My eyes widen as I see a helpless little boy looking back at me, frightened of what I am about to do. My hand slowly drops to my side as I walk a few steps backwards, 'feed, feed,' something inside of me chants.
"Leave me alone!" I scream, without realizing that I said it out loud, not knowing anymore if anyone cares or listens. I bend down in pain, holding my stomach in despair. I slowly look back up at Michael, seeing him huddled in the corner, beyond devastated.
I get back on my feet as I turn around, deciding to just leave as I hear a little voice in the distance behind me.
"Who are you?" he asks desperately, without turning around I reply coldly, "I don't know" I walk towards the door as I feel his grip on my shoulder. He turns me around as I see his eyes search my body, looking at the scars and cuts, which are still bleeding from my skin.
I look down to were his eyes seem focused on, I see my purple t-shirt is ripped, which shows a bit of my bra I quickly cover it up by my hands as I turn around quickly.
"How..." he stutters, not knowing what words he should use.
"Don't ask! I don't even know why I came...Max...his..." I can't say anymore as I just walk out of the CrashDown. I still cant bare the fact that I killed him...me...he deserved it...didn't he? I question myself.
I walk back out in the cold, were rain cascades on my pale, fragile skin. I feel so lost and abandoned in this world. I walk slowly, still not knowing what to do, I know I cant do anything normal, or human because I'm simply not, not now. Now that he has changed me, still hating the man... 'Spike' yet have sorrow for the bastard.
My thoughts are broken as I hear some one calling out my name; I ignore it though and keep walking. I then hear foot steps in the distance, as a cold hand grabs me and forces me to turn around and meet his eyes. "What's wrong with Max?" he demands impatiently and breathlessly.
I look at him, not caring about his opinions; after all he has never cared about my feelings.
I shake my head angrily as I push his hand of my frail skin, hating any man or anybody touching me.
"Don't touch me" I spit.
He moves back a few steps, trying to give me space, "Okay! Whatever, what the hell is wrong with Max!" he demands furiously.
I drop my eyes to the floor, looking at everything but him as I mumble incoherent things to myself.
"What? Speak up!" he screams franticly.
I finally look up, in his cold eyes yet not as cold as mine.
"He...doesn't have a soul and either do I..." I whisper and mumble at the same time. He looks at me intensely, my gaze drifts off to the loud sounds I hear. I see flashing lights and hear loud noises echoing inside my mind, continuously...
I look back at Michael, his trying to say something but all I can hear is his rapped heartbeat. I shake my head trying to listen but everything seems cloudy I can barley see were i'm standing.
I feel his hands on my shoulders once again, "What did you do to Max? Who the hell are you?" he demands, while he shakes me furiously. I ignore him though, I honestly don't know what is happening to me. I cant see, it's foggy the fog seems thick and moist and everything is moving around...I feel like I'm going to be sick.
I feel him shake me harder as I feel a stinging sensation on my left cheek, I hold my cheek in pain as I slowly yet cautiously look up. I see him standing there with pure anger in his eyes. I flick my wrist as his body goes flying into the brick wall of the ally that were in. I look around and I honestly don't remember walking here...I don't remember anything.
I snap my head back as my memories come bombarding inside my head; tears sting my eyes as I remember and feel the things that I have done...horrible, cold things. My eyes dart to the dark ally only to see Michael crouched on the floor holding his bloody nose.
I wipe away any evidence that linger on my face as I walk closer to Michael, he watches me as he tries to move away from me but there is know were he can go.
"I don't want to kill you Michael but that doesn't mean I wont defend my child and that also doesn't mean I wont hurt you" I say to him coldly. He looks at me with hatred I have to stop myself from laughing hysterically, if only he knew that now I don't give a fuck that people hate me I don't need any of them...all I need is my child.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MAX?" he demands, I smile at him, its just like Michael to get over ruled by his emotions.
"Don't bother looking for him, he will kill you if he finds you" I say simply, already knowing that, that answer isn't good enough for him that he wants more answers, answers I'm not willing to give.
"Your saying my best friend, my brother is going to kill me?" he demands, not believing anything I say.
"Believe what you want Michael, I honestly don't care. The facts are that I don't need you I don't care whether you live or die so consider my warning in gratitude," I say with a smile.
"I've been looking for you everywhere, who ever knew you could run so fast" she say mockingly.
I turn around quickly to see her, Buffy, in her right hand she has a sword and in the left a stake.
I ignore all of Michael's questions for I don't have the time right now, knowing why she is here, why Buffy is here, to do one thing, kill me.
