Chapter Six: What's wrong with me?

Remus remained alone on his bed, in the gray early morning of another July day. He sat, child-like hugging his knees around his chest, glaring at the bottle of pills on his desk. Zodof. 100 miligrams a day. Twice a day. Ingest with food. Keep away from sunlight. May cause severe headaches. Do not take with alcohol. May cause diarrhea. May reduce the activity of birth control pills. He had memorized the bottle. Now he just had to start taking them.

Was he ready for this? He turned his shaggy head to see the other half of his bed. A white, empty crevice lay in the soft linen sheets, where the mattress had been attuned to Sirius' sleeping form, and now, even after he died, the gap had still remained that fit his body and his body alone.

He bit his lip, willing himself not to cry again. He felt so much like the bed. Hollow and empty and alone… "Sirius…" he whispered again, as if somewhere within the confines of his room he could hear him. "I'm so sorry. But I have to do this. I tried to do it by myself. But the pain is so much… Sirius… I miss you so much… you promised me… you promised you would never leave me alone again…"

And for a few moments he was swallowed up by memories…

It was another July day, some years ago. Only this one wasn't wet or dreary. James had the three of them over his house for a slumber party. A lake nearby soon became riotous and noisy from the sounds of the boys laughing and splashing into the water. James made an excellent dive off of the high cliff. Sirius came afterward. Remus remembered how his taunt muscled on his arms and legs came perfectly into place. This was before he realized he was attracted to Sirius, but he found himself blushing nonetheless. Peter, who decided not to rival with Sirius and James' mastery of diving, settled for a cannonball, which formed a tsunami so large that Sirius could body surf. Remus just jumped, forming no structure as his limbs came tumbling down. A clash of splashing and water fights ensued, going down into history as the Great Battle of the Gulf Day One. It was a fierce victory, where James became a Napoleon of sorts. Sirius was a close second.

Sirius and Remus grudgingly signed the Treaty of Pomegranate, which entitled the Victor(James) to be declared "The High and Mighty King of the Waters," and made the Unfortunate(the losers) pay him a deserved debt of one dare for each.

"Alas, victory is Mine!" James shouted triumphantly.

"We'll see what happens tomorrow, Mister High and Mighty King of the Waters," Sirius snuffed.

"Haha! Well now I can make you do whatever I want!"

It was no surprise that Peter's mom made him come home early.

Later, that night though, they got theirs.

James snickered in his golden-snich pj's and blue fluffy sleeping bag. "S-Sirussss," he started, hissing with laughter, "I dare you, to drink out of the toilet…"

"Oh that's no problem!" He said ready transform.

"While your human."

Sirius eyes widened, but Remus just laughed, "Ah, c'mon James… I mean… the High and Mighty King of the Waters… that's the best you can think of?"

James' eyebrows pinched. Sirius, went over to the bathroom, gagging, "James, I'm soooo glad your mom actually cleans," before sinking his head lower and licking up a scoop of the disgusting liquid. "ARG!" out came the toothbrush and toothpaste and scope. James was having a fit.

"Sirius, seriously," Remus intervened, making James laugh harder, "It's the same water that comes out of the faucet."

"Really?" the toothbrush came out.

"Really."

He was silent for a few seconds. "I don't believe you." He went on brushing.

"Now, yours, Moony, will be a lot more harsh, since you denied my ability to conduct proper dares."
"Oh yeah?"

He thought, eyes glazed over, scratching his chin like a politician. Sirius washed his mouth out and sat down on his green sleeping bag, James eyes watched him all the way, suddenly gleaming with mischief. "Ohhoho…" he hummed to himself, " Hmmm… that's perfect. Moony, I dare you to kiss Sirius Black on the lips. FRENCHY!"

"No way, I'm not snogging Remus!" Sirius huffed.

"Besides, that would be my first real kiss!"

Sirius turned incredoulously, eyeing him as if he was speaking Japanese, "You've never kissed anyone before?!"

"No…"

"James that's not fair, he's never kissed anyone before, that would be like-ruining his first kiss!"

He sighed, playing with his nails, "Either that or you have to eat a hundred Pomegranates in one night."

"But that's impossible!" Remus whimpered.

"Would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?"

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and said, "Alright, I'll do it."

Sirius licked his lips tensely. Remus then gave him a peck.

