Truths
By Neurotica
Twelve
Remus arrived home with a pop and found the cottage in complete silence. This hadn't happened since before the last full moon—Remus was suspicious. For the slightest moment, he thought that perhaps Sirius and Harry hadn't Flooed through yet, and he looked at the fireplace automatically waiting for a burst of light. Then Remus looked down the hall and spotted Sirius coming out of Harry's room, leaving the door partially cracked behind him.
"What's up?" Remus asked.
Sirius smiled. "Fell asleep just as we came through the fireplace. I put him to bed," he said. "What took you so long?"
Remus looked out the window, noting that night had fallen. It was probably just past nine o'clock; Harry was normally asleep by eight-thirty (or so that had been the routine for three days). He looked back to Sirius and smiled. "Just wondering what I was coming home to. Figured it would be best to give you two a head start if the house was going to be booby-trapped or something." Remus cast an anxious glance around the spotless cottage. "It's not booby-trapped... is it?"
Sirius grinned. "Maybe it is… maybe it isn't. Guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"
Remus rolled his eyes and began removing the things they had purchased from his pockets. He went to sit on the sofa, and Sirius sat next to him, also observing their purchases. "Hmm... Didn't realize we'd bought so much today..." he muttered.
Remus chuckled. "Yes, that tends to happen when a Potter and a Black go shopping," he said thoughtfully.
Sirius grinned, but it disappeared a moment later. "So. What happened in Gringotts?" he asked flatly.
Remus closed the book he had been flipping through and sighed. "Harry wanted to know what all those people in Diagon Alley were on about. Apparently your reply didn't satisfy his never-ending curiosity," he said with a wry grin.
Sirius didn't grin back. He ignored the attempt at humor from his friend and spoke quietly, "And what'd you tell him?"
"I told him that some people think you did something bad, that you really didn't, but they won't believe the truth." Sirius nodded pensively. "I don't think he fully understood what I was saying, but I think he got the gist of it." Remus paused and smiled. "If it makes you feel any better, for some strange reason, Harry doesn't seem to think you are all that bad."
Sirius smiled at this, but said nothing. After a tense moment of silence, in which both wizards wondered what to do next,
Sirius spoke, "What should we tell him, then?"
Remus had been thinking of this all afternoon. "Well, we obviously need to tell him the truth about Lily and James, and about Voldemort." It was refreshing for Remus not to see someone wince at the name. "And I think we should explain what happened to you..."
"Wormtail and all?"
"Wormtail and all. He needs to know the entire story to fully comprehend it. I know he's young, and that's why we didn't want to tell him right away. But I think that Harry is smart enough to understand," Remus replied with another sigh.
Sirius nodded. Even quieter, and not looking at Remus, he replied, "What about the prophecy?"
Remus stared at Sirius for a moment, trying to work out what he had just said. "Prophecy? What prophecy?"
"The prophecy that was made about Harry before he was born," Sirius explained with the air of wanting to get something over. "That was the reason Voldemort went after Lily, James, and Harry. He was trying to fulfill the prophecy." Sirius looked into Remus' face—he was completely baffled. Sirius looked back to his feet—his shoes seemed to be easier to talk to than Remus' face at the moment. "Basically, it said that Harry would have the power to defeat Voldemort... eventually."
"So Voldemort was going after Harry to get rid of him before Harry could defeat him?" Sirius nodded. "But... Harry defeated Voldemort that night. Well, for the time being. But—"
Sirius cut him off. "The prophecy said that the Dark Lord will mark the child born to parents that thrice defied the Dark Lord at the end of July. From what I could figure out, and that isn't much, Voldemort marked Harry the night he killed Lily and James."
Remus raised his eyebrows. He'd never heard any of this before... Ever. "How do you know all this?"
Sirius sighed and looked out the window; that tree that was blowing was far more interesting than his shoes. "James told me just after Dumbledore told him and Lily. They weren't positive if that it was Harry at the time, but Dumbledore advised them to go into hiding. It could have been another boy born around the same time as Harry, and that boy's family went into hiding, too." Sirius was stalling for time, and he knew it.
"The Longbottoms..." Remus said. Old mysteries were beginning to make sense.
"The Longbottoms," Sirius confirmed. Remus shook his head sadly. Then his eyes narrowed on Sirius expectantly, waiting for the rest of the story.
