Divine Interventions
Just a few author's notes.
Disclaimer # 1: I am totally challenged when it comes to all things
internet. This is my first and possible only attempt to post a
fanfiction. I have no doubt that some annoying errors are occurring
because of my technology ignorance. For example, thoughts that are in
the character's heads are SUPPOSED to be appearing in italics. For some
reason this isn't showing up in the uploads from MS Word. It may
therefore be confusing. For this, I apologize ahead.
Disclaimer #2: I am not familiar in the least with Japanese
culture/customs or language, although I wish I were. Because I know even
less about all things Japanese than all things high-tech (I occasionally
get baffled by the microwave, to give you an idea of where this is
leading), I don't use any Japanese slang words, curse words, or other
common terms used regularly in the manga series and that I have seen in
almost all other fanfiction. My story is so Americanized, it may be
distasteful for that reason alone. Please understand though, it is not
my desire to by Ameri-centric in my perspective, but I am limited by my
ignorance and my lack of time to educate myself to deal fully with this
ignorance. I ask the prospective readers indulgence in accepting that
you basically have to pretend that all characters speak/understand
English or, alternatively, pretend that all English references are in
Japanese. Saying this, it is my strongest hope that I have not caused
any unintended offenses, since these are not much better than intentional
ones. Ignorance is not much of an excuse, but it's mine and I'm taking
the safest, quickest approach I can think of by pleading it and getting
on with writing.
Disclaimer # 3 (Or "Who I Am And Why I'm Writing This"): I am probably a
lot older than most fanfiction writers, since I am rapidly approaching
that fun part of life called "middle age." I started this project as a
bet with my son (to give you an even better idea of my age). He started
watching Inuyasha on Cartoon Network about a year ago and started buying
VIZ manga's several months back. As any good mom should, I think, I try
to take an interest in my kid's interests, especially what they are
reading, watching, and where they are going on-line. He's a huge fan,
and in the process of watching/reading with him I came to appreciate the
writer's storyline and the premise more than I ever thought I would.
I am an old sci-fi fan (I wanted nothing more than Captain Kirk to beam
me up when I was child), and love the moral and philosophical questions
that often drive what is the best of the genre. Anyway, because of
cursing, seemingly mysogyistic attitudes towards women (especially by the
title character), and adult situations, I wasn't sure my eleven year old
(who acts like he's sixteen most of the time but is nonetheless ONLY
eleven), should be reading the comics. I made him a deal: "You can
continue to buy these expensive comic books if you will write your own
stories based on the series." (He has been doing this with other anime's
and made up his own since he was about eight. I thought, "if he can use
his interest to spur his creative writing, then I can deal with the
rest.") My son is a wonderful, artistic, and bright kid, who, as I said,
loves to create, but has a learning disability in writing. Getting him
to write or read anything non-manga is like asking him to give me his
blood. If he wants this badly enough, I thought, he'll agree. He did,
but surprised me by returning the challenge. "I'm already writing," I
said. "I'm finishing my master's." "That doesn't count. It's grown-up
and boring. You need to write something for fun too." "I write poetry
for fun," I said. "Yeah, but who reads that stuff. Write something
other people can read and understand." Oh, if he weren't my kid. . . .
Anyway, I laughed at the time and didn't think I would do this, but his
challenge struck me somehow. I've never written series prose or even
thought about fiction. Most of my writing for years has been in terms of
college research papers and poetry. (My father was a poet and my own
personal inspiration for writing).
I started this about a month ago on a lark to answer a question my son
made me ask of myself—am I up to this kind of a challenge? I have to
say that whether or not the story works for you, kind reader, I am having
a hell of a good time writing it. I'm pretty far into it at this point
and plan to finish it, although I need to turn my attention to the last
chapter of my thesis and defend that before I finish this. Since I
already have a lot written (about 300 pages, I think), if you like the
story at all, I should have enough to edit and post to keep the story
going if I take a couple of months off from major new writing.
Disclaimer # 4: I assume you are older than my son if you are reading
this by at least six years. If not, please come back later. There is
plenty of bad language, adult situations, and, in planned chapters, some
sexual content. I would love to try my hand at a romance novel after I
finish my master's, so you could say I'm experimenting and trying to
learn. This brings me to a very important point: Before ever starting
this, I did a lot of reading of Inuyasha fanfictions online. Although
there is a lot of stuff I have no personal interest in and,
unfortunately, a lot of just plain bad writing, there is a great amount
of very high quality, creative writing by many young writers. You may be
one of them. I have been amazed and delighted by many of the stories
posted here and on other fanfiction sites by very young writers (writers
young enough to refer to the fact that they are having a hard time
finding time to write because they were grounded or busy with
cheerleading practice, etc.) Anyway, kudos and blessings to you all,
young writers. You are inspirational to all those young and young of
mind. I am awed by the talent I have had the pleasure to encounter. So
far my son has not committed to writing a story and I have, an
embarrassing irony! Oh well, I can't help it—this is just great fun.
Disclaimer #5: I don't own, didn't create any of the character of
Inuyasha. I guess I'm supposed to say this since everyone does. Also,
while this story is a product of my own imagination created during five-
mile walks around the Y.M.C.A. track, I also have read a lot of other
fanfiction. Some conventions that I have come across in more than one
story, I have used myself (i.e. the idea of Inuyasha's desire to "mark"
his mate with a bite). I'm not sure if anyone claims to own these ideas.
