Monkey Mayhem.
Authors note: For those wondering at the speed of this work, I'm trying to get faster at my writing-- some of my writing (not this, obviously) does pay. But I often find myself slowing up, so I've decided to set myself a little challenge, writing this story as if I'm on a deadline.
Ron shook his head, trying to reset the universe to a place where it made sense. Barkin and Shego? The dark haired mercenary grinned.
"Well, you might have heard that Barkie resigned, right? You don't think he would just vegetate, did you?" Remembering Barkin's daily routine from when they'd been stuck together, Ron mutely shook his head.
"I'm still wondering…" Shego cooed, putting her head on Barkin's shoulder, "Who are you working for… MI-5… FSB…. Certainly not the CIA…I can't see them authorizing a wild ass stunt like this."
"Mind the language around the children." Barkin, well, barked. "And in any case, as I told you, that information is need to know…and you don't need to know. Neither do you, Stoppable." Ron sat back feeling his spine try to straighten. He wasn't in school, he had felony warrants after him, he'd just finished duking it out with Yakuza…
And Mr. Barkin Still made him feel like he was ten. There was just no justice.
"OK, Steve dear," Shego said grinning. "Your money's good with me—especially since it comes in such a nice form…I love untraceable bearer bonds and gold coins." She winked at Ron's expression.
"Oh you didn't think I was going to become a hero, again, did you?" She shrugged, "I meant what I said—hero's a losing game—think of all those people who are looking to stab Kimmie in the back now—who are happy that they can point to a fallen icon."
"Enough, Shego." Barkin growled. Shego frowned at him briefly, and Ron noticed that there was no humor in her eyes that time. He decided to try and get some info himself.
"Aren't you still working for Dr. Drakken?" Ron asked.
"Drakken… is having a crisis of conscience." Shego said. "I expect that to last about three more weeks, but until then, I'm a free agent…especially to such cute employers." She said, pinching Barkin's cheek. Ron sighed. He guessed Shego was just constitutionally incapable of working for someone without trying to get under their skin.
Barkin reddened, and pulled out a folder, marked TOP SECRET: NO ELECTRONIC DISTRIBUTION.
Guess someone realized how good Wade is. Ron thought. Barkin tossed it over to him.
"This was one week ago, at a Russian Strategic Missile base whose exact location I'm not allowed to divulge. Ron opened it, and blinked…then blanched. Kyoko leaned over and he found himself shifting, keeping the pictures away from her.
"No, Kyoko." Ron said, "This is adult stuff."
"I'm only six years younger—I can read it."
"Trust me, you don't want to—I don't want to."
It was a abattoir. Dead soldiers with throwing stars embedded in them, sliced apart, smashed…and one last picture, showing one monkey ninja at least had learned that in the eternal struggle of flesh vs. high caliber bullets, bullets won.
"Monkey Fist." Ron said. Great. I so do not need this right now.
"Monkey Fist." Barkin agreed. "And he stole 10 nuclear warheads off SS-18's due to be decommissioned. That's 450 kilotons apiece…" Barkin shrugged, "Given that we're in Japan, I hope you don't need a history lesson about the last time nukes were used."
"Is he going to use them?" Ron said, "That's not his style.'
"He's going to sell them." Shego said, "All his estates have been seized, and he's running short of money. We know." She continued, "That there are at least four organizations that have been contacted already. The North Koreans, a white supremacist group in the U.S., one of the larger drug cartels, and possibly, some of the groups in the Mideast." Shego frowned. "He's gone completely round the bend this time, Ronnie. Let one of those nukes go off, or even get sold, and old Lord Monty Fisk will have a new career as fertilizer."
"But we would prefer to avoid adding a few million people to the list." Barkin supplied. "The warheads are on a freighter in Tokyo bay. You and Shego will go and neutralize them."
"Uh…hold on, Mr. B." Ron said. "How can we "neutralize" them, and why don't you have…GJ or someone handle it?" Shego sighed, and Barkin looked embarrassed.
"The situation is very…complex." Barkin said.
