Disclaimer: These characters are owned by the WB, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, and Amy Sherman-Palladino.

Author's Note: This is chapter five of what will be a six-part story. This chapter is considerably longer than the other ones. I will be able to post chapter six tomorrow, because we have yet another snow day tomorrow. Thank god for snow!

Uncertainty

Luke was busy imagining a variety of ways to cause Jason's very painful death when the bell rang over the door to the diner. Luke looked up to see who was coming in during the mid afternoon lull. He was surprised to see Rory, who gave him a tentative smile.

"Hi, what can I get for you?"

"I actually came to talk to you," she said nervously. "I have something to ask you – actually two things. Do you have time?"

Luke gestured around the empty diner, "Plenty of time. What's up? Is everything alright?" He was wondering why she was here, and was suddenly concerned.

"Well the first thing is that I need to ask you a question. It's probably not my place to ask this because I don't know exactly what is going on, but since when has that ever stopped a Gilmore?"

"It certainly never stops your mother, "he said wryly.

At the mention of her mother, Rory looked at Luke and saw sadness and worry cross his face. "Luke, why did you cancel your date with my mom?"

"What? I didn't cancel our date."

"She says that you did."

"I told her it was okay if she wasn't up for it, after what happened last night. Did she talk to you about it?" He wanted desperately to know what she had said, how she was feeling, what she was thinking, but he tried not to ask too eagerly.

"A little, but why did you try to get out of the date?" asked Rory, making sure to keep the focus on the question at hand.

"I didn't want to get out of it. I was trying to give her space."

"Yes, but in Lorelai Gilmore speak that translates as he doesn't want to go out with me and he's trying to let me down easily."

"That isn't what I meant."

"I know that, at least now I do, but she still doesn't know that."

"You know, she won't look at me or talk to me, so in Luke Danes speak that translates as she doesn't want to go out with me, but doesn't want to say it." The firm set of his jaw showed how much it upset him to be cut off from Lorelai. Rory was struck by the painful look on his face. He was usually so stoic. As she was looking at him, he continued tentatively, "Rory, what did she tell you about last night?"

"Not much. She said Jason was trying to get her to back and when she wouldn't agree to get back together he said she wasn't capable of having a real relationship and only wanted to sleep with someone who would make my grandmother mad. You were there, right?"

Luke just nodded.

"She didn't tell me everything, did she? It was worse than what I just told you?"

"Yes, it was worse." Rory could see a flash of anger on his face as he remembered it.

"Well, now I am going to ask my second question. Actually, it's more of a favor."

"Anything, Rory."

"Well, I am leaving tonight to go to Europe with my grandmother. She and my grandfather are separated and she asked me to go with her."

"I'm sorry about your grandparents. So, you are leaving tonight? That's fast."

"Yeah, I know it is and I know it's not a great time, but my grandmother shouldn't be alone now. But I'm worried about my mom. I was wondering if you could sort of look out for her."

"I don't think she wants to talk to me."

"She can't face you after what Jason said last night."

"And so it's a good idea for me to look after her, why?"

"Because she is going to need you. Maybe it's not fair to ask you. I don't know exactly what is going on with you two, but it seems like there is more there than she's told me. All I know is that she is going to need you. Can you be there for her? I need to know before I leave if someone will be here for her."

"She would probably rather talk to Sookie."

"Maybe, but she is going to need you."

"I will try. In fact, I want nothing more than to talk to her, but I don't think she will talk to me."

"I know it is a lot to ask, but I would really appreciate it if you would try."

"I will do my best. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What is going on between you and your mom? She mentioned something about fighting and I can't believe she would let you go off to Europe in the middle of a fight."

"Believe it or not, she actually supported the idea."

Luke just looked completely baffled. He really couldn't imagine Lorelai thinking it was a good idea for Rory to take a trip with her mother. "What happened?"

"We had a horrible fight and both said things that - well I said things that I regret. It made her not want to talk to me about what happened with Jason."

"It doesn't sound like you to leave your mom in the middle of a fight." Luke looked at her questioningly and Rory had to look away.

"You're right, but there are some other reasons why it will be good for me to get away for a while."

