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Chapter 9 So Far To Go
Inuyasha didn't slow down until he reached his destination. He landed and allowed Kagome to get down slowly. On the ground, the night air was chilly, but it was still. He looked at Kagome and saw she was shivering with cold. What little she was wearing didn't offer her much protection from the wind, and she had gotten very cold on the trip. He took off his coat and draped it over her small form. She looked up at him and smiled in gratitude but said nothing. They stood there together in darkness, the under the old God-tree in her mother's back yard.
Somehow, Kagome knew this was where they would end up. She was happy and grateful to be here with Inuyasha now, but the memory of Michael's words kept repeating in her head:
"I pray I didn't make a mistake with you. . . . "
Inuyasha watched her. She stood with her back leaning against the tree, and she looked miserable. When he found her in the parking lot, he saw and heard what had happened between Kagome and Michael.
"The way that damn bastard bullied her and the way she just TOOK it." He didn't know which bothered him worse.
He had known Kagome a long time, had yelled at her more than a few times himself, both when she deserved it and when she didn't. He had never known her to be passive, to be silent when attacked. Kagome was fiery, sometimes hot-headed, but he respected her for that.
Inuyasha remembered his earlier thoughts about her, when she was dancing. At least now he understood her, knew that she acted with a motive other than "other than being a whore." He mentally winced, remembering he was actually thinking that earlier. I never wanted to think the things I was thinking about you. I'm ashamed for thinking so little of you, Kagome, even for a few, terrible minutes.
Maybe her judgment wasn't the best tonight, but Kagome has always been fiercely loyal to those she cared about. Knowing this about her, and understanding why she was angry at the man, her actions didn't surprise him. He even felt a little admiration for her, the way she so skillfully trapped the man and deftly dealt with him. What was surprising, what did bother him, was her powerful, new abilities. THAT was definitely another new development in her life she had neglected to tell him about.
So why couldn't this Michael bastard understand her, and why had Kagome cowered, like a disobedient child, when this guy was acting like a jerk? "If he was her mate and she disobeyed him, the way she was acting would make sense. But he isn't, so . . . ."
Just what Michael was to Kagome he didn't quite know yet. Somehow, this guy knew about her miko powers, but how? Why was Kagome willing to submit to him? Did he have powers too or just some kind of power over her? Inuyasha couldn't sense anything special about the man, so what was it?
He badly wanted to know, but knew now was not the time to press her. She wasn't crying any longer, but Kagome's eyes were fixed on some distant point. She remained silent, lost in an ocean of sadness and guilt.
Inuyasha shook his head at her and said, "You've really made a mess of your life without me, haven't you, girl?"
With this, Kagome looked up at him and laughed. "Inuyasha, you don't even know the half of it."
Then tell me Kagome. Tell me all of it. . . . He was relieved that she was alt least talking, even if she wasn't telling him what he wanted to know.
"I've never seen you use your miko powers like that before," he said matter- of-factly. "I didn't know you could control them at will," He wanted to hear more information, but he also just wanted to keep her talking.
"I didn't know I could either. It's only been in the last two months since I met Michael that. . . ." Kagome realized she was telling him more than she meant to and stopped.
Inuyasha raised his eyebrows and tried to catch her eyes "Since you met Michael?"
"Uhm, yeah since then." Kagome looked as if she was going to say more, then stopped herself and looked down.
"Is it possible this Michael is a priest or a monk like Miroku? Is he helping her learn to control her powers? This is the control he has over her? That makes sense, I guess, but she's gotten so strong, how?"
Inuyasha had been truly impressed, and more than a little nervous when he watched her caused the man to crumple with a touch. This kind of power would take years, a lifetime, to develop. . . . if she's only been working with him for two months, how did her powers develop so quickly?
A dark and jealous thought came unwelcome into his mind: I've known her a lot longer than this idiot. Do her new powers have something to do with how she feels for him? Does he mean more to her than–than I do?"
"Inuyasha?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry, about tonight, about everything."
"It's okay Kagome, I don't want you to apologize anymore for it."
