Chapter Twenty-Two: A Restless Night
An hour later, Severus entered the office to investigate a light which hadn't been burning when he turned in. Emily was there, sipping a cup of tea and staring disconsolately into space, her face swollen and red from a recent and apparently violent shedding of tears. Presently, she looked too tired even to cry. Her usually bright eyes were shadowed, the skin around them creased, and the cup in her hands seemed still, but the liquid inside vibrated, indicating a slight trembling of her hands.
Silently, he swept up beside her and seated himself on the sofa, drawing no reaction whatsoever from the distraught woman. A sharp smell assaulted his senses.
"Chai?" he asked quietly. She despised chai tea.
Emily shifted her gaze to the cup in her hands. "Had a foul taste in my mouth," she murmured.
"That should help," he murmured sarcastically. "Care to discuss it?"
A fresh welling of tears, then. She closed her eyes against them as her head moved almost imperceptibly from side to side.
No. Of course. What did he expect?
"Did I wound you so deeply?" he asked, almost regretting his strong words... almost, but not quite.
The teacup was placed slowly on the table before she turned to him and lay her head on his shoulder, a gesture which touched a part of him he'd thought dead until recently. Wrapping his arms about her, enfolding her in a protective embrace, he brushed her soft curls with his lips and rested his cheek on her head. "You need to sleep, Emily. We have another daunting task tomorrow."
Her body stiffened at that and strong hands tangled themselves in the thick linen of his nightshirt.
Ah. I see. "I wondered if it affected you," he whispered into her hair. "Such a close brush with death was certain to." He shifted slightly, pulling her closer to him, feeling very nearly complete as she nestled under his chin, her soft breath warming his throat. "I am not Lupin, Emily. I will not allow you to come to harm, not if it is within my power to protect you."
"I know."
He sighed deeply. "Perhaps a sleeping draught..."
"No," she broke in, a slight hint of panic in her voice as she pulled away to face him. "Please. Sixteen years of drug-induced stupor, then being drunk enough to fall into an obvious trap on Solstice... I'm not in a hurry to take leave of my senses."
He nodded once, pleased to hear that her carelessness had at least resulted in a lesson learned.
She rested her forehead on his, filling his nose with the scent of chai as she breathed. "But, could I stay with you, tonight?"
He was already pulling away when she elaborated. "Not like that," she assured him. "I just want to be close to you. Please?"
She gave him no time to consider, just brought her lips to his in a soft, lingering kiss that could only be interpreted as a gentle plea, and it was all the persuasion he needed. Breaking away slowly, he rose and presented his hand which she took with a nervous smile, allowing him to guide her to her feet. Once there, he returned her kiss, carefully, both hands framing her face in a soft caress.
"Come," he whispered into her mouth.
When they reached his chambers, he drew her to the bed and released her with another kiss, this one a mere feathering of his lips across hers. He left her, then, to settle herself as he rounded the bed and slipped in beside her. She wasted no time in curling her body against his, sliding an arm over his chest and resting her knee on his thigh.
"Sleep, now," he whispered as her head sank onto his shoulder. "It's almost over."
A drop of warm wetness landed on his shirt, then, and he frowned deeply at her silent melancholy. Unable to follow his own sage advice, hours after she fell asleep in his arms, he still stared into the inky blackness, his mind full of dark wonderings.
"How is she?" Emily asked soberly.
Not a second had passed between stepping out of the floo and blurting out the question. Severus immediately set about grimly dusting off her robes, talking as he helped rid her of the soot.
"Far from well," he answered quietly. "And father gave her a sound kick this morning that I'm fairly certain broke her ribs."
Emily ground her teeth in fury. Snape senior had always mistreated Sadie, the resident house elf, but as the years wore on, she'd grown much less able to bear his brutality. A week ago, she'd taken a blow to the head that had addled her already diminished reason and compromised her ability to perform even the smallest chore. And, now, even as she was barely able to breathe through the pain, Severus had been forced to secure her to her little bed in the kitchen, keeping her down and out of the way for her own sake until reinforcements arrived.
