Chapter Four: Suspicions

December seemed to disappear, and I took my leave to head home for Christmas. Returning to my father's cottage made me realize that I really had made a place for myself at Hogwarts. I no longer felt quite like my shoe was always on the wrong foot, and I had friends: Minerva, Pomona, and yes, even Severus, as harsh as he could be sometimes. And Remus. We were both very busy before the holidays, but it was enough to exchange a word at breakfast or pass a smile in the corridor.

I returned the day the spring term started, with the scent of seawater still in my hair. I flung myself into teaching with a renewed spirit, happy to be back. The feeling lasted all week, and perhaps it was my own ebullience that made my Friday class so excitable. The pots of seedlings, kindly provided by Pomona for my third years to enchant into growing faster, shot out of all control. Roots exploded clay pots, dirt flew everywhere, and vines almost strangled a little Hufflepuff girl.

So covered in dirt, with the bun of my hair dangling sideways off my head and my arms full of severed branches continuing to burst into bloom, Severus caught me running down to the greenhouse to show them off. The corner of his mouth twitched as if he might laugh.

"Having trouble, Professor?"

"A little too much exuberance today." I huffed at a stray bit of hair tickling my nose.

He reached out, caught the strand and moved it aside. "Some of us are taking one of the coaches into Hogsmeade this evening to see a lecture on ethical experimentation with jinxes. Are you interested?"

"Yes, that's fine," I replied, too distracted to pay much attention.

"I'll meet you at the front steps at seven o'clock."

A pod exploded into bloom, releasing a cloud of pollen right in my face. I sneezed and edged around him to keep going. "Seven o'clock."

At quarter 'til seven, lounging on my four-poster after a long delicious bath, I suddenly remembered that I'd agreed to go. I ran a brush through my hair, threw on my cloak, and scurried down to the wide sweeping steps that led from the main doors. A coach was waiting as promised, and I ran down to it to rap on the door.

Severus opened it and offered a hand to pull me in. I plopped on the seat opposite him, breathing hard. "Sorry I'm late." Then I realized we were the only ones there.

He knocked on the ceiling of the coach to signal it to start rolling. "No one else could make it, I'm afraid," he answered before I had formed the question. "I'm glad actually. It will give us the chance to talk." I nodded, but then he didn't say anything more, just sat with half-lidded eyes regarding me. The scent of moldy old straw filled the coach, the springs creaked, and I pulled the collar of my cloak up, as if cold, to block it. Watching out the window, I shuddered as we passed through huge wrought iron gates guarded by dementors on each side. I remembered that Hogsmeade would be crawling with them in the evenings. "What about the dementors?" I asked Severus.

"I've made arrangements."

Fortunately, the ride was short and the lecture was moderately interesting, though not well attended. Afterward, we walked briskly along one of Hogsmeade's snow covered lanes, and I noticed that--arrangements or not--Severus kept his wand in his hand the whole time and jerked his head around to scan the streets as if he anticipated being followed. He asked if I'd been in the Three Broomsticks yet.

"Oh yes. Remus and I had lunch here once."

His face darkened. He must have been disappointed not to be the first to show me around Hogsmeade. He shoved the door open with more force than necessary, and I picked out a small table near the front windows. There were plenty to choose from, the room was almost deserted. Having dementors about could not have been good for business. A candle on the table cast a cozy yellow glow on the windows, and looking through the frost etched panes glass, it was hard to imagine that anything dire lurked beyond them.

"Two fire whiskeys," Severus said to the landlady before slipping off his cloak and sitting down. He leaned on the table, stroked his chin contemplatively, and then said, "I daresay I have a confession to make."

I raised my eyebrows.

"When Dumbledore asked for our opinion on whether Chanting should be reinstated at Hogwarts, I said no. I had always regarded it as an inexact art, more show than substance. Now I know that view was mistaken. You're quite a powerful witch."

"I'll take your change of heart as a compliment."

The landlady arrived with our drinks. Bored for lack of customers, or hoping for a larger tip, she had fancied them up with pink parasols that accidentally burst into flames when the whiskey sloshed up as she put them on the table. When I reached into my pocket for a few knuts, Severus waved me away. "I'm buying. I invited you out after all."