If they do, I'm not sure they should. What is it people say—there is no
such thing as an original idea? Anyway, I hope I have taken some of my
non-original ideas and combined them in my own, original stew. I think
it's the best anyone can do, really—to be inspired by others, recreate,
and inspire anew. If, by chance, you think I've done more than take my
inspiration from someone else, but a true story, let me know. But,
because of my own weirdness, I doubt it.
ONE LAST NOTE FOR THE ACADEMIC: In case anyone reading this might like
the idea—If you have a background in Japanese language and culture and
comprehensive knowledge of Inuyahsa and maybe even the ability to compare
it to other manga (which sadly I don't and don't have the time to devote
properly), I think a awesome article (possibly even more) could be
developed along the theme of Jungian archetypes and Inuyasha. If he
isn't a perfect anima figure! I can imagine looking at Japanese
mythology and comparative mythology, especially in regard to presentation
of female figures in fairy-tales and psychology. I think the reason this
story catches so may people's imaginations world-wide is that it taps
into something deep, primal. Clarissa Pinkola Estes work WOMEN WHO RUN
WITH WOLVES may be a bit "new age" for snooty "serious scholarship," (so
my professor husband informs me not to quote her too much in my own
work), but I think it's a great place to begin and gives interesting
cross-cultural perspectives.
Prologue
Kagome watched from a fairly far distance, but in the intense white moonlight, nothing was left to mistake. She saw them embrace, saw his head bend down to meet her mouth in a gentle, surreal kiss. Not able to move, not able to breathe, she could only watch, knowing that he had made his choice, the choice she knew in her heart he would always make. She felt herself instantly drowning in an ocean of her own sorrow nonetheless. She felt the tears start to form and fall and was aware of her own breathing now, coming in sharp, ragged, and painful bursts. Kagome didn't know she was running, running from the spot where she had witnessed and heard Inuyasha's promise to Kikyo, his promise to protect her, to stay with her no matter what. But she had heard it. In the unnatural stillness of the night, his words, spoken in his beautiful deep-timbered voice, spoke words to Kikyo that Kagome would NEVER forget hearing.
Now she stood in the still darkness at the mouth of the well. Here, in the quiet of the calm twilight scenery, she regained a little of her composure. Allowing herself to sit on the moss-covered well's ledge, she bowed her head. No, I will not stand in his way, in their way. I'm the fault of all this in the first place. I just wish I had given him the damn jewel when I had it. I wouldn't be here now, I wouldn't have known–I wouldn't have had a chance to care. Damnit! Inuyasha deserves to be happy. . . . so does Kikyo.
With her head still bowed, she softly whispered words into her own lap: "Dear God, please let things work out the way they were meant to." That said, she sighed as more tears began to pool in her eyes. Slowly, she lifted the chain off her neck that held the tiny container and glowing shards. She held the shards up to her eyes, watching their soft blue glow. She couldn't help it, her heart worked faster than her mind. She opened the small glass container and removed one tiny shard. She quickly re- closed the lid and dropped the necklace in the tall grass beside the well. Clutching the single shard tightly in her hand, she turned and positioned herself to jump.
I will be here when they finish the quest. I need to be here to witness the end of this, even if I'm not needed, not wanted. Even if I feel like I'm dying inside.
She became aware of a noise coming closer in the dark, someone was shouting her name, crying really: "Kagome! Kagome! Where are you?"
Shippo, she thought with some sadness. Please take care of yourself for awhile. I'll miss you. An unbidden image of Inuyasha and Kikyo, smiling at each other and arms around each other's waists came into her mind. Shippo was laughing, straddling one of Inuyasha's shoulders and one of Kikyo's. With a flash of guilt over the jealousy-induced vision, Kagome closed her eyes and lunged forward. She willed her mind and body to fall forward freely, to allow time to envelope her and distance her from her pain.
***********************************************************************
"Inuyasha, Kagome's gone. I don't know what you did to make her mad this time, but you better go fix it, you big idiot!" Shippo was red-faced, tugging on Inuyasha's pant leg, and yelling up at the much-larger half- demon with all his might.
"Calm down brat, she'll show up. Besides, I didn't do a damn thing to her. I haven't even seen her for a couple of hours, so how could I, huh?"
Miroku and Sango had been sitting at the fire, listening to the heated exchange while the dinner simmered. A tantalizing aroma was building in the pot, and both were hungry from a hard-day of travel and unfruitful demon hunting.
"Well," Sango remarked casually, "I think Inuyasha's right this time, Shippo. After we returned to the village today, Kagome said she was going to go for a long walk. She said she needed some time alone to think about what she was going to write on her 'application essay,' for university. I'm not sure what an 'application essay' is, but I know it's important to her. She also told me she's almost completed high school and she seemed happy about that."
At this Inuyasha's ears picked up and twitched. "Almost finished with that damn school of hers? Why didn't the little wench tell me!" Although his voice and words sounded as gruff in regards to Kagome as ever, a note of hurt almost seemed to sound there–almost.
"Well," he added when he noticed Miraku, Sango, and Shippo all staring at him, "If she is almost finished with the school shit, she'll be able to stay here more and we'll find the rest of the damn shards faster, won't we?"
Although he thought this should be enough to satisfy them and himself that Kagome was indeed fine and would indeed be walking through the clearing at any minute, Miroku surprised him by adding "Kagome did seem unusually quiet today. I do think something must be bothering her."
"Hhumph!" was Inuyasha's reply to this. "If the dumb girl has something on her mind, I'll find out what it is. Just give me a minute to go track her down. She's had enough time on her own.