"He won't be gone long. We'll have to be quick," Snape murmured over his shoulder as they dashed through the manor and out the back door.
Once there, he led the way through the garden to the base of the stairs that led into the back entrance of the kitchen. Leaning into her ear, he whispered, "Quietly, Em. She may be ancient, but she can still hear a quill fall in the next room."
Nodding grimly, she knelt in the dry earth and began to work. Severus stood over her as she carved the runes into the ground, letting off the occasional head of steam by pacing behind her. She tuned him out entirely, concentrating on her work. One wrongly-placed rune, one little slip and this could become very ugly.
When the work was done, she held out a hand to Severus into which he placed a small, green bottle filled with a sweet-smelling, viscous liquid. With a long, last look at her best friend, she began to infuse the runes with his potion.
A few minutes later, she rose and handed the bottle back to the budding potions master with a grim nod, and they headed back the way they'd come.
Once out of earshot, Emily placed a hand on Severus' bone-thin arm to halt his progress down the hall. He turned with an exasperated sigh, clearly wanting to finish what they had started.
"Severus, are you sure you want to do this?"
Coldly, he peeled her hand away from his arm. "Emily, that elf has cared for me since my infancy. I am as certain that I do not want to do this as I am that it must be done."
"But, this is..."
"Murder?" he interrupted, so quietly that she had to read the word on his lips. He shook his head before she could formulate an answer. "No, Em. This is mercy."
With that, he turned and strode to the kitchen, seemingly heedless of whether she followed.
She did, of course. Nothing had ever separated her from Severus. Nothing ever would, especially when he was so obviously in pain. But, this was... difficult, to say the least.
The arrival at the kitchen and the subsequent unbinding of the house elf, who was too pathetically weak even to see to her own release, was a blur. Only the moment when he asked her very kindly to walk out to the garden and bring in some mint did time begin to move at its proper pace once more.
"Sadie is happy to get mint for Master Snape," she rasped, barely able to keep her feet, her face twisting with the effort of taking breath.
"You're a good elf, Sadie," he murmured. "This house would fall to pieces without you."
"Young Master Snape is too kind to Sadie. His father would not be pleased," she warned.
A nerve in the side of his face twitched. "Let me worry about my father," he answered, his voice quiet even in anger. "You worry about collecting that mint."
The little elf managed a bow with a sharp hiss of pain before toddling out the door, smiling even through the agony at the thought of being allowed to continue working at last.
When she reached the steps, Emily seized Severus by the shoulder, trying to turn him away from the sight, but his eyes were riveted to the bent form of his house elf, making her way slowly to the place where the runes awaited. He shrugged her hand away, absently, seeming to need to bear witness to...
A red light flashed, a sharp gasp of surprise was heard, a tiny "oh" from the base of the stairs.
And, then she was gone - facedown in the soil, her miserable life utterly spent in an instant.
Emily's eyes shot open, waking suddenly from the disturbing memory. The circle had worked perfectly, causing the little elf's heart to fail as soon as her foot crossed its borders. It was a quick, painless, untraceable death. It was also, Emily realized eventually, exactly what Severus claimed: a merciful end. Her fingers curled in the light dusting of hair on his chest, her hand having snaked under his shirt sometime during the night. It was a gesture of kindness to end a life so full of suffering, and today she would have the opportunity to do the same... on a much larger scale.
Just as it was then, it would have to be untraceable: an accident, a slip of the wand during the last stages of the next task. Just a few moments of suffering, depending upon the nature of the runes, and Severus would be out of danger. My poor, sweet Severus, I'd give my soul for another way, but there's just no fighting the future.
"Did I not expressly instruct you to go to sleep?" Severus' voice, wide awake, rumbled suddenly from above her head.
After a start of surprise, she laughed quietly, raising up on an elbow to look at him. "Yes, you did," she whispered. "Am I being a bad girl?"
