Not long after the last sharp-edged piece of glass came to a stop, things began unfolding a breakneck pace.
"NARUTO!!! " Sakura shouted, after getting to her feet. "YOU…… YOU…." She stopped, twitched a moment, then put on a slow smile. Her eyes looked dreamy. "You saved me…."
After saying that, she stumbled, pushed from behind.
"NARUTO-KUN!!!" Hinata shoved the pink-haired girl out of the way. "You're back…." She stood staring at Naruto, her fingers twiddling at a prodigious rate.
Ino had her hand at her mouth. At first she grinned. Then she chuckled. She was about to break out in full-ledged laughter when she suddenly went stiff, her arms extending straight out from her sides. She shook her head, wondering what was going on.
"SAKURA! GET YOUR GIGANTIC FOREHEAD AWAY FROM HIM!" Ino knocked Ten Ten and Kaiko out of her way. "After all the terrible things you were saying about him…."
Naruto was all smiles. This was an embarrassment of riches. Maybe it was true, that saying: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Step by step, Hinata slowly closed the distance between Naruto and herself. The other girls were all going through visual reactions, rubbing their eyes, shaking their heads, or flexing their fingers.
"FAT ASS FREAK!!!" Ino looked ready to bite something.
Ten Ten had started forward to break up the surprisingly vicious scuffle. But, she soon found a different motivation. A blur to those who watched, she moved both her hands in a series of precise motions.
Kunai after kunai clattered off the cobblestones, barely missing the feet of her two friends.
Sakura and Ino were forced to dance a strange little jig just to keep from being struck.
"TAKE YOUR SCHOOLGIRL SQUABBLE ELSEWHERE!!!" Ten Ten shouted. "Naruto shouldn't have to watch something so childish." She began swaying her hips as she walked. "We have more adult things to discuss…."
Naruto's mouth fell open. Ten Ten's motions were nearly hypnotic. Just what did she have in mind?
"NO!!!" Hinata struck with the Gentle Fist, catching Ten Ten off guard, sending the larger girl hard to the street. Her eyes looked shock, but her smile was predatory. "I WAS THE ONE WHO WATCHED HIM. I WAS THE ONE WHO CARED." Part of her wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and stay there until the Crack of Doom.
But, like the other girls in the vicinity, her actions were far from voluntary.
"Hinata…." Naruto swallowed hard, then rubbed his eyes. He wasn't dreaming all this, was he?
Hinata, knocking someone aside? Hinata, shouting? Hinata, saying that she cared about him?
Ari, Hotaru, Kaiko and the other younger girls took advantage of the tussles to gather around Naruto. Each of them was batting her eyes, throwing out her chest, or licking her lips.
One girl even went so far as to press herself up against him.
They were not the only ones to be effected. Slowly but surely, in a gradually expanding radius, women began acting strangely. Girl babies began to babble, even as their male counterparts cried, slept, or worked at their bottles. Their mothers left the strollers and carriages in the middle of the street, taking a series of halting steps in Naruto's direction.
One woman, busy washing her windows, leaned too far out. She fell, bounced off of a large awning, then landed on the head of a shocked elderly man out for a stroll. Another young lady, busy watering the long box of flowers outside her shop, began following the others, leaving a continuous stream of water in her wake.
"Hey! You girls better stop fighting!" Naruto saw the crowd beginning to gather. "Everyone's coming over here to see what's going on." Seeing Kiba and Shino, he opened his mouth to ask them for assistance, but they were hurrying on their way, protecting two bottles similar to the one which shattered.
"WE'RE NOT FIGHTERS," Kaiko breathed in a long sigh when she was done.
"WE'RE LOVERS," Ari purred after shouting..
"AT LEAST WE WANT TO BE," Hotaru said.
"DON'T LOOK AT THEM, LOOK AT ME!!! " Naruto didn't recognize that girl.
"NO, LOOK AT THESE…." A young shinobi began unbuttoning her blouse.
