"And the Bully Gets His"
By shortshanks4
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, those are J.K.R.'s.
The night after Sirius' fateful dragon attack, Remus, Peter, and James went to visit him in Madam Pomfrey's hospital ward. He was bound like a mummy in most places, and any skin that was showing was raw and blistering. The clothes lying beside his bed were still smoldering.
"Hullo Sirius," James hailed as he walked up to Sirius' bed. Sirius moaned softly in reply. James set a large box containing assorted sweets, candies, and a squeaky rubber ball on Sirius' bedside table and grinned at him. "We come bearing gifts. We even got you a nice, safe, non-fanged fetch toy."
Sirius ignored the presents and wailed, "Why, oh why couldn't he have been a cockroach?"
"Tough luck, I guess," James said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Yeah," Sirius sniffed, "Real tough luck. That's not the half of it. Here I am with third degree burns, and all Lei got was detention for torching a fellow student!"
"When can you come back to class?" Peter asked.
"Five days," Sirius said gloomily, "And I have to drink fifteen different kinds of potions five times a day. She even wakes me up at night to shove vats of stuff down my throat. Makes me eat healthy food and the like, no candy, she says. I say she should go jump off a bridge."
"I told you it'd catch up with you if you kept bullying Lei," Remus said quietly, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he waited for Sirius to implode. Much to his surprise, Sirius only sighed.
"Yeah, yeah," he said, "You told me. And let me tell you all something. If I ever crack on a kid about his ethnicity again, just go ahead and beat me over the head with something large…preferably heavy, too."
James' smile turned roughish at this suggestion. Remus smiled as well, but his expression was not quite as disturbing as his friend's. Peter gasped and covered his mouth in horror.
"Why would you let us do that, Sirius?" he squeaked, "Wouldn't that hurt you?"
"'Course it would," Sirius said gruffly, "But let me tell you, being knocked flat out and having a dent in my skull would be nothing compared to this! I mean, look at me! I'm a human shish kabob!"
James smirked when Sirius said this, but Remus could not stifle his chuckles. Sirius endured the rather painful motion of sitting up to glower at him. Remus tittered nervously and fished something out of his pocket, offering it meekly to Sirius. "Have some chocolate."