How We Got Here
by JediMindTrick
The Unknown Regions were a cold and lonely place, and certainly not a fitting place for a man so capable and loyal as Grand Admiral Thrawn. For losing a simple debate, Emperor Palpatine had forced him to patrol these areas, instead of crushing the Rebellion like he should be doing. Having gone against the Emperor's orders in the past though, Thrawn reminded himself that it would probably not be in his best interest to do so again.
His top Communications Officer, Commander Grizban, came to the Grand Admiral's stateroom with an important message.
"Enter," Thrawn said coldly.
"Grand Admiral Thrawn, sir, the Emperor has requested to speak to you immediately."
Perhaps this is the mission I have been waiting for, Thrawn thought. "Very well, Commander. I will speak to him on the holoprojector in here."
"As you wish, my lord. I will put him through right away." Grizban departed quickly to take care of his assigned duty, and within a few seconds, Emperor Palpatine appeared on the holo.
"Emperor Palpatine, as always, it is a pleasure to see you, my lord." Of course, Thrawn had no real love for the Emperor, but served the Empire loyally nonetheless.
"And it is a pleasure to see you as well, my old friend."
"How may I be of service to the Empire?"
The Alliance had recently destroyed the first Death Star, and Thrawn was eager to chase the entire Alliance fleet to the ends of the universe in order to obliterate it once and for all. Unfortunately, the Emperor wanted Thrawn to go to the ends of the universe for a different reason.
"The prison planet of Kessel has become overcrowded. With our efforts to crush this pitiful Rebellion, I do not wish to place more of my stormtroopers there to watch over this scum. You must go there, take as many prisoners as you can, and relocate them."
Thrawn interrupted the Emperor quickly, not believing his ears. "My liege, do you think this is a job for a Grand Admiral. Surely one of our Prison Ships –"
The Emperor interrupted Thrawn back. "You are one of my most trusted men, Grand Admiral Thrawn. I want to make sure this mission is carried out quickly and efficiently. You must do it for me."
Thrawn did not believe the Emperor either, but he had no choice but to accept the task that was given to him. "I see. As you wish, my lord. To which system shall I take these vermin?"
"I want you to take them to a galaxy far, far away, where they can no longer be a problem for the Empire."
"It will be done immediately, Emperor. Thrawn out." Thrawn turned off his holoprojector without much regard to etiquette, as it is usually the senior officer talking who ends communication. "Great, he wants me to make a Kessel run," he said to himself under his breath. Thrawn then had his Navigations Officer set their course for the Kessel System, and they quickly entered hyperspace.
Meanwhile, in the Imperial Palace on Coruscant, Darth Vader probed Emperor Palpatine on the conversation he just had with Thrawn.
"I was not aware Kessel had become overpopulated, my master."
Emperor Palpatine gave an evil smile and replied, "Oh, I do believe Kessel is well within its operational limits, Lord Vader. But you see, my apprentice, from time to time, I must give Thrawn meaningless tasks in order to keep him busy until the day where I actually need his services."
Darth Vader still was not sure if this last task was a waste of time and valuable resources. "Won't this take Thrawn a long time, my master?"
"Yes. Yes. A very long time, indeed," and the Emperor characteristically laughed as he always did when he felt a certain sense of accomplishment.
Thrawn's Star Destroyer, Admonitor, exited hyperspace and quickly approached the planet Kessel. Thrawn went to the bridge to observe the approach and spoke with the Officer of the Deck, Captain Vickers.
"Captain, prepare a shuttle for me, and contact the man in charge on Kessel. Notify him of my presence, and tell him I am landing and wish to speak with him immediately."
Moments later, Thrawn's shuttle descended onto the landing pad right outside the Commanding Officer's main complex. A fat, hardly shaven humanoid by the name of Commander Slakk was waiting for Thrawn. Thrawn could hardly disguise his disgust for the poor excuse of a military officer.
Instead of a proper salute, Commander Slakk went for the old, "Hey, how ya doin', Admiral?"
By which time, Thrawn had had enough of the man already. "It is Grand Admiral Thrawn, you womprat. And I asked for the man in charge of the facility to be awaiting my arrival."
"Well, yer lookin' at'm, big guy. That's me, Commander Slakk. Listen man, sorry for the informalities and such, we just don't get many visitors out in these parts, if ya catch my drift."
"Unfortunately, that is not all I'm catching at the moment." Commander Slakk may have gone a week or two without showering, it seemed.
"Ha, that was a good one, sir. So what can I do ya for anyhow?"
"I am here for the prisoner transfer Emperor Palpatine requested." Thrawn crossed his arms, growing more and more impatient by the moment.
"Right, um, well, I'm not quite sure I know what yer talkin' about there, but I'll try to help wherever I can. Say man, you alright? You look a little blue."
"Funny. Obviously, I have come across the worst run facility in the Empire. The Emperor has ordered me to transfer as many prisoners off this hellhole as possible. Now I want you to walk five paces behind me, and show me to the prisoners."
"You got it, big guy." The two men along with a platoon of Thrawn's personal bodyguards started walking among the prisoners. Everyone held on Kessel was forced to mine spices for the Empire, which was long and grueling work. "Now what species of prisoner were ya lookin' for exactly? Cuz right now, we have them all separated so as to not get in fights and whatnot. We got Rodians, Twi'leks, Wookiees, and so on and so forth. You name'em, we got'em."
Emperor Palpatine got Thrawn into this mess. Commander Slakk is the most repulsive man he has ever met. Thrawn's decision was not a hard one. "Show me to the humanoids."
