Chapter Twenty-Four: Trust

Author's note:

Write petition and have it signed by everyone in the known frickin' world, write two letters of protest, bake a cake, make two Halloween costumes, paint a landscape for auction, have car repaired... again, give up a night to help with Fall Festival.

This, my little darlings, is the list of things I had to accomplish between my last post and today. Of course, this is on top of a full-time job. I have tried, really tried to get this update to you because I hate to leave people hanging for too long, but I just couldn't manage it until today. Please, please forgive me. I still have miles to go before I sleep... just one more costume for tomorrow afternoon and I'll be finished.

Oh! And, answer all my wonderful reviews! But, that's more of a pleasure than a chore.

Emily took a moment to scrub her face with hands which refused to stop shaking, in a useless attempt to rid herself of the horrid fluttering around her heart. Surely, surely, this could not really be happening! How had she let him talk her into this?

"What have I done?" she chanted over and over again, a mantra that seemed to offer her some degree of sanity, as she rocked back and forth in the plush chair by the hearth. For a moment she thought she'd cry... again, but a hysterical laughter bubbled up instead; hateful, mocking laughter at the endless irony that was her life.

Pushing back the broken clown in her head, she took a few deep, shuddering breaths to calm herself, ran a cold hand reverently over the ornate, silver serving dish on the table, and checked the clock for the hundredth time.

"It's over now, Em," she told herself softly. "There's no turning 'round at this point, so you may as well just pull yourself together and finish what you've started."

A handful of floo powder turned the cheerful flames a menacing green. "Lucius Malfoy's Office," she managed. A moment later, a familiar, perfect form filled the hearth and she lowered her head in deference.

"Emily," he greeted solemnly. "Tell me what I wish to hear."

"The task is completed, Lucius," she returned, calling forth every ounce of her will to subdue the tremble in her voice. "Severus is dead."

A heavy pause.

"And, I'm certain that you have proof of this."

"Yes," she answered flatly, despising the eagerness in his voice. Bloodthirsty bastard, she fumed silently, steeling her face to conceal the overwhelming fury. You don't have to be so bloody thrilled about it.

"You've done well, then," he assured her with a small, regal smile. "Better than I expected. Now, come... and bring your evidence with you."

Not trusting her voice, she merely gave a quick nod and turned to levitate the tray.

"Emily."

She turned sharply at the soft call.

"Leave your wand."

A stab of terror that she couldn't possibly hide shot through her heart at his words.

"You will not be harmed," he assured her. "But, your emotional state at present... concerns me. I should hate to see you ruin all that you stand to gain with a foolish deluge of sentimental rage."

Her eyes narrowed at the insinuation, then returned to normal at the realization that he was right. One insensitive word about Severus and, with the fragile state of mind that she was in, she'd do whatever she could to hurt him... getting herself killed in the process, no doubt.

Forcing her fingers to uncurl, she dropped the wand weakly onto the chair where the action could easily be seen by Lucius, then physically lifted the tray, took his beckoning hand, and allowed him to bring her safely through the wards. Once in Malfoy Manor, she sank to her knees, her burden before her - more because her legs would no longer hold her than out of any sense of reverence.

"What have you brought?" he asked imperially, the sight of a woman on her knees bringing out every bit of his arrogance.

Wordlessly, she removed the lid from the tray to reveal a grizzly trophy. This, she lifted with almost obscene respect and held it up before her. Green eyes searched gray... waiting.

"For you, my lord," she managed to croak, "that you may never doubt my loyalty again."

A pale eyebrow lifted and was held aloft as an elegant hand reached to tangle itself in the hair of her beloved's severed head.

Emily's stomach lurched as the floor fell away beneath them.

Lucius cursed savagely as another replaced it, his hand already upon his wand, but a briskly-spoken spell, loosed before he could even open his mouth cost him his weapon, leaving him empty-handed and livid. Never one to surrender, he searched wildly for an advantage and found one in the dazed woman still kneeling at his feet.

