Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is the property of MGM, Gekko, etc. No infringement in intended. This story was written purely for my own amusement and not for financial gain. If anybody else enjoys it, then all the better.
Rating: PG, for mild language.
Spoilers: None that I can think of.
Summary: She had seen him this angry before, but never at her. And what was worse, she fully deserved it. A bit of S/J friendship fluff, with some Daniel thrown in.
"MAJOR CARTER!"
Exasperation and ire resonated in the colonel's voice as he charged up the embankment to where Sam and Daniel stood. The two exchanged a brief, but telling glance before Daniel turned his back and wandered a few steps. Far enough to give Jack screaming room but close enough to provide some moral support for Sam. Sam in the mean time turned to face her fast-closing commanding officer, taking a deep breath and pulling herself to full attention.
"Yes, sir," she responded, as boldly as she could, hoping desperately that he could not hear the shaking in her voice. She had seen him this angry before, but never at her. And what was worse, she fully deserved it.
"Tell me, TELL ME, you did not use our naquada generator to try and power that…thing."
"I can't, sir."
"What?" His voice was already growing hoarse. "You can't what?"
"I can't tell you that, sir." His glowering face was mere inches from hers now, and it took all her will power to maintain eye contact.
"And what happened?"
"It didn't work, sir."
"Well, there's a shocker."
She nodded. "It was a long shot…"
"It was an incredibly dangerous, near to impossible loser of plan, with about zero probability of working and a very good chance of getting you killed."
"Well…"
"Which is why I told you, No."
"I know, sir."
"I gave you a direct order."
"Yes, sir."
"And you deliberately disobeyed it."
"…yes, sir."
"Yes, sir." He repeated her words, shaking his head. His voice dropped now, but his tone was cold steel. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't haul your ass up on charges."
She swallowed. "Sir, if we didn't try something…"
"No." He interrupted her, bringing his index finger up in her face. "We went over this. You had the chance to make your case. I made my decision. I told you no. Was I unclear, Major?"
"Jack," Daniel chose now to pipe in. The extended finger was swiftly brought round to silence him, although Jack's eyes did not move from Sam's face. "Don't. Start with me, Daniel. Major Carter has to live with the consequences of her decision, but don't think I don't know the part you played in it."
For once, Daniel had the good sense to back off.
Jack repeated his question. "Was I unclear, Major?"
"No, sir."
He tipped his head slightly, looking for more.
"No, sir, you were not unclear, sir." Sam said, her voice sounding humiliatingly small to her.
He glared silently at her for several long moments before straightening up and stepping back from her. "What else do we have left to do here? That falls within the parameters of our mission," he added sardonically.
It took her a moment to switch gears. "Well…sir, I'm still collecting data on the geomagnetic activity. I had planned about another 12 hours to get a complete cycle. In the mean time, there are still soil and water samples, and...uh, Daniel wanted to take a look at the ruins."
"Daniel?"
"Yeah, I had started to…before…anyway, 12 hours would be plenty of time."
"Fine." He gave her a disdainful once-over. "Do I dare leave you without supervision?"
For the first time, a brief shadow of indignation clouded her features. She suppressed it quickly. "I'm only going to be monitoring the equipment, sir."
He nodded curtly. "I'll go with Daniel. Make sure he doesn't fall into a hole or something. I expect you to be here," he emphasized the 'here' with a sharp downward gesture to the ground, "when we get back."
"Yes, sir."
Jack turned on his heel and walked briskly toward the ruins. Daniel offered her a commiserate look before hurrying after him.
As it turned out, Daniel only got about three hours before he lost his natural light and found trying to use a flashlight frustrating. Jack had not spoken to him the whole time, and he was loath to ask his help in holding the light, so instead he announced he was done. Jack watched him as he packed up his gear and then marched back to the camp without saying a word. They found Sam right where they had left her, sitting on the ground organizing her samples.
"Hey," Daniel greeted her.
"Hey," she responded, allowing herself the briefest of glances at the colonel. He did not acknowledge her, but began rummaging in his pack. Daniel sat down next to Sam and began scribbling some notes in the light of her lantern. After a bit, Jack stood and announced his intent to "check out the perimeter" and then strode off.
When he was out of earshot, Daniel turned to Sam. "Good thing for him Teal'c isn't here. Teal'c would never have put up with him going off on you like that."
Sam chuckled grimly. "I doubt he would have interfered. Teal'c understands the need for a clear chain of command and the importance of following orders."
Daniel was thoughtful for a moment. As long as he had been hanging around it, the whole military hierarchy thing left him cold. "So what Jack said; about bringing you up on charges. He wouldn't really do that, would he?"
She shrugged. "He could make a pretty good case for it if he wanted to push it. But, given his own record, I don't know that Hammond would go for it. A formal reprimand is a possibility."
"That doesn't seem fair."
"This is a very serious thing, Daniel. I knew what the consequences might be when I chose to do it."
"But you have always followed Jack's orders. I can't believe he would mess up your career over one incident. It's not like you were disloyal or anything."
"I'm not sure he sees it that way. Anyway, Daniel, I really can't sit here and lament a black mark on my record when all those people are dead."
"That wasn't your fault. You did your best to save them. If you hadn't tried, they wouldn't have had any hope at all."
"False hope. That's all I gave them."
They both fell silent with the sound of Jack's footfalls as he came back into camp. "Are we going to eat tonight?"