With another sigh—Just get it over with, he urged himself—he continued, "Voldemort knew half of the prophecy; some Death Eater had overheard it being made, but he was busted halfway through and thrown out of the place. Lily and James didn't tell you because I advised them not to. I told them that—"
"That I was the spy," Remus finished flatly.
Sirius finally looked back at him. "They didn't believe it, Remus. Lily threatened to curse off certain parts of my body for only suggesting it. And I thought James was going to have an aneurysm with that vein popping out of his forehead, he was so pissed at me," Sirius said quickly in one breath. "They never—not even for a second—believed it was you, Remus. They didn't want to believe it was any of us, but the facts were there; one of us was the spy. It was all me; I was the one that told them not to tell you they were going into hiding at first; I was the one who told them you were the spy. And again, Remus, I am so sorry."
Remus shook his head and tried to focus on a spot on the carpet. "Don't worry about it. Don't forget," he said looking back at Sirius with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I thought you were a mad mass murderer for nearly five years."
Sirius snorted quietly. "Yeah."
Both went into their own thoughts, once more.
Remus was more than relieved to hear Sirius say that Lily and James hadn't believed him to be the spy. He always knew that Sirius was trying to convince them it was him all along. Remus had attempted to do the same with Sirius to James—that didn't work out too well. Both were wrong and they knew it now. All of them, Remus, Sirius, Lily, and James, had forgotten about Peter until it was too late. No one had even considered Peter as the spy—well, maybe for about a second, but just the thought of it at the time—Peter Pettigrew, spying for Voldemort. It was preposterous, outrageous, laughable.
There had never been an issue with Remus forgiving Sirius for thinking he was the spy those years ago; after all, as Remus had said, he'd thought the same thing of Sirius. Remus just hoped his friend would forgive him for not seeing the truth after everything happened. Remus hadn't been thinking straight for months after Lily and James' deaths and Sirius' imprisonment. He had barely left his home for months besides attending the funerals for the late Potters and the supposedly dead Peter.
It was easier for Remus to let Sirius' apologies fly right past him without another thought than it was to wonder whether or not Lily and James had died thinking he was thinking he was a traitor. Perhaps this was because Sirius was there, alive, and Lily and James... well, weren't.
Sirius cleared his throat. "So we'll talk to Harry tomorrow, then?" he asked.
Remus swallowed and nodded. "Yeah," he said hoarsely.
Sirius nodded and stood. "All right, then. I'm going to bed; I'm exhausted."
Remus chuckled quietly, still not looking at Sirius. "Okay, see you in the morning, Sirius."
"See you."
Sirius had been gone for ten minutes before Remus finally stood. He walked down to the basement, to the room where he kept his hidden treasures, and picked up an old box of photos. After riffling through them for a moment, Remus found what he was searching for: a wizard photo of the Marauders, Lily, and Harry the Christmas before their world collapsed.
Remus watched the photo for hours, chuckling occasionally, as Sirius and James made goofy faces and tried to push each other out of the frame, as James kissed Lily and Harry, as Remus and Sirius took turns holding the giggling five-month-old Harry. He watched Wormtail walk in and out of the photo peering at Harry over the shoulders of the others with an odd expression on his face.
Finally, around midnight by his watch, Remus placed the photo gently back into the box, and headed to bed. The next day was going to be a long one...
Sirius walked through the dark deserted halls of the Potter home in Godric's Hollow.
"James?" he called.
There was no answer.
"Lily? Harry? Anyone here?"
Nothing.
Into the kitchen, Sirius walked. He reached for where he knew the light switch to be, and flicked it into the on position. The room remained dark.
"Odd..." Sirius muttered, confused. He moved his hand to the inner pockets of his robes for his wand—it wasn't there. Sirius searched all his pockets—he seemed to have more than usual—but turned up nothing.
A creak of a floorboard sounded somewhere above him.
Sirius looked up and frowned. "Why didn't they answer me?" he murmured.
Sirius left the kitchen and headed up the stairs. Since when are they're so many stairs in this place? he wondered. "James?" he called softly. "Are you here? It's me. It's Padfoot."
Sirius wasn't sure why he was informing his best friend of over twenty years as to who he was; James should know by now.
He reached the top of the stairs and looked around. In the far end of the hall, a door was slightly ajar and the light was on. A shadow passed into the room and the door closed. He turned and looked at the other side of the hallway. Everything else was dark; the only source of light was now just a sliver from under that closed door.