I tried not to frown. That had not been my understanding of what we were doing this evening.

"It's intended as a compliment. I can admit when I've been wrong. I'm only human after all."

I flinched and covered it by taking a gulp of fire whiskey, something I never drank as a rule, with or without ashes floating on it. My eyes instantly watered.

"I have been teaching at Hogwarts for twelve years now," Severus continued, "And in that time I've seen a number of professors come and go, especially those that have taught Defense Against the Dark Arts. I don't like to speak ill of my compatriots, but Dumbledore seems to have a difficult time finding anyone who is up to the task. I think you should know that I don't regard you as one of them. I can see you having a successful career here, so you might not want to invest much energy in those unlikely to be staying on."

"Are you suggesting that Professor Lupin's skills are insufficient for his position?" I asked cautiously.

"Ah, Lupin. Certainly Lupin is very knowledgeable about the Dark Arts." He flicked the cindered remains of his parasol onto the table. "You might almost say he takes to it like a mermaid to water."

"But?" Anger stiffened my spine.

"But there are other--issues--that make him unsuitable."

Was he talking about Remus's illness? That was hardly Remus's fault, and I only had respect for the gracious way he handled it. True, Severus had had to fill in, but I'd like think any of us would help another professor that way. "I've only heard good things from his students and from the other staff."

"Those in my house might give you a slightly different opinion. He tends to favor Gryffindor because that was his house when he was in school." I thought back to Remus saying, "Take another five points for Gryffindor, Neville," and shifted in my chair uncomfortably. After another large swig, my glass was almost empty, and my throat was burning. I could have used a goblet of water.

"I'm not sure why you're telling me this. Isn't his suitability for Dumbledore to decide?"

He hesitated and reached across the table to put a hand on my arm. His nails were stained slightly blue from his latest potion, which surprised me because he was always impeccably dressed, in fact this evening he had even washed his hair. "I'm concerned, Nerissa. It would be a shame if your feelings got hurt…or anything else for that matter."

I 'tsk'ed, nonchalantly. "Now you sound like he's dangerous."

An inscrutable smile flickered across his face. "You know we went to school together."

"Yes, he told me." I lifted my chin defiantly.

His grip tightened. "Did he? Then it seems he left out the important parts. He was great friends with Sirius Black. So much so it's hard to imagine he doesn't harbor some sympathy to this day. How very odd that even Dumbledore can't figure out how Black got into Hogwarts without help from the inside."

I withdrew my arm out from under his hand. "Remus told me about Black. He also said you two didn't get along. But that was a long time ago, none of you are children now, things change."

"And some things stay the same. And some things are not easily forgotten. I'd suggest you ask him more about our school days. I'd be fascinated to know how he explains himself." He took a sip while keeping his hard black eyes on me. The candlelight yellowed his complexion, sharpened the bitter lines around his mouth.

I rubbed my forehead. "I'm getting tired. I'd like to get back to Hogwarts. It's late and I'd rather not push our luck on running into the dementors prowling the streets."

His voice was silky, caressing. "With your patronus I doubt you have anything to fear."

"I'm not foolish enough to find out." I pushed away from the table. "Please, Severus."

"As you wish."

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Minerva McGonagall peered through the doorway to examine the puddle of bubbling muck that had been a classroom floor on the fifth floor. She pulled back, holding a sleeve over her mouth and nose. "And you say it was a study group of fourth years that did this?"