For a moment, Naruto froze, his eyes ruling his actions. Then she shook his head and took a number of steps back.
"What's going on here?" he asked.
"Anything you want…." Dozens of women answered almost simultaneously. Pieces of clothing began flying through the air, coming from who knows where and who knows whom.
Naruto swallowed hard. Even his wildest dreams never amounted to this much. Something strange was going on.
This must be some kind of joke!
All of the girls must have gotten together, deciding to tease him or make fun of him.
Well, he would play along. Let's see just how far these ladies would go to get their laughs!
"SO, YOU LADIES WANT SOME OF THIS? " He made a muscle, flexing his biceps. "HOW ABOUT THIS?" He pulled down the zipper on his pull-over. "FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE!!!"
That ought to have them laughing. Maybe one or two of them would make some catty comment or try to get him to embarrass himself.
Not knowing that he had done so, Naruto threw a match on the figurative pool of kerosene.
There was an immediate reaction to his offer. The nearest girls threw themselves at him, fighting for a chance to get close.
"KISS ME!!!" Someone shouted "TOUCH ME!!! " Another girl yelled. "TAKE ME!!! " That last call whipped up the ladies even more.
Before Naruto knew it, he was brought down to the ground, covered with a pile of amorous girls. A soon as one woman was pulled off by others, another one leaped and took her place. He was kissed more times than he could count. The body parts pressing against him would have sent him into ecstasy in any other situation. Fighting hard to breath, he never noticed his erection.
But, the girls did.
"I WANT THAT!!! " "THE BUTTON, PULL OFF THE DAMN BUTTON!!!" "ME FIRST! ME FIRST! "
Who knows what would have happened, had someone not taken things into her own hands.
"KAITEN!!!"
Suddenly, Naruto felt a terrible weight lifted off of him. Standing and feeling somewhat shaky, he brushed himself off. Looking over, he saw Hinata standing at the center of a great ring of fallen girls. She was staring at him. He followed her eyes.
They were focused on his crotch.
Looking down, he took note of the tenting of his trouser fabric. Then he froze. The fact that he was sporting a woody in that situation wasn't surprising.
No.
The shocker was that Hyuuga Hinata was standing there, staring at it.
"Hinata!" Naruto felt as if he had been smacked with a sledge hammer. Hinata's reaction might be the most unlikely thing of all.
"You said my name, Naruto-kun…." The white-eyed girl began moving forward in jerky fashion, as if she were a puppet moved by strings of chakra. "You noticed me…."
Naruto watched as the other women got to their feet. His opportunity wouldn't last much longer. He hated running from a fight. But, this wasn't a fight.
He took off like a scorched bat.
Pelting up the stairway Shino and the others had walked down, the blonde-haired boy never took a moment to look behind him. He was afraid of what he might see.
This didn't seem like some kind of elaborate joke. Some of those girls had said and done some rather wild things.
Could it be some kind of mass hypnosis, or an insidious jutsu performed by a group of enemy ninjas preparing to invade Konoha? He didn't know much about medicine, but wondered if the occurrence might be related to some kind of virus or something.
"The Medical Center!" He snapped his fingers, hitting upon the correct solution.
Naruto cursed as he flashed from one sight of concealment to another. Here he was, having to use Ninjutsu and Genjutsu skills in his own home village. Just what the hell had been going on around here during the past two years?
Jiraiya hadn't mentioned reading anything strange in the communiqués.
"Shit!"
He was already tired after his long walk. And, his rumbling stomach didn't give rat's ass about the way half of the populace was acting.
Feeling like a preschooler as he hid in one thick clump of bushes, Naruto scratched his head. Could this be Kyuubi's doing in some way? Was his seal weakening, allowing the bastard fox to work some kind of mischief? If that were the case, he could be in for some big headaches!
A pair of hands appeared in front of his face, then pulled the bushes apart.
