A/N: Darn, I came back to life. Must have been the reviews. Oh well. Anyhow, now that I know you all care (sniffs) I'd like to thankRonWeasley is MY King, Super Shayde, Miss Piratess, PussIn Boots, Insanity-of-the-owl, MoonyROX!, Dazzling Dame, faerie-kittie306 animelover, and Zoicytes-Shadow.You're all my heroes! GO YOU!
Chapter 6: In which Sirius Loses His Marbles"And I give you every right to," Sirius said, as if agreeing with him.
Remus rolled his eyes and sighed. He ignored Sirius' last comment.
"What do you want for our freedom?" Remus asked. He knew all about trading with tribes of savages. He'd watched all the movies and was very proud of it.
"We want nothing more than for this man-" he pointed to Sirius, "-to behave as grown-ups should."
"Is that why we did this?" George asked, looking disappointed.
"Yes! I told you that before we did it," Percy said, feeling rather annoyed with his fellow youngsters.
"Well, I don't really like this idea," George said, getting angry.
"I agree with George. Why don't we keep them? I could teach one to go fetch," Fred said, nodding his head in agreement.
"Did someone say fetch?" asked Sirius, his eyes lighting up. Remus once again rolled his eyes.
Hermione took up a ruler and whacked both Fred and George in turn.
"Hey, what was-"
"-that for?" the twins said, finishing each other's sentences.
"For going against the leader," Hermione scolded and stomped off.
Remus looked at the ruler with complete joy. "Umm, excuse me, Hermione. May I borrow that ruler for a second?"
"Sure," she said brightly and slipped it into his open mouth.
"Shank shou." He brought it up high over Sirius' head and brought it down with a loud 'thud'.
"What was that for?" Sirius asked, wanting badly now to rub his aching head.
"Shank shou again," Remus said, dropping the ruler back into her hand.
"No problem," she said, taking it and patting Remus on the head.
Remus made a face. Why did everyone do that to him? He turned to Percy who looked very smug.
"Umm, Remus, rude much? I asked you a question. What was that for?" Sirius asked again because of the pain in his neck for turning and waiting for so long.
"Oh, I don't know. I guess I just sort of felt like it," Remus said,suppressing a powerful urge to roll his eyes.
"Oh. Okay, then." He turned back to the toddlers. "Now what was that about fetching?"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" shouted Remus, becoming very irritated and throwing his head onto his knees.
"Whaaattt?" Sirius asked innocently.
"You!"
"What for?"
"Your existence!"
"Well, fine, be that way," said Sirius, putting his nose in the air as if offended by the words.
Hermione stood in between Percy and his captives. "It seems we have reached an impasse," she said, lowering her ruler.
"Hermione is right. Tell you what, we'll let you go if you promise to let me tell Mum all that, that…man has done? Percy said glaring at Sirius from the corner of his eye.
Sirius whimpered, Remus smiled.
"You drive a hard bargain, kid, but okay. I, Remus John Lupin, promise-" He was cut short by an out burst of laughter.
"You have a middle name? And it's JO..JO….JOHN! AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Tears ran down Sirius' face. He turned to Hermione. "HIS MIDDLE NAME IS JOHN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Yes, Sirius, my middle name is John. Now, as I was saying-"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! JOHN!!"
"I, Remus-"
"AHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"IRemusJohnLupinpromisetoletPercyWeaslytellhismumeverythingthatSiriusBlackdid. There I said it. Now get me away from this lunatic! NOW!"
"As you wish. UNTIE THEM!" he commanded them all.
It looked as if Fred and George wouldn't have done it if it weren't for the ruler that Hermione held close. As soon as Remus and Sirius were free they grabbed the ropes.
"Shall we do it, Sirius?"
"Oh, yes, we shall."
The toddlers looked shocked, they knew what was to come.
"What shall we do?"
"Tie them up, Sirius. Tie them up."
"Oh, yeah. Hee hee. I knew that."
There was anawkward silence.
"No, you didn't."
"Well no, I didn't, but now I do."
Remus slapped his forehead. "Let's just do this okay?"
"Right behind you pal."
They jumped onto the children and tied them up. Then they threw the heap of infants on the ground.
"Now Sirius, push play," Remus commanded, pointing to the VCR.
Sirius saluted him and did as told. The TV turned on and a giant purple thing stood there. It danced and it sang.
Oh, and a horrible song it sang.
" I love you. You love me." Harry and Ron giggled. Fred and George looked at it in shock. And Percy and Hermione scowled.
"What is this Muggle contraption?" Percy asked, looking at Remus, who was leaning against the wall.
"It's called a TV," Remus answered proudly. And dagnabbit, he deserved it, too! He had just handled a moron and seven children.
"I'll never look at dinosaurs the same way again," Percy said, shaking his head.
"Barney?" Hermione asked in shock. "Why Barney?"
"The perfect torture divisce."
"Device, Sirius, device," Remus answered and quietly whispered, "One more hour, one more hour."
"That's what I said, dear Watson." Sirius said.
"My name's Remus, Sirius."
"Of course horses eat watermelon, Remus. How dull are you?"
"But you... Oh, never mind."
"That's exactly what I had in mind. I guess you aren't so thick after all." Sirius walkedoff to the kitchen.
"Where are you going?"
"TO GET BRAIN FOOD!" Sirius shouted and shut the door.
"How long?" someone asked dramatically. "How long must we watch this?" Percy asked, looking like he would burst into tears at any second.
"An hour exactly," Remus said, still smiling.
The boy whimpered…
...and the dinosaur sang.
A/N: Well, hope you're all still alive. Anyway, this chapter, unfortunately wasn't as funny or random as the last but I promise the next will make up for it. I must go on an expedition in search of some of my old reviewers. I found their names in the Yellow Pages, so you'll all pay. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! HACK-COUGH-HACK! Darn, that never comes out like it should. Oh, well, nonexistent Doritos for all of you and don't forget to R&R. THANK YOU!! GOOD BYE!