Chapter Fourteen

Sam looked at his shoes and tried not to cringe too noticeably as Leo, Josh and Toby held yet another discussion about what to do about Adler. Sam knew that he had not intentionally influenced Josh's decision not to go to the dinner to speak to the senator but he still felt guilty and indirectly responsible.

"Do you think that's enough to sway them, Sam?"

Sam's head shot up and he stared at Leo as he realised he'd been asked a question. "I think…I'm sorry, could you just go back over the main points of what you've been saying for probably the last two or three minutes?"

Toby flung his hand up and hit his forehead with the file he was holding. Josh stepped forward holding up his hands in a gesture of appeasement. "Why don't I take Sam away, fill him in on what we're planning and then we can meet again this afternoon?"

Leo looked at Toby who was fuming, Sam- who was about ready to let the floor swallow him and Josh who looked rattled. "You look rattled," Leo decided to tell him.

"I am rattled, we're all rattled. I'm possibly more rattled than some."

"You're more rattled than Sam," Toby agreed. "But then he wasn't listening to the thing that's got us rattled, wait until he hears that!"

Sam put his hand up and the gesture made Leo smile briefly. "Yes, Sam?"

"Can I be excused?"

Leo sighed and shook his head. "Millions and millions of people, out there, totally oblivious to what goes on in here and let's pray to God it stays that way. Get out of my office I need to do some stuff with intelligent people who don't get easily rattled."

Josh threw Sam a bottle of water and then walked over to his desk and sat down opposite him. "Where did you hear up to?"

Sam took a long sip and rested his head against the back of the chair. "I think Leo was saying how he didn't want to know why the opportunity had been missed but how you were going to create another one."

"Yeah, that wasn't a good moment for me. I don't think I had a quick comeback for that one. In fact, the meeting went pretty downhill from there."

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Risk wrecking this bill, anyone could have seen me home and sat and watched me drool on my pillow."

"But it shouldn't be anyone, it should be me!" The sudden burst of anger made Sam turn quickly and push the door to.

"You're not responsible for me, Josh. I don't want you to feel like that. I wouldn't have got through the past few weeks without you but I don't want you to think that I can't cope on my own."

"You just don't get it do you." Josh turned away from Sam and walked back to his desk. Sam watched as he leant on it and took a deep breath before turning to face him once more. "I want to be the person that takes you home; stays with you; watches out for you. I want to be responsible for you. When something's wrong I want to be the person that people come and get. I want you to need me again, Sam." Josh's eyes closed and he shook his head. "I never stopped needing you."

Sam stood still, a startled expression on his face. He could not think of one word to say in reply. The fact that Josh had bared his soul to him deserved some sort of reply but Sam was incapable of anything beyond staring at Josh and trying to process his words.

"Josh, Leo wants to know if school is out yet." Donna's voice came through the door, "Josh!"

"I'll go see Leo…" Josh trailed off as he realised that they had run out of time and Leo would be impatient to meet and finish their earlier discussion. "We'll go the long way round," Josh decided and he dragged a still dazed Sam out of his office and on a tour of the West Wing as he quickly filled him in on what Sam had missed in Leo's office. They arrived to find a very impatient Leo and Toby waiting for them.

"Josh has got you up to speed on what's going on?" Leo asked Sam.

"Yeah, I think I've got the full picture now," Sam said.

Sam was waiting while The President read the first draft of a speech. He was staring at Bartlet's hand. He was staring at his hand and thinking about wedding bands. He was thinking about inscriptions on wedding bands and trying to remember what his mother's had inscribed on it when the pain started. Even though Sam had successfully aborted five attacks by injecting his new meds, he still felt a twinge of panic on experiencing the first signs of one. The fact that his worst fear, an attack in the Oval, was about to come true made his panic all the worse. He jumped out of his seat and frantically patted his pockets for the injector pen. Bartlet was oblivious to Sam's actions until he heard Sam tell himself to calm down.

"Is there something wrong, Sam?" he asked placing the speech on his lap.

"No, fine, no, just need to-" Sam suddenly stopped checking his pockets and looked up at the President with an expression of pure horror. "I don't have it!"

"Don't have what?" Bartlet placed the speech on the table and walked over to Sam.

"My drugs, my injector pen, I don't have it!"

"Drugs, pen, I don't…oh boy, is there any chance that you are having one of your things?"

"Yes, yes, one of my things and I don't have my drugs." The sound of panic in Sam's voice did little to alleviate Bartlet's rising state of agitation.

