Chapter Seven: The Forbidden Forest

About ten minutes later, Remus rapped on the door. "Professor Muir?"

"Remus?" I climbed to my feet. "Remus? Get me out."

The knob rattled. I heard a stern i "Alohamora!" /i which produced no more result than my own attempt, and then a more thoughtful, "Hmm…thank you, Ginny, you can go now." He waited and then said, "Nerissa? Stand aside, please."

I followed his instructions, his calm going a long way to helping me regain my composure. There was a bang and the doorknob shot across my office and imbedded itself in the stones opposite. A puff of pulverized stone sprinkled the floor. It was the same jinx he'd used the first time we searched for Sirius Black.

"I have got to learn that spell," I muttered.

Remus opened the door cautiously, saw I was alone, slipped in, and had to lean on it to keep it closed. "What's going on?" he asked gravely.

"Severus! He's got my skin!" Desperation made it impossible to stand still; I paced as I quickly told him what had happened. "Oh, Remus! I've got to get it back! I can't bear the thought of him touching it. And what if I could never swim again?"

"We'll get it back," he stated calmly.

I wrung my hands. "He's going straight to Dumbledore."

"Good."

"Good? What if he fires me? It's against the law for a selkie to lie about what we are. What if he has me arrested?"

"Regardless of what Severus might wish for, I know Dumbledore will be fair." I hoped he was as sure as he sounded. "You haven't lost your skin. We know exactly where it is. That's the important thing. Let's go get it."

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Remus gave the password to Dumbledore's office, "Jelly slug," and the door slid aside to reveal the slowly turning spiral staircase that would take us upward. My legs felt like rubber. It was too much to believe that within hours of finally finding complete acceptance with Remus, I would lose such an essential part of myself. Remus patted me but looked away with worry in his eyes.

We rose up, leaving my stomach behind, but it lurched back into place, full of bile, as Severus came into view. He was standing, with his arms crossed in satisfaction, next to the stand holding Dumbledore's phoenix. The bird had its head cocked at him in such a way I hoped it might bite. Dumbledore sat behind his desk, his hat hung off the back of his ornately-carved chair, long white beard flowing like a stream into his lap.

"Ah good, Professor Muir, "said Dumbledore at the sight of us, and he indicated a pair of cheerful yellow-striped chairs in front of him. "I thought you'd be along soon. And Remus, how nice of you to join us. Severus, are you sure you wouldn't like to take a seat?"

"No, thank you, Professor," he replied, and licked his lips in anticipation.

Remus took hold of my arm and escorted me over in such a way that his body was between me and Severus the whole time. "It'll be all right," he whispered as I sat down.

I perched on the edge of the chair, chin high, imperious. I addressed Dumbledore. "Professor Snape has something belonging to me which he stole from my private room. I would like it back."

"From your room? Oh, dear. I don't think you mentioned that part, Severus." He said it mildly, but Severus had the grace to flush. Dumbledore carefully placed my skin, folded up, in front of him and looked down his long crooked nose at me. "Well, I'm glad you didn't leave something as important as this lying about. A selkie without her skin is a sad creature indeed."

From where I sat, the skin did not appear to be damaged. A fantasy of snatching it and making a run for it passed briefly through my head, though I knew I'd never make it out of the tower room if the headmaster didn't want me too. It was too well protected and he was too powerful a wizard. "I've done nothing wrong. I've taught as I was hired to do. He invaded my room; he went through my things. He's done it more than once. I have a right to privacy."

Severus took a step forward. "You are a magical creature masquerading as a human being. You have no rights."

"Only because the Ministry denies them," I snapped back.

"You cannot have rights without responsibilities," he seethed, "Which your people refuse to comply with. They conveniently disappear under the water whenever they're held accountable."

"Responsibilities? Is that what they are?" I said, starting to rise. "Let me tag you and see how you like it."

Remus held up his hands to calm me down. I scooted back in the chair, arms crossed, and glowered at him.

"I'm on your side," he reminded me softly.

Pretending Severus was no longer there, I said to Dumbledore, "I'm sorry, Professor, I should have told you when you were considering hiring me. It isn't my intention to be difficult or deceitful. My father is a wizard, so I am not accepted among selkies either. I don't want to live my life as a human or a selkie. Either one would be untrue. I want to be what I am: both. But it is very difficult. If you would please return my skin, I will pack immediately."

Slow, deliberate clapping interrupted me. Smirking, Severus said, "Very moving. Shall I contact the Ministry now?"