"He means that all the main players are busy pointing fingers at each other and will probably be busy pointing fingers at each other until a city goes up in a fireball." Shego translated. "That's fine, so long as it can't be traced to any one party's screw up. That's why we have Barkie dear, who I bet may be getting ready to take the fall, again, and he's using an international mercenary and a kid on a wanted poster." She grinned. "And why we're using a 10 year old computer nerd-"
"Hey!" Kyoko interjected,
"-instead of a bunch of vans full of NSA agents." Shego continued, giving a completely unapologetic grin to Kyoko.
"OK…when do we go?" Ron asked.
"Yes, when do we go!" Kyoko said.
"You are staying here." Ron told her. "Wade never went on a mission and you're not going to either—until you're older." She pouted.
"You sound like my parents." Ron grinned, apparently the rose was off her romance. Then he thought.
"Where are your parents?"
"Mom and dad were out of the country." She supplied. Barkin nodded.
"And they are quite safe. Are you ready?"
"Hold it, kid." Shego said, "Barkin what do they get paid?"
"Paid?"
"Yes, pay—folding gold, green, that sort of stuff, or I don't know—you use some of your connections to make those charges go away, that sort of thing. I don't care if you won't tell us who you work for, but I do know they have pull."
"Shego-I." Shego rounded on Ron.
"You shut up, Kid—your manager is talking."
Manager?
"He'll do it because he's a h-"
"Bullshit!" Shego's angry exclamation caused Ron to blink and Kyoko to gasp. Shego hit the intercom.
"Stop this car right now."
"Shego-w"
"We're talking. Now. Or I sign my resignation letter by blowing this car up, and it is a long walk." Barkin glared, and nodded.
"Stoppable, stay here with Kyoko." He and Shego got out and stalked out.
"Man I wish I could hear what they were saying."
"You can." Kyoko supplied. Ron looked down and she had a small gadget in her hand.
"I broke the encryption on their comlinks—and they are both wearing them still…" Ron grinned.
"Boo-ya!" He said, as Kyoko giggled. Ron slipped the unit into his ear. Abruptly, two angry voices intruded on him.
"…I can not believe you are getting him back in on that Hero Shit."
"He is a hero, Shego, you kn-"
"No. He is not a hero. He is a sixteen year old kid, who has done more than enough for the world, thank you very much. This is a cash on delivery deal."
"I could leave it up-" There was a squeal of feedback that Ron knew indicated Shego had fired up her plasma.
"No you don't. I know exactly what you're thinking—fill him with the stories of 'one guy can make a difference' and he'll go charging in there to save the day for free." A pause, "You people make me sick. What about all those people saying how wonderful Kimmie was? How many of them have come forward to say: 'what's this shit about charging her with a dozen felonies?' I'll tell you—about ten…ten. She made her rep saving people and took so little money she had to take a Podunk job to buy clothes, and when she really, really needed help, where was everyone?"
"I know that." Barkin said, and Ron thought that he could detect some undefinable emotion in his teachers voice. "But the world isn't just about dollars and cents."
"It isn't? Let me put it straight—we go in there and we take Monkey Fist's toys away from him… what's that worth, Stevie? People in DC can go to sleep without worrying their next career will be a cloud of radioactive plasma. How much is thatworht?I'll give you a deal—pay him one cent on the head for the casualties you'd get if even half these bombs end up in London, or LA or New York."
"It doesn't-"
"Yes it does work that way… and you know it. I have your dossier, Barkin—how many kids listened to the same bull in your marine company? Yeah—great reward for their parents—a folded flag and a plot of land." Shego was actually talking faster. Ron had never heard her so upset.
"And then there's Kimmie. If something happens to Ron," Ron heard Shego hiss, "Kimmie is gonna come out, ready or not—and she isn't ready, not by ten thousand miles she isn't. You'll put someone else in the ground. "
"Why Shego." Barkin said. "I think you might care for her."
"I…" There was the sound of something getting plasma fried, and part of the sentence was lost. "and the camel you rode in on!" Barkin said nothing, then Ron heard him talk again.
