Disclaimer: Don't own nothing now and won't own anything ever…
Summary: There are many mysteries of life, like where space ends, and how to prevent death. But one of the most confusing ones is LOVE. But if it's so painful and so confusing, why do people bother? Two unlike people attempt to explain it in their own little way… RoLo
Why do people bother with love?!
I really don't understand what's going on in that man's head. One minute, he's acting all friendly towards me, and the next he pretends to hardly even know I'm there. It's not as if I care though, because I definitely don't care. He's just an arrogant man that likes to do whatever he wants, and never stops once in his life to even consider the feelings of the people around him. Doesn't he know that the way he acts just drives people crazy? But as I said before, I don't even slightly care about what this man does with his life, even if that includes pushing away someone that cares so much about him that it hurts. It's not as if I'm someone like Jean. Now don't get me wrong, Jean's one of my best friends, and I love her and everything, but sometimes, I think she cares a bit too much. When she sees someone mad, she HAS to know why. If someone's crying their eyes out, she HAS to know what happened. When someone isn't talking to her for some reason, she HAS to get them to say why. I don't know whether it's a gift or a curse to have someone like that as your best friend. That's probably one of the major differences between me and Jean. I care about what's happening in my students, and friends' lives, but I never just go right out and force them to tell me. I wait, and when they're ready, I listen. Now Jean, she's what you call more of a talk, listen, and then talk some more, kind of person. She can never stay silent while in a conversation and just listen; she always has to add something in. Not that it's a bad thing, but it could get quite annoying when she keeps butting in when you want to tell her something important.
Sometimes, I just wish that someone could just invent a machine that could help me look into that stupid man's mind. Just last week, he had the nerve to tease me about wearing brown contact lenses when I go out in public, and now, he won't even look at me while we're talking to each other. As Marie would say, "What's up with that?" He doesn't even try to wrestle the remote from me anymore when he comes into the recreation room. He just sits down and watches whatever I'm watching, ignoring the fact that I'm there. When I try to talk to him, he either doesn't say anything, or gives me one-word answers. It drives me insane, and I'm what people call a calm person! I understand that he's the kind of person that likes to keep everything inside, but even a balloon breaks when it's filled up with too much air. Even though we may argue a lot (actually, more like all the time), sometimes, I just wish that he would talk to me…
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I really don't understand what's goin' on in dat woman's head. It's not like I don't want to talk to her, but whenever I feel ready, she's always busy doin' something else. I even send signals to her dat I want to talk. Like the time she was in her classroom 'nd I finally managed to get the nerve to talk to her 'bout the way I was actin'. When I get to her classroom though, I found her helpin' Kitty wit' her history project, so I cough really loudly. At first, she doesn't notice, but when I start coughin' so loudly dat people outside in the hall was startin' to give me a weird looks, she finally looks up and gives me a smile, and all of a sudden, I feel all choked up. I don't really know why I felt dat way, but I juss did and I juss can't explain how it felt. So anyway, I gave her another signal wit' my eyes (you know, the one where you dart your eyes back and forth) and she gave me a puzzled smile. I started gettin' desperate for her to understand, and began to twitch my head towards outside in the hall. I was thinkin', she gotta get me now, right? Wrong. The stupid woman still didn't get what I was doin', and to make it worse, Kitty started copyin' what I was doin' 'cause I probably looked like the biggest fool in the world right then. They both started gigglin' like little schoolgirls and when I started addin' my hands to the "signals," Kitty asked me if there was somethin' wrong wit' me. Then, these two suppose-to-be-young-adults started laughin' like crazy. The half-pint even fell of her chair and started rollin' on the floor. You really couldn't blame me for leavin' before they started snortin' like pigs.
Avoidin' her has gotten harder and harder these past few days. I don't really remember when I started doin' this ignorin' thing. I guess dat it sorta juss happened. One day, we were talkin' and arguin' like we've known each other fer ages, and all of a sudden, I was avoidin' her like she had the plague. It's not like I don't like her or anythin'. In fact, I think she's great - a goddess even. She's smart, beautiful, understandin', kind…
She juss has this thing about her dat makes everyone feel comfortable around her, which is weird because most people probably didn't expect dat from someone like the resident weather goddess. When I first came to Xavier's School for the Gifted, I thought dat she was a cold, rude woman with the looks and powers of a goddess. And as the weeks passed by, my impression seemed more and more accurate. She hardly talked to me, and when she did, it was usually only for missions.
But one day, when I saw her comfortin' a little kid dat was cryin' because other kids were teasin' her, I realized dat she wasn't as cold as I thought. Then we started talkin' and I found out dat she wasn't cold or rude, she was just…shy. She never has the nerve to start a conversation wit' someone she doesn't know, and dat juss drives me crazy! She juss doesn't seem to realize how special she is - not only because of her mutant powers, but because of her personality. Inside her is this weird spark dat lights up the lives of all her friends and students. That spark is what drives everyone to doin' the right thing. That woman juss can't make herself believe dat she's the glue dat holds this big family together. Why can't she juss realize dat?