"Okay, well let's not- The important thing here is not to panic." He pushed Sam back onto the sofa and quickly walked over to the tray that Charlie had just brought in. "I'll get you a coffee. Abbey swears by coffee for-" Sam groaned and Bartlet put the cup down. "Okay, not coffee, although you'd be amazed to learn that in certain South African tribes they-" Another groan stopped him again. "Okay, now's probably not the time. Why don't I just go and see if…yeah, that's what I'll do. Don't move, Sam, and if you want a coffee it's right there."

The Secretary of Agriculture was listening intently to Leo when the door burst open to reveal the President looking less than collected. "Leo, if you have a minute I'd appreciate it if you could step in here," Bartlet finished the sentence with an exaggerated nod towards the Oval office. On noticing the other occupant of the room, he said hello and thanked the Secretary for her support with the amendments on the fair farming bill before repeating the nod but more urgently. Leo vaguely wondered if Bartlet had developed a nervous twitch since the morning's staff meeting.

Leo smiled patiently at his guest and then walked calmly into the next room. "Okay, what's got you in-" on seeing Sam, Leo stopped talking and walked quickly towards him. Sam wasn't making a sound but he was clutching at his head, his face buried behind his arms. If he'd simply stood up and walked out of the Oval Office when the attack had started he would have been able to go to his office and find his drugs but now the pain had begun and it was already making him incapable of thinking of anything but the shredding sensation as it travelled from behind his ear and towards his eye. He knew Josh had, or would be able to find, his drugs. But he was also aware that the President seemed to have turned into a gibbering wreck who was offering no help at all. He could tell someone else was sitting beside him but couldn't work out whom.

"Where are they, Sam?" Leo knew that Sam had found drugs to control his attacks and quickly reasoned that for some reason he hadn't been able to take them.

Sam felt relieved on hearing Leo's commanding tone. "Josh," he replied and Leo patted his back before standing up.

"He needs his drugs."

"Okay."

"Josh has them or probably knows where to get them."

"Okay," Bartlet replied again and started walking quickly from the room. Leo realised his intention too late. "Charlie!"

Two agents walked into the room prompted by the noise and the abrupt departure of the President. "It's okay guys," Leo said before turning to Charlie who had followed them in. "Tell Josh, Sam needs his drugs." Charlie nodded and headed for the door but Leo stopped him. "Oh, and if you happen to see the President can you bring him back here."

Josh didn't think much of Frank. B. Hulme. He hadn't thought much of him at college and he didn't think much of him now. He sat back, one eye on the door hoping Donna would interrupt them, and waited for Frank's reply to the very scanty argument that he had just presented to him.

"Gee, Josh, I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your time. You obviously have far better things you could be doing! What are you going to do next, arrange for the President to burst in here and tell you you're needed in the Oval office?"

It was difficult to say who looked the most astonished when, swiftly following Frank's words, the door was swung wide open to reveal the President.

"Josh, you're needed in the Oval Office."

"Wait a minute," Josh spluttered, "that was…wow. I mean that was like…" Josh's surprise at the President's foretold appearance was quelled as he realised that something serious must be happening for Bartlet to appear like this. He stood up and walked past the President who lingered in the doorway.

"Frank Hulme," Bartlet said as he held out his hand. "I appreciate you coming here to meet with Josh about the…"

"Senate Democratic Caucus," Frank supplied.

"Yes, that, well it's been good. Now I have to go…do this thing…in the Oval Office."

The President rushed away and Frank was left standing, completely bemused, in the middle of Josh's office. He collected himself before collecting his bag and coat and walking out of the room.

Josh had been met by Charlie who had told him what the problem was. As much as he wanted to go to Sam, Josh knew it was useless unless he found his drugs first. He went straight to Sam's office and searched the coat that was hanging on the coat stand.

"What's up?" Toby asked from the doorway as he watched Josh and Charlie frantically searching Sam's desk and drawers.

"Sam's having an attack and he hasn't got his drugs."

"Where is he?" Toby asked and then made the link between Charlie's presence and Sam's whereabouts. "Please don't tell me he's in the Oval Office."

"He's in the Oval Office," Josh's muffled reply came from beneath Sam's desk. "Got it!" Josh emerged triumphantly holding the injector pen.

"I've got it, Sam. I'm here," Josh cried as he entered the room.

"He's got it, Sam. He's here," Bartlet repeated helpfully. Leo glanced at his agitated friend and rolled his eyes as Josh expertly administered the drugs.

