Max sat on the Needle in silence with Alec. One thing repeat thing in her head "It's for the best," it was her mantra she'd been saying it for hours now, trying to keep the words alive in her head to block out what Logan had looked like when he was accusing her of being with Alec. When she thought of that she wanted to run back to him and tell him he got it all wrong, but then she remembered what he looked like lying on the floor of Crash. She remembered standing in the hallway of the hospital and realizing she was going to lose him, that Logan would cease to exist because of her.
She realized now she had been wrong after their night together, when she thought having to be apart from him was worse than actually losing him, that it could actually be harder. She was so wrong, she knew that now…The thought of Logan not being out there in the world was a hell of a lot worse than not spending the night talking over a bottle of wine. He would get over her in time, she doubted she'd ever get over him, but she would make sure he got over her.
She tried to reconcile herself with the thought of no more easy laughter, no more casual banter, no more looks that made her want to run into his arms. She thought about the Logan she had first met, he was so different than the Logan she'd spent this past year and a half with. She'd changed Logan even more so than his accident.
The Logan Cale who had emerged was one who loved her deeply and passionately above everything else including himself. He was moodier than ever, more sensitive, it seemed like Logan broke a lot easier now than before she had been captured. Maybe it was because he'd already known what it felt like to lose her. He knew what it felt like to have your heart ripped out and know you were never getting it back. Max had faced that twice now even though the chicken pox had just been a scare, she felt the same waiting in that hospital as she had just days ago when she really almost lost him. She couldn't live with that, she couldn't risk killing him, not again.
She had to get him over her, she could make him fall out of love with her, she already had a decent start with him thinking she was with Alec. Then again he didn't even hesitate forgiving her for Rafer, she knew he would do the same with Alec, he loved her, he wasn't a revenge kind of guy.
She had to do something, she didn't know what, but they couldn't go on like this and he couldn't move on without her help. She wished for a moment she had just remained dead, that September had never happened and she was still in that tiny little cell. Then again no, that would hurt Logan worse than her killing him, they were so in love…He could have never gotten over her….No he could only get over her if she was alive.
He would move on and be happy. He was 32 now and Max knew from how he finally was once Brittany calmed down that he would make a great dad and husband, he just needed the chance. She would be the one who would spend the rest of her life broken, not Logan. She couldn't do that to him.
If only it hadn't been so easy these past two weeks. Going away together, pretending to be man and wife again. Everything good had returned and now she was losing it again. It wasn't fair, but she had to do this….It's for the best….It's for the best.