A/N: So, here goes another chapter. And I think I'll add some more rather random Elves. Like, Gildor and Finrod and Turgon. And who knows mebbe some Valar also. Like Tulkas, cause he's the best. I could also include Ol' Tom Bombadillo. You all know how much I like him. But we shall see. We shall see. Hey! A guest appearance by one of my favorite villains(ish). Not LOTR.
Lesse, where were alla these loverly characters? Ah yes, the twins were at the former dead faint house. Elrohir trying to wake Elladan, or was it the other way round? Naw. Glorfindel had disappeared. Legolas was hiding in the woods. Lego-lover was taming the Fell Beast. Elrond was speaking with Gandalf. And the RaIF were MIA. That covers it right? Oh yeah, and Pippin was still occupying a stool in the pub. So…who do I focus on first?
Celebrian glided trough the woods. This day had not bee very good. It had begun with her comforting Haldir about his appearance, and continued with her sons rushing off to hunt and later her husband rushing off to see about his burning building. Throughout the day, she had heard yells and shrieks and other noisy noises in the woods about the place. So she had decided to take a walk, and it was a good walk, but as she returned to the home part of the wood, she instantly spied her whole family (except Arwen) in various places of the clearing. Then she saw where Olorin was seated and nearly wept.
"Dang you, you old sluggard! Those are my preciously exotic flowers!" She stood over the Wizards with her hands on her hips. "They came direct from Indonesia!" Gandalf swayed and thick white smoke continued to leak from his pipe. He did not budge.
Celebrian looked pleadingly at Elrond, who smiled nervously. "Ah, Gandy, my old friend, we must leave. Perhaps we will search for Legolas." He put out at hand to help the wizard up.
Gandalf stared at the hand, confused. "My lad, your ring is missing!"
Elrond started, then shook his head. "No, sir, it is on my other hand. Now come along."
"Right." Gandalf took the proffered hand. "Where are we going?"
Celebrian watched the two walk off, Gandalf leaning heavily on her husband and smoke still flooding from his pipe. She glanced at her potted plant and sighed.
Pippin sat on his stool in the nameless pub. He had no cares in the world. Then he felt a presence behind him.
"Well, now," He said without turning, "Don't jist stand there! Have a seat and a drink!" The silent being did not sit. Pip swiveled in his seat and came face-to-face with a very awesome Vala. The Vala, of course had not been seen in Middle-Earth for many Ages, so Pip did not even know what it was. "Whew." He said. "You are shiny and no mistake!" He shielded his eyes and gestured to the stool beside him. "Sit, drink." He prompted again. The being sat slowly, but continued to stare at Pip. "So wazzup wid you? Doncha talk?" Pippin gulped the foam of another ale.
"Are you the one?" The Vala asked in a powerful voice. His golden hair flowed about him as if blown by some wind. It began to make Pip ill.
"What one?" He asked impatiently.
"The hero of this Middle-Earth." The shiny guy said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Yeah." Pippin said. "I'm the hero!" He laughed at his joke.
"You carried the trifle to the fires and tossed it in?" The being was surprised.
"You mean Frodo. My second cousin twice removed on his mother's side." Pip stated. "And he kinda dint toss it in, it was sorta taken from him, along with his finger." He gulped more ale. "Anyway, he's not here."
The Vala looked exasperated and sat calmly, staring at Pip as he drank. Finally, he stood up and kinda floated out.
As if it is not weird enough to find a Vala in this tale, we hear a curious noise, a loud roar and a slight squealing. To those residing in the random wood, it was an altogether unfamiliar noise. But anyone familiar with the noise would realize that it was a beautiful noise, the noise of a fine engine. The silver Porche sped through the wood in the direction of Elrond's clearing and the pub, leaving billowing clouds of dust behind. It screeched to a stop in front of the pub and a well-dressed, bald young man stepped out and clicked the door closed. The Kansas license plate read "LEX." I know, I know, why the halibut is Lex Luthor in my LOTR story? The only explanation I can give is that…he is. Anyway, Lex closed the door to he beautiful car and strode to the door of the pub. He hesitated before entering, as he did not frequent such places. Upon entering he found several odd-looking persons scattered throughout the room. He walked up to the counter where no keeper stood. Lex shrugged and waited. He glanced at the only person at the counter, a very small man who was guzzling a pint with ardor.