"Yeah," Shippo piped in, "it's getting dark too, and I know you're getting worried about her."
Inuyasha kicked Shippo hard on his rump. "Who said I was worried about her, stupid runt! I'm not worried okay? I'll just go get her so we can get on with things!"
As he turned to leave his comrades around the fire in front of Kaede's hut, he heard the old woman calling to him from a clearing: "Inuyasha, I require help, boy, now." Kaede was bent over and panting, about to collapse under the weight of the bucket she carried.
Inuyasha sprinted over to her and quickly removed her burden. "Why are you out at night with a bucket of stones, hag?"
As she re-gained her breath, Kaede glared at him. "Thank you, boy, for the help with the bucket. The stones are from the well that takes Kagome back and forth from her time to this one. Something happened tonight that almost destroyed the well."
At these words, two things happened. First, there was a moment of deathly silence as the moon and firelight revealed four very pallid, equally- shocked faces. Second, the silence was broken by the crying of a small child:
"Kagome! Kagome! Oh, what happened! Please be alright! Please come back! Whaaa! Whaaa!" Inuyasha slapped the poor, crying kitsune hard on top of his head. "OOOW! Kagome! I WANT KAGOME!"
"Will you shut up you little pest and let her finish the damn story!" Inuyasha was getting jumpy. Something happening to the well, possibly sealing his world off from Kagome's gave him a feeling of dread he didn't even want to allow himself to feel. He willed his heartbeat out of his ears and said, "Kaede, continue telling us what you know."
"I felt an energy emanating from the well the likes of which I have never felt nor seen before. I knew even before I was near that something had happened, I just couldn't tell what by the energy vibrations I was feeling. I ran as fast as I could and discovered that the well has almost completely caved-in. There is so little of the structure remaining and it was destroyed in such a sudden and strange manner that I wanted to bring back these stones to examine for a sign of what may have happened."
"What about Kagome? Did you see any sign of her?"
"But that's why I called for your help Inuyasha, she added, still panting. "When I got to the remains of the well I also found this lying amongst the grass and rocks."
Out of her pocket she produced Kagome's necklace with the vial of jewel shards and handed it to a suddenly very white-faced Inuyasha.
Miroku, Sango, and Shippo came quickly, all worried with the sudden quiet and what Kaede had spoken.
Shippo spoke first. "Inuyasha. . . . he said, tentatively, quietly. "Yeah?" "I TOLD YOU THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG, YOU BIG IDIOT! I SMELL KAGOME'S TEARS ALL OVER THAT!"
Shippo was pointing up at the necklace, tears forming again in his own eyes. Inuyasha tried to control his rapidly accelerating heart-rate as he thought quickly about Kagome. What could have done this? What the hell happened to her? Just as he thought this, a quick, terrible thought came rushing into his mind: Kagome, why were you crying? What did you hear, what did you see?"
What Inuyasha did was utter a single word, "shit." He ran in the direction of the well faster than any of his friends had ever seen him run before.
When he arrived at the clearing, he stood for a moment, dazed, taking in the site of what used to be the Bone-Eaters Well. A fine powder hung in the evening air, he could smell the crushed rock mixed with Kagome's fresh scent–Kagome's fresh, upset scent, salty and tinged with despair. There was something else, the aftermath of a powerful energy pulse also surrounded him, intermingled with dust of rocks. It was the lingering aftershock of a vast burst of energy–Kagome's miko energy, the shards energy, Inuyasha couldn't tell. It surrounded him, and was of Kagome, but what exactly had caused this he couldn't say. Walking quickly to the heaped pile of stones that was now the decrepit well, Inuyasha looked down to see the hole completely filled in with dirt and rock. Fuck, Kagome, What did you do?
Mechanically, without really having a sound rationale for doing so, Inuyasha began lifting the dirt and stones out of the crumbled well's hole. He didn't register his friends coming from behind him until Moroku spoke "Inuyasha–is it –?"
"Don't know." His answer came out as a growl behind barred teeth. After another couple minutes of awkward silence, Inuyasha barked "Are you idiots going to help or just stand there and watch the fucking show?"
Startled, Sango was the first to react: "Of course, Inuyasha. We will all help repair the well. And then we'll–"
"And then I'll damned well get Kagome back here!"
"Of course, Inuyasha," Sango almost whispered her reply.
****************************************************************************
Kagome lay at the bottom of the well on her side almost in a fetal position. As her face lay in the dust, she let the sobs wrack her body. I am just like this. I am dust. A past with no future, a future with no past. At these somewhat clear, somewhat unclear thoughts, she gave a bitter laugh. This brought her to her senses somewhat, and, with tears still falling freely, she managed to sit herself up and pull her legs in close. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she hugged herself and rocked back and forth for some time, crying a little less, thinking a lot more.
So he made his choice. I cant resent him for that, can I? Really, how can I be such a selfish, self-absorbed creature to feel this kind of immense self-pity? So he doesn't want me, BIG surprise Kagome! So he never will, again, big shocker, huh? He loves Kikyo, he wants, has always wanted to be with her. He never hid that from you, so any thoughts you had about growing closer to him and vis-versa were just a product of your own teenage, stupid, immature, overactive imagination. Oh, I am so pathetic! Okay, so he doesn't want you, so what? Once this quest is over, and the sacred jewel is complete what then? Are you going to sit here in the bottom of this well, waiting to become dust? Come on, stupid, what are you going to do, answer me? Not knowing she had started speaking aloud, Kagome answered herself in emotion tinged with raw anger and hurt: "I'm going to get my life back, that's what, dammit! I'm going to live the life I have left. It'll be gone soon enough anyway, just like Inuyasha and everything I care about–just another part of the past. Until then, well, I'm going to find my way back to living again, whatever it takes!"
