Author's Note: The rating may go up, depends on how graphic I want to get. ;)
And I'd like to dedicate this chapter to all the people who reviewed the last chapter. And if you didn't review, well, you suck.
Disclaimer: As much as I'd love girl on girl in FOP, it's not going to happen. So, alas, I don't own FOP.
Chapter Two: Lies We Tell Ourselves
Trixie hates her. She hates how she's always following Timmy, acting as though she can change him. Okay, so she hasn't followed Timmy in ages, not since Trixie marked her as his territory. That isn't important, that she no longer stalks him. What's important is that she hates her.
She hates her because she's true to herself. Tootie never has to lie about who she likes and how she'll try to get him. She loves Timmy and that's that. It's clear she's straight; she'll never have to deal with the agony of a secret life.
Right now, Tootie gazes wistfully at him, her elbow propping up her chin. Since they were ten, her hair has grown out so it now courses down her curves, rather pleasant curves on the eyes, too. She has a decent chest, Trixie supposes, perhaps rivaling hers. But, since she's modest and rather shy, it hides behind a large woolen sweater.
Her glasses are gone, replaced with contacts, and, of course, her braces are long gone. She'd actually be quite pretty, if she smiled. However, since Trixie knows well she's miserable, she attracts no attention.
She keeps her head down, for the most part. The only time she comes alive is around Timmy and that's fading into oblivion. Trixie supposes if she cared more, she might try to reach out to her, giving her what she so desperately wants.
Surprised, she jumps when someone nudges her shoulder. It's Timmy, naturally. God, why won't the boy leave her alone? Just because they're sleeping together…yeesh!
"Hey, Trixie," Timmy says with a grin on his face. Veronica scowls at him, sliding off automatically to allow him to sit. Actually, she does more than slide over. She leaves.
Following her with her eyes, she wonders why her best friend had such a strong reaction. For the love of God, when they were twelve, she'd told her she was madly in love with him. She'd seen no signs otherwise, so what gives?
Faking a smile, Trixie croons, "Hi, Timmy." She's never been less pleased to see a person in her life.
Tad and Chad ignore them, their eyes flickering to a bit of mashed potatoes Veronica left unaltered. If they just squint, it's as though she's written a message in them. The initials "T.T" are visible, but the name doesn't seem to fit their length.
"Want to go to the movies later?" Timmy inquires, still grinning. God, that grin is obnoxious. She wants to strike it from his face.
Excuse, excuse. I need an excuse! Damn it, Tang, think! Her eyes seek everything in the room except his and fall upon Tootie. The morose teen's face is contorted as she cranes to listen in. For a second, Trixie wishes he'd ask Tootie out, and just leave her the hell alone.
However, before she has time to come up with a suitable lie, Tad and Chad grab the lunch tray and a notebook from beneath it. Her eyes widen- it's Veronica's.
"Wonder if it's really Timmy she's crushing on?" Tad sniggers, tossing the notebook open on the table. Trixie gasps: on every page, "I love Trixie Tang". There are even a few graphic depictions of what she'd like to do with her.
All eyes in the cafeteria are on her and they are none too friendly, either. Heat rises in her face and her eyes are glued to a picture of her and Veronica eating 'ice cream'. Hmm…the drawing isn't half bad.
No wonder Veronica fled…but why then? What on earth did she have to do that made her leave when she had? Or maybe she really wanted that book to be discovered…
At any rate, she'd better high tail it out of here and quickly, because some of the rather nasty kids suggest she instigated the drawing and it was from personal experience. Timmy vouches for her heterosexuality, but it's to no avail. By telling them she's slept with him, she becomes a bisexual slut, which is probably the worst thing you can be branded in high school.
Placing a hand on her shoulder, he indicates he will fight for her. She doesn't want him to, however, and she shoves him off. Bad move…
"Aw, look! She's going off to comfort her gay lover!" Francis croons and others join in. It's her against the whole student body, with the exception of Timmy…and Tootie.
Tootie hasn't stood, hasn't done anything. Her eyes widen in astonishment, but from her face, Trixie can tell she doesn't readily believe the rumors. Even so, she won't defend her. The only person she defends is Timmy and Trixie has done nothing to earn her loyalty.
"Trixie is not gay!" Timmy screams, standing protectively in front of her. "You and your hidebound, homophobic ideas! I bet you planted that notebook!"
Just thinking about Tad and Chad framing Veronica gives her the chills. Even if she isn't as popular as her, she knows they wouldn't do such a thing. Unless, of course, they smarted from a rebuff from her, but, still…why would they want to hurt her that badly?
She must collect her wits, gather herself. She must save herself first, then try to salvage Veronica if she can. But all she can think about is that drawing and picture Veronica doing it to her….
"You're right, Timmy," Trixie lies, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm not gay. I have no idea where Veronica got those ideas, but she has no place in this school, no place in society.
"She's corrupt, twisted. She's…she's…a freak!"
And so am I.
As if to illustrate her previous point, she kisses Timmy full on the lips, wishing to God she felt something. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Tootie rise. But, no, it's not to leave.