"The bartender," Lex started, "When will he be back?" The little fellow wiped his mouth and grinned.
"Bartender? Ah! You mean ol' Barli." He nodded. "He'll be about in a minute I'm sure." He turned again to his pint, then stopped. "Is there anythin' I can be helpin' you wid?"
Lex looked him up and down again and almost shook his head, then he glanced at his watch and changed his mind. "Do you know where I can find the hero?"
Pip slammed his mug down and looked at Lex, aghast. "Doncha ken yer the second person to ask me that in as many minutes!" He wiped up the spilt ale. "What hero would that be?"
Lex paused for thought. Two in as many minutes? Who else would ask such a thing at this out of the way pub? "I suppose he would not like to be known as a hero." Lex said. "May I ask who was in here before me?"
Pip nodded. "Ask all you want, but I dinna know who twas. Was all shiny and tall." He paused. "I'll tell you what I told him, my cousin is not here." He turned again to his ale.
"Your cousin. He never told me of any cousins. Certainly not any so diminutive." He ginned, pressing for more information.
"Whacha mean, diminutive? That's pretty normal where we're from!"
"And where is that?" Lex felt he may be onto something about the secretive past of Clark Kent.
"Tha's to secret," Pip said. "The Shire, of course." He slurped some foam. "Barli! Ho, Barliman! Mr. Butterbur, if you please. I need a refill! And there is an odd creature asking questions." A clatter and muttering was soon heard from the passage, and soon a round, greasy man stumbled behind the counter.
"Right to it, Mr. Perigrin, that is Thain. All you want." He took Pip's pint and quickly filled it to the brim and passed it back to the hobbit. "Now, my good…sir. What can I do for you?" He looked Lex up and down in a confused manner.
Lex did not speak for a moment, and even looked himself up and down to see if there was a problem. Shiny black loafers, well-pressed black slacks, black Armoni jacket, purple shirt, open in front. No problem. "I am looking for the hero."
"Now, which would that be? I seem to recall a number of them. This fellow in front of us is quite a hero. Also there's Mr. Merry and Sam and certainly the King. Who woulda thunk that that creepy old ranger would become the king of all the land? I mean, his hair was greasy and stringy," Lex glanced with distain at Balri's hair. "His boots were allus muddy," Lex noted that everyone in the pub had soiled boots. "Hands all dirty," Lex stared at the keeper's huge palms. "His sword was even broken." Barli continued. "But now, man, he's the king of ever'thin', but he still comes here to drink my brew. Says it's the best around." He smiled proudly, a blank look on his face.
"You have no idea what question I just asked you. Do you?" Lex stared into Baliman's face. Barliman trembled.
"No, I really don't remember. I've a terrible time of such things."
Lex laid his palm on the counter and leaned towards Barli. "The hero. Do you know where I can find him?"
"Ah! Right. Well, I really don't know what hero. There are many—"
"Clark." Lex said before Barli could list them all again.
Pip turned to Lex from his pint and Barliman stared in wonder. "Now there's a name I've not heard in… Wait. I don't think I've ever heard it." He looked puzzled. "Carrock? Cark? Dunno." He shook his head.
Lex was getting exasperated. "Clark Kent? You have not heard of him?" He turned to Pip. "You said he was your cousin."
Pip shrugged. "I was thinking of another hero."
Lex thought of all he knew. "Perhaps…Kal-el?" He took a stab, not even sure if that was the correct correlation.
Both looked puzzled. "Like Kali?" Barli asked. "The surname?"
"There's Ciril, the river." Pip said.
Lex shook his head and strode out the door without looking back.
A/N: That is where I am gonna end this chapter. I know, it is bad to mix fics, but I really did not want to write a whole one on Lex. He will simply be in this one. Mebbe the next chapter also. You must realize that the Lex in this tale is the Michael Rosenbaum Lex and not Lyle Talbot, Stan Jones, Gene Hackman, Michael Bell, Scott Wells, Sherman Howard, John Shea, or Clancy Brown. It is not even the Mathew Munn or Kevin Spacy Lex. Ah well, if you don't know jist who I mean, google Michael Rosenbaum, or Lex Luthor. More on the Vala and all that later.