Sirius turned back to face the door. It seemed farther away than before, but he walked slowly towards it. He wished he had his wand; he didn't know what was going to be in that room. Before he knew it, Sirius was directly facing the dark mahogany door. It was Lily and James' bedroom—Harry's was two doors to the right. Sirius placed his hand on the doorknob (And behind door number one, he thought amusedly) and pushed the door open slowly—why was this door so heavy?
He had expected to see James on the floor, leaning against the four-poster bed, playing with Harry. When he opened the door fully, Sirius found the oddest sight he had ever seen. This was not Lily and James' bedroom. It was a cement room with a spotlight in the middle shining on a lone figure. And beneath the light was James. He was dead. Somehow, Sirius had moved from the doorway to James in a matter of seconds, and dropped to his knees. He looked into James' empty hazel eyes and sobbed. "I'm so sorry, James. I miss you..."
Suddenly, a strong hand, James' hand, flew up and grabbed Sirius around the neck. James' dead pale face formed a maniacal grin.
"You killed us, Sirius," James said in a voice that was not his.
"No! No, I didn't, James! I swear! It was Voldemort!" Sirius cried thickly, trying to pry James' cold hands from his throat.
"You told us to switch to Wormtail. You killed Lily. You killed me. You caused Harry to be orphaned."
"No! Harry's with Moony and me now! He's happy!"
"It's because of you, Sirius, that my son—my one and only son—was forced to spend five years of his life with those bloody Muggles." James' grip increased. "You deserved Azkaban. The dementors should have given you the Kiss for what you did to us. We were happy. And you had to ruin our lives."
James pulled Sirius closer. Sirius could smell James' rotten breath. He looked down at the hand around his neck—the skin was peeling, revealing pearly, white bone. He looked back at James. "You're no better than Bellatrix," the skin under James' eyes was disappearing, "no better than Regulus," the bones digging into Sirius' throat were penetrating his skin, "no better than your mother."
James was going to kill Sirius. His strength was unusually strong for a skeleton man.
"No, James! I didn't know it was Wormtail! I swear! I didn't know! I wouldn't have done that to you! I'm sorry!"
"You're a traitor, Sirius. A traitor to your family. A traitor to your friends. A traitor to the Order. You're not the brother I once thought. You're nothing to me."
"Sirius..."
"No, James! Please! I'm sorry!" Sirius was shaking, still trying to push James away.
"Sirius!"
"Please, James! I didn't know!"
"SIRIUS!"
Sirius awoke with a jolt, sitting straight up. He was wet with cold sweat dripping from nearly every area of his body, his hair plastered to his forehead, mingling with warm tears. Remus stood above him looking alarmed. Sirius looked back with wide eyes, his breathing fast and shallow.
"Sirius," Remus said concernedly, "are you okay?"
Sirius pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, producing small white stars, trying to press out the image of James, the feeling of James' hands around his neck, the smell of James' breath, the sound of James' odd voice telling Sirius it was his fault.
Sirius opened his eyes and looked at Remus, then moved his eyes around the room. "Where's Harry?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
"He's still asleep," Remus replied quietly. "I heard someone crying. I thought it was Harry. You were thrashing around... calling for James."
"I have that dream all the time," Sirius stated so quietly that Remus had to strain his ears. "He blames me. Says I killed Lily and him. Says I should have gotten a dementor's Kiss." Sirius shuddered involuntarily. He barely felt the weight of the bed shift as Remus sat next to him. "He says I'm the traitor. Sometimes he says that I made them switch to Wormtail knowing he was the spy. Says I had been planning it all along... I would have never done that, Remus. If I would have known it was Wormtail, I would have killed him." Sirius didn't sense the fresh tears streaming from his eyes, nor did he notice Remus rubbing his back consolingly.
"He says I'm not better than Bellatrix or Regulus or—my mother." Sirius sniffed. "I didn't know, Remus. I swear to god, I didn't know."
Remus sniffed back tears as he listened to Sirius mutter. "I know, Sirius," he said. "It was just a dream; it wasn't real. None of us blame you in the least. James certainly doesn't blame you. It wasn't your fault, Sirius." Remus had the distinct impression that Sirius wasn't listening. "I'll be right back." Remus stood from the bed, opened the bedroom door, and walked out. Sirius hadn't noticed a thing.
A few minutes later, Remus came back carrying a tall glass of greenish liquid. "Dreamless Sleep Potion," he said. "Drink it, you'll feel better in the morning."
