DISCLAIMER: What does the word fanfaction tell you? Exactly, not mine.
Much love and thanks to Hermione Rae, tamar-shaki, HarryNDracosdarlin and ibogal for reviewing. You really cheered me up! I'm sorry updating took so long.
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She hurried off the stairs. Common room. No, he wasn't there. Most of the chairs were empty, the only ones sitting there were a few noisy first years who looked surprised at her as she ran past them. What now? Library. Out of breath she arrived there. She smoothed her robe, re-did her hair, took a deep breath and went inside. He wasn't here either. Damn. Stupid boy. Come to think about it, the library was also nearly empty. Where did everybody go? Of course, how stupid of here. They were all eating! A rumbling noise under her feet proved her theory had been right; groups of students came up the stairs, at ease. Outside the library she waited, but she didn't see a face familiar to her. Perhaps he still was in the Great Hall. Her energy renewed she ran down the broad, monumental stairs.
Instead of looking where she placed her feet, Hermione only thought of possible scenarios for her talk with Harry. Deep down she knew he would probably pity her or something other horrible, like looking at her with a compassionate look and saying he had never seen her as more than a friend. That he had never known he had meant so much to her, and that he hoped this wouldn't destroy their friendship. Her favourite daydream said something else. In that he said he had been in love with her for years, and that he had always been afraid that she would not notice him. That she would fall into his arms and be happy forever. The chance that this would happen was less than zero, but she couldn't restrain herself from hoping on it, secretly.
Frightened she noticed this feeling was in fact nothing else but a boundless greed, of wanting to have something that isn't possible and still hoping for it. something like winning the lottery or get 11 out of 10 on a test. Of love, divided between egoism and greed, didn't rested much. So fretting herself she continued to walk, only looking up when she bumped hard into someone.
With a bang she fell on the ground. Without looking up at the person she had walked into, she snapped: 'watch where you're go..' The words got stuck in her throat. 'Hermione!' Harry exclaimed surprised, and he held out his hand to help her get up. 'Why weren't you at dinner?' Hermione blushed and stared at the ground. 'Didn't feel like it', she mumbled. Not completely lied. She was on her feet again, and looked in his eyes, shyly. As always she marvelled at the bright colour green they had. She knew nobody with green eyes like that, and his glasses only drew more attention to their colour. When she noticed Harry was looking at her curiously she averted her eyes quickly. 'Are you okay?' he asked, he sounded worried. Quickly she nodded. It was best to say it now, that for what she had been looking for him. Now, before it would be too late. Just a second ago she had been determined, now her legs were made of pudding and she thought that, on second thought, it was better to say nothing at all.
'Coward' she hissed. Harry looked at her surprised. 'um' he said. Hermione startled. Had she really said that out loud? He must think she was crazy or something. It was now or never. He opened his mouth. In a second he would propose to go to the common room or somewhere else and then the perfect moment would be over. Scraping together her courage she cleared her throat: 'Harry, uh, I need to talk to you.'
Harry looked like he hadn't been expecting this, of course not, stupid the voice in her head said, but he nodded. 'Fine, why don't we go for a walk?' Hermione nodded. Walk. Okay. Forcing her legs to move she walked next to him further off the stairs. She had truly believed her love would fade, with the years, but now it was worse than ever: her hands were all sweaty and her heart beat in her throat. Silently she cursed herself. Look how she behaved! Wasn't it ridiculous she couldn't even walk next to a friend? Harry didn't spoke, but looked at the ground instead. From his posture she was able to see he was wondering what it would be she wanted to talk about. This was pathetic, that she was able to read his mind from the way he spread his shoulder muscles, just because she had done nothing but looking at him for years.
When they walked outside he still did not look at her. He examined the grass under his feet instead. The weather was good, except for a few clouds, and although is was chilly there were many other students, and a few couples walk hand in hand in the twilight, their heads close together. Jalousie stung Hermione as she looked at the two in front of them; their heads were bent to each other, they softly whispered something to each other, not aware of the rest of the world. To walk like that with Harry... No, stop, wrong thought. That would never happen.
At an old tree on the border of the lake they stopped. Harry sat down and looked at her, questioningly. Vaguely she realised she had to say it now, and she cursed herself for not preparing this. Seldom she had so impetuously done such a stupid thing. But she couldn't back out anymore, he expected her to say something.
She took a deep breath and blurted it out, only not how she had expected it to sound.
'I um, there is something you should know. About me. And about you, but more about me. I, um, I think I'm in love with you.'
Harry tried to say something, but she gestured him to keep silent. Dead nervous and blushing she continued.
'In fact I'm sure. That I like you more than just as a friend, I mean. For a very long time.'
'How long?' his voice sounded unusually bitter, the words pronounced short and edgy.
'Actually ever since we met on the first day at Hogwarts... I don't know what to do anymore' she added, now feeling very desperate and ridiculous. Slowly she looked up to meet his eyes. What she saw shocked her. Different from how she had always seen them, his eyes were no longer shining like stars, supposing there are green stars. The looked dull, and even worse, slowly began to reflect the emotion she had feared the most: anger.
He looked around like a rabbit in a fix, seeing the hunter approach. When he spoke his words had nothing of their usual softness, he nearly snapped.
'I can't believe this. I CANNOT believe you never told me anything of this. Never. I thought we were friends. I trusted you. You didn't say a word. All this time I thought you were the only person I could fully trust, even in matters concerning Cho. I thought you were a friend, not someone just stalking me because she has fallen in love with me. And now, now Cho and I , well, you know, now you come to tell me that. You know what to do? Just leave. I don't want to see you anymore. This isn't possible. It can't be. Just leave!'
His voice broke down and he turned abruptly to run away. Stupefied Hermione stared at the ground. She had not know what his reaction would be like, but she had never expected this. Now she felt empty, like all her emotions had been drained from her body.
She sat on the soggy grass, crying softly
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Thanks for reading this chapter, I hope you liked it.
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