The two walked to the mines where the humanoids worked diligently. Covered in dirt, and making labored grunts, Thrawn for the first time on this endeavor was amused. "Look at them. They look like a bunch of cavemen. Load them up, Commander."
Commander Slakk did as he was told, and Grand Admiral Thrawn got off that dreadful planet as quickly as possible. After exiting his shuttle back on to the Admonitor, Thrawn met with his Navigations Officer, Captain Slovan.
"Sir, to where shall we set our course?"
"We must do as the Emperor orders, Captain. Set our course for the most distant system imaginable. Take us to a place where no man has gone before. I want these vile creatures to rot far away from the rest of the universe."
Captain Slovan hesitated and was a bit concerned. "As…as you wish, my Lord." Slovan punched in the most distant coordinates the NavCom Unit would allow (9999999,9999999,9999999), and the Star Destroyer entered hyperspace for a long voyage.
Long actually does not begin to describe it. It seemed like weeks, months, years – a millennium – before the Admonitor would reach its destination. Rarely did a Star Destroyer run out of food and supplies, but during this particular journey, Thrawn's great warship actually began to run low.
Finally, the Admonitor came out of hyperspace into a star system with only nine planets. Thrawn dispatched numerous Imperial Probe Droids to determine if any of these planets were inhabited or at least habitable so he could drop off the prisoners and return to the Empire where he belonged. A short time later, Commander Grizban came to Thrawn with an update from the droids.
"Sir, of all the planets in this system, only one seems to support life. Some of our probe droids are sending images now."
Pleased that this mission may soon be over, Thrawn responded quickly. "Excellent, Commander. Patch the images through now."
"As you wish, my lord." Grizban displayed the images from the planet they dubbed Terra I. Scenes of large reptilian creatures eating each other in a most distasteful manner filled the room. For many hours, Thrawn studied the images to learn about these creatures. Finally, he had come to a conclusion for their further actions, and he ordered General Benning to his quarters.
"General Benning, I have studied these…things for some time now. Judging by their cranial size, they must have very small brains. In addition, they are not capable of creating any artwork which I would normally study, so they must be highly unintelligent. I want you to go to the surface personally and gather any food that is available for our voyage home. Take some collection droids, and two of our best squadrons of troops to escort, though you should encounter no real opposition. When you return, we will drop off these prisoners and be on our way."
"Consider it done, sir." General Benning took five shuttles down to the primitive planet, and the troops and droids quickly got off the shuttles to do their jobs. The stormtroopers stood in formation while the collection droids quickly gathered crops and dead animals which may be cooked and used for provisions. Along with the men stood one AT-AT and four AT-STs. Thrawn came over Benning's comlink.
"General Benning, status report."
"Sir, I am pleased to report everything is going as scheduled. We should be reporting back to the Admonitor shortly. There seems to be no sign of those things in this area and," a shrill cry from a stormtrooper could be heard over the comlink. "Wait." Blasters could now be heard. "Sir, we may have a problem here." General Benning could no longer be heard due to all the firing.
Thrawn leaned forward in his chair. "General Benning! Report your status! What is going on down there?"
Commander Grizban shouted from another area of the bridge. "Sir, we've lost all contact with General Benning and his men! But we have visuals of the situation!"
"Put them up immediately!" Thrawn and the rest of the crew on the command bridge watched as the stormtroopers scattered, firing in every direction as the large reptilian creatures attacked from all over. Men's heads were bit completely off their bodies by the smaller menaces. An AT-ST seemed to be making good progress attacking the reptiles, when one of the creatures – which was so large and fearsome, it seemed to be the "king" of the species – attacked the AT-ST from behind, knocking it over with its tail. Thinking the AT-ST was food, the creature took a big bite out of the cockpit, causing a huge explosion which killed all the passengers and the monster itself. As the AT-AT advanced slowly, a four-legged creature of equal size approached the vehicle. The AT-AT fired at maximum firepower and totally blew off the creature's head. Sadly, an entire herd of the same type of animal saw what took place, and all at once charged the AT-AT, ramming into it and forcing it down to its side. Together, they beat the war machine with their tails and bodies, causing it too to explode, killing all those involved.
Soon, the dust settled. Everyone on board the Admonitor looked on in utter astonishment. Thrawn could not believe his eyes. General Benning and two of his best squadrons of stormtroopers were completely destroyed. He looked down, put his hands behind his back, and began pacing back and forth silently. All his officers awaited his next command, and were ready to carry it out, whatever it may be.
Angered at the absolute carnage down below, and the complete idiocy of the entire mission, Thrawn looked up, and calmly gave his order. "Wipe them out. All of them." The skies over Terra I became blood red as countless laser blasts rained down from the Admonitor. For hours and hours, the massive Star Destroyer fired on the planet with its entire armament. When all was said and done, not one of those vile creatures was alive. In less than a day, the might of the Empire was able to crush an entire planet.
Thrawn became a bit more satisfied with his work, but still remarked, "If we still had the Death Star," a half grin came across his face, "this would have been the next Alderaan."
"Indeed, sir," an officer replied. "And what shall we do with the cargo from Kessel?"
"Drop those cavemen off on that miserable planet. I'm sure in no time they'll kill each other off in some world war. Take us home, Captain Slovan."
And from Terra I, the prisoners yelled in fear and disgust as the Star Destroyer entered hyperspace, but at one sole humanoid made the observation, "Well, at least this beats Kessel."