Sirius took the glass, not sure of what he was drinking, yet not caring if it was poison, and downed the potion in three large gulps. Everything began to fade...
The next morning, Remus sat at the kitchen table drinking a steaming cup of coffee. He hadn't slept at all after Sirius finally fell back to sleep. The sun had risen over the forest surrounding Remus' home, vanishing a fog that had formed during the night.
Not just my home anymore, he thought with a smile.
The bathroom door opened and closed with a click, and a few moments later, Remus heard the flush of the toilet, and running water of the bathroom sink. The door opened and Harry, dressed in red flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt, walked into the kitchen. His hair was messier than usual, and he was rubbing sleep from his eyes under his newly-repaired glasses.
God, he looks like James, Remus thought for about the thousandth time since Harry had come to live with them. His smile grew wider.
"Morning, Harry," Remus said.
Harry yawned widely. "Morning, Remus," he said quietly.
"Would you like some cereal?"
"Yeah," Harry replied with his shy smile.
Remus set down his coffee, and ruffled Harry's hair receiving a tired giggle in return. The wizard gathered a bowl, spoon, cereal, and milk for Harry's breakfast and took it back to the table. Harry watched with a thoughtful frown as his breakfast was prepared. Once he was finished, Remus sat back down. Harry picked up the spoon, but didn't eat; he continued to watch Remus.
"Is there something wrong with your cereal? Would you like some sugar?" Remus asked.
Harry shook his head, looked into his bowl, and turned the spoon around in the cereal, thinking hard.
"Remus?" he said in a whisper.
"Yes, Harry?"
Harry set his spoon on the edge of the bowl and looked at Remus. The wizard began to sip his coffee.
"Are you a wolf?" Harry asked.
Remus choked on his scalding hot drink. Harry didn't know anything about Remus' Lycanthropy. He knew about Sirius and James being Animagi, but nothing about Remus. He had planned to tell Harry later.
Remus went slightly white and sat his coffee mug down with shaking hands. "How," he cleared his hoarse voice and tried again. "What makes you think that, Harry?"
Harry looked back at Remus, slightly fearful, but not backing down from his question. "You are... aren't you?" he questioned quietly.
Remus nodded silently, transfixed with the boy sitting next to him. How does he know? he wondered. He thought briefly that Sirius may have told Harry, but he knew that Sirius would have mentioned it to Remus if he had. So that was out of the question…
"How do you know that, Harry?" His voice was still quite hoarse—it couldn't be helped at the moment.
Harry looked back down into his bowl. "A dream," he mumbled clearly.
"A dream?" Remus checked.
Harry nodded slightly.
Remus nodded to himself, very confused. How could Harry have ever dreamed about something like that? He had never seen Remus in wolf form obviously. So how what it possible?
And what else did he know...?
"How did you become a wolf?" Harry asked hesitantly, but wide awake now.
Remus looked away from the window he had been staring at—he wasn't aware of moving his eyes from Harry—and back at Harry. The boy was staring at him with attentive childlike curiosity.
Remus sighed. Might as well tell him. He's going to find out eventually, anyway.
"Well, when I was a bit younger than you—around four years old—my parents and I lived here in this house. One night, on a full moon, I snuck out of my bedroom, out of the house, to get a toy I had forgotten. My parents always told me never to go outside the house at night. I was too close to the trees that night." Remus paused, remembering his own stupidity. He had only ever told three other people this story, and that was back in second year. Now he was telling the five-year-old son of one of those people. But Harry was looking at him expectantly; he'd have to finish the story.
"I heard a noise and looked into the trees, not expecting to see anything. But I saw two yellow eyes staring back at me. I jumped and started to run back to the house. I could hear it following me." Remus gulped; this was the hardest part to tell. "Before I reached the door, it grabbed me. I screamed. I felt it bite me, right on my side," he gestured to the spot through his shirt. Harry looked at the spot quickly, then back at Remus—his mouth was gaping slightly. "As I started to pass out from the pain, the back door slammed open, and I saw my father chase it off with his wand."
Harry swallowed. "What was it?" he asked in a curious, eager whisper.
"It... it was a werewolf."
"A werewolf?" Remus nodded. "What happened then?"