"You, my dear, have always been a bad girl," he returned softly, bestowing a sweet kiss on her brow. "It's one of your finer qualities. Now, go back to sleep."
"And, what about you, sir? Are you going to be sleeping sometime tonight?"
"It's possible."
"Well, is there anything I can do that might relax you?" she asked, playfully walking her fingers down his chest.
A quick hand captured her wrist. "Emily Grey, could you at least make an attempt to behave yourself?"
"Oh, come on, Sev," she whispered wickedly, nuzzling his neck. "Aren't you even going to try to seduce me into joining the Order?"
Sharply, he pulled away, propping up on an arm to eye her carefully. "Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind."
"I'm a terribly weak-willed woman, you know," she added with a wicked grin.
"Actually, Emily, you are not, much to my immense frustration."
She pulled her best pout, but it affected him not in the slightest. "Try someone with a soft heart," he quipped dryly. "Perhaps your new friend."
She groaned, sliding her head from its support, allowing it to fall back on the pillow. "Oh, I knew that was coming. I should think you'd be thrilled that I'd developed friendly relations within the Order."
"It makes no difference whatsoever to me." A brief hesitation, then, "The Dark Lord, however, would be most pleased to know that you'd tamed the wolf. It would place you one step closer to being in the same position I presently occupy. That would be more than enough to ensure your place of honor within his circle. Imagine if you told him all that you know."
Her eyes narrowed. "Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind," she mimicked in a much less playful tone.
"So, is that what all of this will come to in the end, Emily? Must I do the unthinkable to keep you from betraying me, from betraying the Order?"
I don't need to betray you. You're already found out.
"Because, if I must..."
"You've mentioned that," she snapped, thoroughly fed up with his threats. "I don't think I can abide listening to that speech again. I don't plan to throw my life away, Sev, and that includes letting you take it from me."
"Then, perhaps you should reconsider those thoughts that cross your mind."
"Severus, for Merlin's sake!" she snarled, sitting up entirely. "Don't you think I have? Do you not know me at all? I have considered and reconsidered, gone over the facts until my head spins with them. There's no escaping the future. No raggle-taggle band of do-gooders is going to bring down the Dark Lord. The very idea is absurd!" Severus curled to a sitting position, then to his knees, towering over her as he sat on his heels and regarded her with black brows raised in surprise at her outburst. "You're fighting a losing battle, Severus," she continued in pleading tones. "And, in the end it will all be for nothing. Not only will you have wasted your life, but you will have damned yourself to unimaginable torment. How can you be so stupid?" The last question was shouted, rather than spoken, and the walls echoed long after she'd finished speaking and settled herself to glaring at the potions master with an odd mix of fear and fury.
In a moment, she'd caught her breath and calmed herself somewhat. "I'm sorry, Sev," she continued repentantly. "But, I..." for an instant, she considered telling him that she loved him, but the words stuck in her throat. Instead, she gave a bitter huff of laughter. "I just can't convince myself to play to lose."
Severus studied her carefully, like a snake poised to strike, his head tilted slightly to the side as he considered her words. She had just enough time to wish she had her wand before he spoke, the chill in his voice sending a shiver down her spine. "Is that what this is to you, Miss Grey - a game?"
Slowly, he reached out to brush a lock of hair from her face, black eyes distantly studying her reaction. Ignoring her slight flinch at his touch, he traced a slow line down her cheek, under her jaw and came to rest at the base of her throat. There he allowed his hand to remain, the mere insinuation of a terrible threat. She closed her eyes, unable to meet his gaze.
For a moment, they remained unmoving as the unspoken warning breached the last of her emotional guard.
"Sev, please. That's not what I meant." The plea was strangled, terrified, forcing her to agree with his assessment. She hadn't a fraction of his skill at deception.
In time, she relaxed enough to open her eyes... and wish she hadn't. The barely-contained rage in his expression was enough to steal anyone's courage.
"This is anything but a game," came a seething whisper. "And if you think for an instant that I am not aware of the precariousness of my position, that I will not do whatever I must to protect it, then I should say it is you who does not know me."