She sighed deeply. "I used energy twice tonight in ways that I shouldn't have. I've never done anything like this before, and I really don't have an excuse for it."
He wanted to say something to comfort her, but she was talking about this, and he didn't want her stop.
"I was upset with you, it's true, when I saw you at the club, but that's just because I was embarrassed."
"I know Kagome, we've already talked about this," he interrupted.
"We've already talked about me getting mad at you and being embarrassed, but not about why I used my powers."
His ears swiveled up. He thought he had been the reason she used her powers. He didn't know how she had channeled that kind of energy into her singing, but he still remembered, still felt some of the effects of it. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop seeing her down on her knees singing with her mouth on that metal tube. . . "He shook his head, willing the memory and his newest wave of arousal away.
"When I got backstage with Clo, I saw what Brad did to her. She tried to hide it from me, but--"
"But you found out anyway," he said dryly.
"Yes--"
. . . . just like I'm finding out about all your little secrets anyway too, huh, Kagome? Secrets have a way of leaking out.
"I found out anyway," she continued, "And when I saw her face, I just got so angry, Inuyasha. I think some of it happened because I was still angry at you, but mostly it was about Brad."
"I understand, Kagome."
"When I was singing, I didn't actually plan to use my powers, it–it just kind of happened."
Inuyasha listened, sensing she was about to tell him more and not wanting to chance stopping her, he chose not to comment.
"When I saw Brad at the bar, laughing, all I could see was Chloe's poor, lovely face, the sadness in her eyes. I thought about the way she keeps lying to herself and her friends about him. . . .I got so angry, so very, very angry.
Inuyasha, I haven't been that angry since Naraku had us all trapped in his castle. Back then, I didn't know I was using any powers. I just knew I was angry and wanted to make him stop laughing at us, feeling so superior and knowing we were all about to die.
Tonight was the only time I've ever used my powers to hurt anyone, a human, on purpose. It wasn't instinct. I knew ahead of time what I wanted to do. . . . "
Inuyasha listened to her, beginning to understand more. This is what Michael had been so upset with her about. Thinking about it now, he could see that perhaps the man had a point. What Kagome did was rash, dangerous. He didn't think she wanted to kill, but if she made a habit of doing this, of letting her anger control her energy, she could become very lethal, at least to any human that makes her angry enough. She'll be able to protect herself against demons better, he thought, considering the bright-side of this development.
No, as much as he hated to admit it, this Michael was probably right. She needed to keep control so her emotions didn't continue to drive her powers.
"I feel terrible about it all," she said. She watched her high-heel shoe make little tracks in the dirt below the tree.
Inuyasha knew intimately what it felt like to loose control to anger, and he knew the feeling of shame that could come after it too. He had been in this situation with Kagome many times before, but she had always been on the other side of it, the one consoling him, forgiving him. He hated that she was having to face these feelings now.
"Was it as terrible as I think?"
"What do you mean?" he looked up at her, not understanding.
"The things I did when I was channeling my energy into my anger. The way I behaved, was it, was I, as bad as I think?" she said, wincing.
"Kagome–don't you remember?"
"Not all of it, no. When I use my powers it's a little like being, like being, well. . . . drunk." she admitted blushing. "Or like in a dream. I know what's happening when I'm in it, but later it all gets sort of fuzzy. I think a part of my mind blanks-out or something. Michael thinks it will get better, and I'll be able to remember more as I get stronger. That's why he pushes so hard with the training."
Inuyasha eyes narrowed as he took in everything she told him. He thought about the last part, what she had just said about Michael and training, but was intently focused now on what she said before that:
"Shit Kagome, you mean to tell me you don't remember what you did when you were singing and then when you were dancing with Brad?"
The color drained from her face and Kagome looked ill. "Inuyasha, tell me, please! I already know I hurt Brad. What else did I do?"
Inuyasha had never seen her look more scared, more vulnerable. What should he tell her? That she became a temptress he still could not forget? A part of him felt better, relieved, knowing that she wasn't in complete control of her actions, and now had little memory of them. "She really doesn't know what she did, what kind of an effect her singing performance had on everyone, especially me."
