A/N: Hah, I've finally done it…It…is...ALIVE! (Audience-O-o) Well sorta…Anyway…MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! I HAVE DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE! THE THING THAT COULD NEVER BE DONE...OR A WHILE! SOMETHING YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE! Drum roll, if you please. (Some random guy with a drum gets up and starts playing...and playing...and oh dear, this might take a while.)
Chapter 7: OH NO, THE MOMS!Remus, Percy, Hermione, Fred, and George sat looking at the TV screen in utter horror. Harry, Ron, Draco, and - shall I dare say it? - Sirius were laughing their hearts out and clapping.
"Sirius?" Remus said in a quiet whisper.
Sirius stopped laughing and turned to his friend, wiping a tear from his face. "Yeah, mate?" he asked, then bursts into fits of giggles as the dinosaur once again began to sing.
"Next time we decide to torture the kids with evil movies, let's leave, okay?" Remus asked, still in a hushed whisper.
"Why? I mean, come on, Remus. Look at that. Isn't it funny?"
"Sirius. No!" Remus said more sternly.
"BUT..." He stopped as Remus gave him a "when I say no, that means no" look and sighed. "Oh, all right," he whined, folding his arms on his chest.
"All right, kids. I'll see you tomorrow," said the purple dinosaur and disappeared.
"Aaawwww," all the children (except Hermione and Percy) and Sirius moaned.
"WOOOOOOOO-HHHHHOOOOO!" yelled all the others.
Just then the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," Sirius said, but was jerked back by his best friend.
"I'd better do it, okay?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded and they both glared at the door. "The moms," they said together, as a flash of lightning crashed.
"Wow, that was cool," Sirius said, staring at the air.
Remus rolled his eyes and went to the door brushing himself off. He heaved a long sigh and looked back. Sirius was untying the ropes that were tied around the toddlers. "Okay, here goes nothing," he said to himself. Oh, no. Sirius was rubbing off on him. He was talking to himself. He promptly pushed open the door.
"Hello. This is Sirius Black's Day Care Center. How can I help you?" he asked, looking into Lily's eyes. Boy, Sirius would have been excited. Her eyes had lightning flashing in them. But Remus wasn't excited. Heck, he could hardly breathe, let alone be excited. I mean, this is mad Lily we're talking about. Mad Lily is not something nice to see.
"Oh, hello Remus. Where…" She looked over his shoulder but Remus blocked her. "Is…" she continued, looking over his other shoulder, and was once again blocked. "Sirius?" She put her face in front of his. "I'd like to speak with him and see that my child's health is as it was when I left."
"You mean our children. Don't you, Potter?" said a dark voice. Great. It was a Malfoy. This is exactly what Remus needed.
"Actually, I only meant mine, Malfoy, because you already poisoned your own child's welfare so bad that there's no reason to care," Lily said, turning to face Narcissa.
"Oh, really? Then give me one good reason why I shouldn't vaporize yours so he will be no trouble for my child," Narcissa said, her eyes ablaze but her face calm.
"Because I know you work for the Dark Lord, but I thought there was no reason for you to stoop any lower by killing children," Lily said with the same expression.
Both their hands flew to their pockets and out came their wands. Remus, seeing what was going on, jumped in the way. "Ladies, please, I know both your children are safe and - WHOA! Um, excuse me, but do you mind putting those down?" he said, trying to get Lily and Narcissa's wands away from his heart. But they both refused and glared at him. "Hahaha…I guess not." He gulped and moved from in between them, their eyes following his every move.
"Um, if you two ladies don't mind, I'm just gonna go now…Okay?" The two glaring women didn't stir."Okay," he said and sprinted down the hall screaming for Sirius to "GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" all the way to the living room door.
"SIRIUS!"
No one answered his cries.
"SIRIUS, PLEASE!"
Still there was no answer.
Remus sighed. "Knock, knock," he said in a quiet voice with his eyes shut tight.
"Who is it?" came a squeaky voice from the other side.
He answered. Remus decided to use Sirius' favorite joke. "Boo," he answered, rolling his eyes.
He heard a snort. Yes, it was working. "Boo who?"
"Oh, no," Remus mumbled. He hated the punch line. "Ah, don't cry."
There was an outburst of laughter form the other side. "Okay. Okay. I give up. Get in here," Sirius said, opening the door and wiping a tear from his eye.
"Really Sirius, when will you ever decide to…" He stopped as he saw what Sirius was wearing. It was…It was…A BARNEY COSTUME! "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remus yelled and ran from the room.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Sirius asked, unzipping his costume.
"Away from here!" he yelled over his shoulder. "You're on your own, Sirius," he said as Sirius caught up with him. Remus grabbed a handful of floo powder and stepped into the fireplace. "I'm gonna tell Dumbledore." He threw it in the fireplace and green flames sprang up. "Dumbledore's office - ACHOO! Oh, darn those darn sinuses!" The flames began to roar. "Oh, no. This might take a while," he said before the green flames engulfed him.
"SIRIUS BLACK!"
Sirius whimpered. They were coming to get him.
Quickly he kicked the costume under the nearby table.
He ran out to the moms all crowding by the door. "I'll only be a few minutes, so until then, um, why don't you talk to your kids? See how they're doing?"