"My parents took me to the wizard's hospital. The Healers tried to repair my injury, but I still have a small scar. They said I was lucky to be alive." Remus whispered the last part, reminding himself how lucky he had been that night—or unlucky, depending on one's perception. He continued, "The Healer informed my parents that night that from then on, every full moon, I would turn into a werewolf."
There. It was done. Not to wait for Harry to run screaming from the kitchen.
It never happened. Harry had stayed where he was, his brow furrowed in thought trying to comprehend it all. "So... if you bite me on a full moon, would I be a werewolf, too?" he asked.
Remus was shocked by the question, but recovered quickly. "W-well, yes... you would..." he stuttered. "But you'll never be here during that time," he added quickly.
Harry's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Why?" he asked.
"Because I don't want you to get hurt. Werewolves are dangerous, Harry."
Harry shook his head, his hair flying in all directions. "You're not dangerous, Remus."
Remus smiled slightly. "No, I'm not, but on a full moon, the wolf can be."
Harry frowned and sighed. "So where will I go?" he asked. Then his face became horrified. "B-back to Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon?"
"No!" Remus said quickly and a little louder than he had intended. "No, Harry. You will never go back there, I promise you. No. Sirius will take you to Hogwarts during the full moon nights. You'll be able to see the castle and the Quidditch pitch—"
"And the forest?" Harry asked eagerly, his eyes shining with excitement.
"Er, not so sure about that. But you'll get to see everything else." Remus chuckled at Harry's indignation. He looked at Harry's bowl of cereal and smiled. "Your cereal is all soggy. How about I clean this up and make us some pancakes and bacon?"
"Did someone say bacon?" came a sleepy voice.
Remus and Harry turned to see Sirius walking into the kitchen in only red flannel pajama bottoms that matched Harry's, stretching his long arms to the ceiling.
"Morning, Sirius," Remus said as he stood, taking Harry's bowl to the sink. "Feeling better?" he added in a concerned voice.
Sirius nodded and yawned. "Yeah, thanks for that," he said, avoiding his best friend's gaze.
"Anytime." Remus smiled.
"Morning, Harry," Sirius said as he crossed the small kitchen.
"Hey, Sirius, guess what!" Harry said excited.
"What?" Sirius said, trying but failing to sound just as excited as his godson.
"Remus said we get to go to Hogwarts and we can see the castle and the Quid—Quid—"
"Quidditch pitch?" Sirius guessed.
"Yeah, that! Can we see the forest, too?"
"When is this all happening?" Sirius said, turning to Remus.
"Full moon." Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Er, Harry and I had the first part of our little chat before you got up."
"Oh, okay," Sirius said, slightly surprised. He turned back to Harry's eager face. "Er, we'll see about the forest, Harry."
Remus chuckled and rolled his eyes as he produced pancake batter from his wand and set the bacon to frying itself. Once breakfast was finished cooking, Remus put it all onto separate plates and directed it to the table with his wand. He went to the refrigerator and retrieved a pitcher of pumpkin juice and three glasses from the cabinet, and went to sit across from Sirius at the table.
Harry and Sirius were both red from laughing at some story Sirius was telling. "And then Lily comes out. 'Potter! Black! I warned you two to stop turning the first years into slugs! I'm going to report you to Professor McGonagall!'" Sirius imitated Lily's fifth year voice badly. "So she went for McGonagall, McGonagall came out, and James and I got a month's worth of detentions in the hospital wing and fifty points each from Gryffindor." Sirius wiped a tear from his eye, shaking with laughter. "I swear, James planned that just so he could see Lily get mad."
Harry continued laughing.
"You shouldn't tell Harry those things, Padfoot, it might give him ideas," Remus said, grinning.
"That was the plan, Moony," Sirius replied cheerfully. "Ah, food! Smashing!"
Sirius grabbed a fork and began, inhaling his food. Harry followed his example, but he was at least chewing his pancakes first.
"After breakfast, Sirius, we should get that talk out of the way," Remus said, peering at Sirius warily.
Sirius' fork, full of syrupy pancake, stopped halfway to his mouth. He glanced at Harry from the corner of his eye, then looked at Remus and nodded. Sirius continued his bite of pancake and said, "Then, after that, I have a surprise for the both of you…"
"Wha' sapwise?" Harry asked through a mouthful of pancake.
Sirius' eyes glittered mischievously, and he grinned. Remus groaned inwardly—that was never a good combination.
"You'll just have to wait to see, kiddo," he said mysteriously, then added with a wink to Remus, "And you shouldn't talk with your mouth full."