In a moment of clarity, we decide to die
I've had my moment of clarity.
It came soon after I fulfilled my purpose.
I was a tool, and I was used. I've finished now, and have no more use.
To Hermione... you have a future ahead of you. Never give up. You may not realize what you have, but your potential is amazing. Don't doubt yourself. Be confident and proud.
To Ron… don't forget anything I learned from you. You taught me the ways of the wizarding world. You taught me their prejudices, and we overcame them. Don't ever forget. What I learned could be just as valuable to you.
To Ginny… Thank you, for realizing what I wanted and helping me, rather than wallowing in knowing that it wasn't you. You gave me a great gift. You gave me your love, while helping me find mine. You were always my little sister, even if we weren't related.
To Draco… my undying love.. and Gratitude for the times we shared. You were my beacon in times of troubles. You were my rock through my ordeals. I knew the others first. I knew them well, and they knew who I was, but you.. you knew ME, in a way that they never could. From opposite ends of the spectrum, somehow, we could relate. You had everything you could ever want, yet still, neither of us had what we wanted most. Family.. and together, we found that.
Some believe that when we die, we can lo longer hide from ourselves. They think that when we die, we see ourselves as we truly were in life.
I know better now.
We don't see ourselves as we truly were when we die… Nay, we die when we truly see ourselves. When we can no longer fool ourselves into believing that we're not so bad, when we see our true face, we cannot handle the magnitude of the situation, and so must pass on to be able to fully comprehend the meaning of what we now can understand.
I once heard, on a children's game, no less… the climax of this philosophy.
"One who knows nothing can understand nothing"
Your life is pointless until you die, and can then look back and understand. And so, we must wait until we can finally see, and know ourselves, before we can understand what we did, and what effect we had on the world. Our purpose cannot be known until we have completed it, or, perhaps, until it is too late to be completed.
I have seen myself, and that my purpose is nothing more than it ever was. And so, in this moment of absolution and clarity… of seeing as humans were not meant to see… I die.