Chapter Nineteen: Paradox
Ever after, Severus could recall nothing of the few minutes between the moment he fell to his knees beside Emily, covering her mouth with his, and the moment she began to cough up a frothy, pink mixture of blood and water. He'd been told that he went as pale as the body, that he alternately wept and cursed as he attempted to breathe his own life into her lungs and force her heart to beat once more.
But there was no memory of any of this, only the sweet moment when she spat and wretched and shivered violently... and, at long last, breathed. He lost consciousness after that - a long while with little sleep, grave injuries, and the general stress of the last two days finally catching up to him - and they levitated his body along with hers beyond the gates where they apparated back to Headquarters. There he slept for hours, finally waking to the sound of Lupin quietly reliving the experience for Dumbledore at the other end of the room.
Severus took a long look at Emily in the bed beside his, greatly comforted by the sight of her chest rising and falling steadily with deep, peaceful breaths. Madam Pomfrey (called in, he supposed, by Dumbledore) leaned over her with a look of concentration which read very plainly that her patient was recovering, but not yet well. He breathed a sigh of relief at the knowledge that Emily was in the best hands possible and rose to join the two men in the corner. Dumbledore immediately drew up a chair for him into which he collapsed wearily, glaring menacingly at Lupin, but content to listen to his explanation of what happened... until he could get the bastard alone.
"You were right all along, Severus," Lupin said by way of greeting. "She should most certainly be freed from Azkaban. I'm sorry I doubted your judgment." The look that passed between them was intense; Lupin, silently begging forgiveness for a hundred unmentioned slights and Severus giving him to know that he was not now, nor would he ever be forgiven. After a moment, Remus surrendered, severed the connection, and returned his gaze to Dumbledore. "If it were up to me, Headmaster, I'd award her the Order of Merlin. She is an incredibly brave woman."
"Would you care to stop blithering and explain to me how you managed to drown my charge?" Severus snapped as best he could. Irritably, he rubbed his temples. Gods, his head was splitting! One of the worst things about being this exhausted was a complete lack of ability to assert one's ferocity. All he wanted in the world, now that Emily was safe, was to rip the bloody werewolf's head from his shoulders, but doubted he could manage to even give him a good hexing in his current state.
Lupin was only too happy to repeat the story, describing the activation of the third circle, the subsequent and terrifying attack of the giant squid and several hundred grindylows as they furiously tried to break through his ward while Emily worked feverishly to destroy the runes. Severus listened without much enthusiasm. Compared to the two other circles, this one sounded as though it ran like clockwork. It had been dispatched quickly, without any injury to either party. All he wanted to know was where the idiot had gone wrong, and he hadn't long to wait.
"That's when they struck," Lupin whispered dramatically.
"They?" Dumbledore prompted.
"The grindylows," Remus explained. "I only turned away from them for a second, looking for Emily, not caring to present my back to a murderer, when hundreds of grindylows grabbed me at once, dragging me into their nest. They squeezed my wrist until I dropped my wand and had already begun to scratch me to pieces."
Severus narrowed his eyes as he considered Lupin carefully. Something wasn't right, here. He kept silent, though, listening intently as Remus continued.
"I was weak, far too weak from the effort of holding the ward, the gillyweed was fading... It was over for me." He leaned in conspiratorially. "Now, this is the part where the Death Eater and murderer escapes to the surface and leaves her captor to die. Am I right?"
Dumbledore nodded once, a slight creasing of his brow the only indication that he was impatient for him to continue.
"But, she didn't," Remus said, his voice full of wonder. "She swam down, fighting off the ten or so grindylows that tried to grab her, snatched my wand from the weeds, and began attacking them."
Snape sat up a bit straighter in his chair, studying Remus like a cauldronful of complex ingredients. Was it his paranoia or had he just heard Remus tell an outright lie to the Headmaster? He listened carefully as the story progressed, and in the next few sentences was convinced that he was not imagining things.