"The Ministry?" Dumbledore asked, bemused.

For the first time a flicker of uncertainty showed in Severus's face. "Yes. The Ministry. To report this deception."

Dumbledore blinked as if surprised by this suggestion. "But, Severus, I have not been deceived. I knew what Professor Muir was when I hired her. When I reinstated Chanting I wanted to ensure we would have the best teacher possible. Even you must admit that the sea folks deserve their reputation for that."

I stared at him, at a loss for words, hope fluttering in my chest.

"It was not known to me!" Severus persisted, putting clenched fists on Dumbledore's desk.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I see. Did you ask Professor Muir if she was not fully human?"

"No," he snarled through clenched teeth. The muscles in Severus's cheek twitched; his usually sallow complexion had returned to the shade of an eggplant.

Dumbledore looked at Remus, eyes sparkling. "Perhaps Professor Snape is concerned that i you /i have been deceived. I trust she informed you, did she not?"

"Yes. She did," he said, cheerfully.

"Well, that's all right then." He folded his long fingers together and rested them in front of him. "I'm appreciate your thoroughness in bringing this to my attention, Severus, but it would seem that Professor Muir is well within the legal requirements. It is only illegal to lie about being a selkie, not to be one." He nodded Remus's direction. "I'm sure Professor Lupin is also grateful for your vigilance."

Remus opened his mouth to say something then seemed to think better of it, with a warning glance at me to also stay quiet.

Dumbledore picked up my skin tenderly and held it out. "Yours I believe, Nerissa?"

I stood up and reached for it. Tears blurred my eyes as I touched its softness. "Thank you." I pulled it to my chest and hugged it hard, sitting back down again before my knees started to tremble.

"I hope you find many opportunities to use it in the future."

Severus whirled with enough force his cloak billowed, but his hatred was directed at Remus, not me. He leaned into his face almost nose to nose. My hand went into my robe pocket to close around my wand.

More dangerous than I had heard yet, Severus said, "This isn't over yet, Lupin." He swept out of the room, knocking aside a delicate armillary sphere near the doorway so that it shattered like spun glass.

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In a lazy spiral roll, I sank to the bottom of the lake and sunk my upturned nose into the silt, clamping teeth on a glinting bit of gold. A few strong sweeps propelled me back up to the surface. With a leap, I landed on the pebbled shore and flopped my way up onto the flat rock that Remus was sitting on. I dropped the galleon in his lap and gave him a wet whiskery kiss that set him laughing before I rolled over to wriggle out of my seal skin. He had a towel and robe waiting. Another Hogsmeade weekend meant most of the students were gone for the day, and the lonely spot where I used to come and brood now offered companionship and privacy. While I dried off, he picked up the skin and shook the shimmering droplets off it. All my coaxing had failed to get him in the water with me, even though Spring had come to warm it.

I tried again, anyway. "I promise not to try to drown you, no matter what the legends say."

"I don't know how to swim," he said, once more avoiding what I knew to be the real reason: decades of transformation scars had left him too self-conscious.

"You couldn't find a better teacher." I longed to share it with him, to show him the splendor dwelling below the surface, to float together on the water alone between sea and sky. Against my will, I was beginning to have a new appreciation of my mother's life. It made me distinctly uncomfortable. I wrapped the towel around myself, tucking it under at the top so it would hold.

Remus caught my hand, squinting at the sunshine as he smiled up at me. "I don't think I have your advantage."

"At least it's an advantage sometimes," I said. He tugged gently, and I accepted it as an invitation to sink down next to him and receive a gentle kiss. When we parted, I said, "I suppose we both do have an advantage. I mean, look at Hagrid, he couldn't hide what he is if he tried. Anyone could guess he's half giant. And the Fin Folk that live in the lake can't come out and spend a day shopping in Diagon Alley. Sometimes it's just easier to pretend you fit in. Merlin knows life can be hard enough."

He ran his fingertips down my arm, raising a delicious line of goose bumps that the coldest water and coolest breeze would not have produced. "You're philosophical today."

"Swimming reminds me of what's important. I'm just tired of feeling guilty and ashamed all the time. If people know about me, I spend all my time trying to convince them I'm not like the stories. And then I feel foolish because, really, I'm still hiding by trying too hard. And if they don't know, I feel guilty about being dishonest, and angry that I might be ashamed of what I am. There's no winning, is there?"