"Don't!"

The harsh command was followed by a sharp burst of stinging flame, scorching his already outstretched hand, and swinging him about to face his adversary.

"Severus, you fool!" Lucius whispered acidly, an inappropriate and frightening level of authority still in his tone.

If Snape noticed at all, which he almost certainly did, he ignored it completely. "Have a seat," he commanded coldly, indicating with a flick of his wand one of the only two pieces of furniture in the otherwise empty room. Seeing no option, Lucius sank into the chair with cool dignity just as the severed head to which Emily still clung lost its enchantment and faded back into its original form, leaving her with a slightly flesh-colored Quaffle.

The sight of the off-color ball brought a nervous giggle from Emily, then a great sigh.

She stood unsteadily as Severus bound Lucius to his chair and divested him of his remaining weapons - a long, poisoned dagger and shorter version without the benefit of the added toxin.

"It's odd, Lucius," Severus said calmly as he worked. "Normally, I feel that knowledge - any and all knowledge - is power. But there is a point at which one simply knows too much." He drew the remaining chair a bit closer and seated himself opposite the coldly staring Malfoy. "You, old friend, have reached that point."

"The Dark Lord will never rest until he finds who killed his first-in-command, Severus," Lucius returned calmly - far too calmly for Emily's comfort. "To execute me is to hasten your own demise, yours and that of your traitorous whore."

Malfoy's head was turning back from the blow, a thin line of blood trickling from the corner of his mouth before Emily even realized that Severus had struck him.

"Sev," she breathed, not caring at all for the glint of fury in his eye, or the calculating way in which a wholly unruffled Lucius was studying him.

Snape ignored her entirely, even the gentle hand on his arm.

"You ought to be careful, Lucius," he said tightly. "While I have no intention of taking your life, I have no qualms whatsoever about making you wish that I had." He smiled - a thin, nasty line that denoted anything but amusement. "You are vastly more useful to me alive. I would be a fool to dispose of such a fountain of knowledge, possessed of information to which I would never have been a party. That changes tonight." A small bottle was slipped from an inner pocket of his robe. "Tonight, you are going to tell me everything you know, and I am going to pass that information along to the only man who can truly utilize it. Then, I will carefully remove from your brain anything that is remotely detrimental and replace it with misinformation which is certain to be much more conducive to my own agenda." His lips curved slightly as Malfoy's went rigid.

"By the time our business is concluded, Lucius, I will be your most trusted confidant. Any new information you acquire will be immediately commended to me, and I, in turn, will present that information to the Order."

He reached over to casually flick a piece of lint from his now-seething captive's sleeve. "From this moment on, there are three traitors in the Dark Lord's ranks. But, by the time either of you are aware of it, it will be far too late."

The actual questioning was long and tedious, Severus Snape's specialty, and as much as she loved to watch him work, Emily found her mind retracing the whirlwind of activity that brought her from the Southern Tower with every intention of killing her beloved to the bared storage room with Malfoy, a traitor to the Dark Lord.

It was inevitable, really, that she would be unable to take his life. The thought of harming Severus in the slightest sent her stomach into a nosedive. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had known all along that things would transpire exactly as they did: that she would raise her wand, take aim, and give herself a profanely thorough going over for even considering Malfoy's offer.

The next thing she knew...

Three Hours Prior

"What have I done?" she moaned into the black marble tile - steaming water soaking her hair and beating a steady rhythm on her aching back - utterly failing to relieve the tension there. She tried to cry again, but there were no tears left. Instead, a maniacal giggle bubbled up from within, gurgling a bit as she turned her face up into the heated spray.

She didn't even bother to dry her hair afterwards, just gave it a quick swab with the towel as she slipped into the appallingly plain, yet precious robe that Severus had purchased for her before she was even coherent enough to know who he was.

Dragging herself into the adjoining office, she plopped down beside him on the sofa, jostling the enormous tome in which he'd buried his nose.