"NO! NO! I SAID FRENCHY!!!!!!!" James demanded.

Remus let out a frustrated sigh, "Okay… okay…" Remus and Sirius stared nervously into each other's eyes. He slowly moved his head forward, still open eyed, and crashed his lips to his. It was soft and stiff at first, until he felt a tongue against his bottom lip. He gasped and closed his eyes, feeling the minty warmth of his breath on his own mouth. His heart quickened as his friend plunged his tongue deeper, making his body quiver. Instead of turning away, as the normal, rational Remus would have done, he pushed into his touch, desperate for warmth and wetness and… oh God! Remus licked his top lip affectionately. Their tongues became entangled as they both pushed deeper. It was getting hard to breath. Remus suddenly tensed, that wasn't the only thing that was getting hard…

"Uh… guys… you can stop now…" He heard James laugh.

But Sirius didn't stop. He brushed the back of Remus' hair, resulting in a soft moan of pleasure from his best friend. The smoothness of Sirius' lips was intoxicating. He wanted to drink all of him in.

"GUYS! It's been three minutes! You can stop now!"

They suddenly pulled apart. Remus turned his face away from the two of them, wiping the spit off of his mouth. James eyes were wide and accusing. Sirius just smiled and shrugged, "Hey, man it was his first kiss… I wanted to make it enjoyable…"

"Enjoyable? I was ready to get out my camera! This was getting to be like a porn!"

He laughed, "Sorry, I guess I went a little overboard."

"A LITTLE?"

Remus couldn't take it. He got up and locked himself in the bathroom.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

"You traumatized him!" James accused.

"I'm sorry, Moony, I didn't think I'd get that out of hand…" Sirius laughed. There was no response. "Jeese, Moony, are you sure that you've never kissed anyone before? Cause that was really good… I knew there was a sex fiend behind those books, eh, Moony?" No Response. "I know I probably freaked you out. But don't worry, I'm not a… a…" he lowered his voice to a whisper, "a queer or anything. I know you aren't either, so then I thought it would be ok to show you a few tricks…" Silence continued. "Remus?"

Finally a soft, cracking voice answered, "Yes?"

"Do you hate me?"

"No, Padfoot, I don't."

"Good, because I don't know what I'd do if you hated me… I-I need you, Moony. And I know sometimes I do stupid things… but…"

James snickered, "Do you need me too, Paddy?"

"Shut up, James, I'm serious!"

"I know you're Sirius."

"STOP!"

"What did I do?"

"I'm trying to be SENTIMENTAL here!"

"Oh, Jeeze well if you want to make out again, I'll leave…" he said, stepping out the door, "I'm going to make popcorn, I'll be back in a few minutes, all right?"

Sirius sighed deeply as he shut the door behind him. "Why are you hiding, Moony?" he asked at last.

"Because I'm scared."

"Of me?"

"No, of me…"

"What do you mean?"

"I… I think I'm… I think you…Sirius… I liked it…"

Sirius emitted a bark-like laugh, "Of course you did, I'm one of the best kissers of Hogwarts!" Remus was silent for a few seconds. "And… you know what? I think I liked it too."

"Really? Well doesn't that make us homos?"

"No, because you're my best friend!"

"…and how does that make sense in the mind of Sirius Black?"

"I'm allowed to love you if you're my best friend. I mean, you're supposed to love your friends, right? Well I love you! And you're my friend, so it works out!"

"Really, you love me?"

He nodded eagerly "Do you know, sometimes I wish… don't tell this to James… I wish that we could die together. Because I don't think that I could handle not having you around me… you're my reason, sometimes… to not give up… And when I die, I want to take you with me, and we'll discover heaven together… and we'll be together forever…wouldn't it be nice? I'll do it… Remus… I won't leave you ever, I promise!"

Tears rolled down young Remus' face, "I love you too, Sirius."

And tears were also burning Remus' skin years later. The hollow sheets were wet with his tears, the pain and gratitude burning in his chest. He lay on top of the hollow side of his bed, trying to smell the last traces of his lover. He had to do it. He had to. He needed to be with Sirius… he was nothing without him…

The door opened.

A teenage figure clutched the letter he wrote to no one. His eyes were accusing.

It was Harry.

A/N: yeah, sorry I lied… NEXt chapter has Harry in it, mmmybad. Forgive me with a review.