Thanks to Mel for all the help with the research etc.
Catherine sat beside her daughter's bed, her eyes running over the tubes protruding from her prone body. The constant beeps reminded her of her daughter's presence, and Catherine took the girls hand, careful of the tubes.
"Hey sweetheart. Mommy's here. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere every again. I promise I'll never leave you again." She bent down and kissed Katie's hand. "I love you sweetheart. I'm so sorry." Catherine wiped away the tears with her free hand. "Daddy's here too. He's just filling out a huge bunch of forms for you." She brushed a lock of hair back from Katie's face. "Greg's doing just fine. Sara and Warrick went to check on him. He went back in after you."
Catherine felt Gil's presence behind her and she let out a shuddering sigh as his hand rested on her shoulder.
"I don't know if I can do this. It's so hard and she's so…"
He kissed the top of her head. "I know. But she needs us. And while this is tough for us, it's tougher for her."
"It's my fault," Catherine murmured, stroking her daughter's hand. "This is all my fault."
Gil immediately knelt before her. "Cath? What are you talking about?"
"It's my fault," she repeated.
"You didn't put the bomb in there, Catherine," Gil said firmly. "This has nothing to do with you."
She glared at him. "How can you say that? This has everything to do with me. She's my daughter. I gave birth to her eighteen years ago and I have been screwing up her life ever since. Don't you dare tell me this has nothing to do with me."
Gil was taken aback for a moment until he saw the tears start to fall. "Cath, come here."
She slid down to the floor beside him, and as he pulled her into his arms, her body began to shake with sobs.
"You didn't ruin her life, Cath, I promise you that. You're an amazing woman and I love you so much. Please don't forget that."
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She had refused anything to eat. She wasn't hungry, she just felt nauseous. Gil had tried to lecture her, telling her she needed to eat but she hadn't been in the mood to hear it. Instead, he had gone off to get food, and she just knew he would be bringing back something for her.
The thought of food made her stomach roll again, and after promising her unconscious daughter that she would be right back, she started to go down to the bathroom.
Her body was stiff, from sitting in the plastic chair for so long, holding Katie's hand, but she forced herself to move. She felt a little faint, but chalked it down to feeling sick. That was before she passed out.
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The doctor came back into the room and Catherine looked up at him.
"Well, congratulations, Mrs Grissom."
Catherine blinked. "Pardon?"
"You're pregnant, Mrs Grissom.
She felt numb. On one hand, it was something that she and Gil had wanted more than anything. Another baby. One that he would always be there for, that this time they would do it right.
But how could she possibly take care of another baby when she couldn't even look after her eldest daughter? And to get pregnant at a time like this…how could she have been so stupid?
"How many weeks?" she managed to choke out.
The doctor smiled at her. "Five."
Catherine raised an eyebrow as she watched the doctor set up the ultrasound. "Isn't it a little early for that?"
The doctor nodded. "Normally, yes, but I want to make sure everything is okay. You collapsed, Mrs Grissom, and that's not indicative of a normal pregnancy."
Catherine almost laughed at the irony of it all. "My eldest daughter is in ICU. Is that indicative of a normal pregnancy?"
The doctor looked at her. "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she'll be doing better soon." She spread some cold gel on Catherine's abdomen and turned on the ultrasound.
Catherine's eyes strained to look on the grainy screen. The doctor noticed this and pointed a blob on the screen.
"That's the gestational sac. We won't see the fetus yet, because it's too early, but I can't see any bleeding." She started when Catherine burst into tears. "Mrs Grissom? That's a good thing. Can I call your husband?"
Catherine shook her head emphatically, and rested her head against the pillow. "I'm sorry. I'll be fine."
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Catherine had decided not to tell Gil about the baby. At least not until they knew Katie was alright. She was terrified that there was something wrong with their daughter because she hadn't woken up yet even though the doctors said that was normal.
She had been given all the usual pregnancy information, as well as the tablets, eating regimen and the whole nine yards. Even though she was excited about the fact that she and Gil were going to have another baby together, she was terrified about what was going to happen.
Mindful of the tubes and cords, Catherine crawled into the bed beside her daughter. She curled up next to her, one hand stroking through her hair, the other holding Katie's free hand.
"I'm right here, sweetheart. I'm not leaving you ever again, I promise. I'll try to be a better mother to you, I swear. I'm so sorry about everything I've done to you and I promise I'll try to do better," she whispered into her daughter's ear. "I know you can hear me. Please wake up. Please."
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Part 17