"You win. I'll let you and Ron off. Take him back to the school…consider the money you have as a retainer."
"What?"
"Are you deaf?"
"No, are you stupid? You have no chance against that lunatic."
"You may be right—but like I said, you win. I won't risk Stoppable, and someone who would ignore what those nukes could do, who is only in it for the money, I don't trust."
"You…you…" Now Ron could see a glow right outside the window. Shego was really burning up.
"You'd do this just to get out of paying him?"
"I didn't say that. I will…but tell me. If you knew the bombs were there, and there was nobody paying you…would you stop them?" There was a sudden silence and the fire went down. In the feedback from her plasma, Ron couldn't hear what she said, until the end of the conversation.
"….you saw what happened to Kimmie…do you want to break her all over again?" There was no response to that. Ron quickly dumped the transceiver as the doors opened again. Barkin and Shego got in, Barkin's suit now mussed slightly.
"Here's the deal, Stoppable." Barkin said. "I can't tell you who I'm working for, but they may—I say, may be able to get the charges against Kim Possible lifted. It won't be easy and it will take a while, but that's the best I can do." Shego nudged him in the side and Barkin glared at her.
"And there will be 10,000 dollars deposited in a numbered account for every warhead deactivated." Ron blinked. He knew he had money…but to hear Mr. "keep that window closed—electricity is money!" Barkin, casually mention paying him up to 100,000 dollars was…pretty surprising.
The car drove on, coming to a section of the harbor where there was little traffic. Ron looked around—it was a dry dock, probably busy in the day time, but deserted right now, except for some men on the side, holding rebreather gear and underwater sleds.
"OK." Ron said. "How do we get the bombs back?" Shego grinned.
"Thank Dr. D. for that." She said. "He's been, well, trying sell stuff." At Ron's expression, she smiled, "Yeah, like I said, crisis of conscience. Now, this is a toy of-" Rufus dived into Ron's pocket and Ron backed up.
"No way!"
"Relax… this works." Shego said, pulling out several objects. "The Department Of Energy is drooling over it."
"What, a raygun?"
"No—a nuclear damper field." Barkin said, "It causes radioactive material to rapidly decay into non-radioactive material."
"Yep—ten minutes after you put this on a nuke, you have a lump of lead where the plutonium used to be."
"Then why not use it from here?"
"Real short ranged kid—and it has to be attached and given some time to warm up." Shego frowned. "And there is one…bug in it."
"What?" Ron said, nervously. Saying Drakken's devices had "bugs" was like saying a volcano was toasty….accurate in a way, but really not conveying the truth of the matter.
"Come on Stoppable." Barkin said, "You didn't sleep that much in science class—you can't destroy energy, just convert it…and the radioactive material puts out its energy in the form of heat…"
"Heat?"
"Yep—enough to melt a hole right in the bottom of the ship. We need to go in, activate these things on the warheads, and then run like hell. Not a lot of margin on this job." Ron noticed that Shego was all business now.
"Where are they in the ship?" Ron asked.
"Main hold—as of twenty minutes ago, at least." Shego answered. Ron nodded and turned to put on the rebreather unit, as Barkin and Shego did the same. Sitting down Kyoko folded her hands, the very model of a proper girl. Ron immediately was suspicious.
"Kyoko—you are staying here." Ron said. Oh yeah, like that ever worked with the Tweebs. He paused, and looked at her little PDA.
"Can you use that thing to access a satellite net?" Wade could, but could-
"Do you want Milnet, civilian weather satellites, or project THOR." Barkin blinked.
"Please don't use that last unit." The older man said. "For that matter…forget you heard about it…"
"Milnet will be fine." Ron said, "Keep a watch on the ship, in case anyone shows up—or leaves….it's very important, Kyoko-san."
"You can trust me!" She said, standing up.
"Good move." Shego murmured to Ron. "Keep her in the loop, not the line of fire." Ron grinned. The three quickly dressed—Shego's outfit was suitable for swimming, and Barkin and Ron quickly donned wetsuits, Ron not noticing both Shego and Kyoko's appreciative glances when he came out from around the corner in the form fitting suit. Barkin handed out the dampers.