"Uh, no Kagome, stop worrying. You weren't that bad. You sang. You danced. That's it. Nothing too special." He swallowed and tried very hard to suppress the blush he felt spreading across his own face.
"Yeah, right Inuyasha, she was 'nothing special' to you tonight."
Kagome gave a sigh of relief. "Are you sure, Inuyasha? Is there anything you're not telling me?"
"I told you, it was no big deal! Now will you just drop it!?" Maybe I'm not telling her everything, but hey, I'm the one in the dark here! I don't think she meant to tell me know that Michael is her teacher. That's what I suspected and now I'm sure. At least there's one more part of the Kagome- puzzle solved. . . .Still, for a teacher and student, they looked very close tonight, too close. . . ."
"Inuyasha?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks for the get-away. I really needed a break, sometime to think and clear my head, you know?"
"It would take a lot more than a few minutes to clear your head," he snorted.
Kagome sneered, "Same old Inuyasha! It really is great to be insulted by you again," she said, smiling at him now.
"Hhmph!" He folded his arm across his chest and looked at her, making sure he did not let the smile he was feeling become visible.
"Okay, tough guy. As much as I appreciate the save, I think it's time you take me back now."
This surprised him, but he shrugged and said. "About time. Let's go." He started walking in the direction of the old well-house shrine.
"No, Inuyasha, I didn't mean back there yet, I meant back to my apartment."
He was surprised again, and not happy about it. "No Kagome, we're already here and we've wasted more than enough time with your 'birthday surprises'." He felt bad as soon as he said the last part, sure she was going to be mad at him again for not caring more about her birthday.
Kagome wasn't mad, she actually agreed with him. "Yeah, I'd like to put that whole part of tonight behind me," she said, wrinkling her nose. "I do have to go back and take care of some things before we leave. I still need to explain to Chloe and Mika why I'm going to need to take a break from the band, I need to pack, and I really need a shower and to change clothes. I just want to get the smell of Brad's cologne off me as quick as possible."
"Uugh Kagome, you don't know the half of it!" The hanyou made a face like he was going to be sick.
Kagome reddened. "Oh sorry Inuyasha. If I don't like the way I smell right now, for you it must be just overwhelming."
"YOU STINK WOMAN!!–IT SMELLS LIKE A HUNDRED DIFFERENT MEN HAVE BEEN ALL OVER YOU!"
Kagome's blush deepened and she looked down. "God Inuyasha, do you always have to use so much tact?!" Oh, if I had the rosary now I would sit his ass so hard!
"You can wash at the spring and Kaede will have decent clothing for you," he replied, strongly emphasizing the word "decent."
"Inuyasha, I need to get back to my place. Michael's waiting for me. I still haven't told him I'm leaving with you or why."
"Hhmph! He grumbled. You don't need to tell that idiot anything!"
"Yes, Inuyasha, I do, I really do. I don't want to fight about this, but I'm not going until I'm ready."
Inuyasha looked at Kagome. She had her arms folded across her chest, mirroring his most stubborn posture and was looking at him steel-eyed.
"She's tired," he thought, noticing how pale and drained she looked. "More tired than she knows. She needs to rest and calm down. She won't do either if I take her back against her will."
Inuyasha frowned at her. "Okay, wench, I'll take you back, but we leave tomorrow morning whether you're ready or not. No later."
Kagome's face showed instant relief. She smiled weakly and said, "Thanks Inuyasha, It means a lot to me that you didn't fight me or try to force me to go."
"Hhmph! Just climb on and let's get going already," he said.
"He's still so cute when he's trying to act tough!" Kagome thought with a weary smile. She climbed on his back, wrapped her arms around his waist, and was happy to close her eyes and take a few minutes to rest, feeling completely safe once more.
