Make You Remember
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own crap. They wouldn't even give me the bloody Lost poster at Disney, and that ruined my day. ABC owns everything. sniffles
Summary: I didn't understand. She didn't remember… anything. She didn't know my name, or even what she had written about me. It was heartbreaking. Charlie/Claire
A/n: This is just a little something I thought up while I was writing in "Stranded Memories," it wouldn't leave, so I wrote it…
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I had just read the excerpt from Claire's diary about the Black Rock. I was talking about it to Sayid and Jack.
Sayid turned to look at Jack. "Maybe it's the triangle on the map…"
I didn't care about any stupid triangle. "Maybe it's where Claire was taken. Maybe she's there!" It was all beginning to make sense. Everything was piecing together like pieces of a puzzle. We could find Claire. Use Sayid's maps, and find her.
But Jack was always the pessimist. "Maybe. Charlie, we all wanna find Claire," he said. But he didn't understand, no one wanted to find Claire as much as I wanted to. "But there's no sense going out into the jungle in the middle of the night."
I sighed. He had a point. Not wanting to, I nodded. Slowly, I stood back up, and headed back over to where I was sitting before. How long until night was over?
Opening up the diary again, I continued reading. "But Charlie was there when I woke up. He always seems to make everything feel better, even when there is a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Too bad he'll never worry about me. He only wants to take care of me because I'm pregnant. Sometimes I wish that wasn't the case."
I closed it. So she didn't think I liked her, and I was only treating her the way I was because she was pregnant. The thought made me laugh slightly. If only she knew. Now there was the chance that she'd never come back. That we'd never find her, or worse, we'd find her dead.
Tears came to my eyes. I didn't want to think about that. It wasn't going to happen if I didn't think about it. I began staring off into space. My thoughts lingered on Claire and her diary. Maybe I shouldn't have read it, but I felt as if I needed to. It might lead us to her. I sure wished it would lead us to her.
A sigh came out of my mouth. I missed Claire so much. I had admitted it to Kate, and only Kate. I didn't know why I trusted her of all people, but I did.
I heard someone walking into the cave region. My eyes followed the sound and I spotted Boone and Locke. But they weren't alone.
I could feel my heart beat get faster and faster. I knew that face. I knew her. It was Claire. I shot up as fast as humanly possible and ran over to her. "CLAIRE!!" I nearly shouted, allowing all the joy I was feeling come out as I hugged her. I barely even noticed that she was no longer present.
Her body went rigid in my arms. It was if she had never been hugged before. I knew she liked me, she said so in her diary, but from her reaction to my hug, it was anything but that.
Slowly, she pushed me away. "Who are you?" she asked, looking at me as if I had three heads.
"Claire, it's Charlie. Charlie… remember?"
She continued to look at me as if I was talking nonsense. Then she shook her head and ran off.
It felt as if my heart had been torn out. It hurt, deep down inside.
That was all I could hope for. All I could pray for.
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I didn't get any sleep. I kept looking over at where Jack was taking care of Claire. She had passed out as soon as she had run away from me. She looked like crap. I wanted to run over and comfort her, but Jack wouldn't let me. I watched from a distance, my eyes never moving from her.
She couldn't have forgotten about me. It wasn't possible. A few stray tears fell down my face. I wouldn't allow her to forget about me.
There was one small issue.
If she truly had forgotten about me, then there was no way that I could make her remember. I wished there was a way I could. But there wasn't. I couldn't think of anything. I was just so glad that Claire was all right. I was so glad she wasn't dead or seriously injured.
But maybe, just maybe I was. I didn't know what I would do. I had never felt this way about anyone before. Anyone. No one had ever felt that way about me either. The feeling was always one sided. Either I liked them, and they didn't like me, or they loved me, and I didn't like them.
I tried to keep myself from thinking of the horrible things, but they wouldn't leave.
What seemed like forever after Claire returned Jack left her side, and I bolted over. She was sleeping, and looked like an angel. I felt like grabbing her hand, but someone stopped me. I turned around to see Locke.
"Don't Charlie," he said.
"Why?" I asked quickly, taking my eyes off of Claire to look at him.
