She shook her head, it hurt so bad she thought that movement was going to kill her, this is what Logan talked about. It didn't make it much easier because he was still living because they could only be together if she risked killing him, in some ways that was probably worse than his death.
"Oh boo" Cindy said rushing towards her, this was a thousand times worse than when Max slept with Rafer, so Original Cindy knew it had something to do with Logan, then it hit her, "Oh god, did something happen to Logan?"
Max searched for an answer to that, it wasn't the thing Cindy thought happened to Logan, but his heart was broken, that was a death wasn't it? "We slept together" she said it weakly, "We were supposed to have almost ten hours together and we had less than an hour and a half."
"You found a cure?"
"A temporary fix, but the doctor injected me before we realized it wasn't a permanent one, so it was last night or never and we told each other how much we loved each other and we slept together and you know what?" She looked up towards heaven "It was more than I ever expected it to be, more than I knew it was possible to be and then Josh…God it's not fair I love him so much and it's over. We're done, I know we're done. I don't think he can get over losing me twice."
"Oh boo" Cindy said pulling her closer and kissing her head "It's gonna be okay, you can still be friends."
She shook her head, "It hurts too much, I know it kills him." She pushed her way out of Cindy's arms and faced her "Did you see him after I…"
Cindy shook her head, it wasn't a no, she was trying to shake off the memory, "I woke up to Lydecker at the door, he told me you were gone. You know that bastard who kept you in that hellhole, who chased you for a like an animal held me as I hit him and cried and he told me I had to help Logan, how do you help someone who's lost everything though. I was so afraid to go there, I called and Bling told me he went into Logan's and found him just sitting on the couch and all he could get him to say was "She's gone," he just sat there for days. I went there the day after and I screamed at him to get up and that you wouldn't want this for him, but he just sat there. There was a bottle of scotch and a glass in front of him, Bling said it had been there the whole time. He must have walked into that apartment, grabbed them and just sat down and then he just didn't move."
She shook her head and wiped away the tears "It wasn't until the next morning when the sun started to come up that he just started crying and I just sat there and held him and then he just got up, grabbed the bottle and the cup. Put the bottle in a cabinet and the cup in the sink and walked into his room. Max," She turned to face her sister girl, wondering how to tell her this, how to tell her what her death meant to Logan, there was no way but truthfully, she should have told her this awhile ago. "I honest to god thought he was going to go in there for a gun and I didn't go to stop him. I would have let him Max, living with that kind of pain, boo, you can't imagine it until you see it. I wouldn't have wished that on anyone, losing you killed me Max, but what it did to Logan…"
"And I forced him to live through that again today."
"No baby girl," she said pulling Max in close "You gave him back a reason to live when you came back, Logan Cale stopped existing when you weren't here, he was Eyes Only, he was this pale imitation of Logan you could see it in his eyes, they were either blank or in such terrible pain. You know he always thought you'd come back to him, I found him starring out his window one day and I asked him what he was looking for and he said "Max" of course you know Boo, I just thought he'd totally lost it, but he just said "I know one day Max is going to come home, she's still out there." And sure enough Boo there you were standing in this living room less than a month later. That was a miracle, we all grieved for you, but there you were all beautiful and breathing."
Max looked up at Original Cindy and showed her age, she was still barely more than a child, despite what Manticore had done to her, "What happens if that was our only miracle?"
"It won't be"
"What if it is?"
"I know for a fact Logan would rather have you out here in this world living and being happy than anything else, he's one of the good guys Max, you've just got to remember that when all of this is going bad. Logan Cale is probably the best man I've ever met."
"That isn't saying much" Max said with a laugh
Cindy smiled, "He's pretty high up there on best people too, though you are totally above him."
Max smiled and rested her head against Original Cindy's shoulder, maybe once this pain stopped she'd remember she had lived before Logan Cale and she would live after him.