Kagome knew it wouldn't be as clean and simple as that. I know they may not need me anymore, but I have this shard . . . Guilt began to stream in from the edges of her mind and threatened to take over. She knew was going to have to face leaving the past and returning to her own time forever at some point. After all, once Naraku was defeated the jewel would almost be complete. It was only a matter of time before she would no longer be needed in her service as a "shard detector," so why did she do it? Why did she grab one shard before she left? Was it out of jealousy? Malice? Desperation?
Kagome felt both guilt and confusion as she tried to sort out the reason for her own actions and was honestly baffled. She couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation for her actions, even to herself. "Well, one thing's for certain, since I did this, I have to face up to it and fix it, quick." She didn't relish the thought of going back and facing Inuyasha tonight, and her heart quickened with dread and fear at the thought of being confronted by a very-together couple of Inuyasha and Kikyo–even if she was technically just a ghost.
Kagome grimaced at her own, unbidden thought. Would Inuyasha be furious with her? And what of her friends? What would Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kaede think of her? Surely SOMEONE had found the vial of shards by now, but who? How reckless she had been, in her own misery, just throwing them down like they didn't matter, like they weren't the essence of one of the most powerful and dangerous substances in the universe!? Really Kagome, Inuyasha is right. You are a dumb bitch. Any demon in the area out for a stroll, oh, say, NARAKU maybe, could chance upon them!
She had acted truly cowardly, like a spiteful child. A hot blush of shame rose to her cheeks. Wiping her tear and mud-streaked face and still sniffling terribly, Kagome stood up, dusted her hands on the sides of her skirt, and climbed resolutely out of the well. Once emerged, she stood looking back down to the bottom, clutching the tiny shard so tightly in her hand that it quickly cut into her skin, causing her gasp and release her grasp a little, shocked that the shard had cut a deep, clean slice in the center of her right palm. She could feel the warm, sticky blood pooling in her clenched fist. She wrinkled her nose. No time to think about this now. She wasn't about to mess with first-aide and reasoned that since she had purified all these shards with her miko powers, no matter what kind of gross, disgusting, demon-goo they had been pulled from--they couldn't present a risk of infection.
Okay, no more stalling. It's now or never. Kagome sat down on the edge of the well and draped her legs over like she had done so many times before. Time to make it right. Time to say how sorry I am for acting like an idiot. Kagome closed her eyes, jumped, and hit hard, her legs twisted beneath her and she fell, crying out in unexpected pain. Once again her face and senses were pressed into dust.
****************************************************************************
Inuyasha's strong suit was not patience. Everyone knew it, everyone was used to it. It was normal, even expected for the hanyou to go from his usual quiet distance and seeming lack of interest in his human companions, to smirking, to quiet simmering, to dangerous smoldering, to guttural growling, and blowing up and yelling at the top of his lungs enraged more quickly than a human could even register consciously they had felt any emotion. This morning, Inuyasha's control was--scary. He paced outside Kaede's hut in circles. Sango sat on a wooden bench outside the door polishing her boomerang and every few seconds looking up, watching Inuyasha with a mixture of amusement and agitation. He pounded a circular path in the dirt and grass, walking to the edge where the village met the forest and back to the same spot in front of Kaede's door every two minutes. Under his breath and in steady time, he grunted and snarled.
Sango had learned the rhythm: pace 1, pace 2, pace 3, pace 4, hhmmrrr!. . . .
1, 2, 3, 4, Hhmmrr!. . . . and so on and on.
After two hours, when her nerves were worn down further than the thread- bare polishing cloth and she could take no more pacing and grunting, she spoke as he came round yet again:
"Inuyasha–" was all she managed to voice before the Hanyou responded:
"HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER IS IT GOING TO TAKE THOSE TWO! DAMNITTOHELL! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING IN THERE YOU BRAINLESS HUMANS! I WANTED TO TRY THE GODDAMN WELL BEFORE SUNSET!"
With his eruption, he stopped pacing and instead faced Sango, who feared, like the birds flying frantically overhead, that if he had roared any louder he could have blown Kaede's hut down.
Inside, Shippo curled up tight into a ball and shivered. "He can be such an asshole."
"You may be correct," Miroku added in measured tones, "but I expect that he is even more anxious than the rest of us to see if spell Kaede and I have attempted today will work to re-open the portal to Lady Kagome's world. It has, after all, been a month since Lady Kagome returned to her time and the well was somehow damaged."
Knowing perfectly well the furious hanyou could hear every word spoken inside the hut and somehow unflustered by his display, Kaede spoke: "Very well Inuyasha, you may come in and wait if you are able quiet yourself and remain so. We will leave momentarily."
The hanyou crashed through the entryway growling,"It's about damn time."
"Miroku," Kaede continued nonplused, "are you ready to begin the final preparation? All that remains is for us to recite the blessing for passageways and protection at the same time the heated stone is immersed in the purified water and to cool."
Yes Kaede, I'm ready," Miroku nodded and started to speak again, but before he could, Shippo piped up:
"Do you really think it will work Kaede?"
