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"Excuse me Professor. Do you have a moment?"
Lupin turned and smiled warmly as Harry came into view. The boy, 'not really a boy anymore Remus' he reminded himself, stood in his doorway. The classroom behind Harry was empty and dark. With a slight gesture, Lupin welcomed his young friend into the small office.
"What can I do for you Harry?" That's when the mood shifted and Lupin saw Harry visibly tense. 'Uh oh'. "Please sit and tell me why you look like I might bite you." The words were masked by a short laugh, but Lupin's curiosity was peeked. Harry sat before the worn desk in a worn chair and wondered where to begin.
"Professor, with all due respect sir...you're..You're being a fool Sir."
Lupin nearly choked. "Excuse me?" Harry shook his head as if to retrieve the words but to no use. Instead he tried another tactic.
"I'm sorry sir. What I mean is, well honestly, you are being a fool."
"Now that we've established that, perhaps you'd like to elaborate on it or is that all you'd like to say?" Lupin was amused, not angry with Harry. Over the years he had watched the boy mature and grow through adversity and trying times. Now though, he wondered if perhaps Ron had slipped the boy some butterbeer. The look on his face was a cross between abject terror and grim determination.
"Well Professor..you see....I..umm"
"Out with it boy! I have papers to grade." The barely controlled laughter threatened to break Lupin's annoyed facade. Finally Harry caved in and his next few words came spilling out.
"You'reinlinlovewithmybestfriendwhohappenstobeinlovewithyousowhycan'tyoutwofigureitoutandgetpastyourhangups.OhandIknowaboutJon."
Lupin sat there in mild shock. This wasn't what he was expecting. Maybe a 'Hey Professor, Neville's toad ate my homework' or 'I accidentally hexed Malfoy can you help put his nose back?'
But this? How did everything come back to this. Since the end of his sessions with Hermione, Jon had hardly said a word to his older self. Lupin dealt with it, he buried himself in his work and tried to forget. Dumbledore had taken Jon on as his student, freeing Lupin to piece things together. Slowly everything was back to normal. Then he ran right into the woman he was trying to avoid.
"Harry.."
"Listen Remus. I know. I already know what you're. That it wouldn't work. That you're too old. That it's too complicated..and any other reason you can find to not be with her. But you know what Remus, those reasons are bullshit. If you even think.." Remus cut him off with a tired wave of his hand.
"Harry, Harry, Harry. You don't understand. " The older man tried to explain with a sigh.
"How?"
"How? I'm her teacher, 23 years older and a werewolf. Not to mention I work for the Order, I go on dangerous missions and twice I've endangered someone's life because of it. And now, my younger self is here and he's in love with the same girl and he hates me. I know a lot of people say they hate themselves, but it's bloody true for me! That's how it's complicated. Did I miss anything?"
"But she loves you!"
"As she'll love someone else when she grows up."
"Grows up! Looks who's talking! You treat her like a child who can't make her own decisions. You speak of love and yet you allow yourself to be ruled by the fears you've lived with all your life. Is it because, even as this is happening, you remember back to your youth? To when you returned from this time, perhaps heartbroken or perhaps elated. Are you so afraid to lose her to yourself that you'll fail to take the steps required to even try to get her?"
Harry's breath came out ragged and he stood up, anger written on his every feature. Expecting another verbal lash from the man before him, he was surprised when Lupin put his head in his hands. "I am afraid Harry. I'm terrified because I don't know what's going to happen here. I don't know what happens when I come here, younger but still me. I have no idea how to cope with being twice in love with the same woman. And you have no idea what it's like to know the future, but not know which of me gets the girl."
The boy who lived had no idea of the gravity this situation brought with it. Lupin was torn in two, literally. On one side there he was, standing in the background. Hopelessly in love, in a hopeless situation. On the other side, he stood as well. Younger, but the same no less. Somewhere though, Lupin had lost sight of the courage of his youth. No wonder it seemed pointless to pursue Hermione. He had become weak, used to accepting less then he should.
"When did I lose sight of who I was Harry? Was it when they took your father and mother from me? When they took my best friend, tore him from my life?"
"Maybe it was when you fell in love. Love makes you weak Remus. But it strengthens you in ways you will never ever know until you accept it. Until you've fought and won for it."
"I'm so afraid to lose that I've been afraid to fight."
"It's not too late Remus." He was quiet as he spoke. Standing, he paused a moment and place a hand on the older man's shoulder. "Fight Remus, don't give up on. She hasn't on you. It's the least you owe her." With that, Harry turned and walked from the office.
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