Charlie looked at the President before deciding it was probably best to let Leo deal with him and returned to his desk. Silence, except for the sound of Sam's breathing, followed his exit. Eventually Sam's frantic breaths slowed and a small smile crossed his face. Josh asked him if it was gone and Sam's smile widened and he nodded wearily. Both men knew that Sam would soon be dead to the world and Josh wanted to get Sam out before that happened but was pretty sure that short of carrying Sam through the West Wing, removing him from the Oval Office was no longer an option.

"Would you like to take some time and just sit here for a while?" Leo asked.

"No, I think I'll be okay now," Bartlet answered.

"Well that's good to know, Mr President, but I was actually talking to Sam."

"Ah, okay, well I think I'll just go back over to my desk and err, you know."

Leo and Josh exchanged a brief grin as Leo walked over to the sofa. "What happens now?"

"Sam likes to flake out." Josh shrugged helplessly. "We could move him. I don't what he'd hate more, being carried through the West Wing or sleeping on a sofa in here."

"Put him in my room," Leo decided.

Josh and an agent carried Sam into Leo's office. Toby arrived shortly after on the pretence of speaking to Leo. He returned a few moments later with a blanket which he handed to Margaret wordlessly. When Sam woke two hours later he felt no embarrassment at finding himself on Leo's sofa. He didn't feel fussed over when Margaret brought him a cup of tea or Ginger appeared with a pastry to go with it. He felt no shame at letting Leo help him to a standing position, holding onto his arm until he had his bearings. He simply felt relieved. The worst had happened, his worst fear had been realised and he had coped. "It really wasn't that bad at all," he said to Leo.

"What wasn't?"

"Having an attack in front of the President, losing control in front of everyone."

"Forget about it," Leo waved his hand dismissively. "You were ill and your friends got you through it, what's to fear about that. I'll tell you what, though, the President went a little crazy there for a while. That had me worried."

Sam didn't remember much of what had happened but he remembered the President's agitated state. He knew he'd enjoy listening to Josh tell him about it later that night. He returned to his office and realised assuming that Josh would come over if he asked felt good.

Josh groaned as Donna called his name and knocked on the door. "What's up? I said I don't want to be interrupted."

"Leo needs to see you in ten."

"Okay. Now I really need to get back in there," he said. "I'm meeting with Matt Skinner."

Donna nodded, already absorbed by her work.

"We're talking about some pretty important stuff you know, government stuff. Big decisions are being made in that room, decisions that will affect the lives of many."

"Yeah, well you better get back in there then because you only have ten minutes to make them."

Josh pulled a face to show Donna that he wasn't impressed with the sass but she wasn't looking at him so he turned and went back to his meeting.

Matt looked up as Josh entered the room and knowing that he had been interrupted, waited for him to continue what he had been saying.

"So, the thing is…what was I…yeah, the thing is, if I just go for broke and tell Sam how I feel then I risk pushing him or assuming too much, both of which he'll resent."

Matt nodded slowly and stretched out in the chair. He was one of the few people in Washington who knew about Sam and Josh. They'd had no choice in letting him know as he'd introduced them in the first place. "It seems to me, having listened to all your points and considered, from what I know of Sam, how he may be feeling, it seems to me you should get your act together and tell him. Push him, assume too much, give him an ultimatum otherwise we're going to be having these meetings until the end of this administration. Tell him, Josh, force him to make a decision. You're both crazy about each other, you're a perfect fit. God, it's not like you'll find anyone else who will put up with you like Sam does!"

Josh couldn't help but smile at Matt's frank reply. "Right, I get it and you're right. No more procrastination, no more dodging the issue. Tonight I'm going to have the discussion with Sam and that's final."

"Good!"

"No turning back."

"Right!"

"No running away."

"Good for you!"

"Maybe I should just pave the way tonight, you know, a little groundwork."

"Josh!"

"Okay, okay!" Josh held his hands up and smiled. "Message received, like I'd want to offend Cupid himself."

"Whatever, just get yourself back with Sam. If you knew the work it took to get you two together in the first place you wouldn't be so quick to make fun."

Josh laughed as he shook Matt's hand warmly. "I'll let you know how it goes and I promise you 'procrastinating Josh' is a thing of the past."

"Yeah, well just make sure Josh and Sam aren't."

Josh caught Donna staring at him. "What?" he asked but she just turned back to her computer and smiled knowingly.