"Let's hope so, young one, let's hope."
Just a few author's notes.
Disclaimer # 1: I am totally challenged when it comes to all things
internet. This is my first and possible only attempt to post a
fanfiction. I have no doubt that some annoying errors are occurring
because of my technology ignorance. For example, thoughts that are in
the character's heads are SUPPOSED to be appearing in italics. For some
reason this isn't showing up in the uploads from MS Word. It may
therefore be confusing. For this, I apologize ahead.
Disclaimer #2: I am not familiar in the least with Japanese
culture/customs or language, although I wish I were. Because I know even
less about all things Japanese than all things high-tech (I occasionally
get baffled by the microwave, to give you an idea of where this is
leading), I don't use any Japanese slang words, curse words, or other
common terms used regularly in the manga series and that I have seen in
almost all other fanfiction. My story is so Americanized, it may be
distasteful for that reason alone. Please understand though, it is not
my desire to by Ameri-centric in my perspective, but I am limited by my
ignorance and my lack of time to educate myself to deal fully with this
ignorance. I ask the prospective readers indulgence in accepting that
you basically have to pretend that all characters speak/understand
English or, alternatively, pretend that all English references are in
Japanese. Saying this, it is my strongest hope that I have not caused
any unintended offenses, since these are not much better than intentional
ones. Ignorance is not much of an excuse, but it's mine and I'm taking
the safest, quickest approach I can think of by pleading it and getting
on with writing.
Disclaimer # 3 (Or "Who I Am And Why I'm Writing This"): I am probably a
lot older than most fanfiction writers, since I am rapidly approaching
that fun part of life called "middle age." I started this project as a
bet with my son (to give you an even better idea of my age). He started
watching Inuyasha on Cartoon Network about a year ago and started buying
VIZ manga's several months back. As any good mom should, I think, I try
to take an interest in my kid's interests, especially what they are
reading, watching, and where they are going on-line. He's a huge fan,
and in the process of watching/reading with him I came to appreciate the
writer's storyline and the premise more than I ever thought I would.
I am an old sci-fi fan (I wanted nothing more than Captain Kirk to beam
me up when I was child), and love the moral and philosophical questions
that often drive what is the best of the genre. Anyway, because of
cursing, seemingly mysogyistic attitudes towards women (especially by the
title character), and adult situations, I wasn't sure my eleven year old
(who acts like he's sixteen most of the time but is nonetheless ONLY
eleven), should be reading the comics. I made him a deal: "You can
continue to buy these expensive comic books if you will write your own
stories based on the series." (He has been doing this with other anime's
and made up his own since he was about eight. I thought, "if he can use
his interest to spur his creative writing, then I can deal with the
rest.") My son is a wonderful, artistic, and bright kid, who, as I said,
loves to create, but has a learning disability in writing. Getting him
to write or read anything non-manga is like asking him to give me his
blood. If he wants this badly enough, I thought, he'll agree. He did,
but surprised me by returning the challenge. "I'm already writing," I
said. "I'm finishing my master's." "That doesn't count. It's grown-up
and boring. You need to write something for fun too." "I write poetry
for fun," I said. "Yeah, but who reads that stuff. Write something
other people can read and understand." Oh, if he weren't my kid. . . .
Anyway, I laughed at the time and didn't think I would do this, but his
challenge struck me somehow. I've never written series prose or even
thought about fiction. Most of my writing for years has been in terms of
college research papers and poetry. (My father was a poet and my own
personal inspiration for writing).
I started this about a month ago on a lark to answer a question my son
made me ask of myself—am I up to this kind of a challenge? I have to
say that whether or not the story works for you, kind reader, I am having
a hell of a good time writing it. I'm pretty far into it at this point
and plan to finish it, although I need to turn my attention to the last
chapter of my thesis and defend that before I finish this. Since I
already have a lot written (about 300 pages, I think), if you like the
story at all, I should have enough to edit and post to keep the story
going if I take a couple of months off from major new writing.
Disclaimer # 4: I assume you are older than my son if you are reading
this by at least six years. If not, please come back later. There is
plenty of bad language, adult situations, and, in planned chapters, some
sexual content. I would love to try my hand at a romance novel after I
finish my master's, so you could say I'm experimenting and trying to
learn. This brings me to a very important point: Before ever starting
this, I did a lot of reading of Inuyasha fanfictions online. Although
there is a lot of stuff I have no personal interest in and,
unfortunately, a lot of just plain bad writing, there is a great amount
of very high quality, creative writing by many young writers. You may be
one of them. I have been amazed and delighted by many of the stories
posted here and on other fanfiction sites by very young writers (writers
young enough to refer to the fact that they are having a hard time
finding time to write because they were grounded or busy with
cheerleading practice, etc.) Anyway, kudos and blessings to you all,
young writers. You are inspirational to all those young and young of
mind. I am awed by the talent I have had the pleasure to encounter. So
far my son has not committed to writing a story and I have, an
embarrassing irony! Oh well, I can't help it—this is just great fun.
Disclaimer #5: I don't own, didn't create any of the character of
Inuyasha. I guess I'm supposed to say this since everyone does. Also,
while this story is a product of my own imagination created during five-
mile walks around the Y.M.C.A. track, I also have read a lot of other
fanfiction. Some conventions that I have come across in more than one
story, I have used myself (i.e. the idea of Inuyasha's desire to "mark"
his mate with a bite). I'm not sure if anyone claims to own these ideas.
