I'm soon left with an empty, hollow feeling inside my stomach, as I still feel my cold tears stinging my cheeks as they fall slowly onto the ground with the rain. I shake my head, 'Liz! His gone... it wasn't even him... besides you have bigger problems right now!' I scream at myself, trying to forget the pain inside that he has left when he died.
I can't help but ask, "What happened to you..." I whimper in a whisper, talking to the nothingness that they have all left me in. Shaking my head I slowly continue my walk. I can still feel the rain on my cold skin; it feels refreshing just to know that all the blood and along with the memories are washing away...at least for a few moments.
"You know, you shouldn't walk in the darkness by yourself, here I thought you have learnt" He croaks I hear him give a short laugh behind me; I quickly turn around, resenting whom I am going to see.
"Because of you I now am forever in the darkness" I whisper to him, not yet wanting to meet his eyes.
"What are you doing here, how did you find me!" I demand angrily.
"I thought you were looking for me, I was only making it easier for you" he replies while my eyes dart to his chest I see him holding his ribs. My eyes slowly drift towards his eyes yet under thous cold eyes I can see...sadness. I shake my head, not wanting to have pity for the bastard who took me away from living.
"I'm not afraid of you" I say in a stern voice, yet not believing it myself.
"Then why are you trembling?" he asks mockingly.
I give him an evil smile, "I never did get your name," I say, with a huge grin placed on my face, instead of tears.
"Why do you want it?" he asks over the loud thunder, I look at him as I see him coming closer.
"I wanted to tell..." I shake my head, "don't worry, you will know soon enough," I say over the loud rain, which is drenching me and the man; which haunts my dreams every single day.
He smiles, "well lets get this over with shall we," he asks mockingly, I don't need a second invitation as I kick him in the ribs, trying to take anything as my advantage. He looses his balance as he tumbles on the floor, quickly getting up he kick my thigh. I find myself on the wet muddy floor, as I'm struggling to get up. I soon find myself lying there helplessly as the same man as before is lying on top of my body, holding me down.
I can feel his rough lips on my skin as I'm trying to push him off, resenting the fact that I'm letting him do this to me once again. I'm once again crying helplessly for him to stop as I feel his hands roughly undoing my top or more like ripping it off.
"Get the hell off me" I scream desperately, just like before he doesn't listen as I still feel his hard lips on mine. I once again feel so useless and cheap; all I can do is wait until his done... 'LIZ! don't let him do this! Fight! Your so much stronger!' I yell silently inside my mind.
"Oh! What's wrong Liz, can't handle the real world? Ever since I've known you, inthe 4th grade you have always been weak and pathetic. And I called you my friend, how the hell can I be best friends with you! Huh! Pitiful, " I hear my once best friends voice in the distance.
I shake my head, "NO!" I scream as I pick up all my strength I have left as I grab my fist from his grasp and punch the man, which is on top of me in the chest. He is far too strong for me. Before I realized what I was doing, green energy comes out of my palm, seeing the man from the shadows fly off me. I watching him tumble in the dirt and the mud I quickly get up, I angrily reach for his hair and pull his face up to mine so his eyes meet mine.
"What's your name?" I ask while I'm violently shaking him to tell me his name, seeing him tremble somehow gives me satisfactory. All this built up pain and anger inside was killing me slowly.
"What the fuck is your name!" I scream louder, as new rain pounds hard on the ground. I shake his head even harder, not caring if it rips off in the process.
"Spike," I hear him croak in agony, not finding any sympathy for him I drop his head back in the mud as I kick him in the ribs once again.
"I will be sure to tell our child that!" I tell him bitterly, he picks himself up slowly to turn around onto his back to face me.
"Your..." I can see his finding it hard to comprehend, which makes me smile, an evil sly smile, this monster, which is me is who he has created.
I look at him and all I feel inside is hatred and discussed, I don't have the heart to forgive him, for what he has down to me and yet at the very same time given me. I look down and pity him, he will never be able to see his child grow up, my child will not have a father...and for that I feel sorrow.
Yet my love for this child, which is growing inside of me I simply cant find the emotions to spare my child's father.
"How does it feel? To feel helpless and so god damn unimportant? To have no one and will continue to have no one to help you, save you?" I ask bitterly, looking down at him, seeing the tears for the first time brimming in his eyes.
I force myself to look away, not wanting my last thoughts of this horrible man, monster to be placed with a man who wont ever be able to watch his child grow. It's his fault...
"I'm...sorry" he whispers to me, I shake my head in dismay, why do I feel guilt? Why do I feel remorse or sorrow for the man who has haunted me through my thoughts and dreams?
"Shut up! Don't you dare, I don't want to hear your thoughts or opinions, Spike! They mean nothing to me!" I say coldly. I see him nod his head, understanding.
"Tell...tell our child that his father loves him," he says while he tries to meets my eyes, my eyes are still stone cold.
I shake my head, "Go to hell" I whisper, not quite sure if he heard it.
"Don't you dare try to make me feel guilty for what you have done to me!" I yell.
"Spike" I spit, hating the name, yet knowing that I own my child that much for my selfishness.
He nods his head as he tries to get up to his feet; I kick him hard in the chest, watching him gracefully fall back in the mud. He groans in agony and for some sick twisted reason I feel pleasure.
I reach over and grab his neck tightly so he can't escape, "how does it feel, thinking, knowing that your close to death and there is nothing you can do about it?" I ask bitterly, not expecting an answer.
Hearing him trying to breathe was like music to my ears, "remember when you drank every single drop of blood in my veins? It felt like I couldn't breathe, that was after you did what you did, I felt like I was nothing...I hope your getting what you deserve!"
Although, the pain inside of me will never go away I'm still clinging on to what ever sanity I have left. Even though I'm about to kill the father of my child, what his feeling now is not even close to what I will continue to feel.
I look into his eyes, wanting this last moment of him to mean nothing to me. I cringe as I see tears brimming in his eyes. I shake my head as I finally let go; watching his lifeless body drop on the ground like mine did.
Looking down at his body, the father of my child is dead yet I know that the memories of him will never seep into nothing. I turn my back and walkaway; the cold rain washes all the blood off my hands but this time, not the memories.