Despite her strongest effort to keep them back, the tears began to fall, then. It was humiliating, really, that she couldn't be stronger, couldn't show him what she was made of. But, presently, it felt as though she was nothing more than the sum of her fears. "You demanded the truth, and I've given it to you," she managed. "I don't know what else to say, Severus. I know what your future will be. I see it in my darkest nightmares, and it terrifies me, but no amount of concern for you will convince me to share your fate."
Slowly, his expression changed from furious, to confused. Finally, a shadow of regret darkened his eyes. The fingers loosened slightly.
"Damn you!" he hissed into her face with a great deal more frustration than fury. "I did not drag you back from the brink of insanity and death to lose you to that creature again!" There was a moment of deepest sorrow before his forehead touched hers and his hand left her throat to lightly brush the hair at her temple. "Emily, my love, what would you have me do to quiet your fears, to make you see the hope that exists even now?"
Her heart broke.
There was no help for it. To hear him utter those words on the very day that she was to... Oh, gods! The mere thought was enough to tear her to pieces.
"Tell me what you want, Emily," he whispered, his lips brushing hers as he spoke, an almost unbearable temptation. He would not say no to her tonight, not if he thought his body could accomplish what his words had not.
"I want you, Severus," she answered simply.
A small sigh from above as he moved to kiss her.
"But, not like this," she interjected, stopping him before he could begin, before she lost her ability to resist. Gods, just being so close to him in the wake of his power was enough to bring her to the edge of control. Presently, she wavered on that point, knowing that having his mouth on hers would send her screaming over the edge of reason, never to return. A hand came up to caress his face. "I know I'm going to regret this, but... we have a few hours before dawn. Maybe we should try and get some sleep."
With great effort, she smiled up at the man she loved, and tried to disguise the farewell in her eyes.
"Tomorrow's a big day."
Elessar Evenstar: My long lost and adored reviewer. Oh, my goodness, it is so good to hear from you! It's been ages. I missed you. And, yes. That was quite dramatic; never fear. So, you don't think she can kill Sevvie? Really? She didn't bat an eyelash at sucking Kingsley dry. Well, maybe a few. And, you hate Malfoy? Why? He's just being his usual, evil self. Okay, maybe not exactly the same guy as Malfoy in the Alex stories, but still... Actually, I think I can see where you're coming from. He is being an evil bastard. Gods, I love him! Your compliments, as always, take my breath away and keep me returning to my keyboard. I had my beta reader shot for overlooking my typo. He tried to give me the 'But, we've been best friends for nine years' speech as I tied the blindfold and gave him a cigarette (even though he doesn't smoke), but I didn't budge. That's just inexcusable behavior! Honestly, good help is so hard to find! Hey, you hate and love me? Really? That's so groovy! I'm in heaven! And you really think I'll save Severus? My, my, you do have faith in my benevolence, don't you? You poor, poor dear! Escaped pats Elessar on the head and passes her a cup of mint tea. I must repeat myself: I missed you!
arwen: Hi, sweetie! I missed you! I'm glad that you think Severus is in character and that you're enjoying the story. That's very important to me. I hope to hear from you again. Things just aren't the same without you. If not, I will content myself to know that you're out there somewhere, reading. That brings a smile to my face.
Dianatyne: Unsettled, aghast, and overwrought, eh? Good for you for owning and using a thesaurus. That is such a rarity these days... and well-spoken women are such a turn-on. (Hides face and blushes) Sorry! Couldn't help myself! Anyhoo... I love the way you put your argument. I mean, what do I say to that? I can't stop giggling long enough to type. That was frickin' hilarious! Hope this update came quickly enough. Of course, we still don't know whether she's really gonna send him to sleep with the fishes. Try to sleep, sweetie. I'm old. I worry.