"Yes. There is. Once in a while. I feel like a Tri-Wizard champion." He looked at me so tenderly warmth melted in my core. "Thank God Dumbledore convinced me to come back. The best times of my life have been here at Hogwarts."

"If you're not careful, I really will give the students something to spy on."

He grinned, took hold of me, and I sank into a kiss as hungry as deep water.

I stood up to shuffle the robe over my head, sat down next to him, and picked up the coin. I gave it a flip in the air and let it land in his lap again. "Someone's been making wishes."

"Probably a student panicking about exams next week."

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My students may not have had to worry about O.W.L.s or N.E.W.T.s. but they still had to sit exams. Though it took more time, I had to arrange with each of them individually. By Thursday, I had decided that perhaps it was a blessing my classes were sparsely populated. I had barely seen Remus. Unfortunately, the moon was waxing close to full again and the effort to focus on exams was taking what energy he had. I offered to help correct the written portion of the exams for him, at least for the first and second years, but he favored practical exams and so even though he had given me a pile, he was still left with the majority of the work.

I sighed and rested my chin in my hand. Candlelight flickered on the rounded walls of my office; it had grown dark enough hours ago that they no longer provided sufficient light to keep me from drowsing. I rubbed my eyes and Chanted a few energy bars to stay awake, though doing it to yourself was rather self-defeating. I was also worried about the chorale. I'd let everyone take a break from practice this week because of exams but Dumbledore had asked that we perform at the end of the year feast and we were nowhere near ready. Maybe in my desire to be liked by my students, I'd been too nice. The spidery writing on the scroll before me wavered. My eyelids drooped. I pushed the scroll aside to rest my head for just a moment.

I woke from a dream in which Remus was dogpaddling toward me across an endless loch of water. I shouted encouragement and he struggled, panting, with all his strength, but though he appeared to be moving, he never managed to get any nearer. There was a banging sound, like Muggles with their firelegs. My head jerked up, quill dropping off my face where it had been momentarily stuck with drool. I wiped my cheek and by the black smear across the back of my hand, knew a streak had been left behind. Glancing at the high narrow window, I saw that the moon had already moved on past it. It could have been well past midnight. Remus would be a wolf by now. I had spent some time with him during his last two transformations; I would feel guilty if I did not at least check in with him tonight too.

There was a knock on my door, like enough to the shots in my dream that I realized it wasn't the first. "Professsor Muir?" said a voice I recognized at once as belonging to Dumbledore.

"Yes? Come in!" I rubbed my cheek without benefit as the door opened and the now familiar crooked nose and beard popped in to peer around before being followed by the rest of the headmaster. He was wearing a purple dressing gown and a grim face. I hopped to my feet. "What's the matter?"

"There have been some fortunate and not so fortunate events tonight. Dementors have once again attempted to attack a pair of students, but they have been removed from Hogwarts and the surrounding environs once and for all," he said with grim satisfaction. "Certain others have escaped the Ministry's justice. It is all very complicated but you should know that Remus was…occupied…and did not take his potion." He held up his hand, patting the air to calm me and did not continue until I sat down again.

"Where is he?" I demanded.

"That's why I'm here. I'm not exactly sure."

I inhaled a shocked breath and waited for him to continue.

"He was last seen running away into the depths of the Forbidden Forest."

My shoulders drooped with relief. I had been sure he was going to say someone had been bitten, or worse. "Thank goodness he's somewhere away from anyone."

He picked up my quill and twirled it thoughtfully between his fingers as he spoke. "When I asked him to come back to Hogwarts, I gave him my assurance that his needs would be looked after. You may have noticed that I have a special fondness for him and I'm gratified that you do too." He set the quill down and pinned me with a very serious look, brows drawn together. "I want you to go find him. Make sure he's all right. I'm very much concerned that he'll leave over this."

The thought chilled me. "Of course. Of course, I'll find him." I jumped up and looked around me wildly before snatching up an old cloak tossed over a knight stand. Remus would be naked when he came back to himself, somewhere alone, out in the wilderness. I strode to the door, pausing uncertainly before I went out, suddenly aware that it would be a very different Remus than I had ever seen. "What…what should I do when I find him?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something. You have an advantage the rest of us don't have."

My eyes widened but there was no time to question him. I left my office at a run, feet beating a frightened tattoo on the flagstones.