"I'm not sure what she used, really," Remus continued, totally unaware of Snape's careful scrutiny, "I was too stunned to pay close attention, but it caused quite a stir. Most of them darted for cover, but at least a dozen were still dragging me back. And honestly, I couldn't fight them." Ignoring Snape's snort of derision, he continued. "Oh, I tried. I broke a few fingers and bruised a few faces, but for the most part, I was still helpless, and she wouldn't burn the ones holding me for fear of injuring me further, if you can believe it. In the end, she resorted to pulling me away, breaking fingers and putting out their eyes with my wand as she did. I've never seen anything quite so ferocious. It was that ferocity that drove the rest away, I think."
He stopped, took a deep breath and a sip of tea before continuing. "That was when I noticed that her viciousness was born of desperation. Her gillyweed had completely worn off; she must've consumed less than I. Finally assured of my safety, she started struggling for the surface." He turned to Severus, then, with eyes that spoke of deep regret. "I tried to get her there, Severus. Truly, I did, but she was fighting me so violently I couldn't get a grip on her to help her swim and soon she just went rigid, shuddered a few times and..." he ran a hand through wildly disheveled hair. "Gods, Severus, I've never felt so..."
"Spare me," Snape hissed. "I've heard quite enough of your overly-emotional diatribe for one day."
"While I disagree with the spirit in which it was said," Dumbledore cut in, giving Severus a meaningful glance, "I must agree that I am exhausted from the sheer intensity of the tale... and perplexed, as well. It would seem that, once again, Miss Grey presents us with a paradox, and I'm not quite certain what I should do about it."
"See that she's released, Headmaster," Lupin said eagerly. "And, for Merlin's sake, get the truth about what happened with her brother. There has to be something more there, something we're missing. Have her appear before the Wizengamot again and give a testimony under Veritaserum..."
"She will never submit to that," Severus interrupted sternly. "Believe me, I've approached the subject several times, and she refuses to even discuss it. She's hiding something," he said simply, glancing over to her bed with a thoughtful expression. "For good or ill, she's hiding something about that night, and whatever the secret is, it means enough to her that she was willing to sacrifice her entire life to protect it."
"Remarkable," Lupin breathed with a shake of his head. "That woman has to be the most Gryffindorish Slytherin I've ever encountered."
"Alright, that's just disgusting," Emily cut in blearily from across the room, "and I'm going to have to insist..." she paused for breath, still quite clearly unwell... "that you take it back," she added, struggling to sit up.
Three heads turned at once, but Remus reached her first, a deeply-etched line of concern between his soft, brown eyes as he took her hand in his, whispering her name like a prayer.
For a long moment, she ignored him, opting instead to stare at Severus, a question in her eyes. He read it as clearly as if she had spoken aloud. Have you forgiven me? He answered the query with a small, secret smile, just for the two of them, and she returned it almost shyly, with a tiny sigh of relief.
"If you're so happy with me," she croaked, turning her attention to Lupin, "why is it that all I hear are insults?"
He chuckled lightly, clearly relieved at her humor. "A thousand pardons, madam. I meant it as the highest praise."
"Comparing a Slytherin to a Gryffindor is never a compliment, Remus Lupin."
There was an awkward pause, then, as he seemed to search for words.
"What?" she whined with a small laugh. "Stop staring at me."
"I simply don't know what to say, Emily," he began uncomfortably. "I don't know how to thank you."
"Well, you'd better damn well try." The sentence tapered to a choked laugh that ended in a violent coughing fit.
"I owe you my life," he returned soberly, passing her a soothing potion from the nightstand. "There's no way I can ever repay that debt to you."
"I'll take monthly installments of gifts and humble worship, if you insist on trying." She shook her head as he laughed uncomfortably. "I tried to warn you, you stubborn pain in the..."
"I know," he interrupted gently. "You did warn me, and you went down there under protest, but I was certain that... Well, that hardly matters now, but... I'm so terribly sorry, Emily."
She smiled and shook her head wearily. "Don't be," she said with a great sigh. "I'm just being grumpy. You did really well, actually. As much as it pains me to admit it, that was the easiest one so far... except for the drowning bit."