If they do, I'm not sure they should. What is it people say—there is no
such thing as an original idea? Anyway, I hope I have taken some of my
non-original ideas and combined them in my own, original stew. I think
it's the best anyone can do, really—to be inspired by others, recreate,
and inspire anew. If, by chance, you think I've done more than take my
inspiration from someone else, but a true story, let me know. But,
because of my own weirdness, I doubt it.
ONE LAST NOTE FOR THE ACADEMIC: In case anyone reading this might like
the idea—If you have a background in Japanese language and culture and
comprehensive knowledge of Inuyahsa and maybe even the ability to compare
it to other manga (which sadly I don't and don't have the time to devote
properly), I think a awesome article (possibly even more) could be
developed along the theme of Jungian archetypes and Inuyasha. If he
isn't a perfect anima figure! I can imagine looking at Japanese
mythology and comparative mythology, especially in regard to presentation
of female figures in fairy-tales and psychology. I think the reason this
story catches so may people's imaginations world-wide is that it taps
into something deep, primal. Clarissa Pinkola Estes work WOMEN WHO RUN
WITH WOLVES may be a bit "new age" for snooty "serious scholarship," (so
my professor husband informs me not to quote her too much in my own
work), but I think it's a great place to begin and gives interesting
cross-cultural perspectives.
Prologue
Kagome watched from a fairly far distance, but in the intense white moonlight, nothing was left to mistake. She saw them embrace, saw his head bend down to meet her mouth in a gentle, surreal kiss. Not able to move, not able to breathe, she could only watch, knowing that he had made his choice, the choice she knew in her heart he would always make. She felt herself instantly drowning in an ocean of her own sorrow nonetheless. She felt the tears start to form and fall and was aware of her own breathing now, coming in sharp, ragged, and painful bursts. Kagome didn't know she was running, running from the spot where she had witnessed and heard Inuyasha's promise to Kikyo, his promise to protect her, to stay with her no matter what. But she had heard it. In the unnatural stillness of the night, his words, spoken in his beautiful deep-timbered voice, spoke words to Kikyo that Kagome would NEVER forget hearing.
Now she stood in the still darkness at the mouth of the well. Here, in the quiet of the calm twilight scenery, she regained a little of her composure. Allowing herself to sit on the moss-covered well's ledge, she bowed her head. No, I will not stand in his way, in their way. I'm the fault of all this in the first place. I just wish I had given him the damn jewel when I had it. I wouldn't be here now, I wouldn't have known–I wouldn't have had a chance to care. Damnit! Inuyasha deserves to be happy. . . . so does Kikyo.
With her head still bowed, she softly whispered words into her own lap: "Dear God, please let things work out the way they were meant to." That said, she sighed as more tears began to pool in her eyes. Slowly, she lifted the chain off her neck that held the tiny container and glowing shards. She held the shards up to her eyes, watching their soft blue glow. She couldn't help it, her heart worked faster than her mind. She opened the small glass container and removed one tiny shard. She quickly re- closed the lid and dropped the necklace in the tall grass beside the well. Clutching the single shard tightly in her hand, she turned and positioned herself to jump.
I will be here when they finish the quest. I need to be here to witness the end of this, even if I'm not needed, not wanted. Even if I feel like I'm dying inside.
She became aware of a noise coming closer in the dark, someone was shouting her name, crying really: "Kagome! Kagome! Where are you?"
Shippo, she thought with some sadness. Please take care of yourself for awhile. I'll miss you. An unbidden image of Inuyasha and Kikyo, smiling at each other and arms around each other's waists came into her mind. Shippo was laughing, straddling one of Inuyasha's shoulders and one of Kikyo's. With a flash of guilt over the jealousy-induced vision, Kagome closed her eyes and lunged forward. She willed her mind and body to fall forward freely, to allow time to envelope her and distance her from her pain.
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"Inuyasha, Kagome's gone. I don't know what you did to make her mad this time, but you better go fix it, you big idiot!" Shippo was red-faced, tugging on Inuyasha's pant leg, and yelling up at the much-larger half- demon with all his might.
"Calm down brat, she'll show up. Besides, I didn't do a damn thing to her. I haven't even seen her for a couple of hours, so how could I, huh?"
Miroku and Sango had been sitting at the fire, listening to the heated exchange while the dinner simmered. A tantalizing aroma was building in the pot, and both were hungry from a hard-day of travel and unfruitful demon hunting.
"Well," Sango remarked casually, "I think Inuyasha's right this time, Shippo. After we returned to the village today, Kagome said she was going to go for a long walk. She said she needed some time alone to think about what she was going to write on her 'application essay,' for university. I'm not sure what an 'application essay' is, but I know it's important to her. She also told me she's almost completed high school and she seemed happy about that."
At this Inuyasha's ears picked up and twitched. "Almost finished with that damn school of hers? Why didn't the little wench tell me!" Although his voice and words sounded as gruff in regards to Kagome as ever, a note of hurt almost seemed to sound there–almost.
"Well," he added when he noticed Miraku, Sango, and Shippo all staring at him, "If she is almost finished with the school shit, she'll be able to stay here more and we'll find the rest of the damn shards faster, won't we?"
Although he thought this should be enough to satisfy them and himself that Kagome was indeed fine and would indeed be walking through the clearing at any minute, Miroku surprised him by adding "Kagome did seem unusually quiet today. I do think something must be bothering her."
"Hhumph!" was Inuyasha's reply to this. "If the dumb girl has something on her mind, I'll find out what it is. Just give me a minute to go track her down. She's had enough time on her own.