The tiniest hint of a frustrated sigh as he readjusted was his only comment. Pulling her knees close, she turned to face him, and waited. He made no move to acknowledge her, merely studied the book in his hands as carefully as if it contained instructions for making a Sorcerer's Stone.

So, she engaged in his least favorite of her activities: open staring.

In under a minute, he relented, the book shuffled off to the side as he shifted slightly to turn a slightly ruffled, curious gaze at her. By the gods, she loved that look! It was unbelievable, vulgar even, that only a few hours prior, she'd almost closed those precious eyes forever.

As she stared, an elegant, black brow lifted in question. She answered the query with the thought that presently dominated her mind.

"I love you, Sev," she breathed almost reverently.

The brow rose higher. And, it prompted.

"And," she answered heavily, "I really must speak with you."

He leaned slightly, resting his arm on the back of the sofa as he turned more fully toward her and leveled her with a gaze she knew all too well. "You have my undivided attention," he assured her solemnly.

"Well, what more could a girl ask for?" she asked almost sadly. After a moment, the doleful levity passed and she continued. "I've done something awful, Severus. And, I'm afraid I've placed us both in considerable danger," she said simply, then added with a helpless shrug. "I don't know what to do, now."

Snape took a small sip of wine from the glass hovering by his knee before answering in the most casual of tones. "Perhaps you should have taken my life as you intended."

She felt her jaw drop, and knew that she must look a great fool, staring at him with her mouth hanging open as he emptied the glass before turning a frigid gaze on her as she sat in shock.

A small quirk of a smile brushed his lips and was gone. "Not quite the fool you thought I was?" He chuckled slightly at her face which had surely evolved from shock into terror. "Did you think that I would not notice your sudden, inexplicable bout of melancholy, your new penchant for jumping at shadows?" His face grew stern. "Or that I can't sense a wand at my back, even when I'm facing a dragon?" Emily could do nothing, but stare. "Your obviously-less-than-favorable opinion of my intelligence is beginning to rankle a bit, Miss Grey." This last part was said with his usual staid expression, but she knew him well enough to see the barely-visible quirk at the corner of his mouth, a telling indication that he wasn't entirely serious.

"I'm so sorry, Sev," she said, her voice quivering a bit as she spoke. "I've made a horrible mess. If I had listened to you..."

"We can't erase the past, Emily." His voice was irritated, but softly so. "Perhaps we should concentrate on making the future a bit more tolerable than it stands to be at present."

She sat back a bit, toying with the edge of her sleeve, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"As I decidedly mistrust that you would come to such a decision on your own, I must conclude that you have been ordered to kill me," he stated simply, no readable expression on his face. She nodded, wary as any wise person would be around Severus Snape when he felt threatened. "I feel that it is also safe to conclude," he continued calmly, "that the order came from within the Dark Lord's ranks and not from he, himself."

She nodded again, dumbstruck at his insight.

After a moment's consideration, he spat out a name like a vile curse:

"Lucius."

It was not a question, Emily noticed. It was a statement of fact, and she shivered at the sound of the name hissing through Snape's teeth.

"He knows, Sev," she said, unable to keep the dread from her voice.

He gave a light shrug. "I suspected as much. The Dark Lord either does not believe him, or he hasn't yet deigned to tell him."

"Doesn't believe him," Emily answered quietly.

A nasty sneer crawled across his face, then, and Emily shrank from it. "No. He could never bring himself to believe that his pet potions master had slipped his leash."

"But, he knows now that there's a traitor," she said frantically. "He's already begun to search. It's only a matter of time before..."

Severus lifted two fingers, the tiniest of gestures, but it stopped her panicked invective cold.

"I know all of this, Emily. And what I merely speculated, you have now confirmed. There is but one aspect which is still impenetrable. Perhaps you'd care to enlighten me."

Emily looked up, then, to meet his gaze unwaveringly. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know, Sev," she promised solemnly.