"But you can't tell me those reasons?" Rory shook her head and Luke continued, "Well, have a good trip and take care of your grandmother."

"I will, and you take care of my mother."

"I'll do my best," he said, suddenly looking a little overwhelmed.

"Thank you," Rory said as she left the diner.

Luke tried to process what was happening. He wasn't sure how he could help Lorelai if she wouldn't talk to him. How could Rory leave in the middle of this? He tried hard to imagine a scenario that would require her needing to get away, and just couldn't come up with anything. On the other hand, Rory had said that she was upset about him 'canceling' their date. That was something, anyway. He allowed himself about 30 seconds of thinking about that before letting the pessimist take over again and remind him that she'd been avoiding him ever since their first kiss. Luke was about two minutes into the return of the pessimist when the phone rang.

"Hello, Luke's Diner. Can I help you? Liz? Calm down! What's going on? Slow down. Oh my god! Are you OK? Of course I'll come. It'll take me a little while to get things straightened out here, but I'll leave as soon as I can."

Lorelai drove home from Hartford in a funk. She and Rory were still not communicating very well and yet Rory was leaving for Europe in a few hours with none other than Emily Gilmore. Even though things were so unsettled between them, Lorelai dreaded a summer without her daughter. Rory had never been apart from her for more than a week at a time. She was suddenly feeling very alone.

The fluster of preparations for the last minute trip had allowed her to push her thoughts about Luke and Jason to the back of her mind, but one of the last things that Rory had said before leaving was, "You need to talk to Luke. Promise me you'll talk to Luke." Lorelai had promised but since Rory hadn't been specific about a timeframe or subject, she felt she was safe putting off dealing with it for a while longer. She really wanted to think that his feelings hadn't changed, but she couldn't imagine him not hearing a bit of truth in Jason's words. After all, he had watched most of her relationships, begin and then eventually fail, so he was aware of her history in that respect. It just made her more and more aware how much his opinion of her mattered.

Lorelai pulled up to her house, looking forward to curling up on the couch under a blanket and falling asleep in front of the television. She was so focused on her mental and physical exhaustion that she didn't see Luke sitting on the front steps until she was halfway across the yard. She stopped and stared at him apprehensively.

"Luke," she started nervously, "what are you doing here?" Then a thought occurred to her and she asked, "Are you here for our date? Because I thought you cancelled that. At least it seemed like that. I mean, I'm not sure if that's what you meant -"

"Lorelai," Luke said to cut off her babbling, "first of all, I didn't cancel our date. At least, I didn't want to, but maybe it came off that way. I just thought you would want some time."

"I thought you didn't want to go."

"Well, I thought that you wouldn't want to go."

They just stared at each other for a moment, before Lorelai asked, "Why are you here?"

"I was looking for you to see if we could talk. I called the inn and Sookie told me that you were coming back here after dropping off Rory."

A look of fear crossed her face, "Luke, Not right now. So much has happened and I haven't had a chance to process it all, especially with everything going on with Rory and her trip with my mother. Oh and by the way, my parents are separated now. I mean I knew that they were having trouble, but it's official now. Dad's living in the pool house. So I can't really think about the rest of it right now."

"By the rest of it, you mean us?"

"Yeah, I just need time to process it." Luke couldn't help but hear that as time to talk herself out of being with him. He looked at her and her eyes were pleading.

"I'm really sorry about your parents and Rory. I can't really imagine what it must be like to have to handle all this stress at once. I really want to be here for you, "he stopped and took a deep breath, "but you're shutting me out."

"Luke, please not now."

"Okay, I won't push you on any of this right now and I won't make you talk to me, but can I just tell you a couple of things?" He looked up at her. She hadn't said yes, but she also hadn't said no. "Please?" he asked, calmly and softly. She then nodded very slightly and came to sit on the step with him.

"Okay, go ahead."

"Well, the first thing is about our date tonight. I'm sorry you thought I was trying to cancel on you. That wasn't what I meant at all. I still really want to take you out. I just meant that I was willing to wait until you were ready."

"Okay."