All the moms went into the room with the toddlers and he ran to the room with the fireplace. He grabbed a hand full of floo powder and stuck his head inside. "St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries." He threw the powder in. After a while of spinning his head was sticking out of the fireplace in somebody's room. In St. Mungo's.
The man's whole body was in a cast. He moved the bed so that it was facing the fireplace. Instantly, his eyes almost popped right out of his head.
"Hello," Sirius said calmly.
The man began banging on a single big button on a small remote with his whole hand. A young male healer ran into the room. "What is it this time, Mark?"
"HMPH! HMPH! HMPH! HMPH! HMMMMMMM! HMMMMMMMPH! HMMMMMM! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" the man hollered through the cast and fainted on the spot.
The healer turned to the fireplace. "Oh…another one." He sighed. "Hello, welcome to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. How can I help you?"
"Um, hi. Could you save a bed for Sirius Black? I'll be over in about thirty minutes or so."
"Okay."
"Thanks," Sirius said, popping his head back out.
"No problem." The healer sighed then and turned back to Mark."Mark?" He gently pulled his hand up. It fell back down like a rock. He quickly started scribbling notes on his clipboard. "Heart reviving pills and a bucket of water."
"Hello, Sirius," said a calm voice.
Sirius whimpered, then turned to face four very angry mothers. "Ladies, can't we talk this over?" Sirius asked, inching away. Their eyes all stuck to him in glares. "I guess not." They rolled up their sleeves. "One second, if you don't mind." He pulled out a bandana and covered his eyes. The women circled him and…
A/N: I'm sorry for this bizarre interruption. But I'm gonna have to skip this to five hours later. I'm sorry, but I've gotta keep this story G-rated or my sister will kick me off. Thank you and enjoy the rest of the story.
Five hours laterThe door creaked open.
"Here you go, Padfoot," James said sympathetically, pushing the door open.
"Thanks, Prongs," Sirius said quietly, rolling his wheel chair though the front door.
"Sure you can take care of yourself?" James asked, watching his friend helplessly roll into his house.
"Yeah. Thanks," Sirius said as James closed the door.
He quietly rolled to the living room and looked at the TV for a while. "That was rather…enjoyable. I think I'll do it again next week," he said to himself.
The next week at the meeting of the Order
"DID YOU KNOW THAT SIRIUS BLACK DRESSED AS THE PURPLE DINOSAUR BARNEY AT FIVE O'CLOCK EXACTLY?" Dumbledore shouted as the whole order laughed at the comment. All except one.
"And they said I was immature," Snape said, rolling his eyes.
"Well, it was fun while it lasted," Sirius said. None of the Order laughed at this statement, but they did stare. "What?" Sirius asked innocently.
"AND I HEARD THIS FROM A VERY RELIABLE SOURCE," Dumbledore said, standing up.
"Oh, please don't say my middle name," Remus pleaded quietly.
"Remus John Lupin," Dumbledore said, patting Remus gently on the shoulder.
Sirius burst into a fit of giggles. He leaned over to Snape. "His middle name's John," he whispered into his ear.
"I know," Snape said, eyeing Sirius with a look of pure hatred.
Lily glared at James. "And you made me take my son to HIS house, so he could watch our poor baby?" Lily shouted, rolling her eyes.
"Sweetie, think of our little boy," James said, flinching and trying to calm his wife down.
"I do. When I think of the divorce papers," Lily said, getting out of her chair.
"WAIT, LILY! I PROMISE NOT TO MAKE YOU LET SIRIUS WATCH HARRY AGAIN!" James cried, following her out the door.
The door slammed behind them.
"Wow, I just ruined a marriage!" Sirius said excitedly.Remus shook his head. Why was he friends with such idiots?
Epilogue -The next night, on his way to the Potters' house, Voldemort got lost. But it didn't take him long to find the house again because of all the screaming that was already going on inside. And that's why Sirius should still be in Azkaban for getting Lily and James to fight, because if they hadn't Voldemort would have stayed lost and Lily and James would still be alive.
THE END
A/N: (Yes, that same drum roll is still going on. All of a sudden a random guy gets up and throws a popcorn box at the drummer's head, causing him to fall unconscious.)
"Hey, get on with the show!" he shouted.
I'd like to thank all my readers for staying with it. It was wonderful and I must say a great honor.Too bad this is the last chapter. Goodbye - for now.Who knows? I might just make another story, so keep your eyes peeled. Well, so long.
"Hey, lady!" Remus cried out, standing next to Snape, Sirius, James, Lily, and Voldemort.
"You owe us, lady," Sirius said, glaring at the author.
"For what? I want to know your complaints," said the author.
"You ruined our marriage!" James and Lily chorused.
"Dressed me in a Barney costume!" Sirius cried.
"Gave me sinus problems!" Remus complained.
"Called me immature!" Snape said.
"Had me get lost!"Voldemort yelled."I, madame, do not get lost."
"What do you have to say for yourself?" they all asked in unison.
"That I'm gonna go running, screaming for my life," the author suggested.
"Works for us," Snape smirked.
And now, the auther bids you all farewell as she runs off, screaming in utter terror.