He nodded slowly, playing with the fingers on her hand, thoroughly preoccupied.
Emily finally broke the silence. "What is it, Lupin?" she asked wearily.
After a long pause, he finally lifted his gaze back to hers. "I don't understand," he began slowly.
"Why I helped you?"
He nodded. "To be honest, I've spent a great deal of mental energy searching for your ulterior motive, but nothing makes a modicum of sense." He smoothed a lock of hair from her face, and Severus bristled at the casual touch. "You knew the magic was failing, that you were risking your life. It doesn't seem like..." He stopped short, coloring slightly as he searched for words.
"Something a cold-blooded killer would do?" she finished flatly.
He had the grace to blush violently at the blatant honesty. "Well... for lack of a more delicate way to put it... yes."
She shifted uncomfortably, searching her hands carefully as if for an answer, then chuckled. "Seemed like an interesting way to commit suicide."
"Emily," Dumbledore broke in gravely from the other side of the bed, "there seems to be a great deal of disparity in your actions, yet you refuse, even to your own detriment, to offer any explanation for the incongruity."
Her face fell slowly and grim eyes darted to the brooding figure at the end of the bed. "Are you alright, Sev?" she asked softly.
"Miss Grey," Dumbledore said curtly, just as quietly as before, but with a distinct air of authority. "I am not accustomed to being ignored."
She sighed irritably before returning her attention to the aged wizard. "I know where you're going with this, sir," she said, "and it's out of the question. I will not suffer through another trial." She picked up her glass again and brought it to her lips. "I have nothing more to say now than I did then," she mumbled, almost apologetically, taking a long pull from her cup.
"And your silence is worth a lifetime of unhappiness?" he inquired sadly. "You're certain?"
She ignored the question entirely, focusing on draining the cup in her hands, and Dumbledore sighed deeply, glancing at Severus as if blaming him personally for her stubbornness. Snape smirked. Ah, now you see what I've been coping with.
"I am nearly convinced that a mistake was made sixteen years ago, that you're not a murderer, Emily," Albus continued gently. "You do not deserve to live as one... especially after this. But, I can only do so much for you. As Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, I can see that you're freed, but you'll never be anything more to the rest of the world than a sixteen-year-old headline."
"You're wrong, sir," she cut in flatly. "I am a murderer, and you'd do well to remember that."
She spoke to Dumbledore, but her eyes never left Snape. He lowered his own gaze, cutting her off completely. A great yawn escaped her as the potion began to work its magic on her injured lungs and she sank down further under the covers.
"Alright, that's quite enough," Madam Pomfrey said, shooing the men from the bedside. "Whatever she may be, she needs her rest if she's going to heal."
Dumbledore nodded once, a strange smile playing around the corners of his mouth as he glanced at Severus and Emily in turn. "Remus and I still have some unfinished business to attend to," he said firmly, clearly referring to Lupin's attempt to take over Snape's assignment. Severus smiled grimly. Dumbledore knew how to lay the guilt on with a trowel when he needed to. It wasn't even close to the punishment Remus deserved... but it was a satisfying start. "And I'm certain that Madam Pomfrey would like to return to her family," the elder wizard continued.
He turned to the witch with a warm smile. "Thank you for coming, Poppy. Your expertise was invaluable, as always."
He allowed her to usher him toward the door, a gentle hand on his elbow. "I did very little here, Albus," she insisted. "It was Professor Snape who saved the girl."
Snape's sharp ears caught his whispered words as he closed the door behind him. "He's the only one who truly can, Poppy." It unnerved and pleased him at once. After all, it was a daunting task to help someone who didn't wish to be helped, but Albus' quiet, persistent faith in him was all the reason he needed to make the attempt.
The house was silent as they made their way toward the kitchens, but as they came to the base of the stairs, the door burst open with enthusiasm, spilling an ocean of red into the hall. Severus scowled. The Weasleys, he sneered silently, and look, they've brought their pet celebrity. What joy is mine.
