Chapter Five: Delusions in Denial
She knows when she's not welcome. However, she also knows she shouldn't have returned. Still, she thought, in her heart of hearts, things would be better than this. Now, of course, she knows how wrong she was.
They leer at her in the halls, abandoning all pretense of civility. She was a popular girl, so everyone knows her name; therefore, everyone she might have shunned in her previous years is getting back at ten-fold. She doesn't think it's humanly possible to have a worse day.
Whispers start whenever she's around, or, worse, people break up their conversations to openly gawk at her. They gaze at her until she passes, then, like immature children, they giggle. She is the freak show; she is their entertainment.
Girls pretend to be interested in her just so they can snap back, "Oh, that's right. I forgot, I'm not gay!"
Veronica keeps her head down and her mouth shut, only the tears streaming down her face when she lifts it are the only indication she's in pain. She'd rather not give them the sensation of winning, when she knows they have. They've won so badly, she's got a better chance of being struck by lightning on a beautiful day than fighting back.
Rumor has it Trixie and Tootie were in a fight. Rumor also has it, that, although Tootie had a class next period, she failed to show up. No one seems to know where she is and even nastier rumors surround her disappearance. There's nothing like school spirit- against someone.
If she weren't too busy feeling bad for herself, she would feel bad for Trixie. She's none too fond of Tootie either, the little prostitute, and ruining her goddess's face really riles her up. As soon as she sees that girl, she'll kick her ass as soon as look at her.
Unfortunately, at the moment, this is the furthest thing from her mind. Spitballs fly in one direction and she barely has time to flick her hand up before more assail her. She's sick of this, and it's only seventh period.
Boys find it amusing that she's gay. It titillates them; so they ask her out so she can sleep with their girlfriends. This, naturally, leads to the girls slapping them and chewing them out. She'd find it entertaining if it didn't involve her.
Seventh period is her math period and she zones out, completely unfocused on x22x11 and all that crap. The math teacher drones on, yelling at her but she doesn't notice or care. Her grades can go to hell, she knows she's there already.
He wants to talk to her after class, but she doesn't want to listen. She's weary of listening to people telling her how to live her life, how to be straight and make the boys like you. She doesn't want the boys to like her, she doesn't want to be told how to live her life, and she really could give a rat's ass about Pre-Calculus.
Trixie is in her next class. She longs to talk to her and express her concern about their fight, but Trixie made a show of ensuring they would never speak again, at least, not in public. Hmm…perhaps she can confer with her in the bathroom, if she can get a hall pass out of this math bee.
"Um, excuse me?" Veronica calls, wincing as every eye in the class falls upon her. She turns scarlet.
"Yes? You have a question about the recent problem we did with parabolas and how to tell if a function has an inverse?" Her teacher, Mr. Munificent, calls hopefully. Otherwise, she's been staring into space all period, something that displeases him to no end.
"What?" She replies, dumbfounded. "Uh, no…I wanted to know if I could go to the bathroom."
"I don't know, 'can you'?" A kid jeers and, although it is a tired joke, the kids laugh, just to mock her.
"Enough!" Mr. Munificent snaps and turns to the towheaded girl with a sigh. Every year, he swears the seniors swap maturity for technology. Honestly, he's dealing with a bunch of babies.
"May I, I mean…" Veronica murmurs, hugging her arms to her chest as she rises. Her body trembles with unshed tears.
"Yes, you may," Mr. Munificent says and hands her the pass. In three seconds, she's out the door. He glances after her, but adds nothing.
(Dimmsdale Park)
Tootie idly throws some crumbs to pigeons. They nearly peck each other to death retrieving them, and she smirks. Fight to the death over something stupid, the motto of her life.
Vicky will find out she skipped her last few classes. There will be a tempest rivaling Hurricane Jeanne when she gets home, but she won't be home for a few more hours. She can hold on until then, and even if she can't, it doesn't matter.
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees A.J. approach her. Yes, she forgot that, unlike Trixie, Veronica, and Timmy, he has seventh free. This doesn't improve her mood, but it shows she pays attention to other things than Timmy.
"Hey," A.J. says softly, sitting beside her on the bench. She automatically slides down a few paces, keeping him at arm's distance. The shield goes up.
