Chapter Twenty: A Burden Lifted

Emily stared disconsolately at the wall, tapping her fingers restlessly on the blankets.

Where was Severus? She had fully expected him to return by now to take her back home. She didn't want to stay in this strange house with all these people she barely knew. And the presence of Dumbledore made her incredibly uncomfortable. He was a sucker for selfless acts of heroism, that much was certain, and her mysterious new penchant for performing them could be used to gain his trust if Voldemort wished it, but she truly hoped that he didn't.

All she wanted was to go home, sit down to a cup of tea and a game of chess, and talk things through with Severus. Maybe she could take the first steps to talking some sense into him. The Dark Lord adored Severus and he was wasting it, wasting his life! Once it was discovered that he was a traitor... She shivered, unwilling to even think about it. There had to be a way to save him, and by Mab's dark heart, she would find it.

A gentle knock interrupted her thoughts, and she called softly for the visitor to enter, certain that it was Severus come to rescue her at last. Her heart fell at the sight of Remus lingering shyly in the doorway.

"May I?" he asked kindly.

She nodded, giving him a tiny smile. Yes, come in and tell me how much you owe me, then go away and leave me alone.

"How are you feeling?"

She sat up with a great deal more grace than before and gave a small stretch. "Bored to tears," was her honest answer. "Where's Severus?"

Immediately, she wished she hadn't said it; but, as it was all she could think about, she was bound to slip eventually. May as well do it now.

Remus looked away, obviously embarrassed. "He's gone home for the night. I thought you might like some company."

"I would," she admitted apologetically. "It was nice of you to come." She stared at her hands uncomfortably. "I'm sorry about dinner."

Remus chuckled, but Emily was truly humiliated over the situation. Dinner, a delicious-smelling stew that made her stomach rumble, had been sent up to her, courtesy of Remus, quite a while ago, but she'd been forced to send it back with her heartfelt apologies. It was beef stew and, as she hadn't touched meat since her early childhood, there was no way she could've eaten it even if she'd wanted to. Mrs. Weasley, exceedingly pleased with her for saving Lupin's life, had happily set about preparing vegetable soup and rice for her instead.

"Molly was happy to do it," Remus insisted. "The thought of anyone going hungry is utterly unacceptable to her. The woman was born to be a mother."

"Yeah." Emily answered awkwardly. "She seems nice."

"Well, she's much more than that," he answered with touching sincerity.

Ah, Emily thought, apparently, I'm not the only one she mothers.

A long, awkward pause ensued.

"Why are you really here, Lupin?" she asked finally.

"You get right to the point, don't you?" He smiled sheepishly, refusing to look at her. "We got a bit sidetracked earlier, but I wouldn't mind having a serious answer to my question."

"And, what question was that?"

He eyed her levelly. "Why did you do it?"

She shrugged, pulling her knees to her chest. "One moment, I was watching them pull you into their nest. The next moment, I was... well, you know the rest, but there's your answer. I honestly have no idea."

"I think I do," he said quietly.

She snorted. "Well, please, by all means, enlighten me... because I'm feeling fairly - What was the word you used? - Gryffindorish? - and it's making me a little ill."

He took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I think that you're a much better person than you let on, Emily. I'd venture to say that you're a better person than you even realize. In fact, I think that, despite your most resolute intention, you're one of us... just like Severus, though I hate to admit it."

"I beg your pardon?"

He placed a hand companionably on her shoulder and looked at her gravely. "I'm dreadfully sorry to have to break this to you," he began, the ghost of a smile haunting his lips, "but you, Emily, are one of the good guys."

Emily groaned and rolled her eyes.

Ran a hand down her face as if trying to wipe it clean.

"You are clearly delusional, Lupin," she said sadly, shaking her head in mock sympathy.

"Oh, come on," he argued lightly. "There's no other explanation."

"There are plenty of other explanations. We'll start with temporary insanity brought on by the stress of having to deal with you."

He chuckled. "Is it really that bad?"

"No. It's much worse. You've been in the room for ten minutes and I'm already feeling twitchy."

"Well, that doesn't make me nearly as nervous as it would if your wand was in your possession rather than in my pocket."

There was a brief pause in which the playfulness melted from her face. "Thank you, by the way," she said soberly.

He looked puzzled.

"For not telling Dumbledore about the wand," she continued.

"How did you know that?"

She rolled her eyes. "I was listening, of course."

"Ah, yes," he said easily. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because you've accepted that I'm vastly more cunning than most?"

"Not difficult," he replied with a small smile. "You're brother also had a habit of hearing more than he should've. Of course, with him, it was because he didn't talk very much. That's certainly not the case with you, but... you're more alike than I thought."

Emily looked away, suddenly fascinated with the far wall. "Well, you would know. I think I saw you at my house more than any of his other friends combined, especially after we graduated."