If Michael had really wanted to find me, he would have been here," she thought wearily. "What does it mean that he didn't come? Is it good or bad?. . . "
Chapter 9 So Far To Go
Inuyasha didn't slow down until he reached his destination. He landed and allowed Kagome to get down slowly. On the ground, the night air was chilly, but it was still. He looked at Kagome and saw she was shivering with cold. What little she was wearing didn't offer her much protection from the wind, and she had gotten very cold on the trip. He took off his coat and draped it over her small form. She looked up at him and smiled in gratitude but said nothing. They stood there together in darkness, the under the old God-tree in her mother's back yard.
Somehow, Kagome knew this was where they would end up. She was happy and grateful to be here with Inuyasha now, but the memory of Michael's words kept repeating in her head:
"I pray I didn't make a mistake with you. . . . "
Inuyasha watched her. She stood with her back leaning against the tree, and she looked miserable. When he found her in the parking lot, he saw and heard what had happened between Kagome and Michael.
"The way that damn bastard bullied her and the way she just TOOK it." He didn't know which bothered him worse.
He had known Kagome a long time, had yelled at her more than a few times himself, both when she deserved it and when she didn't. He had never known her to be passive, to be silent when attacked. Kagome was fiery, sometimes hot-headed, but he respected her for that.
Inuyasha remembered his earlier thoughts about her, when she was dancing. At least now he understood her, knew that she acted with a motive other than "other than being a whore." He mentally winced, remembering he was actually thinking that earlier. I never wanted to think the things I was thinking about you. I'm ashamed for thinking so little of you, Kagome, even for a few, terrible minutes.
Maybe her judgment wasn't the best tonight, but Kagome has always been fiercely loyal to those she cared about. Knowing this about her, and understanding why she was angry at the man, her actions didn't surprise him. He even felt a little admiration for her, the way she so skillfully trapped the man and deftly dealt with him. What was surprising, what did bother him, was her powerful, new abilities. THAT was definitely another new development in her life she had neglected to tell him about.
So why couldn't this Michael bastard understand her, and why had Kagome cowered, like a disobedient child, when this guy was acting like a jerk? "If he was her mate and she disobeyed him, the way she was acting would make sense. But he isn't, so . . . ."
Just what Michael was to Kagome he didn't quite know yet. Somehow, this guy knew about her miko powers, but how? Why was Kagome willing to submit to him? Did he have powers too or just some kind of power over her? Inuyasha couldn't sense anything special about the man, so what was it?
He badly wanted to know, but knew now was not the time to press her. She wasn't crying any longer, but Kagome's eyes were fixed on some distant point. She remained silent, lost in an ocean of sadness and guilt.
Inuyasha shook his head at her and said, "You've really made a mess of your life without me, haven't you, girl?"
With this, Kagome looked up at him and laughed. "Inuyasha, you don't even know the half of it."
Then tell me Kagome. Tell me all of it. . . . He was relieved that she was alt least talking, even if she wasn't telling him what he wanted to know.
"I've never seen you use your miko powers like that before," he said matter- of-factly. "I didn't know you could control them at will," He wanted to hear more information, but he also just wanted to keep her talking.
"I didn't know I could either. It's only been in the last two months since I met Michael that. . . ." Kagome realized she was telling him more than she meant to and stopped.
Inuyasha raised his eyebrows and tried to catch her eyes "Since you met Michael?"
"Uhm, yeah since then." Kagome looked as if she was going to say more, then stopped herself and looked down.
"Is it possible this Michael is a priest or a monk like Miroku? Is he helping her learn to control her powers? This is the control he has over her? That makes sense, I guess, but she's gotten so strong, how?"
Inuyasha had been truly impressed, and more than a little nervous when he watched her caused the man to crumple with a touch. This kind of power would take years, a lifetime, to develop. . . . if she's only been working with him for two months, how did her powers develop so quickly?
A dark and jealous thought came unwelcome into his mind: I've known her a lot longer than this idiot. Do her new powers have something to do with how she feels for him? Does he mean more to her than–than I do?"
"Inuyasha?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry, about tonight, about everything."
"It's okay Kagome, I don't want you to apologize anymore for it."