"She's been through a traumatic experience Charlie, she doesn't remember anything. She doesn't remember the plane crash or anything. You'd just confuse her…"
I didn't want to hear it. It wasn't possible. Locke just didn't know what he was talking about. Claire just couldn't forget everything. Everything that had happened. The good and the bad. It wasn't possible.
The familiar stinging of salty tears reached my eyes. "NO!" I shouted loudly, forgetting that Claire was right next to me for the time being. "That isn't possible! There is no way she could forget all that had happened!!!"
Locke simply shook his head at my shouting and put a hand on my shoulder. He didn't say anything. It was only then that I comprehended what he had told me. Claire didn't remember. Claire. Claire.
"Thomas?" I spun around and saw Claire's eyes were open. Claire's beautiful blue eyes. Her eyes focused on me, and our eyes locked. I felt a connection, and she just looked at me before screaming.
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Jack pulled me away from Claire. She was causing a scene now. "Charlie, you can't do that," he told me sharply. I didn't know what I had done. I didn't understand.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"Charlie. She doesn't remember anything. She's terrified. You… you're not helping! I know it's going to be hard, but you have to stay away from her. Just for the time being, until she realizes what happened to her…"
I blinked a few times and just looked at Jack, saying nothing. I think he felt as if I understood what he was saying because he rushed back over to Claire.
Truly, I still didn't get it. Claire didn't know who I was. Claire… I couldn't even think about it. I got up, grabbed my guitar and stormed off. I needed to think. I needed to get away. I had to convince myself that Claire had never come back. That she was still out there somewhere.
That was what it was like. She may have returned, but it wasn't the same Claire. And I couldn't take it.
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I wasn't as terrified as of the jungle any more. I had nearly died once. Nothing could be as scary as that. I was alone. The only things I had to keep me company were my guitar and my thoughts.
Thomas. Who was Thomas? Then I remembered. I read it in her diary.
"I HATE HIM!"
He had left her. He didn't appreciate her. She didn't deserve that. But… but…
I stopped. I must had been walking for what seemed like hours. I sat down. I was deep in the jungle by now, but I had followed a path, so I could find my way back. I pulled the guitar out of its case.
I used to do this a lot. Go somewhere, be alone and just vent. All those other times… they seemed insignificant compared to this. My hands were shaky as they began to play.
At first I played nonsense. I hadn't played in such a long time, that I just needed to get used to the feel of it again. But that didn't take too long. I wanted to escape. Leave. Forever. It was overreacting, sure, but it was a lot to handle. Finding out that the person you liked, liked you as well, and then comes back and can't even remember who the bloody hell you are.
I sighed again. I couldn't get her picture out of my mind. It was always there. I pushed it away, it came right back. Then it hit me.
What was I doing here? I should be back at camp, in case they need help with Claire, in case… in case she remembered. And I was sitting here, pitying myself because Claire didn't remember. She had been through a rough few days, you could see it in her face, or in the gashes that covered her arms, or even the missing stomach. Or a combination of these things.
I put the guitar back in the case and started off back to the caves. It was beginning to get dark.
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By the time I made it back to the caves it was dark and all these little fires were lit. I spotted Claire sitting by one of them all alone. No one cared enough about her to make sure she had company. She had probably spent the last few days in solitude, and no one cared enough to sit with her.
Then I remembered, she couldn't remember what had happened.
Casually, I set my guitar case down and headed over towards her. I sat down next to her. She didn't say anything, neither did I. I just liked begin near her. It made me feel better. To see for myself that she was okay.
"Hi Claire," I said quietly, trying to get her to say something to me. The only thing I heard her say since her return was "Thomas" and then she screamed.
She turned to look at me. Our eyes connected again. She opened her mouth. "Are you stalking me?" she asked. I was taken aback. My thoughts immediately went to what Sawyer had said:
"Dear Diary. I'm starting to get really freaked out by that has-been pop star. I think he's stalking me…"
I blinked a few times and just continued looking at her. She repeated herself. "Are you stalking me?" At first I didn't respond. After some thought I did.
"No. I just… I missed you Claire," I admitted, looking away from her and into the flames.