I nodded. A cluster of students stood around us, mewing their disgust and enjoying every minute of it. "We've been working on mending chants, and they jumped ahead on their own and tried some of the cleaning ones, but they ended up transfiguring the floor instead of mopping it." I was impressed actually, but it didn't seem the time to mention it to her or to the fourth years. "They tried to close the door, walk away, and pretend it hadn't happened but the accident--uh--" I coughed, holding my own hand over my face and swallowing hard to keep my stomach contents where they belonged, "--advertised itself. When they confessed I sent for you. I could probably figure out how to clean it up but you're the transfiguration expert so I thought--"

"Not a problem," she said, briskly. She pulled out her wand, frowned behind the square lenses of her glasses for a moment, and then said, " i Mutatus! /i " The ooze trembled and fell back to bubbling again. She drew herself up as if personally offended and proclaimed " i Finite incantatum!" /i with such a jab of her wand and sharp command in her voice that several students jumped. This time the floor heaved once and settled back into stone though the stench lingered in a greenish haze still rising on the air. "There. All back to normal." Her expression dared anyone to suggest otherwise. She strode away and I had to jog to catch up with her.

"Thank you. I'm so sorry to have bothered you," I said, once we got far enough away I could take a deep breathe again.

"Nonsense, Professor, you are hardly responsible for the mistakes of your students. If you inspire them to strive beyond what's in their books, then that is a compliment." Amusement tugged at her habitually stern expression. "They all seem to have made a substantial leap forward lately."

"They have; but I'm a bit worried at the rate at which things keep blowing up now they have finally got the hang of it."

The students were still interested in the stench of the room; I could hear one of them daring the others to enter. Glancing back at the noisy cluster at the far end of the hall, I said, "Minerva, have you got a moment? It's a personal matter."

She stopped and looked inquisitively at me.

"You're been teaching here a long time, haven't you?"

"More than thirty years," she said with pride. "Why?"

"What's your opinion of Professor Snape?"

Her lips grew thinner. "He is a gifted potions master, and he has served Hogwarts loyally and dependably."

I carefully worded my next question. "So you would consider him to be reliable?"

"Yes, I would." Her answer was clipped.

"Oh," I replied softly, not sure what answer I was looking for.

"And Remus--um, Professor Lupin? I know he hasn't been here any longer than I have, but you knew him when he was in school, right?"

"Certainly. I taught them both." She glanced back at the students before lowering her voice and her head to ensure the privacy of her next comment. "It's no secret from me that you are fond of him and I'll wager a badger that the sentiment is returned."

I nodded, eager for her words, blushing that my own feelings were so obvious, delighted and frightened that her assessment of his might be true. I didn't expect the sadness that softened her face or the hand that momentarily pressed my arm in sympathy. "I'm not surprised, my dear, you are young after all; but be cautious." She snapped back to her usual brusque voice, attention drawn back to the students. "Weasley! What are you doing there?" And she marched back toward the room with students scattering in her wake.

I hung around and tried to appear helpful and authoritative, but the moment to pursue my curiosity had passed. The crowd dispersed finally and so did the stink, so I went to my office where a pile of essays on the uses and categories of defensive Chanting awaited me. After downing a large glass of water, I sat down and tried to work. I unwittingly read and scored the same essay three times before I gave up. My mind was wandering and the contentment I'd worn since the holidays seemed to have faded away like a wisp of green stench.

Stuffing the essays under my arm, I returned to my private rooms hoping that I could concentrate better after a good long soak. I set the essays down on a table and paused. I'm not a tidy person by nature, but I always know where things are among the mess. The table was awash with parchment pages of musical notations for a small chorale I was working on in my spare time, only some of the pages were out of order. I picked them up and shuffled them into their proper piles. I turned slowly and surveyed the room to see if there was anything else out of place. It could have been house elves, but I had given strict instructions to leave my music alone and they had complied scrupulously. Anyway the rest of the room didn't look as if house elves had been there. The fireplace was full of ashes, dirty socks lay by my big poufy chair, a broken belt was laid over the stone toad's shoulders, and the bed was rumpled.

The bed. My heart thumped and I ran to it to thrust my hands deep under the mattress. My fingers closed around the silver case I kept hidden there and I pulled it out. It was safe. Hugging it against my chest, I dropped into my chair and gazed at the room in consternation.

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"Ah, here you are," said Remus. My rooms no longer felt reassuring. When I wanted to think or relax, I had started coming down here to a sheltered spot on the lakeshore. It was rocky, and the half-frozen silt had a green smell to it where it was lapped by the waves. I'd heard Remus's footsteps crunch on the loose and skittering pebbles, so I wasn't surprised when he squatted next to me. "Good thing I spotted you from the tower or I'd never have found you. You've been hiding lately."