"Hello," Tootie replies coldly, her eyes fixed on the flagpole before her. Hello and goodbye. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to hear your problems, and I don't care. Just go away and leave me the hell alone.
"I heard you got into a fight with Trixie," A.J. says conversationally, tempted to turn her head so he can look into her eyes. The thought occurs to him Tootie no longer makes eye contact with anyone, not even Timmy. He wonders if what she reveals in her eyes might be too painful for her to show others.
"And I heard that it was none of your concern," Tootie retorts, folding her arms across her chest.
"I know we're not friends or anything…" A.J. begins uncertainly, sliding closer to her on the bench. Yet again, she moves away.
"Yes, that's right. We're not friends. I have no friends. So just go about your life, stop acting like you care, and do me a favor, okay? Fuck off." Anger, rage she is so accustomed to these days, surges through her veins. Fighting is in her blood and she'll pick one with anyone, no matter who they think they are.
"Damn it, Tootie, I'm just trying to reach out to you!" A.J. snaps, rising because he senses she's about to run. She always runs away from people, she won't stay to have a five-minute conversation with anyone.
"And I'm just telling you that, unless you want this fist imbedded in your face, you'll leave me alone!" His predictions were right and she stands quickly, about to head off to the least populated place she knows, wherever that might be. Grr…she didn't come here to play twenty questions.
"What happened to you? You used to be a nice sweet girl and now you're just like Vicky!" Grabbing her hand, he roots her to the spot and she glares at him, her eyes cold and hate filled.
"Don't ever compare me to that bitch," Tootie says dangerously. "If you think I'm bad, try ordering your parents out just so you can make your younger sibling into your slave."
Shocked, he drops her hand and she takes this opportunity to get out of there as quickly as possible. Her hair whips past his face, as do a few tears…
Meanwhile, A.J. sits on the bench again, struck by her last comment. When people make hypothetical situations, they usually do it so that they can cover themselves. Which meant…
Placing his chin on his fist, A.J. breathed, "Oh, god, Tootie…"
(The bathroom)
As luck would have it, Trixie too leaves class at the same time and it is here they meet, alone. Veronica does not to have to go through the trouble of calling her friend (or should she say 'ex friend'?) in the midst of class and Trixie does not have to suffer with the embarrassment prone to occur, inevitably. All in all, a good deal, she supposes.
Trixie leans against the wall; a clump of hair is indeed missing and she still sports the look from a mere period ago. Veronica's heart goes out to her, forlorn like this. She swears, she will hunt Tootie down and make her sorry she ever heard the name Trixie Tang.
"I'll be all right…" Trixie murmurs sheepishly. She presses a note into the blonde girl's hand and is about to vanish out the door when Veronica snatches her by the opposite hand. Not on her watch will she leave that easily.
"I need to know…were you going to kiss me before?" Veronica whispers, her fingers unconsciously flittering to the bald spot on her beloved's head. Trixie places her hand atop it, but does not move it away.
"It…I wasn't…" She says softly, trapped. Now, there has to be a logical way to escape this paradox, correct? Perhaps she can just say it was all in Veronica's mind, but it wasn't all in Veronica's mind, so what exactly is she supposed to say?
"I see…" Veronica replies, hurt. There is a moment of tense silence where they glance at each other, Trixie unreadable, but then she vanishes out the door. So much for that.
Sinking to the floor with a sigh, Veronica read the letter she would soon read again and again…until Trixie told the truth.
He walked through the courtyard- Trixie had told him she had something to tell him. Therefore, with Cosmo and Wanda mum beside him, he waited for her.
When she finally showed, it was not how he expected. Instead, she was on Veronica's arms and she leaned in for a kiss. Maybe she was just playing with his mind…she couldn't possibly…
Sighing heavily, Tootie watched them, pain evident in her face. She folded her arms across her chest, and bit back tears. Suddenly, Timmy wondered what she wasn't telling him, wasn't telling anyone.
"I told you…the only thing I have left is you…I tried to protect you…" Tootie whispered sadly and vanished.
Timmy awakes with drool on his face and a scowl. Liar.