She sighed deeply. "I used energy twice tonight in ways that I shouldn't have. I've never done anything like this before, and I really don't have an excuse for it."
He wanted to say something to comfort her, but she was talking about this, and he didn't want her stop.
"I was upset with you, it's true, when I saw you at the club, but that's just because I was embarrassed."
"I know Kagome, we've already talked about this," he interrupted.
"We've already talked about me getting mad at you and being embarrassed, but not about why I used my powers."
His ears swiveled up. He thought he had been the reason she used her powers. He didn't know how she had channeled that kind of energy into her singing, but he still remembered, still felt some of the effects of it. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop seeing her down on her knees singing with her mouth on that metal tube. . . "He shook his head, willing the memory and his newest wave of arousal away.
"When I got backstage with Clo, I saw what Brad did to her. She tried to hide it from me, but--"
"But you found out anyway," he said dryly.
"Yes--"
. . . . just like I'm finding out about all your little secrets anyway too, huh, Kagome? Secrets have a way of leaking out.
"I found out anyway," she continued, "And when I saw her face, I just got so angry, Inuyasha. I think some of it happened because I was still angry at you, but mostly it was about Brad."
"I understand, Kagome."
"When I was singing, I didn't actually plan to use my powers, it–it just kind of happened."
Inuyasha listened, sensing she was about to tell him more and not wanting to chance stopping her, he chose not to comment.
"When I saw Brad at the bar, laughing, all I could see was Chloe's poor, lovely face, the sadness in her eyes. I thought about the way she keeps lying to herself and her friends about him. . . .I got so angry, so very, very angry.
Inuyasha, I haven't been that angry since Naraku had us all trapped in his castle. Back then, I didn't know I was using any powers. I just knew I was angry and wanted to make him stop laughing at us, feeling so superior and knowing we were all about to die.
Tonight was the only time I've ever used my powers to hurt anyone, a human, on purpose. It wasn't instinct. I knew ahead of time what I wanted to do. . . . "
Inuyasha listened to her, beginning to understand more. This is what Michael had been so upset with her about. Thinking about it now, he could see that perhaps the man had a point. What Kagome did was rash, dangerous. He didn't think she wanted to kill, but if she made a habit of doing this, of letting her anger control her energy, she could become very lethal, at least to any human that makes her angry enough. She'll be able to protect herself against demons better, he thought, considering the bright-side of this development.
No, as much as he hated to admit it, this Michael was probably right. She needed to keep control so her emotions didn't continue to drive her powers.
"I feel terrible about it all," she said. She watched her high-heel shoe make little tracks in the dirt below the tree.
Inuyasha knew intimately what it felt like to loose control to anger, and he knew the feeling of shame that could come after it too. He had been in this situation with Kagome many times before, but she had always been on the other side of it, the one consoling him, forgiving him. He hated that she was having to face these feelings now.
"Was it as terrible as I think?"
"What do you mean?" he looked up at her, not understanding.
"The things I did when I was channeling my energy into my anger. The way I behaved, was it, was I, as bad as I think?" she said, wincing.
"Kagome–don't you remember?"
"Not all of it, no. When I use my powers it's a little like being, like being, well. . . . drunk." she admitted blushing. "Or like in a dream. I know what's happening when I'm in it, but later it all gets sort of fuzzy. I think a part of my mind blanks-out or something. Michael thinks it will get better, and I'll be able to remember more as I get stronger. That's why he pushes so hard with the training."
Inuyasha eyes narrowed as he took in everything she told him. He thought about the last part, what she had just said about Michael and training, but was intently focused now on what she said before that:
"Shit Kagome, you mean to tell me you don't remember what you did when you were singing and then when you were dancing with Brad?"
The color drained from her face and Kagome looked ill. "Inuyasha, tell me, please! I already know I hurt Brad. What else did I do?"
Inuyasha had never seen her look more scared, more vulnerable. What should he tell her? That she became a temptress he still could not forget? A part of him felt better, relieved, knowing that she wasn't in complete control of her actions, and now had little memory of them. "She really doesn't know what she did, what kind of an effect her singing performance had on everyone, especially me."
