Sleep never comes though, instead I listen to all the harsh things that I'm saying to myself, I can never block her voice out of my head. No matter how hard I've tried she never seems to go away.
"Isn't it ironic how she's here now? But where was she when you needed her the most? When that man from the shadows did what he did, he turned you into 'this' where was she? Where were any of them? None of them saved you, helped you, cared or care for you and yet you still believe that they can all change. They are what they are and as for you, all you can be is you. At least I don't lie to you, I tell it how it is and I'm always going to be here for you, I know you need me. You need some closure in this cruel, heartless world, just remember that!"
I shake my head, still trying to block her voice out, I look up to see her smirking at me, my eyes drift over towards Maria. I see her sitting at the opposite end of the room then me. She sees me staring at her, "what's wrong with Max? His...different" she asks shakily.
"His dead" I say, barley in a whisper, although I know she heard me, I see her eyes widen in shock. She is struggling to find words or the right ones.
"Who... who..." she chokes, not believing what I'm saying is true, I look at her, staring at her with an emotionless expression placed on my face.
"Me" I say with no emotions, I see new tears brimming in her eyes as she covers her mouth with her hands, trying to hold backher sobs.
I hear one escape, not wanting to hear the sound of her cries I hold my head to block any sound from coming in. but I soon hear myself mocking me once again.
"All she cares about is him, she doesn't care that you died or the fact that you needed her all she did was turn her back on you. Just like every one else, Max, Kyle, Isabel, Maria, and Michael every body did. Did you notice that everybody had someone to cling onto for help but you had nobody! You were left alone and will remain alone, no one will help you, in the end all you have is yourself!" she tells me bitterly.
I nod my head in agreement, knowing what she says is true, everything she say's is always true. I sit here, letting everything sink in, "I'm alone...and will remain alone...always alone" I whisper to myself. "That's right, no one cares, no one ever does or will, I'm all you have! All you'll ever have!" she tells me, she sits next to me, looking at me with an emotionless express on her face, just like mine.
I thought things were supposed to get easier within time...but its just getting harder, it feels like im drowning in a pool of my own tears. I feel so insignificant so unimportant and the feeling just wontsubside, it just wont leave me alone. I don't understand anything anymore; then again if I wanted to be honest, I never really understood anything. Not this world not even my own life I don't even understand death.
Why did I hurt him...why do I even care! He got what he deserved...didn't he? Yes of corse he did! He hurt me more then life its self, he hurts me still... LIZ! Stop it...stop being weak...please, just stop it!
I cry inside, I cant show any emotions its because I'm keeping it all inside. Where I still get the criticism but at least its from me...not from the people who I love...care for...need. I look up at an unstapled Maria, who seems like she is going topounceon me any minute. I honestly don't blame her, I feel like to kill me too but I guess that's not an option because im clearly already dead.
"What are you thinking about? Do you feel guilt, remorse, anger, satisfactory for what you've done?" she asks me demandingly. I look up at her in hatred, I truly do hate her...hate me. I feel every single bit of guilt, remorse, anger and pain inside of me. Its just doesn't go away and for the billionth time I don't understand why!
I angrily get up and punch the wall behind me; I hear a satisfying break as I see that some of the rock is crumbling. I smile an evil, sly smile as I snap my head towards myself. "I don't feel anything" I lie but I can tell that she believed me as I see her smile also a fake smile, which doesn't even reach her eyes.
I turn around to face Maria once again she looks petrified, it was then gone as I see her quickly get up. She is now looking at me with hatred, just like everybody else.
Although I can't fall anymore because I've already hit rock bottom, it would be impossible. I grip my stomach, holding it tightly as if I never want to let it go. I can hear myself scream out in pain as I bend down, trying so desperately to control the pain that I feel inside of me.
It's feeding off me, taking my life source, so I become weak, vulnerable. I can see my hands tremble against my stomach. I glance over at Maria as I see a concerned look across her face.
Pitiful I think to myself, before I knew what was happening I can feel blood coming up my throat as I vomit it up. I look at the blood, which is on the floor, my blood; I bend down to touch it, to feel how it feels against my flesh.
A shiver runs up my spine as I feel the coldness which lingers on my fragile skin, it feels like these feelings which I feel just wont go away. My demons inside of me wont leave me alone; I flick the blood, which is on myfingertips, back on the floor.
I once again look at myself, as I see her give me an 'you're pathetic' look. My eyes drift over towards Maria's delicate form as I see her expression soften.
"Are...are you okay?" she ask me, not knowing whether she is actually concerned or just messing with my mind. I give her a look, which says 'fucken leave me the hell alone!" as I sit back down trying to wait patently for the sun to go down. I pull out my elastic from my hair, letting it hang down.
It's like a curtain, blocks people from seeing the tears, which still lay, untouched in my eyes.
I hear something, as my eyes snap open I look overto wehre the rock door is, I see outside, that it has gotten darker. Yet still not safe enough to go outside. I then see the Man, which is standing in the darkness as I can feel my eyes widen. He has come...the only man who can hurt me, physically and mentally at the same time. I can feel myself crying inside as I see him running extremely fast towards me.