"Yeah," Shippo piped in, "it's getting dark too, and I know you're getting worried about her."
Inuyasha kicked Shippo hard on his rump. "Who said I was worried about her, stupid runt! I'm not worried okay? I'll just go get her so we can get on with things!"
As he turned to leave his comrades around the fire in front of Kaede's hut, he heard the old woman calling to him from a clearing: "Inuyasha, I require help, boy, now." Kaede was bent over and panting, about to collapse under the weight of the bucket she carried.
Inuyasha sprinted over to her and quickly removed her burden. "Why are you out at night with a bucket of stones, hag?"
As she re-gained her breath, Kaede glared at him. "Thank you, boy, for the help with the bucket. The stones are from the well that takes Kagome back and forth from her time to this one. Something happened tonight that almost destroyed the well."
At these words, two things happened. First, there was a moment of deathly silence as the moon and firelight revealed four very pallid, equally- shocked faces. Second, the silence was broken by the crying of a small child:
"Kagome! Kagome! Oh, what happened! Please be alright! Please come back! Whaaa! Whaaa!" Inuyasha slapped the poor, crying kitsune hard on top of his head. "OOOW! Kagome! I WANT KAGOME!"
"Will you shut up you little pest and let her finish the damn story!" Inuyasha was getting jumpy. Something happening to the well, possibly sealing his world off from Kagome's gave him a feeling of dread he didn't even want to allow himself to feel. He willed his heartbeat out of his ears and said, "Kaede, continue telling us what you know."
"I felt an energy emanating from the well the likes of which I have never felt nor seen before. I knew even before I was near that something had happened, I just couldn't tell what by the energy vibrations I was feeling. I ran as fast as I could and discovered that the well has almost completely caved-in. There is so little of the structure remaining and it was destroyed in such a sudden and strange manner that I wanted to bring back these stones to examine for a sign of what may have happened."
"What about Kagome? Did you see any sign of her?"
"But that's why I called for your help Inuyasha, she added, still panting. "When I got to the remains of the well I also found this lying amongst the grass and rocks."
Out of her pocket she produced Kagome's necklace with the vial of jewel shards and handed it to a suddenly very white-faced Inuyasha.
Miroku, Sango, and Shippo came quickly, all worried with the sudden quiet and what Kaede had spoken.
Shippo spoke first. "Inuyasha. . . . he said, tentatively, quietly. "Yeah?" "I TOLD YOU THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG, YOU BIG IDIOT! I SMELL KAGOME'S TEARS ALL OVER THAT!"
Shippo was pointing up at the necklace, tears forming again in his own eyes. Inuyasha tried to control his rapidly accelerating heart-rate as he thought quickly about Kagome. What could have done this? What the hell happened to her? Just as he thought this, a quick, terrible thought came rushing into his mind: Kagome, why were you crying? What did you hear, what did you see?"
What Inuyasha did was utter a single word, "shit." He ran in the direction of the well faster than any of his friends had ever seen him run before.
When he arrived at the clearing, he stood for a moment, dazed, taking in the site of what used to be the Bone-Eaters Well. A fine powder hung in the evening air, he could smell the crushed rock mixed with Kagome's fresh scent–Kagome's fresh, upset scent, salty and tinged with despair. There was something else, the aftermath of a powerful energy pulse also surrounded him, intermingled with dust of rocks. It was the lingering aftershock of a vast burst of energy–Kagome's miko energy, the shards energy, Inuyasha couldn't tell. It surrounded him, and was of Kagome, but what exactly had caused this he couldn't say. Walking quickly to the heaped pile of stones that was now the decrepit well, Inuyasha looked down to see the hole completely filled in with dirt and rock. Fuck, Kagome, What did you do?
Mechanically, without really having a sound rationale for doing so, Inuyasha began lifting the dirt and stones out of the crumbled well's hole. He didn't register his friends coming from behind him until Moroku spoke "Inuyasha–is it –?"
"Don't know." His answer came out as a growl behind barred teeth. After another couple minutes of awkward silence, Inuyasha barked "Are you idiots going to help or just stand there and watch the fucking show?"
Startled, Sango was the first to react: "Of course, Inuyasha. We will all help repair the well. And then we'll–"
"And then I'll damned well get Kagome back here!"
"Of course, Inuyasha," Sango almost whispered her reply.
****************************************************************************
Kagome lay at the bottom of the well on her side almost in a fetal position. As her face lay in the dust, she let the sobs wrack her body. I am just like this. I am dust. A past with no future, a future with no past. At these somewhat clear, somewhat unclear thoughts, she gave a bitter laugh. This brought her to her senses somewhat, and, with tears still falling freely, she managed to sit herself up and pull her legs in close. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she hugged herself and rocked back and forth for some time, crying a little less, thinking a lot more.
So he made his choice. I cant resent him for that, can I? Really, how can I be such a selfish, self-absorbed creature to feel this kind of immense self-pity? So he doesn't want me, BIG surprise Kagome! So he never will, again, big shocker, huh? He loves Kikyo, he wants, has always wanted to be with her. He never hid that from you, so any thoughts you had about growing closer to him and vis-versa were just a product of your own teenage, stupid, immature, overactive imagination. Oh, I am so pathetic! Okay, so he doesn't want you, so what? Once this quest is over, and the sacred jewel is complete what then? Are you going to sit here in the bottom of this well, waiting to become dust? Come on, stupid, what are you going to do, answer me? Not knowing she had started speaking aloud, Kagome answered herself in emotion tinged with raw anger and hurt: "I'm going to get my life back, that's what, dammit! I'm going to live the life I have left. It'll be gone soon enough anyway, just like Inuyasha and everything I care about–just another part of the past. Until then, well, I'm going to find my way back to living again, whatever it takes!"