And he had been avoiding me as well. Always brushing by in a hurry, coming in late to grab a last minute piece of toast and promising to sit down the next day. "I just needed some fresh air," I responded quickly.

He raised his hands, "I was only teasing."

"Oh, sorry." I wrapped my arms tighter around my legs, hugging them to my chest.

"How long have you been out here? Aren't you cold?"

I shook my head, once again having forgotten my cloak, so he helped himself to a patch of pebbled ground and stretched out his legs in front of him, his own robes wrapped snugly around his thin form.

"The squid must be hibernating," I said. "It used to come up to have me stroke its tentacles." The sun was sinking into the west bank, lining the far shoreline with orange and shadows. I longed to dive down into the lake, to sink below the depths and bask in the weightless caress of the water. Fin Folk lived down there, and so I avoided it because I knew Dumbledore spoke Mermish. The hem of my robe was wet and dirt-stained from dangling my feet in the ice-crusted water.

He shifted position uncomfortably. "I haven't got to spend much time with you lately."

"You haven't been feeling well; I didn't want to tax you." I glanced at him. His cheeks were tinged pink with frost and health. "It looks like you're better again."

"Yes." And I noticed that he quickly changed the subject. "I've been doing some extra tutoring in the evenings with Harry Potter. I'm a little worried about him with Sirius still out there somewhere. I thought it wouldn't hurt if he knew a few more defensive spells."

"Oh. That's good of you. That would keep you busy." Impulsively, I added, "Do you know of any reason why someone might be getting into my rooms?" I watched his face intently, hoping I would know if it was him.

He looked genuinely surprised. "Your rooms? Why? Is something missing?"

"No. But I believe someone has been there nevertheless, and I can't imagine who it might be. The other day some of my papers were out of order, and today there was a strange smell I couldn't place. It seemed familiar. I searched but couldn't find any source."

His brows were drawn together. "It could be house elves, you know, though they don't have a funny smell that I'm aware of. A new cleanser perhaps? Or maybe a student playing a prank with a dungbomb."

"A poor sort of prank if I can't find it. Besides I generally get along with my students; I don't think I'm a likely target for that sort of thing." He still seemed concerned and unfamiliar with what had been happening, so I took the next step to see how he'd respond. "I'm wondering…well, you know what he's likely to do more than anyone…do you think by any chance that it could be Sirius Black? He did get into the castle once before, and we never were able to find him."

Far from trying to draw suspicion from Black, his puzzled frown became more worried. "I can't think what interest Sirius would have in you, but maybe you should tell Dumbledore. It might not hurt to give your rooms a thorough search."

"I've already searched them," I said in a hurry. "Several times." The last thing I wanted was someone going through my things, especially Dumbledore. Remus truly seemed as confused as I was, and I noted that he had not offered to search my rooms personally as I would have expected if…well, if Severus's insinuations were true. Unless he was a very convincing liar. That was hard to believe with him this near to me. I ached to have him hold me like he had in the owlery, could feel my body leaning toward him almost of its own accord, but my conversations with Severus and Minerva had crawled into my heart, eating away like a grub of doubt.

A breeze blew past us, bringing with it a sudden realization that almost made me gasp. I bit my lip and mumbled, "Just forget it. I'm sure you're right. It's a prank. Maybe the Weasley twins are getting more subtle."

He laughed. "That would be a shame…Listen, Nerissa, would you like to come back inside with me and have a cup of tea?"

"No thank you, I think I'll stay here awhile longer. I'm…thinking."

He looked stricken. "Oh. All right then." He got up and patted at his now slightly soggy behind. "So I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast."

"Yes."

I watched him walk away, the dejected line of his shoulders begging me to change my mind. But I now remembered where I had encountered that strange scent in my room before: wafting from the goblet in Remus's office. I dropped my head onto my knees wishing I had the power of legilimancy so I could read his heart.