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There are very few trees on the Orkneys. Mostly the land is soft and rounded and the wind blows across it continuously. The canopy of the Forbidden Forest was so dense the sky peeked through in only a few ragged tears. The air was thick and still. I lost the path almost immediately and had to squeeze through the grasp of the trees, feeling so closed in that it might even crush the breath out of me. Stumbling on roots, branches whipping my face and hands, I was soon sure that I would be the one in need of rescue. But I was not alone. A million insects hummed in the June warmth, calling each other. Bats flittered overhead, clicking and chittering after them.

"Remus!" My throat was rough. He would not understand me anyway. "Remus!" I shouted again, desperately.

I still clutched the cloak, though it had caught and torn twice, and my seal skin was tucked protectively under my robes. Assuming Dumbledore's comment was prophetic, I had paused only long enough to get it but I still didn't know what I was going to do. If Remus was still in his wolf form, he would be largely immune to any stunning spell. It would take several wizards to tackle him. When I found him, maybe I'd have time to slip my skin on. Werewolves were only dangerous to humans. Then what was I supposed to do? Flop on my belly through the trees? As a seal I was worthless on land. As a human I was little more than bait. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I was afraid. Afraid of Remus.

"Ugghh!" I exclaimed, flailing at the air in front of me. I had walked right into a spider's web. A flutter of furred legs ran across my cheek. Brushing and beating at my head and shoulders, I stumbled in a circle.

"Who are you?" said a low perilous voice.

"Wh-what?"

Now I heard rustling. A twig snapped. A different voice said, "No. What are you?"

Forms solidified out of the night, big, big forms, three men on horseback, no three men with horsebacks, and most alarming, arrows cocked at me, and they'd asked me directly. I gulped. "I'm-I'm a selkie."

That brought a scowl to the chestnut colored centaur closest to me; his nose twitched as if he was smelling me.

"What are you doing so far from the sea?" asked the second one who'd spoken, regarding me calmly. He was pale in the moonlight, white headed and yellow-bodied, and most importantly, he had lowered his bow slightly so he could regard me with curiosity.

"I'm looking for someone. A friend who is -- lost."

"Another selkie in the forest? Lost indeed." The laughter from the darkest one was not friendly and it was joined by the red one.

"No. Not a selkie. He's a werewolf."

The laughter died instantly. The three exchanged significant looks and then the pale one glanced at the moon. "The moon is a harsh mistress. But a wolf in the forest is hardly lost. Why are you searching for him? He's no danger to those who don't belong in it."

"He could be a danger to himself. Besides this close to the school, a student could wander in or he might make his way out. Anyway," I said, impatient, "have you seen him?"

"No," said the dark one so abruptly that the others would not disagree. "Best get back to your pond, selkie." He turned away. "We have our own business to attend to." He walked a few feet away and stood there significantly until the red one followed.

The pale one took a few steps and paused. He swung back around and pointed to the left. In a quiet tone he said, "I'd suggest you try that direction."

"Firenze! Come on."

The pale one nodded a silent farewell and left with the others. They disappeared as completely as if they'd been forest ghosts and maybe they were. Ghosts could inhabit many things and there must have been many souls who wandered in and, like myself, got lost in the endless tangle. I followed Firenze's advice. It was as good a direction as any.

Groping in front of me, I shoved through a brambly patch, crying out when a branch snapped back and caught me hard across the leg. My fingers touched blood. Cries, the scent of fresh blood, and an idiot crashing about like a mad cow, surely if I couldn't find Remus, he'd have no trouble finding me. Salt tears stung the scratches on my face. What new scars would he bear from tonight?

"Remus…" My voice faltered. My leg ached. I stumbled forward again and ducked as some creature darted out of the brush and disappeared before I could even see what it was. How late was it? How long had I been searching? The drone of the insects drilled into my head making it hard to think. So loud. So very loud.

I froze. A low rumble had scraped along the bottom of the drone for a moment. I turned slightly to my left and saw it coming out of the darkness not ten feet away: a huge wolf, eyes reflecting yellow. It growled at me again, head lowered and teeth bared. I knew the dense luxury of his fur, now spiked in anger, the power of his limbs, now tensed to spring. It was Remus. His name came silently to my lips, no air left in my lungs to make it audible. Blood stained his muzzle; clotted streaks striped his haunches.

Wolves regarded staring as a challenge, I knew, but I was too scared to look away. My knees bent under me so that I sank a little lower as I said his name again. I slowly slid my hand under my robe to pull my skin out. His ears pulled back irritably and he growled again, sniffing the air. He looked like he was measuring the distance. I froze again. I would never have my skin on in time.