Kagome knew it wouldn't be as clean and simple as that. I know they may not need me anymore, but I have this shard . . . Guilt began to stream in from the edges of her mind and threatened to take over. She knew was going to have to face leaving the past and returning to her own time forever at some point. After all, once Naraku was defeated the jewel would almost be complete. It was only a matter of time before she would no longer be needed in her service as a "shard detector," so why did she do it? Why did she grab one shard before she left? Was it out of jealousy? Malice? Desperation?
Kagome felt both guilt and confusion as she tried to sort out the reason for her own actions and was honestly baffled. She couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation for her actions, even to herself. "Well, one thing's for certain, since I did this, I have to face up to it and fix it, quick." She didn't relish the thought of going back and facing Inuyasha tonight, and her heart quickened with dread and fear at the thought of being confronted by a very-together couple of Inuyasha and Kikyo–even if she was technically just a ghost.
Kagome grimaced at her own, unbidden thought. Would Inuyasha be furious with her? And what of her friends? What would Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kaede think of her? Surely SOMEONE had found the vial of shards by now, but who? How reckless she had been, in her own misery, just throwing them down like they didn't matter, like they weren't the essence of one of the most powerful and dangerous substances in the universe!? Really Kagome, Inuyasha is right. You are a dumb bitch. Any demon in the area out for a stroll, oh, say, NARAKU maybe, could chance upon them!
She had acted truly cowardly, like a spiteful child. A hot blush of shame rose to her cheeks. Wiping her tear and mud-streaked face and still sniffling terribly, Kagome stood up, dusted her hands on the sides of her skirt, and climbed resolutely out of the well. Once emerged, she stood looking back down to the bottom, clutching the tiny shard so tightly in her hand that it quickly cut into her skin, causing her gasp and release her grasp a little, shocked that the shard had cut a deep, clean slice in the center of her right palm. She could feel the warm, sticky blood pooling in her clenched fist. She wrinkled her nose. No time to think about this now. She wasn't about to mess with first-aide and reasoned that since she had purified all these shards with her miko powers, no matter what kind of gross, disgusting, demon-goo they had been pulled from--they couldn't present a risk of infection.
Okay, no more stalling. It's now or never. Kagome sat down on the edge of the well and draped her legs over like she had done so many times before. Time to make it right. Time to say how sorry I am for acting like an idiot. Kagome closed her eyes, jumped, and hit hard, her legs twisted beneath her and she fell, crying out in unexpected pain. Once again her face and senses were pressed into dust.
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Inuyasha's strong suit was not patience. Everyone knew it, everyone was used to it. It was normal, even expected for the hanyou to go from his usual quiet distance and seeming lack of interest in his human companions, to smirking, to quiet simmering, to dangerous smoldering, to guttural growling, and blowing up and yelling at the top of his lungs enraged more quickly than a human could even register consciously they had felt any emotion. This morning, Inuyasha's control was--scary. He paced outside Kaede's hut in circles. Sango sat on a wooden bench outside the door polishing her boomerang and every few seconds looking up, watching Inuyasha with a mixture of amusement and agitation. He pounded a circular path in the dirt and grass, walking to the edge where the village met the forest and back to the same spot in front of Kaede's door every two minutes. Under his breath and in steady time, he grunted and snarled.
Sango had learned the rhythm: pace 1, pace 2, pace 3, pace 4, hhmmrrr!. . . .
1, 2, 3, 4, Hhmmrr!. . . . and so on and on.
After two hours, when her nerves were worn down further than the thread- bare polishing cloth and she could take no more pacing and grunting, she spoke as he came round yet again:
"Inuyasha–" was all she managed to voice before the Hanyou responded:
"HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER IS IT GOING TO TAKE THOSE TWO! DAMNITTOHELL! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING IN THERE YOU BRAINLESS HUMANS! I WANTED TO TRY THE GODDAMN WELL BEFORE SUNSET!"
With his eruption, he stopped pacing and instead faced Sango, who feared, like the birds flying frantically overhead, that if he had roared any louder he could have blown Kaede's hut down.
Inside, Shippo curled up tight into a ball and shivered. "He can be such an asshole."
"You may be correct," Miroku added in measured tones, "but I expect that he is even more anxious than the rest of us to see if spell Kaede and I have attempted today will work to re-open the portal to Lady Kagome's world. It has, after all, been a month since Lady Kagome returned to her time and the well was somehow damaged."
Knowing perfectly well the furious hanyou could hear every word spoken inside the hut and somehow unflustered by his display, Kaede spoke: "Very well Inuyasha, you may come in and wait if you are able quiet yourself and remain so. We will leave momentarily."
The hanyou crashed through the entryway growling,"It's about damn time."
"Miroku," Kaede continued nonplused, "are you ready to begin the final preparation? All that remains is for us to recite the blessing for passageways and protection at the same time the heated stone is immersed in the purified water and to cool."
Yes Kaede, I'm ready," Miroku nodded and started to speak again, but before he could, Shippo piped up:
"Do you really think it will work Kaede?"
"Let's hope so, young one, let's hope."