He hung his head, suddenly speaking so softly that she had to strain to hear. "James and Sirius and I grew apart after school. The war made everything so damned complicated... even friendship. Each one of us thought the other guilty of the same offense... Turned out we had it all wrong in the end." He shook his head sadly, then waved his hand dismissively. "That's another story, but the point is that we began to trust each other less and less, until the suspicion finally drove us apart. Eric and I, on the other hand, had grown fairly close in the last year of school." Suddenly, he seemed nervous, fiddling with the edge of the blanket as he fairly stumbled over the next words. "We..." He stopped, sighed, tried again. "We found that we had something in common..." Finally, he was able to bring his eyes to hers as he spoke. "Something quite defining and fairly rare," he said softly.

Emily heard him, but the words didn't register until he turned his head away in frustration. Her gasp told him that she'd finally grasped his allusion, and he turned back to her, eyes alive with hope.

"You knew?" she breathed. "I had no id..." She stopped, thought about it, and shook her head lightly. "Come to think of it, Lupin. It explains rather a lot."

"Doesn't it?" he chuckled tensely.

"Yes. It does," she answered with a sweet smile, relieving the incredible tension in his face.

They fell silent for a little while, but this time it was much more companionable.

"There's another reason that I think you have a good soul," Remus finally said, a bit more heavily than before. She shifted slightly, turning to the side to better see him as they talked. "Do you remember the Order coming to your home... that night?"

Emily shook her head, staring blankly. It seemed that everything beyond the endless moment that she saw her brother shredded to pieces was a blur, a dark dream from someone else's head.

"I was the first one to reach you," Remus continued softly. "You were still holding his hand, covered in blood and... pieces. The look in your eyes, Emily," he faltered for a moment, shaking his head as he searched for the right words. "It was indescribable. You knew what you had done, and you felt it, deep in your bones. Your soul was cut to pieces just as surely as his body. It was, in fact, my testimony about that, given in private on your brother's behalf, that saved you from a Dementor's Kiss."

"You should have let them do it," she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by memories she'd much rather not relive. Stubbornly, she blinked them back.

"I couldn't," he said simply. "I don't believe in it, for one. It's an obscenity, a form of punishment the Ministry should be ashamed to use. And, admittedly, I knew that your guilt would punish you more severely than anyone or anything else could. And, at the time, I thought that you deserved to be punished," he continued firmly. "But, now I'm not so sure."

"Well, you're wrong," she returned flatly.

"Why am I wrong?" he asked heatedly. "What happened, Emily? Why did you kill him?"

For an eternity, she searched his face, weighing what he already knew, which was quite a lot, against what he didn't and considering how good it would feel to share the burden she carried with just one other human being. To his credit, he waited patiently, never taking his eyes from hers as she considered his request.

Finally, with a deep, steadying breath, she began to speak.

Almost twenty-four hours later, Severus Snape entered the house the Order called Headquarters, feeling much better about all that had transpired and ready, after two entire days without her, to have his Emily back in his life. Dumbledore and he had broken their fasts together that very morning and Severus had explained that Voldemort had summoned him to find out how his project at the school was progressing, that he'd been forced to tell him about Emily. It was a lamentable lie, but it explained why Voldemort would now know of Emily's freedom without revealing anything that had transpired on Solstice.

He also gave him a watered-down version of Kingsley's death so that someone would be able to inform his family. That had been considerably harder, watching the venerable wizard lose his composure enough to drop the scone he was slathering with jam and fold his hands in front of his bowed head as if in supplication. Snape had excused himself to the lavatory to give the man a moment to collect himself. When he returned, Dumbledore was sipping tea with a sort of resigned sadness that touched the potions master deeply. They had continued and concluded in a much more somber climate.

The rest of the day, Severus had spent returning their things to Hogwarts and considering all that Emily's rescue of a dying enemy could mean. Perhaps she'd lost the selfish arrogance that had dominated her throughout most of her life. Perhaps she was merely hoping to die. He really couldn't wait to sit her down and talk things through.

Without a doubt, he thought, starting up the stairs, it's time for my Emily to come home to me.

That was when the first peal of laughter caught his ears. It was Emily's laugh, deep and rather husky for a woman, unmistakable. The other was harder to place, but he had his suspicions, and a sudden spike of jealous rage shot through him with such speed and power that he had to grab the railing to keep his feet. What the hell was that beast doing alone with her in her chambers?

Not bothering to knock, his fury pushing aside all etiquette, Severus burst through the door, a savage tongue-lashing on his lips... but the sight of Emily stopped him cold.

"By the gods," he breathed, unaware that words had even escaped his lips.

She turned to face him and smiled the brilliant, dazzling smile that he knew so well. "Severus!" she cried happily, then turned a graceful pirouette before him. "What do you think?"

What do I think? He tried to give his usual indifferent stare, but was unable to erase the hunger from his features. I think I have half a mind to throw the werewolf out the door and ravage you until you scream.

