Author's Note: Thankies to all my reviewers. I love you all!
Disclaimer: What do you mean, I don't own FOP? Why I oughta...(glances towards the readers) Yeah, yeah, self-delusion's fun.
Chapter Thirteen: It's What You Want
The ambulance workers stare at them- this has to the first time in their relatively short career that two boys squabble over who has the right to sit in the back. Their girlfriend, whoever she is to them, is in bad shape, too. It's the private opinion of many that she won't survive the night.
But they don't speak this- hope is a fragile flower and, once it's gone, there's often nothing left. Now, they have no idea what the will to live is of this girl, but, in this instance, it matters little. In almost all cases of this severity, they scarcely live to see the dawn.
The African American boy is quite a dogmatic, argumentative child. Although their confrontation has not yet descended to the level of physical blows, it certainly has the propensity to do so. Whoever this girl is, she must mean a lot to them.
Echoes of trauma, starvation, physical and mental abuse lines her face. For years, it appears as though she's suffered silently, which puzzles them. If these boys care so deeply for her, why have they allowed it to escalate so far? Surely they would have prevented her death...
Right now, her breath comes swiftly and ragged. In due time, she'll slip into a coma, deep and dark. If she doesn't die within twenty-four hours, she'll live forever...in her dreams. They personally see no hope for her.
And yet, the two continue to bicker. Finally, though, enough is enough. Why they would want to see their girlfriend die is beyond understanding, but every second they waste is precious and determines the difference between a coma and immediate death. They don't say as much, of course, but they imply it.
Timmy glares at A.J., the former of whom making rude gestures. Ultimately, Timmy loses the battle, A.J. clambers in, and the ride begins.
-----
Shuffling his feet in the driveway, Timmy glowers at the lack of car. Damn it, tonight had to be the night his parents borrowed the car. How on earth's he supposed to get to the hospital now?
The paramedics didn't tell him anything, either. They just looked at each other with dire looks pasted on their pasty faces, behaving as though she was going to die. That was ridiculous- just because she's dreadfully ill doesn't mean that she's terminal. How dare they say it!
Timmy's into denying reality, and right now, more than Trixie, he wants to believe Tootie will pull through. He lost his heart in Trixie, lost his virginity to her, and for what? He wasn't in love with her, he was permanently in lust. But now, the cycle's broken, to what avail? The heroine's going to die...
He doesn't even get the dignity of a last ride with her. Damn A.J. stole it from him, to tell her how he feels and all that nonsense. Hell, he already knows how he feels, loath as he is to deal with it. It's clear in the way he protects her...and the kiss was sort of a dead giveaway.
Then again, if people kissed people they were in love with, why did Trixie allow him to kiss her? Why did she allow him to make love to her? Then again, why were pretenses so important to her? They were her world...until Veronica became it.
No, thoughts are too painful. He can't focus on the past and its faults. If he does that, he loses sight of the present...and he already did that once. Now, he might have to pay with someone else's life, someone that might mean more to him than he thought.
She protected him, he realizes that now. She knew the truth but she kept it from him, at the risk of causing him heartache. In her life, there was already so much strife, yet she wanted to make him happy. Despite his selfishness, she never stopped being selfless.
Right now, he longs to hold her in his arms, stroke her hair, and kiss her. Everything in the past few hours has taught him one thing- he's in love with Tootie. And he'll be damned if he lets A.J. win her without a fight...as well as her dying without a fight.
-----
A.J. clasps her hand, so tiny within his. Her chest barely rises and falls, her face constricted. He's no fool, he's heard what they say. He only prays they're wrong.
No one's back here, which is peculiar. Nevertheless, he doesn't question his good luck and kisses her cheek. She moans, semi conscious.
"Timmy...I love you...even though you're a dick...I want you...to make love to me...one last time...before I die..."
These words jar him to the bone. "Oh, God, Tootie..."
Forcing herself to regain consciousness, she props herself up on an elbow, her eyes dazed and unfocused. Effort costs her, however, and A.J. rushes to hold her. Weakly, all she can do is rest against his chest.
"No...why are you here?" Tootie whimpers, shutting her eyes. If Timmy's not there, what's the point of looking? Damn him, he probably went to another cute girl and is sleeping with her right now. She was a fool to think he loved her.
"Timmy lost the battle of wits." Imagine that.
"I want Timmy." Feebly, she pushes at her chest, as though doing so would somehow release Timmy from hiding. She wants to see him badly, to taste him before she dies. For she's certain she's going to die, it's only a matter of time. She doesn't want to live.
"Why? He only saved you when it was convenient for him," A.J. scoffs, kissing the crown of her head. Unable to do anything about it, she winces, longing for Timmy with her body and heart. As sweet as she's sure A.J. is, she loves Timmy.
Accustomed to quickly agreeing with people, in order to best avoid the consequences if she does not, Tootie changes her mind and acquiesces. A.J. did, after all, have a point...and whatever makes him happy will ensure a better life for her. That's the way of the Ricky/Vicky jungle.
"I love you, Tootie," A.J. murmurs, caressing her cheek. She breathes hard, imagining Timmy saying it to her instead. But she cannot change the present, as much as she'd love to. If A.J.'s here, she must accept it.