It was silent. "I don't even know who you are," she said. I could feel her eyes on me. "Just… leave me alone. Obviously you know more about me than you should," she said, her voice calm and cool. "Don't talk to me, just don't even think about me. Or I'll tell the doctor that you're stalking me…"
Torn out and stepped on. Feeling like an unwanted piece of shit I stood up. I wanted to cry. But I wouldn't. I tried to convince myself just to treat her like one of the groupies. She didn't mean anything. She wasn't worth crying over.
It didn't work.
Leaving everything there or simply not caring, I walked off into the jungle again. I couldn't be at the caves. I couldn't be near Claire. I had to leave.
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I was at the beach for I don't know how long. That was the only place that I knew I could go that would be far away from Claire, and that had a supply of food so I didn't starve myself to death. Claire never came to the beach, but everyone else seemed to.
The news of Claire's return spread like wildfire, but no one could understand why I was acting the way I was. People came up to me, telling me that Claire was back, and I just ignored them, staring out at the waves. As long as I had something to concentrate on, I'd be fine.
But I couldn't erase her. As hard as I tried, I couldn't erase Claire. She was embedded. She wouldn't leave.
The one day, I heard Sayid and Hurley talking. They were so close, and were stupid enough to think I wouldn't hear them…
Or maybe they wanted me to hear them:
"He's losing it dude…" Hurley said. You could always tell when it was Hurley talking because of the words he used. Dude… he used that a lot.
"I've noticed it too," Sayid said. He had a distinct accent. By now, I could nearly tell everyone on the island by their voice. But Claire… I had her voice playing through my head constantly. I missed her dearly.
I really did.
"He just sits there, and does nothing. Ever since his near brush with death, he hasn't been the same." I chuckled inwardly. Oh I was fine when Claire came back, then she blatantly told me never to speak to her again. "And even now, Claire is back, and he just sits there…"
"I know man. I wish there was something we could do for him…"
I didn't listen to the rest of their conversation. They didn't get it. Claire didn't remember me. She didn't know me. She hated me. She thought I was a stalker. I wasn't a stalker; I was just worried about her. Extremely worried.
I didn't want her to get hurt. And she could be hurt. She was confused, that was hurting. She had to remember.
I had to make her remember.
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I discovered that it was much easier to do my moving around at night time. Less people to see and question you. That was why I waited until it was dark to head back to the caves.
This was something I had to do. If I could make her remember, she wouldn't be confused any more. She'd be all right. Everything would go back to the way it was before. But the question was, how could I make her remember? There had to be a way. There HAD TO BE A WAY!
I walked carefully, listening to everything. I couldn't risk being captured again, or being attacked. That was the one problem about traveling at night. No light. Only my other senses to help me.
Trying to do too many things at once. That was what I was doing. I was trying to not get lost on my way back to the caves, trying to listen for predators and trying to think of a way to make Claire remember.
Finally, I realized I really like Charlie. There's something about him that's just so adorable and sweet. Even in a scary place like this, Charlie makes me feel safe.
The words from Claire's diary. I don't recall how many times I had re read them over and over again. So many times that they stuck in my head.
Then it hit me.
The diary.
I could have Claire read her own diary, and hopefully it would spark a memory, and she'd remember! I couldn't believe that I had figured that out. I was so proud of myself. My pace quickened, I had to get back and at least try it.
It had to work.
I had to make her remember. It was driving me insane.
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By the time I made it back to the caves I was exhausted, but I ran around trying to find Claire's diary. I knew it was around here somewhere.
I was stopped by Jack. "Charlie, what are you doing?" he asked me. I didn't want to stop, but he grabbed me by my shoulders.
"I have to… I have to find Claire's diary…" I said, still out of breath.
"Why do you have to find Claire's diary Charlie?" he asked me, trying to get me to talk.
"Because, I think I may have figured something out…" I said, trying to hint that I didn't want to tell him exactly what I was thinking.
He must have taken the hint, because he pulled the little blue book out of his back pocket and handed it to me. "I'm sorry Charlie," he said. I knew what he was sorry about, but I had already opened it and was walking away.
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I had found it. The first few things she had written right after the crash. If she read it, maybe she'd remember. Now I just had to find Claire. With my finger marking the page that the entries started on.