"Oh! It's you! " It was the girl from before, the one he had bumped into shortly after arriving back I the village. "What I said about dating my own species?" She bit her lips, eyes half closed. "I can be any species you want!!!" She got down on all fours and howled.
Before he knew it, a number of other women had zeroed in on him. It was those women with the bandanas. They had taken their head covering off. Along with just about everything else….
"Have something you want polished?" One said with a sultry wiggle of the hips. "I do windows," another said. "I do bushes too. Wherever you want!"
Two women grabbed Naruto's ankles. Another pair went behind him and had his pull-over off before he knew it. Taking a deep breath of it, the woman began working on his belt.
"GEEEZ!!!" Naruto burst out of the shrubbery, one woman still clinging to his leg. Frantic, he used Kage Bunshin to hold the lust-crazed women at bay as he ran off.
Those women hadn't acted that way before! Just what could have happened since he passed them by earlier? Was he hallucinating? Could he be sick?
There was even more reason to visit the Hospital now!
Rushing ahead like a train off the tracks, the breathless ninja plowed through a group of men as he neared the building entrance. He had no time for apologies. If it wasn't a trick of his imagination, there was a wave of women approaching from one end of the village square.
In his great hurry, Naruto had ignored the 'Beware, wet floor' signs posted around the entry hall. Sliding on the slick floor, he knocked over a number of men and one woman. At first angry, the woman soon underwent the by now familiar transformation. Security guards rushed to retrain her, by the time she was down to her bra and panties.
"I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!" The woman yelled to Naruto. The men in the room all turned and gave him a look of respect.
A group of three young trainees exited from one passageway, fresh from their routine check-ups.
Konohamaru had caught the last part of that scene.
"NARUTO!!!" He smiled, rushing to greet his friend. "Not only are your ninja skills good enough to rival me, but your talent with the ladies in amazing too. When I get older, I want to train with the Toad Hermit!!!"
"Sh…… Sh…… Sh…… She's almost n-n-n-n-naked…." Udon's eyes glazed over, looking at the woman being lead away.
"Hmmmm…… naked…." Moegi smiled at Naruto. Spinning her goggles around one arm, she tossed them to a slack-jaw Naruto. When she reached for her buttons, he took off again, heading for the main desk.
"I am Uzumaki Naruto! I have an emergency to report. I need to see Shizune or Tsunade immediately!"
Naruto slammed both hands down on the wooden desk top, displacing a pile of papers and making a coffee cup jump.
"I see. In a crisis, a calm and controlled head is the most important asset." The bored looking clerk looked up at Naruto. "If there had been some kind of injury, I will send out the next available team of medical ninjas. Please take a seat, and I will call you when they need your information."
"NO!!!" Naruto banged his hand down hard again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the woman come close to breaking free of the grasp of four burly men. "This CANNOT wait! It could be a danger involving the entire village. For all I know, it could be some kind of plague or something!"
The clerk went pale. The other people waiting in various lies turned to look in Naruto's direction.
"Are…… are you certain…… are you being serious about this, sir?" The clerk tried to pick up his coffee, but his hand was shaking too much. He worried that Naruto had been exposed to whatever drastic illness he wanted to report.
A kunai buried itself in the man's desk.
"I…… I see…" The man reached over and toggled a red switch. He swallowed hard, putting his hand to his forehead, checking his temperature. "S-S-Someone will be with you soon…."
After a brief wait, Naruto saw a squad of medical ninjas running down one flight of stairs off of the main hall. They all wore protective suits and full facemasks with respirators. A number went to block all entrances and exits. The leader walked over to Naruto.
It was Shizune.
"Naruto, are you the one reporting the epidemic?" Her eyes were very intense behind her face shield.
"Yes, but I wouldn't say it is an epidemic. That's up to you. I only came here to report what I saw. It's pretty widespread. Either there's something wrong with a lot of people, or I'm going off the deep end…." Naruto watched as Shizune and other female medical staff stood near him. They showed no reaction.
