly traced Goh's strong jawline with the tip of his finger, slowly trailing down over his throat, then his collarbone, stopping at his chest, which rose and fell slowly in time to his gentle snoring.
Ever since the dramatic day full of confessions, misunderstandings, and Goh's little bender, Kei and Goh had been discreetly seeing more and more of each other. The only people who knew about their relationship were Himeno and Hayate. Tonight had been the first time they spent the night together. It had been… interesting. Being that close to someone, so physically intimate, was something so alien to Kei that at first the Knight of Light was not certain that he would be able to do it at all. But Goh had been so sweet, so inviting, amazingly gentle and, most surprisingly, extremely submissive. Kei hadn't known it was possible to awaken such powerful feelings in himself, or that he had it in him to be so… dominating…
Goh gave a small gasp in his sleep and suddenly jerked awake, his eyes flashing with confusion for a moment before focusing on Kei's face, confusion melting into disbelief, and then into a dark, enticing warmth. Goh smiled. "…Hi…" He said, rather meekly, his eyes glancing down at Kei's dusky hand that still rested on his chest.
"Hi…" Kei answered, almost moving his hand but deciding better of it. He felt an odd sensation tugging at his facial features… was he… smiling? He felt Goh's hand cover his, and the younger knight's face dropped its smile, replaced by a slightly pained expression.
"Are you all right?" Kei asked. "Are you… er…." He felt his face grow hot. "….Sore?"
"I'm fine… its you I'm worried about…" Goh reached up with his free hand and touched Kei's cheek with his fingertips, his expression disconcerted. "Kei… are you… crying?"
Kei blinked, and realized that there was indeed moisture in his eyes. He hadn't even noticed. He reached up and brushed his fingertips over Goh's, which were wet from Kei's tears. "I…suppose I am…" He said, mystified. Goh's expression crumpled.
"Wh…what is it? What did I do wrong?" Goh whispered, his voice sounding desperate. He set up, propping himself up on his elbows, his warm reddish brown eyes sparkling with imminent tears of his own.
Kei didn't answer for a long moment as he slowly processed things in his head. Tears began to slip out of Goh's eyes as well, and he suddenly looked more vulnerable and desperate than ever before. "Kei…? Please tell me…" He pleaded. Goh…always eager to please. Kei closed his eyes and shook his head, and Goh whimpered out loud.
"Please… don't cry… remember what I said to you about not crying?…It's not like that…" Kei said, still with his eyes closed as the hand on Goh's chest began to move in a small circular motion, caressing both the skin of the chest over his heart and Goh's palm that still covered Kei's hand.
"Then… what is it?"
"I think…. I think that I may finally be happy…" Kei managed to croak out, after a pregnant pause. "Yes… I… I'm happy," He repeated, sounding almost surprised. Grasping Goh's hand, he turned to his new lover, a look of wonder on his face.
Goh's response was to throw his muscular arms around Kei's neck and pull him down to him for a kiss. "You better be happy, my little Lightbulb… cause you're stuck with me forever…"
"Lightbulb? Are you implying there is ANYTHING bulb-shaped about me?" Kei snorted as he returned Goh's kiss eagerly.
And then, a strange sound cut the air. A deep, vibrating noise was emanating from somewhere in the viscinity of Goh's jeans, which were tossed over the back of a chair in the corner of the bed. It was his cell phone; although the ringer was off, the vibration mode was ungodly loud.
"Ah… sorry… that's probably Himeno… she knew we were going out tonight, and, well… I asked her to watch the terrible trio, just in case, so she probably wants to know if we… well… you know…" Goh trailed off with a lopsided grin. "I'll let the voicemail get it…"
"No…" Kei nimbly leapt out of the bed, but walked to where the phone was at a leisurely pace. Picking up Goh's discarded jeans, he removed the cell phone from the pocket and checked the caller ID to see that it was, in fact, Himeno calling. He flipped the phone open and brought it to his ear.
"Hello, Himeno," He said coolly, and was rewarded with a startled gasp from his Pretear. Smiling, he put a finger to his lips in a shush motion, glancing over at Goh, who was trying to hold in laughter.
"…a…Kei?" Himeno began, but before she could get out more, Kei interrupted her.
"…Thank you." Kei said simply, before snapping the phone closed, and turning it all the way off. He and Goh both burst out laughing, Kei tossed the phone to the floor along with the rest of their clothing, and made his way back to the bed, and into his love's waiting arms.
Himeno blinked in surprise as Kei hung up the cell phone, but then a slow grin crossed her face. She put down her cell phone, and turned to Hayate, who was sitting next to her on the couch with a puzzled look on his face.
"I win. Five hundred yen, Hayate," She said happily, holding her hand out.
Owari