"Yes, you will... one way or another." He regarded her with narrowed eyes for a moment, letting the promise sink in before continuing. "Malfoy is the most powerful ally you could possibly make in the Dark Lord's ranks. I'm certain that that factored into your decision to take my life." Again he spoke with a cold, calculating calm that made her want to sprint for the door. "Conversely, he is also one of the deadliest enemies one could have. Not lightly does one disobey him. Indeed, there are only a few who dare. Wisely, therefore, you accepted his charge. You waited for the perfect moment to strike, when there was almost no danger to you, and I was wholly preoccupied with another enemy. " He slipped his hand inside his sleeve, an obvious gesture, one he clearly intended her to see. "That was when I felt your wand, and in that instant, I knew two things. I knew what you were planning to do, and I knew that I was powerless to stop you." His eyes narrowed even more as he hissed the next words. "And how I despised you in that moment, and despised myself even more for trusting you."

His brow furrowed, then, etching deep lines between his eyes. "To your credit, your approach was flawless in its simplicity. For the first time in your life, Emily, you had the better of me." Here, his superior glare faded, and he regarded her with plain curiosity. "Why in Merlin's name did you falter?"

"Why?" she asked incredulously, shaking her head in wonder. "Gods, Sev, after all these years, you still don't understand?" Impulsively, she latched onto his hand and, before he could snatch it away, pulled it flat against her chest. "Do you feel that? Every time my heart beats, it whispers your name, and the blood in my veins is infused with you." No reaction from him, just cold, black eyes, and an even colder silence. Still she continued. "Long before you breathed life into my body, you were the breath in my lungs, Sev. For as long as I can remember, my entire universe has revolved around you. Before my eyes open in the morning: Severus. When I close them again at night: Severus. On the rare occasion that I dream, I dream of you."

Hesitantly, she reached to touch his face, and was thrilled that he allowed it, neither pulling away, nor leaning into the caress. But, it didn't matter. It was enough that he let her touch him, that he was listening and absorbing with that intent gaze what she could not express in words.

"I love you, Severus," she intoned slowly, carefully, weighing each word as she spoke it, trying to impart to him what they meant to her. "I can't recall a time when I didn't, and I know that there will never be a time when I do not. You say that you despised me for one moment today? I have hated you since we were fifteen." His eyes widened just for a second, then returned to their careful observation. "Since the day you refused to allow me to give to you what was yours - and even within that hatred, I loved you. Desperately. Helplessly. Blindly, even, but with all my soul, nonetheless. You want to know why I didn't kill you?" The tears that she had been trying to hold in check were flowing, now, but lightly, not yet overwhelming her, still allowing her to speak. Hastily, she wiped them away with the hand that wasn't holding his. "I simply couldn't. I couldn't accept your death, that there were only two options: my wand or his. A quick death or slow.

"You told me that there is hope, Sev; and I'm foolish enough to believe you, even though I see no evidence of it. And if there's hope for the world, then maybe - just maybe - there's hope for you, and consequently, for us." She searched his eyes carefully, glittering pools that had run through a myriad of emotions and were now staring at her cautiously, but without the malice that they'd held when she'd first begun to speak. She shrugged slightly, releasing a laugh that was more like a small, choked sob. "Tell me that it's so, Sev. Tell me I haven't damned us both, and I'll believe you."

For a moment, Severus looked surprised as he reached up to brush away the tiny trail of tears from her cheek, and at that single, gentle touch, she fell to pieces in his arms, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs as she took shelter in the strength of his embrace, her face buried in his broad chest. Severus didn't question her, didn't make vague promises of happy endings as most men would. He simply held her, letting her weep bitterly as her fists balled in his robes and she choked out barely discernable apologies and pleas for forgiveness, muffled in the thick, black cloth.

A long time later, the tears slowed, her grip on his robes loosened, her breathing returned to normal, and the searing pain in her heart began to fade.