Timmy eagerly returns it, wrapping his arms around her. The crowd loses interest, although they're plotting against Veronica mentally. Yet Tootie remains.
Striding up to her after the kiss is broken, Tootie slaps her. Timmy glowers at her, ready to raise a hand himself. However, Tootie pays him no mind.
"Liar."
She walks out, her head held high for once. Trixie stares after her, completely stunned. How on earth could she have seen through her veneer? Well, it doesn't matter. Timmy didn't believe her.
Sighing heavily, Trixie lies her way through lunch.
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(The library)
She can't find it! Goddamn it, where did she put her notebook? The notebook with all the scribbling and drawing of her and Trixie…oh, if that lands in the wrong hands, she's so screwed!
Searching through her bag, she uncovers a few personal belongings of Trixie's, a picture of the two of them, a doujinshi, and a plastic squeeze ball. Where the hell is it?! She has to find it!
Tootie walks in, her head held down again. Veronica barely gives her a second glance because, unless she's a walking three ring pink notebook, she frankly isn't interested. She finds her attractive, but off-limits.
Surprisingly, though, Tootie walks up to her. Veronica, in the process of dumping out her bag for the third time, merely wrinkles her nose at her. What does this girl want with her? They have nothing to do with each other, normally.
"If I were you," Tootie begins gravely, placing a hand on her shoulder, "I'd stop looking for that notebook."
Spinning around, stunned, Veronica snaps back, "What notebook? I don't know what the hell you're-"
"The notebook that has you and Trixie having sex in it. The one that Tad and Chad now have," Tootie says coldly, her eyes falling upon a picture of Trixie and Veronica. She gets odd vibes off it.
"Shit!" Veronica cries, for lack of a better word. She turns away from her, knowing her emotions are portrayed clearly on her face. Tootie will not accept this.
"Trixie's heterosexuality is also in question," she informs her. "If I were you, I'd find a way to discard of that notebook before it gives her ideas."
With that, she strolls off, leaving Veronica completely bewildered. What does she mean, 'giving her ideas'? Trixie isn't gay!
It never occurs to her Tootie is the smartest girl in their class for a reason.
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(Al fresco)
Tootie shudders, aware she's helped her worst enemy. But, in doing so, she might have created a better situation for herself, since there are no more obstacles to Timmy.
She's known for a while now that Veronica and Trixie are gay. It's in the way they act towards boys and then towards girls. In fact, she's never seen them check out a boy unless they were being watched. However, on the same token, she's seen them check out each other, when they think no one's looking.
And she is no one. Even at seventeen, she has no friends. She's very quiet and very studious, throwing herself headlong into her work. No one notices her and she does not wish to be noticed.
Three years ago, her depression became an issue. It interfered with her obsession over Timmy and it permitted her to become a non entity, a contribution to the machinery of the Dimmsdale public school system. She was voted most likely to succeed- as if she cared.
In those three years, she discovered how miserable life could really be, when Vicky and Ricky had gotten married. They had little terrors running around, ruining her shrine, wrecking her monuments, and driving her from her room. She now sleeps in a closet on the ground floor.
Distantly, she knows she still loves Timmy. Love for her will never die, only fade away in the face of Trixie Tang.
She knew when they 'hooked up' Trixie was lying to herself. It breaks her heart to know Timmy slept with her and believes she loves him. As a matter of fact, she's seen no evidence to the contrary, that Trixie still fornicates with him.
Fornicate is the proper word. Trixie can't get any satisfaction out of it, it's just an exercise in proving something that was never true to begin with. Tootie would feel sorry for her, but, once again, she doesn't like her.
Timmy will, undoubtedly, start looking for her. He'll scream and rant and rave about her hurting Trixie and she'll take it. What else is she supposed to say? "I'm sorry but your girlfriend is secretly gay?"
She doesn't know why she's protecting Trixie and Veronica, but she is. Perhaps it's because, in her heart of hearts, she thinks if she protects them, she protects Timmy. And Timmy must always be sheltered.
The cool air rushes past her face and she embraces it as a lover would. It's the first thing in a long while to touch her and make her shiver. Lately, nothing makes her feel alive anymore.
Timmy is coming.
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(Still outside)
"What the hell is your problem?!" Timmy thunders, and she draws back. His anger always frightens her.
"I slapped her," Tootie says plainly. "I slapped your bitch." No emotion creeps into her voice at all.
"She is not my bitch!" God, she's such a pain in the ass!
"She's your whore then." Now she's used to his anger and no longer terrified. Again, the thought surfaces to tell Timmy the truth about his girlfriend, but she quenches it.
"She is neither! You're just jealous!" You've always been jealous of her!
"Of what? You or her?" Tootie smiles bitterly. "Why don't you ask Trixie that question, see what she says. Perhaps you two ought to have a heart to heart, instead of screwing like caged animals."
"How dare you insult her!"
"It's astonishing, Timothy, when insults become the truth." Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she walks into the school but not without a final word.
"Ask her."
Timmy glares, a mixture of resentment and anger coursing through his body. He hasn't heard a word she said, only the lies she hasn't spoken.