A/n: I know i haven't updated in a very long time but i hope this was worth the wait...if all my wonderful readers are still out there, i hope you guys are. Please do review, even if its only one word, let me know that there are still people reading and please do give me your honest opinions!

I sigh in frustration, knowing that my parents think I'm dead…after all, I am, they may as well continue to think that. I force myself to turn back, back to the Evan's house; there are still unfinished businesses to attend to. I stiffly walk to where I was trying to run from, I make myself jog.

I look up to where Max is still sitting, he looks so innocent from where I'm standing, I think to myself. Without much effort I jump on the roof, I see him tremble as I walk near him. "I know how much you hate me…I wish you didn't and at this point whatever I say to you it's going to sound like a lie…" I whisper carefully. He ignores me though," Why do you always run? You run away from your problems…why do you have to be such a coward?" he whispers. I run my hand through my hair, wishing it would take the stress away but it doesn't. I take a staggering breath as I try to put my emotions into words.

I look up into the empty sky for some encouragement, not finding any I look back at him. "How could you sleep with her Max, you claimed you loved me and yet you…" I stutter, knowing to him I'm just being hypercritical. "So that's what drove you to murder her? You were jealous, wow Liz I didn't know you were the murderous type but you know, you seem to prove me wrong every single fucken time!" I hear his harsh voice exclaim. "I didn't kill her…I can't believe you would think that lowly of me, I wish I did though, but if I knew she was carrying your child Max… I would have put myself in front of her, whether you believe it or not, I would have!" he finally looks at me, "For some reason I don't believe you," he says without emotion.

He swiftly gets up and on his feet and jumps off the roof. "Now look who's running away from there issues!" I scream, knowing that he heard me. I clench my fist in anger, I can still feel the pieces of glass that remains in my hand, not caring to pull them out, I ignore it. He has to hear me out, how dare he turn his back on me! He has done it to many times and I'm sick of it, I scream inside my head. It feels like I have no more tears to cry and instead I cry blood.

Vulnerability crashes over me in waves. Why cant things be the way they use to? Where Alex was still alive and when no one knew Tess? Why the fuck did it have to turn out like this? I furiously jump off the roof to follow Max; I look at my surroundings to see if I can find anyone lurking in the shadows, which will always be a burden to me. My eyes detected Max about a hundred metres north as I quickly pick up speed to catch up to him.

I promptly reach for his shoulder; he stops in mid air and swiftly turns to face me. In his hands I see Buffy's dead body. "What are you doing?" I whisper, almost afraid to hear the answer. "Someone has to get rid of the corps before it rots." I nod my head as he continues to walk to the graveyard I was buried in. I subconsciously walk behind him as if scared to come here without his presence would kill me. If I dwelled on my thoughts for to long then I would have realised how insane I've become.

I watch him put the body down on the wet grass, from the rain just hours before; as he kneels down to my grave and with his hands he digs in the soft soil. If truth was to be told I would have been offended that is not to say that I'm not, I have just decided I own this much to her. I don't understand where the guilt has come from nor do I know why I care that I killed Spike. Perhaps its from knowing one day my child is going to ask me where its father is and I will have to lie to my child, just the thought of lying to it feels my heart with despair.

I slowly look back at Max, where he has picked up her dead body and dumps her in the hole he has just dug. Her stiff body doesn't reply, it lies there without a word, her eyes still wide open, I think about closing them but I cant find the strength to reach done for the fear she might pull me in with her.

A few moments later Max throws soil and dirt on her body as she soon decease to exist. I force myself to wish her fare well in her next life, for whoever dies will be reborn and whoever is reborn will die, its inevitable. I feel Max's intense eyes staring at me. I threaten to berate myself if I dare look at his eyes. Just the torment of knowing what I did to him is enough to destroy me and then just knowing I live in denial is enough to live in self-pity.

I softly touch my stiches; it reminds me how I would give up my child just so he can live his pathetic life. The moonshines brighter then I realised and yet still, I feel so hollow. Max grabs my hand, I try to snatch it back but I have forgotten how stubborn and how strong he really is. "You have pieces of glass in your flesh," he tells me as if I don't already know. "Let go," I bark as I twist my wrist away from him. But still he doesn't let go instead he picks out the several pieces of glass.

But still I show no emotion, blood seeps through my flesh as it pours out. I look at it as a piece of my life draining away. I soon yank my hand away before it lingers to long on his. "Why do you even care?" I ask more as a statement then a question. "I dont remember been given the choice on who to love and who to not!" he says as he turns away and out of the cemetery. I stand there for a moment, lost in my thought of mind, its true; I'm burning in my own personal hell.

I slowly make my way to a familiar road, to the ones I called my parents, although I wouldn't dare call them that now for they don't even know whom there daughter is. I don't deserve to have the satisfactory of knowing that my parents loved me nor do I disserve to know if they ever cared. Love is something I lust for yet I know I could never obtain for I cannot fulfil my end of the bargain. I search the empty streets for, something that would lead me back to home.

"Where are you?" I scream into the deserted ally where I found myself hiding behind a large garbage bin.

"Why aren't you ever here when I need you? I need you!" I scream into the nothingness that I have returned from. I gradually lean against the wall as I slowly slide down the bricks as it scratches against my t-shirt. I curl myself up into a miniature ball.

"Why do you continue to leave me alone" I whisper as I once again break down in tears. It was inevitable for them to fall as well as its inevitable for me to endure such length of pain.

"Why must you continue to fail?" I hear his deep voice rebuke. I slowly look up to where I find Max standing before me. Yet knowing that it isn't truly him, it's not the man that I love so dearly, who I love unconditionally. It's merely the creature that I call upon to help me precede my profound deeds.

"Why must you continue to mock me?" I yell viciously as I stand up in front of him.

"Don't be so childish. It is time," He tells me as he gives me a cunning smile. "I am yet to be ready," I tell him stubbornly. "It is not you who shall choose such a task it is I, unless you wish to be alone?" He asks me bitterly. "Why must you be so cruel?" I ask mindlessly

"Your incompetence is infuriating!" he shatters angrily as he faces me, close enough that you would think you could feel his breath against my lips, yet I cant. I try to drown my sorrow behind my façade, which I have created around myself that everyone has been fooled by. They have all been lied to and now that I want them to see through me, they all refuse to see me for who I really am. They cannot believe the mask that has hidden me for so long, is truly I.

So pitiful and naïve at the same time its putrid that the people you thought you loved and came to depend on, is not there when you need them the most. I often ponder on the same questions the ones that I didn't want to ask, for I was, am still afraid of what the answers are.

"Are you with me or not?" He asks, I can already tell that his losing whatever patience that he once had. "I don't want to!" I say but it came out more like a plea. "Then why are you begging for my presence?" he asks, as he try's to mimic Max's expressions. It takes me a few minutes to answer such a difficult, truthful question and when I do I already know it's not the one he wanted to hear. "I needed to feel alive," I whisper in a frustrating voice. He frowns as he displays a serious face, surprised that he isn't laughing at my bizarre comment.

"You shall forever be alone, you are alone no matter how many people surround you. In the end all you have is yourself and when it counts you will be the only one who can get yourself out of the shit that you have indulged in!"

I'm taken back at his such emotional comment as he quickly turns his back on me so I cannot see his tenderness. I shake my head as I quickly ignore it, "I am ready…" I stutter. I'm in the dark, not even realising what I have gotten myself into and yet if its going to make me feel human then I would do it, no matter what the cost is…