Their excited chatter, which thankfully was permitted now as the portrait of Miss Black had finally been removed, stopped abruptly as they saw the four others on the landing. Mr. Weasley stepped forward, his face shadowed with sudden concern.
"What's happened?" he asked tightly.
"It's alright, Arthur," Dumbledore said calmly. "We've just had a bit of a mishap. I'll explain everything later."
He then began greeting everyone in turn, Potter last of all and (Severus noticed, with a deep scowl) the most warmly. Harry, to Snape's great delight, did not return the man's warmth, but stood back a bit and smiled a not-so-convincing little smile before turning to his old teacher with a genuinely happy greeting. Not too noble for a bit of old-fashioned bitterness, are we, Mr. Potter? Snape thought, with a smirk. After all the man's done for you... Petty little cretin, just like your father.
Dumbledore took the snub in stride, ushering the chattering throng in to the kitchen as Severus turned to leave. Lupin stepped back from the crowd, whispering something in Harry's ear and giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder as he followed the others, sparing a second for a suspicious glance at Snape before disappearing into the other room.
Lupin, for his part, returned to Severus with a nervous glance at the kitchen door and motioned him into the room across the hall. The potions master followed without a word, already anticipating the subject of this clandestine conversation.
When the door was firmly shut and warded, Lupin turned to him and opened his mouth to speak, but Severus cut him off sharply. "Revising your tale, Lupin?" he murmured.
Remus scowled darkly. "Was it that obvious?"
Severus merely raised a black eyebrow, waiting for him to get on with it.
"I plan to return this to her, but first I wanted to have a word with you about it."
Severus tried to look unconcerned, but those words struck fear into his heart. Return what to her?
"And I assumed," Remus continued, "that you wouldn't appreciate Dumbledore knowing what she really used to save me." From his pocket, Remus produced a thick, black wand, entwined with silver and embedded with glittering onyx chips.
For an instant, he reacted, appalled that he hadn't anticipated her procuring another weapon, then forced his features into a mask of indifference. Sliding the wand from Lupin's fingers was like taking the hand of Voldemort himself. It was cold, for one, far too cold for having been hidden in the pocket of a robe for several hours. And, there was a discordant feel to it, not quite an item of pure evil, but the potential was most certainly there... just like Emily, he thought bitterly. What other secrets is she hiding?
"I don't blame you for supplying her with a wand, Severus. I see now that you were right to do so, but..." He reached out to press one of the onyx stones near the handle and a short, thin blade coated with some sickly-sweet-smelling substance, which Snape's well-trained nose immediately identified as poison, shot from the end, turning the wand into a long dagger. "You do realize that these are illegal, don't you? Had she been caught with it..."
Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. It didn't bother him too badly, taking the credit for buying her a wand of this nature, but to receive a lecture about it from Remus-Bloody-Lupin... "That is none of your concern," he said flatly, pressing the stone to sheath the blade once more. "She chose her own weapon. I merely paid the bill."
Smoothly, he flipped the wand about and returned it to Lupin, handle first, with a curt nod. "Make certain it's returned to her quickly," he said shortly. "And make certain that she's well-rested when I return to collect her tomorrow evening."
Lupin shook his head in frustration and turned to leave. As his hand reached the doorknob, Severus spoke again. "And, Remus?" He turned, startled at the use of his given name, to eye the potions master carefully. "If you ever place her in danger again..."
Snape let the unspoken threat hang in the air between them, and Lupin wisely left without further comment. As soon as he was gone, Severus allowed his mask to fall away and ran a hand through his hair, tangled his fingers where the black veil met the base of his skull and squeezed, effectively pulling it tightly enough to water his eyes. Gods, she could've used this to kill me at any time last night!
Yet, he had to have it returned to her. He couldn't be responsible for taking a weapon that the Dark Lord himself had given her, and he couldn't allow Lupin to keep it from her, either. Anything could happen, and if Voldemort caught her without it, he'd kill her. It was that simple.