"What would make you happy? What do you want me to say?" She replies, trembling badly. Forcing herself to consciousness has cost her precious energy, energy she's losing rapidly. Soon, she'll slip back...but whatever makes him happy, she will do.
"What do you mean, 'what would make you happy'? This isn't my happiness at stake, it's yours. You have to fight, Toot, fight to stay alive. Right now, you're in a precarious situation and, if you're not chary, you'll perish. I love you, I can't let that happen."
Sighing heavily, Tootie repeats herself. She doesn't care what happens to her, has stopped long ago. Whatever A.J. wants her to do, to say, she'll do. If he wants her to be in love with him and leave Timmy...well, if it makes him happy...she'll do it. No matter how miserable she becomes, she's learned that there's no such thing as happiness.
Swallowing hard, he begins to argue with her, correcting her. She does not want whatever he does, she wants whatever her heart desires. If her heart desires Timmy, then that's who she chooses. Too bad Tootie won't listen to such logic.
"I told you before, I don't care what happens to me. If you want me, you can have me. I know I'm of little value to anyone."
"No!" God, she's been beaten down so many times, she's used to staying down. If she has any self esteem at all, I'd be astounded. She doesn't believe anything anyone tells her, because all she knows is she's a slave, worthless.
"Yes." Timmy...
"Tootie, listen to me. You're worth the world to me, and I won't let you put yourself down like that, okay? You're going to get through this and...you'll chose which you want, not who you think will cause you less trouble to choose. I want you to choose whomever your heart desires...no one else."
"Whatever you want me to choose..." Tootie murmurs, slipping unconscious again. The last conscious thought she has is, Timmy...kiss me...all over...I love you...
-----
By the time he arrives at the hospital, Tootie's already unconscious again. A.J. won't tell her what happened, but whatever it was must have pissed him off, because he calls his parents and promptly leaves. Well, that means he's alone in a room with her, which might turn out better if she were actually awake to notice.
Nevertheless, like a fool, he sits in her room. Cosmo and Wanda have decided to vanish until they're needed- they've done this more and more often as of late. He wonders briefly if they're trying to tell him something.
"Tootie?" Timmy calls, feeling foolish for doing so. He pulls the chair up to her bed and holds her hand tightly. She tosses and turns at the sound of his voice, fighting to awake. Timmy...she wants to see him...speak to him...kiss him...make love to him...
"Timmy!" At long last, she regains herself long enough to regard him. Just as feebly before, she moves, but this time to pull him closer to her. He gets the hint, fortunately, and sits on her bed, facing her.
"Thank God you're conscious..." Now he doesn't feel like such an idiot for coming here. She slips her arms around his neck, pulling him atop her. If she's going to die soon, she wants to do as much with him as possible. It doesn't occur to her whether or not he'll reciprocate.
"What are you doing?" Her heart sinks- she was a fool. No way in hell would he ever consider her a possibility...nothing's changed. Just because she's dying doesn't mean that his feelings will change.
"Make love to me...before I die..." She whispers, kissing him lightly on the lips.
"Tootie!" He says, out of surprise and shock. His hand cups the back of her head, caressing her hair. She shuts her eyes, enjoying his touch.
"You...you don't have to...if you don't want to...I know I'm just a last resort...because you can't get Trixie anymore..."
For a second, her words stun him into an inert state. Her eyes plead with him, to grant the last wish of a dying girl, hopelessly in love with him. God...looking at her makes his heart ache.
"If I did that, you'd die-"
"How's that such a crime? I want to die...I've outlived my usefulness. Vicky'll come get me here, take me home, and the cycle will begin again. I'll never be happy, so I might as well try to be a cheap prostitute for you...I mean, it'll be a shame for you when I die because that means you can't use me anymore-"
Horrified, he gazes down at her. She's weeping silently, brushing away errant tears. It takes him a few seconds to realize she's being completely and utterly serious.
"How can you say that?!" Timmy cries, appalled.
"I'm not worth even an easy lay? I tried..." Now she begins crying in earnest, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Her Timmy doesn't want her, not even as a notch on his belt. It cuts deep into her, like a knife twisting in her heart.
"No! Tootie...I would never use you like that...but right now, you're too weak to try anything like that right now." Kissing her lightly on the lips, he nuzzles her neck. She breathes hard, both from the effort and his lips.
"If you don't do it now, I'll die a virgin." Idly, her hands languidly run through his hair, loving its feel against her fingers. God, she wants him to make love to her...
"You won't die!" Timmy says fiercely, trailing kisses down her shoulder. Already, she's in her hospital gown and she knows he could easily take her, relieve himself, and then be finished. Then she can die happily, knowing he was inside her and, for a brief moment, she was complete.
"Yes...I will...just promise me one thing. Even if I'm not conscious, make love to me. When I die, I'll know you were my first and only..." Spent, she passes out...into a deep coma.
"No..." In an attempt to rouse her, he kisses everywhere within reach, but Wanda, appearing from who knows where, lightly pushes him away. She waggles a finger at him (Cosmo's nowhere to be seen, hmm...) and begins to lecture him.
He cuts it short, however, and inquires if there's a way in which to reach her there. She smiles brightly, affectionately stroking her hair. Yes, there is, she states...'welcome to my nightmare'.