Finally, when a disheveled version of Lady Emily Grey emerged from the tangle of his robes, she felt somewhat healed, as though the combined poison of Voldemort's power and Malfoy's malice and her own tainted desires had been washed away, and there existed a sense of peace she'd not felt since her first days of consciousness after leaving Azkaban. It was glorious: sweet and warm and quiet... like her beloved's heart - the part that no one else ever saw, the part that shone through as he gazed down on her now with eyes that hid a dark wisdom in their fathomless depths.

"There is hope, Emily," he said carefully. "That, I promise you."

"Even for us?" she asked, a tiny smile punctuating the query.

He kissed her, then, a gentle sweep of his lips across hers, uncertain, almost timid, leaving her to wonder what he felt he had to fear. "Especially for us," he answered simply. "Particularly now. After all, you seem to have blundered into a sterling opportunity."

Her brows furrowed in question.

"When is Malfoy expecting you?" he asked, a devilish quirk at the corners of his mouth.

Captain Oblivious! Missed you!

lonelyangel: Perhaps I should explain that I love to leave people on a cliff, just not for a long time. Please read the author's note for the apology that I know I owe you guys. I meant to have this chapter posted by Tuesday night, but just became buried in other obligations. I hope that your nails are okay. And, thank you for being so supportive. You are a sweetheart!

Quietude: Okay. I just can't help but be flattered when you call me all those things, so cut it out. You're going to give me the big head. I just adore how much you despise Emily when she's mistreating Severus! It's so sweet! By the way, I extended your apology to Hobbes and he forgives you.

Sesshomaru's Angel: You know, I actually feared that, if I didn't clear up matters quickly, I might look outside the window and see all my darling reviewers with pitchforks and torches. Sometimes, my anonymity is a glorious thing!

Elessar Evenstar: Better now? I would've hated to see you wrench your own heart out, especially with a spoon! By the way, great alternate Alan Rickman reference... very appropriate. Peanut butter and toast? I've never tried that, but I mentioned it to my friend, Sylvan, and she claims that it's wonderful. I'll have to give it a whirl. Yes. You have the right story. The author just finished it a few days ago. The ending left me sad, as all endings do, but also very optimistic. All in all, it was a marvelous work!

Oya: Really sorry about the time it took to update. Are you mad at me?

Queen of the Faeries: Good. That's exactly the impression I wanted to leave you with. Actually, I struggled for days over whether it would be more in character for her to kill him or not. It took a while to decide. I had outlines for both directions. I can only hope that this chapter didn't disappoint. Just between us, I think it's the worst one yet. The next one is better. I promise!

Dianatyne: I hope that you don't stay dead. I'm getting attached. Will you not be dead anymore now that Sev's going to live? Please? Here's your tea, sweetie. Sorry about the hangover. That's a real bummer. I'll try to type quietly while you recover.

Lady Jenilyn: I know I've mentioned it before, but it bares repeating that I love the fact that you like my Severus and tell me as much. Gee, Dragonlance.... Hmmm... I may have heard of them.... The dragon scene was tough as hell to write, so thanks. No need to recall your high school days. It's been a while for both of us. I'll go ahead and tell you that the last one is spirit. But, that might be a bit. You might call the next few chapters: Now, for something completely different. By the way, I am incredibly pleased to know that I'm a bad influence. You made my whole week! Oh! And, did you catch the end of Leda? Fan - damn - tastic!!!

Teenage Zombie: Cool that one of my scenes reminded you of a fantasy novel cover. That's a compliment if there ever was one. I think Sev would feel the same way. Looks like your theory was correct. Way to predict!

Sev lover: I'm glad that you appreciate my tapping into Sev's emotions. It's difficult to do, but I was really determined to flesh him out more than I have in my other stories.

Asha Ice: Sorry about that wait, but not the cliffie.

emerald sparrow: Not sorry to leave you hanging. I get a kick out of doing that, but really, really sorry about the wait. I know I said so in the author's note, but I should like to reiterate.