She must have been hiding from something, because I found her at the back of the caves, sitting alone. I walked over to her.
"Didn't I tell you to leave me alone," she snapped angrily. I could see the confusion in her eyes. Her face was red, but that might have been from the fire. I ignored her angry confusion and sat down next to her.
"JA--" she started to shout, but I covered her mouth with my hand.
It was time to fight fire with fire.
"Now you listen to me. You've been on this bloody island for weeks now, and I know you don't remember a thing, but I do. I do Claire, and I do know that you kept a diary, and you wrote in it… and now… you are going to read it. I am going to MAKE you remember. Now, don't scream for Jack…" I said, my tone changing for the last sentence, before I removed my hand from covering her mouth.
She was quiet.
I handed her the diary and opened it to the page that she started on. "You wrote all of this," I said quietly. "Every little bit of this. Now please Claire, read it…"
A few tears falling from her eyes, she began reading it.
I really hope it helped. I hoped it worked. I wanted it to work so badly. If it didn't I didn't know what I would do. I just watched her as she read it, more tears falling and more confusion in her face. She finished and just looked at me.
It didn't work.
"Why did you make me read this?" she asked me, her voice quiet.
"Because I'm worried about you Claire. I like you. I can't stand seeing you like this…" I stopped, and she just looked at me and shook her head.
After a while she said, "I appreciate the sentiment… uh…"
It didn't work. "Charlie," I said, before getting up and walking away, not turning around to look at her. I didn't know what I was going to do.
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I sat there, like I had done a lot lately, just staring at the flames. Concentrating on the flames. I wasn't going to cry. I was forcing myself not to.
Jack sat down next to me. "How are ya holding up Charlie?" he asked.
I didn't respond. As if it wasn't obvious. I was sitting around like a sodding lump, feeling sorry for myself. I was holding up magnificently.
"Charlie, I know it's hard, but this isn't the way to go about helping…" he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
I shrugged it off. I had done everything I could. It didn't work. She probably hated me now…
"Maybe her memory will come back Charlie, we don't know…"
"But it's almost as if, she never came back. She hates me. She hates every bloody thing about me," I said, somewhat angrily. "I can tell. Just the way she glares at me, or calls me a stalker. It is so…"
"Un-Clairelike?" he finished. I nodded. He sighed. "Charlie. Things change, you have to go with the flow. You can't let yourself be left behind like this…"
I went back to not responding. Jack got tired of talking and walked away. I wanted it all to end. I wanted to get in a time machine and go back in time… stop it all from happening. But I couldn't. I sighed. This was going to be a long night.
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Not that long later, Claire walked over, the little blue diary in her hand. I didn't want to talk to her. As much as I wanted to look at her, to hear her talk, it was just a ghost of the past. Something there to haunt me. Something to taunt me.
I didn't like that.
She sat down next to me, but didn't talk. She was silent, I was silent. I could feel her eyes looking at me, but I didn't turn to look at her.
"Charlie?" she asked me, her voice soft and quiet.
I didn't answer. She was toying with me now.
"Charlie. I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"Sorry for what?" I said, my voice nearly inaudible. Sorry for getting abducted by Ethan? Sorry for forgetting because of what Ethan did to her? If anyone should be sorry, it should have been me. I should have been sorry for abandoning her.
She must have heard me though. "I wish I could remember Charlie. I want to so bad, but you just can't make someone remember."
I know. I guess I learned that the hard way. "But… I want to get to know you. I jumped to conclusions before. It seemed like… before… we got along quite well," she said holding up the diary. "And I can see why you were so worried, and I treated you like a criminal. I wanna believe that this… the diary holds the truth, but I can't be sure."
I wish I knew where she was going with this. "Why don't we… why don't we start at block one," she said. I finally turned to look at her. I could see tears in her eyes. It made me want to cry as well. I put my arm around her shoulder.
Maybe this was a good start.
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Fin.
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A/n: I finished this faster than I thought I would have. I am definitely going to end it there though, because I can't get caught up in another fic. I drug this on pretty long, so I hope that y'all liked it. Please review if you did.
And if you do so wish, please go read my other work-in-progress "Stranded Memories," which I write with my bestest bud Ali.
Thanks for reading!