He could see that she was taking him seriously about him talking and her listening. He took a deep breath and said, "the other thing that I wanted you to know was that nothing that Jason said means anything to me. It doesn't change anything about how I feel about you. I know that it isn't possible to forget it, but it doesn't matter to me."

"But what if he was right?" she asked in a very small voice.

"Are you asking if I think he was right, or if it would change my opinion of you if it were?" he asked gently.

"Both I guess." She hesitated a second and then went on, "I guess this whole incident made me realize just how much your opinion matters to me, so I'm afraid about that, but also -"

She stopped and he said quietly, "What?"

"I think that he might have been right." She was talking so softly that he wasn't sure he had heard her correctly.

"Lorelai, no, he was just angry and bitter and throwing words around."

"But he was right about what he said about my mother, at least partially." She was looking down now, avoiding Luke's eyes. "What is kind of ironic about all of this is that he used that as a reason to go out with me the first time he asked."

"The first time?"

"Yeah, I went to yell at him about of all things, doing something to hurt my mother, and he asked me out. He said it would really piss off my mother."

"And you went out with him?"

"No, not then. It didn't seem right to date my Dad's business partner and I had some unpleasant memories of him from summer camp, so I said no."

"And he asked again?"

"Oh, Jason was nothing if not persistent. There were phone calls, flowers, candy… I was doing a pretty good job of resisting him for a while, but I was lonely, Rory was really busy at school, Sookie was busy with Davy, you got back together with Nicole, and my mother blamed me for my Dad having secret lunches with an ex-girlfriend, so I returned one of his calls and we went out."

Luke was stunned by the mention of he and Nicole, especially as a factor in her dating Jason. He tried not to react in an obvious way, but she wasn't looking at him and almost didn't seem to realize she had said it.

Lorelai continued, "We had fun together, but it didn't feel really serious. He did want to tell my parents, but I figured he was just worried about making them angry if they did find out."

"Why didn't you tell them?" Luke asked gently, curious, but not wanting to interrupt her now that she had finally opened up.

"I don't know, really. I tried a few times. Once, at a Friday dinner I was really planning to tell her and before I had a chance she started talking about how irresponsible Jason was and going off about all kinds of negative things and then ended by saying that we would be perfect for each other. Then when she saw that I was shocked, she started laughing. She couldn't stop laughing at the thought of the two of us together. I think that I could have handled a lecture or her being disappointed, but to have her laughing about it. I just couldn't deal with her laughing at my life like that. After that, it was just easier to hide it." Lorelai's voice had grown very sad and Luke couldn't help thinking how unfair it was that her parents didn't seem to be able to really see her for the amazing woman that she was. He couldn't imagine living with that kind of disappointment hanging over him.

"I just don't get where all of that anger came from. I don't think that I was leading him on. I don't understand how I could have hurt him so badly that he would say those kinds of things to me."

"Is that what you think? That he said those things because you hurt him?"

"Why else?"

"Because he was mad at himself for losing you, because he was a possessive jerk, or because he was jealous that you had moved on…" Luke trailed off, nervous about saying the last bit.

"Or he was upset because I was using him because I was lonely and he loved me."

"First of all, no one who truly loved you could have said what he did the other night. Second, you are not the first person to go out with someone, or even marry someone, because you were lonely." He looked right at her as he said this and continued, "Sometimes you do it without even realizing that's what is happening."

It took a moment for the full force of Luke's words to hit her. He was talking about he and Nicole. He was saying that he had gone out with her because he was lonely. "That's not the same thing. She hurt you."

He shrugged, "Yes, her sleeping with the Sock man hurt me, but I knew she did it because I wasn't invested in our relationship. My heart wasn't in it."

"You feel badly about hurting her," Lorelai said with surprise, "after what she did?"

"Almost as ridiculous as feeling bad about hurting someone who publicly tears you to shreds," answered Luke.

They were both quiet after that, trying to make sense of what each had confided in the other. Luke's hand brushed Lorelai's, and he held it softly, brushing his thumb across the back of her hand. She seemed surprised, but didn't pull away. They sat like that for another minute, quietly contemplative, then she looked up at him with a small smile, "Wow, how did you do that?"

"What?"

"You got me to totally spill my guts after I said I didn't want to talk."