"Uh, no Kagome, stop worrying. You weren't that bad. You sang. You danced. That's it. Nothing too special." He swallowed and tried very hard to suppress the blush he felt spreading across his own face.
"Yeah, right Inuyasha, she was 'nothing special' to you tonight."
Kagome gave a sigh of relief. "Are you sure, Inuyasha? Is there anything you're not telling me?"
"I told you, it was no big deal! Now will you just drop it!?" Maybe I'm not telling her everything, but hey, I'm the one in the dark here! I don't think she meant to tell me know that Michael is her teacher. That's what I suspected and now I'm sure. At least there's one more part of the Kagome- puzzle solved. . . .Still, for a teacher and student, they looked very close tonight, too close. . . ."
"Inuyasha?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks for the get-away. I really needed a break, sometime to think and clear my head, you know?"
"It would take a lot more than a few minutes to clear your head," he snorted.
Kagome sneered, "Same old Inuyasha! It really is great to be insulted by you again," she said, smiling at him now.
"Hhmph!" He folded his arm across his chest and looked at her, making sure he did not let the smile he was feeling become visible.
"Okay, tough guy. As much as I appreciate the save, I think it's time you take me back now."
This surprised him, but he shrugged and said. "About time. Let's go." He started walking in the direction of the old well-house shrine.
"No, Inuyasha, I didn't mean back there yet, I meant back to my apartment."
He was surprised again, and not happy about it. "No Kagome, we're already here and we've wasted more than enough time with your 'birthday surprises'." He felt bad as soon as he said the last part, sure she was going to be mad at him again for not caring more about her birthday.
Kagome wasn't mad, she actually agreed with him. "Yeah, I'd like to put that whole part of tonight behind me," she said, wrinkling her nose. "I do have to go back and take care of some things before we leave. I still need to explain to Chloe and Mika why I'm going to need to take a break from the band, I need to pack, and I really need a shower and to change clothes. I just want to get the smell of Brad's cologne off me as quick as possible."
"Uugh Kagome, you don't know the half of it!" The hanyou made a face like he was going to be sick.
Kagome reddened. "Oh sorry Inuyasha. If I don't like the way I smell right now, for you it must be just overwhelming."
"YOU STINK WOMAN!!–IT SMELLS LIKE A HUNDRED DIFFERENT MEN HAVE BEEN ALL OVER YOU!"
Kagome's blush deepened and she looked down. "God Inuyasha, do you always have to use so much tact?!" Oh, if I had the rosary now I would sit his ass so hard!
"You can wash at the spring and Kaede will have decent clothing for you," he replied, strongly emphasizing the word "decent."
"Inuyasha, I need to get back to my place. Michael's waiting for me. I still haven't told him I'm leaving with you or why."
"Hhmph! He grumbled. You don't need to tell that idiot anything!"
"Yes, Inuyasha, I do, I really do. I don't want to fight about this, but I'm not going until I'm ready."
Inuyasha looked at Kagome. She had her arms folded across her chest, mirroring his most stubborn posture and was looking at him steel-eyed.
"She's tired," he thought, noticing how pale and drained she looked. "More tired than she knows. She needs to rest and calm down. She won't do either if I take her back against her will."
Inuyasha frowned at her. "Okay, wench, I'll take you back, but we leave tomorrow morning whether you're ready or not. No later."
Kagome's face showed instant relief. She smiled weakly and said, "Thanks Inuyasha, It means a lot to me that you didn't fight me or try to force me to go."
"Hhmph! Just climb on and let's get going already," he said.
"He's still so cute when he's trying to act tough!" Kagome thought with a weary smile. She climbed on his back, wrapped her arms around his waist, and was happy to close her eyes and take a few minutes to rest, feeling completely safe once more.
If Michael had really wanted to find me, he would have been here," she thought wearily. "What does it mean that he didn't come? Is it good or bad?. . . "