Sam jumped up and went to her pack. "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir." She set to digging out the MREs and setting up the camp stove. Daniel went to help her, taking a moment to give Jack a dirty look. Jack ignored them both and stood surveying the area until the meals were ready. They ate in silence. When they were done, Jack leaned back against his pack, stretching his legs. "Daniel, you take first watch, then Carter, then me. We'll pack up and go at first light." Sam took her cue and disappeared into the tent, glad to get away from her CO's disapproving eyes.
Inside, she laid down on top of her bedroll without undressing. At that moment, she was as miserable she had ever been in her life. The power to save those people had been hers, but she had messed up. The guilt of her failure welled up in her. And then there was the colonel's angry rebuke. It was hard to decide which hurt worse. She had disobeyed a direct order. But she had to try. She had to. Why didn't he see that? She was on one level angry with him, but on another, terrified that she had irreparably damaged their relationship; lost his trust.
If she had had any privacy at all, she would have probably cried herself to sleep, but she was very aware of the colonel and Daniel just outside. So she just lay there, staring at the muted light of the campfire as it danced on the walls of the tent.
Outside, Daniel intercepted Jack on his way back from taking a leak. They were far enough away from the tents that he was pretty sure Sam couldn't hear.
"Jack."
"Daniel."
"You're not really going to bring Sam up on charges."
Jack's eyes narrowed. He was very close to telling Daniel to mind his own business, but thought better of it. "No, I'm not."
"Or a formal reprimand."
"Daniel," he allowed a bit of exasperation to seep into his tone, but ended up saying, "It may not be up to me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, when we get back to the SGC we're going to have to file mission reports."
"Yeah."
"And while I will not mention this incident…"
"Wait. You won't?"
"…No, I won't. But Carter will."
"But if you don't and I don't, she doesn't have to."
Jack shook his head. "Yes, she does. Not even you could talk her out of it. As I was saying, while I will not mention this incident in my report, Carter will and when Hammond reads it he will call me into his office and ask me about it. At which point, I will tell him that I gave her a thorough dressing down..."
"Hmph."
"…that I gave her a thorough dressing down and I consider the matter closed."
"You're going to do that? After screaming at her."
"The screaming, as you put it, is a time honored mode of discipline. I couldn't ignore this Daniel. Carter knows that."
"Well you should know. This whole thing has devastated her. A lot of people died…"
"Daniel. I know."
"I'm just saying."
"I'm going to talk to her."
"You are? Wait, I mean, you are? Jack, she really could use a break right about now."
"Trust me, Daniel."
Sam was surprised to hear the colonel come into her tent. Without Teal'c along, and with one person on watch, there was no need to share. She knew it was him without having to look. Daniel was on watch. The sound of the archeologist's near constant sniffling was unmistakably emanating from outside the tent.
Jack sat down near her but she remained as she was, with her back to him. After several minutes of silence, he spoke, his voice soft but slightly hoarse from earlier.
"Daniel seems to think I was too rough on you."
"Have you come to offer an apology?"
"Do I owe you one?"
She was silent for a moment, chewing her lower lip. "No, sir."
"No, you're right, I don't."
He was right of course. She regretted challenging him on it.
More silence. This time she broke it.
"Why are you in here, then?" That sounded bolder than she had meant it to.
"I thought you might want to talk."
"Seriously."
"I am being serious."
At that she sat up and turned toward him, studying his face in the filtered light of the campfire. "In that case, I do have something to say, but I'm not sure you're not still too angry to hear it."
"I'm listening."
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Sir, regardless of what you decide to do about this, regardless of the…professional consequences, I want you to know that between us..." She cleared her throat. "Between you and I…I am very sorry. As much as I am…disappointed, saddened, that I couldn't help those people, and as much as I hate to think of having to explain myself to General Hammond. None of that is as hard for me as to think I have damaged your trust in me. I regret that more than I can say." Her voice had begun to crack; it was all she could do to hold herself together. "I am sorry. I can only hope that you will forgive me." She looked at him with moist eyes, hoping against hope. He said nothing for several moments; just looked at her with an undecipherable expression on his face. Finally she looked away, letting out a breath in resignation.
"Okay."
She looked back at him. "What?"
"Okay. You know, Carter," he went on, as if the apology and his acceptance of it were no more an issue than agreeing on pizza toppings, "you can't expect to always be able to solve every problem. Nobody's that good. Not even you."
She was not so ready to let it go. "We…we're okay?"
"Carter." He reached out a hand and wiped the one stray tear from her cheek. "You haven't been a parent, but you can probably still grasp this. Your kid does something just really stupid, something he knows he's not supposed to do. As a parent, you're angry as hell, but it's because he could have gotten hurt, and you're just so freaked at what might have happened, you just lose it. But it doesn't change the way you feel about your kid, the way you love him, to the contrary, it sharpens the feeling so much that it hurts."
She couldn't help but smile. "Is that how you see me, sir? Paternally?"
He smiled in return and shrugged. "When you have command of a team, people you are responsible for, it is a lot like being a parent. I wasn't implying that I think of you as a child, though. I know better than that. Fact is, I see you in a thousand different ways, most of which drive me nuts half the time."
Her smile broadened. She resisted commenting that, a good deal of the time, he was the one who seemed child-like.
"So, about those people. You know it's not your fault you couldn't help them."
She just nodded at that, her eyes growing moist again.
"Now, get some sleep." With that he crawled back out of the tent, zipping it shut behind him.
