THE OBLIVIOUS MODE
By Yih

Sorry, this is the correct chapter. I clicked on the wrong file name and didn't even check.

Chapter 6

Marty wasn't answering. I was holding my breath. The phone was ringing. It was on the third ring. Another and his answering machine would pick. Pick up, please pick up, I prayed. It had taken me a good hour to work up the nerve to call. If he didn't pick up now, who knew when my nerve would return?

"Rory?"

I sighed, relieved. "Yes, Marty."

"Are you okay?"

I felt bad. "I'm fine," I lied.

Suffocating pause. "Why did you run?"

Marty was ever to the point. "I don't know."

I heard him take a breath. "Why are you scared?"

"I'm n…"

"Rory…"

"Love is terrifying."

There was no sound out of him.

"I'm afraid of it."

"Don't you think I'm scared too?"

That's what Logan had mentioned. Marty had to be frightened if I was. I was just too busy being self absorbed to think of anyone but myself. I was selfish, utterly selfish. Instead of answering the question, I shifted the focal point by saying, "I don't know what to do."

"Neither do I."

I said nothing.

He sighed, dreadfully. "You ran to Logan last night, didn't you?"

"I live with him."

"Even if you didn't," Marty murmured, "he would still be the one you run to."

I was confused. What was he getting at? "Well, he is my best friend."

"He's more than that."

Was Logan? Yes, he had become my family. "I suppose so."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course."

"Do you love me?"

I trembled. "That's what I'm scared of."

"So you don't then," he stated with a dead voice. The moment of silence

afterwards was deafening. "Rory?"

"Yes?" I was relieved he hadn't disconnected the line.

"Could you love me?"

Logan thought I could. But did I? "I don't know." It was an honest answer; it was a terrible answer. Our relationship had been nine months and counting, couples got engaged in less and all Marty was asking was if I could love him. And I honestly didn't know. I despised vulnerability and that was what love took.

I wished I could see his face to judge superficially how bad I was doing and how close I was to screwing things beyond repair. It would be just like me to do something stupid like that. I couldn't ever keep my words to myself when it was necessary. I said too much too often.

"You don't know?"

"No, I don't."

"I should have known." He should have known? Should have known what? What should he have known? If only I could see his face… Then maybe I would know what he should have known. "This isn't working, is it?"

"It's not?" I croaked. I was asking a rhetorical question. I knew what he meant. I didn't need an explanation. But the thing is… I wanted one. I wanted something. I was a greedy bitch.

"You and me."

"I…"

"You don't love me," his voice was emotionless, "and you aren't sure if you ever

can. What am I suppose to do, Rory? Wait for you to love me while I languish in love with you?" When he put it like that, the answer was a definite no. "Things won't work like that. Especially when you…" he stopped abruptly. "It won't work."

"No, it won't," I agreed softly, feeling crushed. "I…"

"We'll still be friend," he reassured me. "It's not your fault that you can't love

me."

"Marty…"

"You don't have to say anything," he abruptly cut me off. "I know. You aren't ready. It's all come suddenly, but it hasn't been that sudden at all. It's been nine months. We should be further than we are, but you aren't ready to take that next step yet and I can't keep waiting. I'm hanging my heart on my sleeve for you and all you had to do was take it. You can't, and I can't keep waiting."

"I do care for you Marty."

I could feel him smile that lovely smile of his. "I know you do. We were friends

before we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and I don't think you ever really got much more beyond that."

I laughed. "What about the sex?" I had to grin. "Doesn't that count as far beyond friends?"

He chuckled. "We did get there."

"Many times," I inserted.

"There is such a thing as friends with benefit."

The reality set in. We were only friends. It was a blow. Was that what I wanted? I lost my breath. But I wasn't ready for anything else. I breathed. "We were more than that," I whispered.

"We were," he agreed.

"So is that it?"

"Unless you can take the next step, yes it is."

I couldn't. That was it then. How depressing.

-

The night was still young. And I felt as old as the miscellaneous antique baubles that were scattered around the penthouse. My bones creaked and cracked as an old crone's should. As worn and weary as my body felt, it was the weight of my soul that made me feel more than the age of my years.

A heavy arm fell upon my shoulders, it was Logan. "You look gloomy."

"I feel gloomy."

"Marty?"

"Yes." To even say it was lifting a heavy load. "Marty."

"Would he not wait then?" Logan knew then. He could guess. It was rather

obvious, I suppose. I wasn't happy. I wouldn't be unhappy if things were resolved. Au contraire, I'd be quite happy. "Until you were ready?"

"He couldn't."

Logan snorted. He was my friend, my best friend first. His loyalty was

unquestionably mine. I smiled. Loyal to the very end, he would be. Without him, life would be unbearable. Life without Marty would be hard but not impossible. I could live without him, but without Logan--- I didn't even want to ponder that.

"Some boy in love," he muttered derisively. "If he was, he'd wait."

"He asked if I could love him."

Logan's eyes were on mine.

"I said I didn't know."

"Rory…"

"I don't," I stated firmly. "I don't know if I could love him. I know I don't love

him now, and I don't know if in a few months that would change. I wasn't lying, Logan, I wasn't. I was telling the truth. You know I only speak what is true."

He laughed hoarsely. "Then why, tell me why, are you so sad if you don't feel something deep… something that's almost love then?"

He had a point. I was sad, but it was a shallow sadness that didn't bury deeply like my parents' death. Nothing could reach that, I daresay. I knew this sadness would be with me for a while. I had cared for Marty. Cared for him as much as I could allow myself to care for anyone thus far, but it wasn't enough. I knew Marty had a point. I couldn't ask him to love me when I didn't know if I could even love him.

"It's a sadness that will linger a little then leave."

Logan studied me carefully; I felt his eyes loitering on my face. "Are you certain?"

"I am."

He held me tightly, hugging me tightly. "I'm sorry."

I snuggled closer. "For what?"

He pressed his forehead against mine. "Was it because of me?"

"Why…"

"I wasn't supportive," he interrupted. "I could have been, and I kept tearing you apart when the two of you wanted to be together. If I were Marty, I would have been furious with me."

"He knows how important you are to me."

"Still…"

"It wasn't your fault," I cut him off. "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. It was my fault. I don't love him. He was a friend that I cared about deeply. We got to another level, but I can't go that next step with him. He was right. It wasn't going to work, him loving me and me not loving him."

"Time though…"

"It's been nine months, Logan. I would have fallen a little in love with him in that time if I were going to," I murmured. "He was wonderful and I didn't. I don't know why. Most girls would trade spaces with me in a nanosecond."

"You," he kissed my forehead, "are," he pinched my nose, "not most girls."

I jabbed his stomach. "I know."

"I'm glad you're not."

I rolled my eyes. "You're just happy that I'm not with him anymore."

"Of course," he drawled, "I never liked the guy much."

TBC…

A/N: Thanks for reading, and your reviews have been great! Anyway, don't you just love Logan? And bye-bye to Marty finally, but I couldn't make things too easy on L/R, there had to be some conflict and now when they get together, Rory has something to compare their relationship to, and a functional relationship at that. At some pt. Finn and Colin will appear. It's just I've been focused on the whole M/R getting broken up in a believable way.