Sam's Revenge

Written and Illustrated by Froggy & Rilian

This story takes place after the Hobbits left the Shire and were in the Inn at Bree. After the Hobbits reserved their room, they went to the pub. Merry and Pippin were having an especially good time drinking beer. After a while, Merry came back to the table with an extra large mug of beer. Pippin asked him, "What's that?"

"This, my friend, is a pint," said Merry.

"It comes in pints?" asked Pippin.

"Mmm…" responded Merry, who was busily downing his pint.

"I'm getting one," said Pippin boldly.

"But you've had a whole half already!" protested Sam. Pippin eagerly trotted off to get his pint.

After a while, being very drunk, Merry and Pippin decided to return to their room. When they arrived outside their door, they walked right into it. The only thing they noticed was that they fell backward on the floor.

"Merry, who put that wall right in front of the walkway?" asked Pippin.

"Wall? What wall? I thought it was my bed!" answered Merry.

"That was not a bed, you fool, that must have been a table," said Pippin. After a while, they figured out what it was, and went into their room. When Merry went to wash his face, he exclaimed, "There's an oliphaunt in the washroom!"

"Nonsense!" said Pippin. "It's in my bed!" Then Pippin passed out on his bed and snorted vociferously.Merry got in bed and was soon fast asleep. A half an hour later, Merry started to sleepwalk and got out of bed. He needed to go to the bathroom, fast, so he sleepwalked out on the balcony. At the same time, Pippin sleepwalked out to the balcony, and also had to go very badly. In their sleep, they walked over to the balustrade and went to the bathroom. Sam was taking a casual stroll outside underneath the balcony, when suddenly, he was drenched.

"Hm…and not a cloud in the sky! But that rain sure feels nice," he said cheerfully. When he finally retired indoors, he said goodnight to Frodo and withdrew to the room to go to bed. Merry and Pippin had just come back inside when Sam entered the room. They were now fully awake and started to smell something bad. Then, they realized that the smell was coming from Sam.

"Ugh! What have you been rolling in?"

"Nothin'," Sam stated. "I just went out for a walk in the rain."

"Rain!" cried Pippin. "What rain? We were just out there weeing a minute ago. We couldn't feel any rain!"

"Why didn't you use the chamber pot?" asked Sam.

"We couldn't find one, and we had to go really, really badly!"

"Wait! You say you were out there a minute ago?" inquired Sam.

"Yes," they replied, hesitantly.

"I have a sneaking suspicion I know what that 'rainstorm' was, and when I come out of the bath, I'm going to kill you!" yelled Sam irately, hurrying into the washroom while swiping disgustedly at his wet clothing. Merry and Pippin stood in silence with frightened countenances.

"Uh oh," they both said in realization.

While Sam was in the bath, they conspired as to how they would keep him from getting revenge on them. They decided to get Sam to forget what had happened to him by hypnotizing him. When Sam got out of the bath, Pippin and Merry were nowhere to be seen, so he went to the closet to obtain his over-jacket. Before he could react in any way, Pippin and Merry burst out from under the bed and dangled a shiny medallion before his face, telling him that he would forget all that had happened. Sam was hypnotized! Pippin and Merry were very pleased with the success of their "cunning idea." Being extremely crazed, Sam went and jumped back in the bathtub, clothes and all!

"45 bottles of beer on the wall, 45 bottles of beer! Put your left foot in, put your left foot out, put your left foot in, and shake it all about! My socks are clean, I use Tide!" Frodo heard coming from the bathroom when he came back to go to bed.

"How odd!" he mused. "What are you doing, Merry?"

"Oh, it's you Sam. Why are you drunk?"

"Oh! Hullo, Dad!" said Sam. "I'm glad you came to my house to return my arm! I really need it! That was a nasty fall off that tangerine-clad moving radiated burrito!"

"Oh no!" exclaimed Frodo "He's really drunk!"

The next morning, Sam miraculously remembered about his revenge against Merry and Pippin. He planned it for that night, when they went to the bar again. In the evening, while they were at the pub, Sam slipped away and left a message with the innkeeper. "Notify Meriodoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took that Gandalf is to meet them under the front balcony at 6:00 sharp." However, they showed up two minutes late because they wanted to finish their pints.

"Where is Gandalf?" asked Pippin drowsily. A familiar voice answered, "Right up here!"

As they turned to look up, something wet, thick, and warm fell on their faces. Merry and Pippin ran howling back inside the bar and were promptly thrown out for smelling bad. Frodo came out and laughed at them, then ran back inside when Merry picked something off his face to throw at him. They later found out that Sam had poured two full chamber pots on their heads. They couldn't get the smell off for thirty days. Sam had his revenge!

-THE END-

P.S. These events were not recorded in the books so as not to embarrass Pippin, Merry, and Sam too badly.