But, why had she not told him? Only two possibilities presented themselves. It was either the simple matter of her not wanting him to take yet another weapon from her, or the vastly more complicated matter of trying to hide a tiny drop of deception in an ocean of treachery.
Great Merlin, let it be the first... for both our sakes.
With a deep, shuddering breath, he leaned his head against the wall behind him and rested it there thoughtfully. A small smile curved his lips, then, against his will as he realized that part of his frustration lay in pure jealousy. It would seem that Emily's charm could influence anyone, even Voldemort. It wasn't the first time Snape had seen that wand. It came from the Dark Lord's private collection. Voldemort had a habit of collecting wands from his victims and in the few months he'd been back, had already gathered quite a few. This one was highly prized, as it had come from a worthy and dangerous wizard of Persian descent, killed only a few weeks prior when he refused to accept a generous offer of alliance between his vampire hunters and the Death Eaters. Severus had coveted the wand the first moment he saw it, but would never have dreamed of asking even to touch it.
Emily had somehow managed to procure it with the Dark Lord's blessing.
It seemed impossible to imagine that he would've rewarded her with such a prize if her loyalty was in any way in question. The conclusion he was forced to draw gave him pause... and sent a shiver down his spine.
Emily simply wasn't that gifted a charlatan. There was very little doubt in his mind that he was losing her to the Dark Lord... again.
Author's Note: You guys are a peck of fun! I wouldn't do things like that if I didn't get such entertaining reactions out of you. Seriously, this has been a hellish week. Thanks for the laughs!
Dianatyne: Okay. Okay. So, I didn't go through with it... but you knew that I wasn't going to, I'm sure. Sorry about the misinterpretation over your intentions with Emily. My straight friends tease me constantly about my inability to understand them and their purely platonic feelings toward attractive people of the same gender. I guess this was just another of my blunders. Sorry. Hope you weren't offended. (Escaped blushes violently) I thank you for your compliments on Lupin. There isn't much written about his character after Sirius' death, but I can see the demise of yet another close friend dealing a death's blow to his patience with Severus or anyone else associated with the Death Eaters. By the way, if you want a superbly-written piece of fiction about Lupin, try Wicked Games at Chocolate Frog. As I sympathize with oldness, having just had a rather significant birthday (No, I'm not telling you which one) last week, I will let you off the proverbial hook by telling you that the story if far from finished, and I will do my best to never kill Emily again.
Sev lover: Thank you very much for your rather breathless review. I appreciate the fact that you like the way I portrayed Lupin. See my answer to Dianatyne's review for more information on that.
Sesshomaru's Angel: I'm so glad that you like the story. I write fanfic merely for enjoyment and can't ask for more than the knowledge that someone has as much fun reading them as I have writing them, so thanks. Don't be in a mad rush to read the other fics as I won't be writing the third story until I finish this one, but it would please me to know whether you care for them at all, so don't hesitate to drop a line and let me know if either of them appealed to you. I can't answer your question about whether Lupin makes it through the rest of the tale. You'll just have to be patient and find out.
Queen of the Faeries: Oh, I'm so sorry. Please don't do the wailing loudly thing. I hate to upset people! Here. See? She's okay. All healed up and making friends and everything. Don't be upset. I agree that ignorance is bliss, but you can take your fingers out of your ears, now. Everything's okay.
Captain Oblivious!: Oh, that's perfect! You have to say that if I kill off Ron. Promise? I'm so glad that you know me well enough to know that I wouldn't kill Emily. After all, as you said, that sort of thing is reserved for Ron. You're right about 'poor Lupin.' Sev hated him to begin with, but if he doesn't watch his step now, he's liable to end up on the business end of Sev's wand... and who wants that? Okay. I wouldn't mind, but I'm kind of weird that way.
Teenage Zombie: Ah, so you had a premonition, did you? That's kinda groovy. Your idea about Remus getting hurt and Emily being blamed for it actually never occurred to me, but now that I think about it, it's a pretty good idea. I promise you that Sev's "delicious cool" (great phrase, by the way) will be lost, just not yet.