"Maybe you really did and didn't know it."

"Well, thanks for listening."

"I'm just glad we're back to you looking at me. It hurt that you didn't want to talk to me."

"I was just ashamed about what Jason said. I couldn't imagine what you must think of me, so I was afraid to look at you."

"You don't strike me as someone who worries too much about what other people think of you."

"It matters to me what you think about me."

"Why?"

"It just does."

Luke was encouraged by her admission. He had been debating asking her another question and finally did, quietly, "Can we talk about what happened before Jason interrupted?"

He had been looking down when he asked the question, but looked up at the end. The fear had returned to her eyes and she tensed up and pulled her hand away. "I'm not ready to do that yet."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I always hurt people. I don't want to hurt you. If we do this, I want it to be for the right reasons. You said yourself that you don't always know reasons for being in a relationship. I just need to know that Jason wasn't right about you as well."

"Lorelai, I am a big boy. I can take care of myself and … I trust you."

"But I don't trust myself. Can I have a little more time to process this?" She could see that he looked hurt and angry, but was trying not to show it.

"This isn't just your way of backing away from us because you are scared, is it?"

"I really don't think it is."

"Okay," he said, conceding defeat, "I guess I don't really have any choice, do I?" His voice was bitter.

"Luke, don't do this. Give me a chance."

"I'm just worried that the chance I'm giving you is to run away before we even get started."

"I don't understand what the rush is. Why are you pushing me so hard?"

Luke got up from the steps and looked at her, "I need to go away for a while -"

"What? Why?" she asked with dismay.

"It's Liz. She and T.J. were in a car accident." Luke saw the look of concern on her face and went on, "They are going to be fine, but they both have a broken arm and leg and they need some help getting around. I need to go help them with their booth at the fair, so they don't lose their spot. I have to go, but I hate leaving now, with everything so uncertain." He waited for her to say something, anything to reassure him, but she didn't.

Lorelai wanted to say something to make the hurt look in his eyes go away, but she couldn't make promises she wasn't sure she could keep. When he saw that she wasn't going to say anything, he added, "I just feel badly because I promised Rory I would look out for you and now I'm leaving."

"Rory? When did you talk to Rory?"

"This afternoon. She came to talk to me and ask me to look out for you while she was in Europe."

"Why?" Lorelai stood up and walked a few steps past Luke, "Doesn't she think I can take care of myself? I can't believe she did that? What was she thinking?" The idea of Rory talking to Luke when she wouldn't even talk to Lorelai was pretty disturbing.

"That her mom was hurting and she felt guilty about leaving her when she was in pain."

Lorelai turned around and looked at him, surprised, "She said that?"

"Pretty much. Why are you surprised? She is your daughter."

"I know, but we had such a huge fight and she wouldn't talk to me." She paused and took a deep breath and said, "she told me she hated me. She's never said that before."

She looked so hurt that it reminded Luke about everything else she was going through. His expression and voice softened as he said, "That must have been what she meant when she said she regretted saying some things."

"Really? She said that?" Lorelai allowed herself a small smile.

"Lorelai, what happened between you two? I can't believe you'd let her leave in the middle of a fight, and with your mother of all people."

"I admit, not my first choice of circumstances, but given the situation, probably for the best."

"What situation?"

"I can't talk about it. Suffice it to say that it was very un-Rory like behavior and leave it at that." There was a finality in her voice that he knew wasn't worth arguing with.

"Okay." But it was clear he was not satisfied. "Well, I probably should get going, but I wanted to give you this," he said, handing her a small piece of paper. She opened it and saw an unfamiliar phone number.

"What is this?" She looked up to see him holding a cell phone and said, "You got a cell phone? I thought you hated them."

"Well, I kinda do, but I promised Rory. If you need anything, please call me," he paused, "and take care of yourself. I know that you have a lot on your plate." He looked down at that and took both of her hands, and squeezed them gently. "Just promise me something?" He looked at her and she nodded, "If you decide anything, please let me know? Don't make me wait until I get back?" She nodded again. He hesitated before giving her a quick kiss on the forehead, then turning and heading back toward the diner, praying that he wasn't giving her too much opportunity to run away.