That had him feeling somewhat relived.
He was safe here.
"Come with me," Shizune said. "I need to get the story from you in the isolation room. If you've been exposed to something, we need to limit its spread. You will need an examination as well."
Naruto followed her into a large simple room, one with multiple glass walls and a large drain in the center of the floor. When he was instructed to remove everything but his underwear, he did so with a suspicious look,
But, Shizune did not show any of the impulsive behavior the other women had, even though they were now alone. She had begun twitching every so slightly, though. That might just be the result of stress or something.
As Naruto told the medical ninja everything he had seen, he saw her shake her head a number of time, then blink rapidly. Before he knew it, she had taken off her respirator.
"But…." Naruto suddenly started feeling anxious again. "Shouldn't you…."
Shizune smiled, then ran her hand through her hair.
"We're going to need to perform an extensive examination," she said. "Neurological functions first. Muscle strength. I want you to wrap your arms around me, as tightly as you can…."
"Huh?" Naruto began to sweat.
Shizune began disrobing. "These might be contaminated," she said with a laugh.
"But…." Naruto began backing towards the door.
"On second thought, why don't you lay down on the examining table. There's another response I want to check. And, we will need to collect some samples…." Shizune winked.
"Samples?" Naruto turned, intending to run out of the room, clothes or no clothes.
Shizune smiled. He door was locked. Naruto didn't know the combination.
"Yes. Not blood, you had that drawn during your last check up. Not urine, since we tested that too. I was thinking…… semen…." She stretched, lithe like a big cat. "But, I don't have any containers. We'll just have to make do…."
"WHAT?!!!"
That did it!
Naruto felt like a mouse trapped by a fox.
It didn't matter that he thought Shizune was cute, and had even fantasized about her in the past. He didn't care to reach his manhood in this situation.
Then again….
"NO!" That was said more for his own benefit. Even if it would be enjoyable, Naruto knew the bill would come due some day. Shizune likely would not be doing this without some weirdness going on. He could imagine how she would react if they….
Not caring about the damage he might cause, the perspiring shinobi formed Rasengan, and took down the door. Sweeping his clothes into a pile, he picked them up in his arms and ran from the room. He thought about grabbing a respirator, too. But, they obviously only worked so well, and he didn't want to go anywhere within Shizune's reach.
The guards who came to check on the explosion were mainly women.
None of them had masks on.
"Crap!!!!"
More running. More dodging. Grappling. Escaping. Clones galore. Substitution jutsus.
Naruto must have run in and out of every room and hallway in the medical complex. Trying to dress as he ran, he lost his shoes and socks, but managed to hold onto everything else.
He was already in trouble as it was, no matter what explanation he gave. So, he finally decided to us a window. If it was locked, the building would need a new window.
"OH-H-H-H…… NA-A-A-A…… RU-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U…… TO-O-O-O…."
Naruto actually trembled. It was Shizune again. He had a bite mark on his neck from her, having been ambushed in one room she had correctly predicted he would pass through.
Closing the door behind him and locking it, Naruto looked up, shocked once again. Not by the sound of running feet, or the banging on the other side of the door. The rooms had been shuffled around since his last visit.
Tsunade was looking up from a large scroll, a rather annoyed look on her face.
The room was very long and narrow, and her chair was at the far end, but she had no trouble realizing who had just barged into her office.
"Naruto?" She sighed, putting the parchment down. "Are you the cause of the ruckus I keep hearing?"
"Yes. I mean, no. It's not my fault at all. You see….. all the women…… uhhh" he swallowed hard and tried to calm himself down. "You may want to open that window. It might be wise if you jump out…… but, if you don't, could you please move so that I can…."
Tsuande clenced her fists. That had Naruto's sphincter tightening, but he could deal with anger and irritation.