Queen of the Faeries: Wow! I'm like WAY beyond flattered!!! Really. My story actually gave you something you've been waiting for? BLUSH! Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I'm overwhelmed! That's just so... WOW! I can't even express how groovy that is! I could write for years and never get a compliment that touched me so deeply. Thank you. Passes over a plateful of fresh-baked muffins and the teapot.
sev lover: It's sad, is it? And she can't kill Severus? Why ever not? Have a muffin and enlighten your curious author.
1 Lonelyangel: I can't kill Severus? I pose the same question that I posed to sev lover, above: Why ever not? Oh, wait. You answered that. Never mind. So, he's everybody's favorite, is he? Well, I guess you're right about that. Still, I may just have to wax him. Sorry. Hang on with me and I promise you'll find out whether I do or don't in a chapter or two... or three. Wait a minute. The flask thing. That's brilliant! Nah. I think I'll just kill him... or not.
Quietude: Hi, sweetie. Where the heck did you go? We were lonely without you! And stop being so darn busy! Stress is bad for you! You know, for some reason, I just LOVE the fact that you so despise Emily. To be honest, there are times (many, in fact) that I just want to punch her in the mouth. Spoiled rotten, whiny, power-hungry bitch. Actually, my love-hate relationship with her is frighteningly similar to my relationship with Severus. I've wanted to deck him on several occasions. Of course, he'd just hex me into next week if I tried, so there's no use in even entertaining the fantasy. I think you hit the nail on the head with Lupin. He is a bit naive, but more than anything I think that he, like me, just wants - even needs - to believe the best about people. I wondered if anyone would be pissed that she told Lupin about her brother before she told Severus. I should've known that it would be you; and I can definitely believe that you were shouting support when Severus raked her over the coals. You're so fun. Oh, and you hate Lucius, too. Got it. Duly noted. I will never think that you've abandoned me again, but don't be mad at me if I whine. I just get lonesome. Until next time: So long, and thanks for all the reviews!
Captain Oblivious!: Ah, now you're getting it. See, I don't want you to know why Eric died just yet. I mean, hey, maybe she really killed him in cold blood. Maybe she didn't kill him at all. Maybe she's a narrow-minded bigot. Maybe he turned into a werewolf. Maybe he was prostitute for the Death Eaters. Maybe he wanted to be in their club and they turned him away. Just keep speculating, darn it. I'm not very good at maintaining mystery, so you have to lend me a hand. 'Kay? Please? Gay werewolves. Heh-heh. I knew you'd catch on! You're right in your assessment.. Emily is a self-absorbed, power-hungry, little wench. I think she has more in common with Lucius than with Severus, to be honest. Hmmm. They would make a nice couple. I wonder.... Luck with those midterms, Captain O. See you soon.
Lady Jenilyn: Careful, there, my lady. Don't traumatize yourself. I need you to stick around and finish your story, so I don't go stir crazy wondering what will happen to Miriel. Oooh... Lucky girl. Your friend sounds hot. Can't blame you for the crush. "Queer Eye for the Straight Wizard?" You are too frickin' much! And, as to that, I'm not telling, yet. So there! Rasberries the lady Jen-Jen. I don't mean to toy with your emotions, I just... Oh, wait. Yeah I do. It's one the greatest joys of my life! Sorry about the Weasleys, but there are a few of them that I don't despise... not many, but a few. They're not out of the woods yet, though. Don't worry. I'm glad that Lucius seems ruthless in this story. I wanted him to be a lot more evil in this one. Still human, still possessed of more than a single dimention, but human nonetheless. How am I doing, there? I am so sorry that you lost your chapter! Gods, how incredibly frustrating is that? And after all that's happened to you lately! I hate that for you, BUT I have great faith that you will put together something equally spectacular, if not more so. That's my Jen-Jen. Now, get to work! (Sound of whip cracking in background)
Teenage Zombie: Doubting that Remus is gay? Good. Just keep speculating. I'll let you know at some point whether you were right. Your relationships sound pretty complicated... and a little dangerous. Maybe you should stick with fiction. It might be a bit less hazardous. Cheers!