He swallowed thickly, eyeing the pile of new robes out of the corner of his eye, but never fully removing his gaze from her voluptuous form, silhouetted dangerously in a midnight blue robe. It revealed nothing of her flesh, cut high on her neck and long in the hem, but a more sensual statement could not have been made had she stood before him in the nude. Sweet Merlin, had he truly forgotten what a beguiling creature she could be?

"You're looking well," he said. His carefully-measured tone revealed nothing, but every moment was a vicious fight to maintain his composure.

"Oh, come on, Snape," Lupin broke in, still carrying two or three robes of various vivid tones across his arms like a valet, "Is that all you can say? She looks absolutely dazzling!"

Snape's gaze shifted, at last, from Emily to rest fully on Lupin. Added to the desire to throw him out was the sudden, urgent need to expose him to a few of his nastier curses. Lupin had obviously been in the room while Emily dressed, possibly helping her do so. And what the hell else had he been up to? Severus felt a vicious heat that had nothing to do with shame spread across his face at the thought of Lupin's hands on his...

Except that she's not yours, Severus, a reasonable voice in the back of his mind stated flatly. She's a grown woman, quite free of romantic obligation, and has the right to see whom she chooses.

Coldly, he silenced the intruding voice and made a conscious decision to change that situation just as soon as humanly possible. Lupin took a prudent step back at the dangerous look in the potion master's black eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's alright, Remus," Emily said laughingly, oblivious of the silent exchange between the two men.

Remus? Severus seethed. When the hell had he become Remus?

"For Sev, that's really high praise," she finished.

"We've been shopping," Lupin said brightly, trying desperately to look away, but Snape's glare held him fast, communicating in no uncertain terms his feelings about the situation.

"So I gleaned," he said softly.

"It never occurred to me that my gold would be sitting in Gringotts, just waiting for me to gather it back into my loving hands," Emily said, bouncing on her toes as she did when excited.

Lupin laughed at her enthusiasm, "She was quite thrilled to discover that she was still wealthy beyond description. I don't know what she assumed would happen to her family's money."

"I told you, I just didn't think about it."

"Silly girl," Severus said softly, moving closer and bringing a hand to caress her cheek - glancing, for just a moment, at Lupin - making an unmistakable assertion. "That is ever your folly."

Just as he hoped, she melted at his touch, falling helplessly into fathomless pools of black. "I'm working on that," she managed, her voice barely a whisper.

"One can only hope," he returned with the customary smirk that served as his smile. "These are lovely, Emily," he added, indicating the robes on the bed with a small nod.

"I'll just leave you two to finish packing," Remus said awkwardly, slipping toward the door.

"Remus Lupin, get back here!" Emily called to his retreating form. Pulling away from Severus' hand, she rounded his form to meet Remus at the door and, with no overture whatsoever, threw herself into his arms. For a while, they remained locked together, Lupin smoothing his hands over her strong back and whispering the gods knew what into her ear, but at last she backed away, a rush of pleased color on her cheeks. "Thank you, Remus," she said sincerely. "For everything. This has been amazing. I really appreciate it."

He returned her smile warmly. "I'll see you soon?" he asked hopefully.

"Count on it."

With a final nod, he passed through the door and closed it firmly behind him, leaving Emily and Severus alone at last.

Sesshomaru's Angel: I'm happy that you've found someone to beta your story. Good for you.

Captain Oblivious!: Good, then we have an agreement about the Ron thing. Hurray! Sheesh! You and your first priority. I like Remus in the powerful wizard / really nice guy role.. And, what do mean 'wimpy'? He handles the water circle with great finesse. How's that wimpy? Oh, I get it. Sev's POV. Yeah. That makes sense. Severus is still my baby. "You understand, don't you?" she asks, handing the Captain a fresh-baked muffin. "Of course you do." That's a good reader. It's amazing how I can just pass right over the whole Sev is greasy thing, isn't it? I guess I have my own interpretation of that based on how cruel kids can be and how a reputation can be gained whether it is deserved or not... particularly if that person is as mean as Sev tends to be. Complete and total bull$#, I know, but somehow that's the way my stubborn mind has always seen it. My brain is fixated on Alan Rickman (drool!) as Severus, and he is 100 Grade A hottie. So, you think Sev can save Emily, eh? It's within the realm of possibility, I suppose. All I can hope is that you stick around to find out.

Teenage Zombie: All hail Sibyll! (Am I the only one who really liked her character?) I remain impressed with your gift. As for your premonition that Lupin may be a bit taken with Emily... hmmm... can't get into that just yet. Sorry. By the way, that's a hell of a postulation you have going on there! Talk about detailed! Severus saves his cool loosage (yeah, that's a word!) for rare occasion, but he's not above it. He's already gotten a bit warm under the collar with Emily. He'll lose it. It's just a matter of time.

Sev lover: Yeah. I'm the Queen of Looseendland... and most of them aren't even intentional! How pathetic is that?