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When I was just a young toddler, I remember my parents telling me many fairy tale stories about princes and princes that rescued the maiden-in-distress from danger. Those princes were always there to protect and comfort their princesses. But when my parents died and I was left all alone in the world, I found out that they weren't real. No prince would rescue you from danger or kiss you awake unless you worked for it. Life didn't really have a happily ever after ending. Everything you get and receive, you have to earn with hard work. Even love.
My first ever real crush was probably on one of the new students that came to the school when I was fifteen. I thought I loved him, and thought about him practically every minute of the day. I worked to get his interest, by doing things like flipping my hair like every other teenager, and demonstrating my powers while I pretended to not notice that he was there. I worked to make him think of me as a smart and beautiful woman that could be taken home to see the parents. I worked to encourage him to ask me out to the dance. And when he finally did, I was too tired to even enjoy it. All the work of getting him to like me wore me out. Everything I did was like a plan - or an act. Everything I did was fake, and I didn't like it at all. In the end, we only went out once.
From that day on, I realized that love was hard. It wasn't like writing a final exam or writing an essay. In those, if you worked hard, you know that you'll get a good mark. But in love, no matter how much work you put in it, the outcome will never be what you expect it to be. That's probably why so many people are heart-broken on a daily basis. Why do people bother with love?
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Love? What is love? Dats what I asked myself one day when Rogue came into my room cryin' 'cause she thought Bobby was cheatin' on her. While she cried on my shoulder, dat question popped into my mind outta no where. I have to admit dat I've had my flings in my days, but I've never really fallen in love wit' anybody. Weird, huh? I'm probably more then a hundred years old now, but yet, I don't remember every fallen in love wit' someone so much dat I was willin' to actually settle down and get married.
I've seen so many famous poets and writers write 'bout love, but ironically, there's never an exact definition for love. That really started buggin' me and I started gettin' desperate fer an answer. I even went to the dictionary to try to find the meanin' of "love." Ha! Guess what I found? Love: n. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. Well, dat explains a lot. Love's stupid and confusing! So why do people bother with love?
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It's weird how you never notice how something has become an everyday, ordinary thing until it isn't there anymore. Once, Logan had gone off on a mission with Scott to rescue a woman with the power to control electronic waves that Magneto was tracking (How they managed to accomplish the mission and not kill each other is still a mystery to me.). It was a Saturday afternoon, and as usual, the halls were all empty, except for a couple of older students that needed to study for exams. As I walked past the empty rooms, I suddenly noticed how quiet this Saturday was without Logan's usual grumbles and yelling. Usually at this time, we could be having a huge argument about whether 35 pieces of steak should be added to the shopping list or who got to control the remote while we were watching TV. And for some reason, while I was thinking of all this, I got this strange lonely feeling stirring inside me. I realized how much I missed him and his stupid, low voice and his stupid, pointy hair. I missed his stupid smile, the way his stupid lips would curl up into a smirk, and his stupid, manly walk…
ARGH! There I go again! I'm thinking about him when I should be focusing my time on more important things like my students or the missions! Even though I've known him for at least a year, I still don't know how much he weighs in my heart…
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Somethin' really strange happened today. And by strange, I don't mean alien-taking-over-the-world strange. Strange as in what-the-hell-is-going-on-here strange. It all started after the mission. We had the woman strapped into a seat in the Black Bird and were flyin' back to the school when all of a sudden, a huge rocket of some sort hit us. We went pummellin' to the ground, but luckily, we were close enough to the school for Xavier to sense us. He quickly used his mutant powers to level the jet and lead his safely back to the school. Scott and I helped the woman out of the badly damaged jet and to the safety of the school. I didn't even notice that my arms and legs were bleedin' until Rogue shrieked and pointed at 'em like they were infected wit' SARS or somethin'.
But dats not even the strangest thing. The strangest thing was how the resident weather goddess reacted. I expected her to roll her eyes, or even laugh and ask how I could of missed dat I was bleedin' like dat, but she didn't. She went ghastly white, like she was sick or somethin', and pulled me to the pharmacy like a rag doll. I had no idea dat she was dat strong! She started washin' the wounds vigorously, makin' me hiss in pain. "You're the stupidest person I've ever met!" she hissed angrily, "how the hell couldn't you have noticed that you were bleeding?" She muttered some more words dat I never expected to escape her lips. But for some reason, instead of yellin' back at her, a huge smile spread across my lips. I think I've found my meanin' of love…
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