"Is there something wrong with you?" The Hokage asked. "Thinking a moment, she stabbed one finger at a button on her intercom. "Shizune," she spoke into the box.
Naruto was acting to squirrelly for her liking.
"Yes?" That was Shizune's voice. It came from the other side of the door.
"JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Tsunade was not in the mood for jokes. She had not slept for two days, and had performed a difficult operation earlier in the morning. Aside from that, she had stacks of official memos to read, and a number of strategic decisions to make.
"Hey…… don't get mad at me….." Naruto swallowed hard, seeing Tsunade get up from her desk. Worse, she trembled a moment, then brought her hand to her head. He looked down at his bare feet, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
"I've got a bone saw!" A woman's voice said on the other side of the door. A buzzing noise started, and the hinges began vibrating.
"I AM GOING TO PUT A STOP TO THIS INSANITY!" The Hokage began walking towards the door. She stopped, ignoring the growing racket. Her eyes closed, then opened again. She smiled.
Naruto prayed that she would step to one side of the room or another, giving him a fighting chance to get to the window. A string of clones could reach his destination, then pull him out.
Sweat was practically pouring off him now. If this wasn't so unbelievable, he would suggest the happenings to Jiraiya as a storyline for his next book.
"So, Naruto……for what do I have the….. pleasure….. of this visit."
Naruto couldn't help but stare as Tsunade took of the robes she had been wearing, revealing a blouse with a deep V-shaped neck. Her two most obvious assets looked like they wanted to escape.
"The women of the village…… they have all been acting crazy……" Naruto couldn't tear his eyes way, no matter how hard he tried. Tsunade noticed, then took a deep breath and held it. "They…… uhhh…… keep chasing me and….. trying to take off my…."
"Clothes?" The Hokage loosened her top button. "I see nothing crazy about that."
"Not fair, Tsunade. I saw him first!" Shizune complained from the other side of the door. "This is my case!" There was a pause. "I could use some assistance."
Naruto tried to dash past Tsunade, using a sudden group of clones as a scrum. She had no trouble dispatching all of them with a single finger. She held that finger up for Naruto to see. The nostalgia was lost on him at the moment.
"OK," Tsunade said. "But I'm lead surgeon. I'll start the operation, and let you finish." She stood right in front of Naruto now. Reaching out, the caressed the jewel hanging from his necklace. "Dan used to wear this," she purred. "Even when we made love…."
"But…… he…… the memory…." Naruto stammered, fleeing a jolt of electricity when Tsunade slid her hand over his chest, resting it below his waist.
"Is a very nice one," Tsunade said. "I can still remember the necklace hanging down from his neck. I thought I would never see that sight again. Silly me…." She nibbled on his ear.
Naruto dropped down, and jumped between her legs. He got up and sprinted for the window.
Tsunade raised one arm. Her desk and a number of huge bookshelves moved in front of the window. A moment later, the door was off of its hinges.
"This will be an A-class mission, Naruto." Tsunade began unbuttoning her pants. "I hope you don't fail me. There are times when a ninja is asked to give his body for the cause. If you die, I'll have a monument made in your honor…."
Just as the door hit the carpeted floor, Naruto formed one clone who took Tsunade in a fierce embrace, distracting her. Not waiting to see if the ploy worked, he ran for the far wall, forming Rasengan.
He crashed through furniture and window, falling two stories to the street below.
Naruto bounced hard, despite flipping neatly through the air and hitting feet first. There had been no time to choose the best angle or anything. Grimacing, he staggered a few steps before dealing with the pain.
Some water dripped ran down into his ye. He put his hand up, and it came away red. Blood. He must have cut his scalp on the glass.
"Are you OK, Naruto-kun?"
It was Hinata. Her voice had been sweet and timid. Biting her lips, she looked at the scratch at the top of Naruto's forehead. Then, her eyes narrowed and she smiled an eager smile.
"I'll kiss it and make it better," she breathed. "I'll kiss anything…."
Naruto took off running again.