"So you and your boy tight?" I ask curiously, with a mocking smile.
"My what? Boy? Girl your tripping" she says sarcastically, I shake my head, "I don't think so, you and Spike, your lovers right?" I ask wanting to know the answer.
"What is it to you? Jealous?" she scorns. I look at her intensely and then give a smile.
"Im pregnant with his child, jealous?" I ask with a wicked smile placed on my face yet inside I feel the insecurity closing up on me, eating me whole.
Although Buffy's expression is priceless, she looks completely and utterly shocked with sadness in her eyes, which gives me some gratitude.
"You're lying!" she screams as she positions herself ready to attack any moment. I stand there with a smirk on my face, hiding away the tears, which seem to want to escape; yet I can't let them.
"What the hell is happening?" Michael demands from behind me, thinking just because his a guy that his going to get an answer, ha! I whisper inside my mind.
"Well I guess you didn't satisfy him enough" I say with an edge of sadness in my voice yet determined to keep the ice frozen over my emotions.
"Slut! How can you do that with some one you don't even know?" she demands angrily.
"Ask him that..." I reply dully, knowing now that she can't, that there was so many unsaid questions that I had to say to the bastard yet my emotions over ruled me, once again my feelings took over, and won! Im more disgusted with myself, letting my emotions get so out of wack.
She runs forward, I almost didn't see her as my hand flings up and energy hits her square in the chest, knocking her momentarily on the ground. She gets up quickly I can tell that she doesn't want me to think she's weak.
"What the fuck are you?" she yells from the darkness that she is now in.
I ignore her as I hear Michael yell from behind me.
"Someone Fucken tell me what's going on! I want to know and I want to know NOW!" he demands as he uses his immature powers to throw me up in the air, soon followed by a crash landing. I sob in pain as I quickly get up, thinking that I've broken my left arm.
"Its cool, I have a spare" I say, while showing him my right arm as green energy comes from my palm, throwing him even harder in the wall then I expected. I hear a small cry as I glare back at Buffy, which is looking at me intensely.
I don't bother looking back at Michael because I already know that his weaker then me, heck he is even weaker then Buffy, which is saying a lot. I snap out of my thoughts as I see Buffy picking up her sword as she circles around me, glaring at me in the process.
I hold back a laugh, already knowing that she won't win against me, she is far too weak. Yet inside I'm screaming not to do this, not to kill another living creature but something takes over me as I follow Buffy with my eyes as well as my body.
She is first to attack as she swing kicks me, I duck, my fist hits her in the ribs as she quickly recovers. She then kicks my thigh as I tumble on the ground I quickly back flip up, waiting for her next move as I circle around her.
"Never knew you had it in you!" she says to me coldly, not knowing whether she meant me sleeping with Spike or me kicking her ass.
"So how did you weasel your ass in bed with Spike anyway?" she asks me curiously yet bitterly.
I hide the tears under the curtain of my hair as we continue to circle each other in the cold rain.
I give a bitter smile as I reply; "I didn't need to weasel my way into his bed when he was the one following me!" I say with extra emphasis on the word 'my & and following', while I give a laugh. Her expression on her face was hysterical as she looks at me with anger.
She lashes out and kicks me in my left arm as I scream out in pain, knowing the arm that I thought was broken is definitely broken, if it wasn't before, it is now. I feel her fist hit me in the chest as I stumble to hold onto something cold and shiny for balance. I ignore all her brutal comments and questions as I high kick her in the head, now watching her gracefully, fall to the ground with a loud thud.
I bend down and pick her up by her black, tight shirt as I swing her across to the brick wall where Michael was currently lying. I see blood dripping from her lip as I lick my lips in pleasure. I walk swiftly in the shadows as I see her looking franticly for my presences, before she knew what hit her I kick her from behind, in the back. I watch her with satisfactory as she falls to the ground once again, struggling to get up.
I make a grab for her, to taste her blood, even if it is just for a few moments. I can already taste it in my mouth. The tingling sensation it was. I see her trying to move away as I grab her hair forcing her neck towards my teeth.
I feel her skin; it's so close that I can smell her and her cheap perfume. I can see her sweat, which is dripping off her shoulder as I'm so close. It was inevitable that I did not reach her, as I feel my self-getting pushed hard onto the brick, cold wall as I soon feel the scratchy edges of the bricks slide down my fleshy half-dead arms. I slowly look up seeing who dares to interrupt me while I was eating. I hold back a sob as I meet the eyes of the man, which was once lingered in the shadows... which haunts me night and day.