"Remember—set them and don't linger—if you have to, even one will destroy the usefulness of the other warheads, although I'd prefer to avoid a major radioactive spill in Tokyo bay, people."
"Got it, Mr. B."
"Thank you for your advice, Stevie." Shego cooed. Barkin pulled out a small, compact submachine gun, and looked at Ron. Ron shook his head. Barkin nodded.
"There should only be Monkey Fist and his monkey ninjas—no buyers are yet due to show up…but that could be bad intel." Barkin said.
"Well, let's go, then." Shego said, slipping into the oily water. "Eugh! Barkin, the cleaning bill is coming out of the expense account!"
Monkey Fist growled, pacing the bridge of the ship. This was such a miserable place to be, not at all where he should be, given his station. All because of that Kim Possible and especially Ronald Stoppable. His face curled in an ugly expression. At least Kim had gotten her comeuppance…and in such a delightful way, too, he thought, looking at the wanted poster on the wall.
"Where are you, Ms. Possible?" He asked, "Dead, or wandering on the street somewhere mumbling to yourself?" He laughed. All of his revenge fantasies didn't even come close to what the bitch had done to herself! Still, he had to admit that they had done him one service—despite its' problems, being freed from the need to maintain a front had allowed him to study the arts of the mystics…and he had learned much. There was something behind that martial art, he knew now…some thing deeper, older, and much more powerful.
Something that would be his, when he had sufficient money to explore it. There were rites, rituals…but something about them, even the ones he'd just started on, was disturbing. Sometimes he couldn't shake the feeling that something was watching him… They come…
"Who was that!?" Monkey fist spun around looking across the deserted bridge. Nobody was there. But someone was coming, he knew it. He knew it now. he hit the intercom and listened to the chittering of his monkey ninjas…which increasingly, for some reason struck him as a bad joke. A joke of someone not deserving of true power.
Still…nobody would come over the rail tonight—his ninjas would see to that.
And he was right.
In one of the corridors, the bulkhead glowed brightly as a laser cutter made a small hole, large enough for a person to enter by. Barkin finished cutting it, leaving one part for the last until the rest had been secured and sprayed with a no clang coating, allowing them to gently lower it to the water, where there would be no splash. Padded feet silently moved over the steel deck plating, until they came to a door to the central cargo hold. Barkin motioned for Ron and Shego to cover him, as he opened it. There was nothing to do for this part—they had to get in there, and the main hope of the plan was that they were expected to come in from the top.
"Nobody." Barkin said. They quickly set the devices, triggering them immediately. It would take a few minutes for them to fully activate—but the reaction once, started, was irreversible. Ron grinned. This job was going-
"CHE CHE CHE!" A scream from above and one of the Monkey Ninjas. Ron dodged backward from a throwing star, as Shego fired up and Barkin drove it off with a quick burst of fire from his gun, the frangible rounds harmlessly disintegrating when they struck steel, rather than ricocheting. Without missing a beat, they charged back to the hatch—to find it blocked, several other ninja's in front of it.
"Topside, people!" Barkin shouted, and things quickly became confusing. Ron dodged one sword, snapped out with a foot knocking a ninja down into the hold, ducked under a bo-staff, took it away, and thumped the owner with it. Shego was leaving a trail of motionless forms behind her, her emerald fire lighting the way, while Barkin was keeping their pursuit back with short bursts from the submachine gun—and the occasional flash-bang grenade.
Over all of it, Ron could feel a growing heat from the deck. Shego was right—they didn't have much of a margin…
One last hatchway to clear, and then they were on the deck, the cool air contrasting with the heat below. Ron noticed that the Ninja's were abandoning the ship, squealing in panic…that wasn't like Monkey Fist, he thought…and then he heard Monkey Fist up ahead.
Great. Shego wsa in front, and when Ron came up, he saw Shego and Monkey Fist fighting. The deck was getting hot, but if they tried for the water now, all Monkey First had to do was open fire with a gun to take them all out.
I guess I am going to earn that money.
To be continued.