Title: Shadows Against a Shoji Screen
Series: Inuyasha
Genre: romance/action/drama
Keywords: Kagome, Sesshoumaru
AN: This chapter is entirely S/K though depending how far I get I might throw in some Hiroyoshi and Kaede. We'll see though. This chapter is just a 'getting to know you, getting to know more about you, getting to like you, getting to hope you like me too' sort of chapter. Uhm…other than that, not much you need to know except Obon will be mentioned. Remember, Obon is a Japanese festival where you dance all night. You can get a more detailed description at the end. [not much more detailed, though]
Warning: some WAFF in this chapter as well as possible OOCness on Sesshie's part. I tried to the best of my ability to make it work, but some people might not agree.
Chapter 19
Chrysanthemums and Zinnias
Most days Sesshoumaru, the lord of the western lands, was found inside his extensive study which doubled as his private office. Today was no exception. He sat behind his polished desk writing out many proclamations and answers to long overdue requests. The following weeks before the war would be the most hectic and busy for the lord, so it was not uncommon to find him dining in his room and working late into the night.
His servants wondered what could be the reason for their lord's diligent study. In past years he was never so bent on achieving a goal, he had never been so isolated. In fact, Sesshoumaru was known to practice his swordsmanship on the day the war broke out and much of the week before.
The hired help could only believe that their lord's behavior was affected by one thing; Lady Kagome.
It seemed that their lord did not want to be troubled by her, or perhaps he did not consider Kagome trouble, but perhaps he found himself becoming overly sidetracked in her company. Whatever the reason, for the past week Sesshoumaru had hardly come out of his study except to take occasional meals and retire to his bedroom.
At first the servants were worried, but gradually they gave in and allowed their obstinate lord to do as he pleased. He was, their master after all.
Yet, no matter what Sesshoumaru did, the servants couldn't help but notice the toll his absence was taking on Lady Kagome. In the beginning the two had not spent much time together, and it seemed that this suited the both of them just fine. Yet, slowly time began to soften each of their edges like waves against the shore. Soon the two of them were found dining together and occasionally sitting in the same room. Although hardly anything would be said between the two it was not conversation that was desired; it was company. Both were lonely.
Yet on that day Naraku had come, everything had crumbled. Their unsteady bridge had been set aflame and slowly begun to collapse. At first, attempts on both sides were made to fix the damage, yet…it came to no end and soon they found themselves alone once more. Dining together was rare and their paths crossing along the corridors even more infrequent.
Kagome, unlike Sesshoumaru, had no war to plan, no armies to form, no proclamations to decree, no alliances to uphold. Her life was a simpler one consisting of keeping herself amused throughout the day. Without her realizing it, Kagome's life had fallen into a pattern. It was the last thing she had wished for, she was becoming domesticated.
With the sun Kagome would arise and take a light breakfast in the pagoda on the edges of Suzuran Lake. By the time nine o'clock had come around she would take a daily walk around the entire circumference of the lake, taking perhaps two hours. With the heat of the midday sun she would retire into the house and work on an extensive embroidery project. The picture that she stitched was that of the flowers blooming Sesshoumaru's well-kept garden. For two hours or so she would work diligently hoping to catch as much view of the blossoms as she could before time would change their appearance. At two in the afternoon she would eat lunch alone in the dining room and gaze out at the clouds sailing by or gathering overhead depending on the day. She would then take a light nap before returning refreshed to practice tunes on the koto and shamisen. An hour was devoted to each instrument and for those two hours the sad sweet songs floated about the house. Even Sesshoumaru took notice and often raised his head to listen. At times an emotion would fill his eyes; an emotion like that of loss and regret, yet he would do nothing except turn back to his work and continue.
After her musical practice she would then attend to her many bonsai that were lined up in a small secluded structure located on the most eastern portion of the property surrounded by a tall bamboo fence. There were many kinds of bonsai that she took care of; pine, flowering cherry and plum, maple, cypress, fig and even a persimmon. At times the servants would often hear her crying from her private domain but would do nothing. Lady Kagome wished for privacy in a world where there was hardly any.
With the falling of night Kagome would often compose haiku or short stories, yet most often she would practice the bamboo flute, an instrument that was usually reserved for men.
And thus, her days had fallen into a pattern. Although from time to time things would change, she essentially found herself mechanically turning from one task to another.
One day however she had returned from her walk later than planned after taking a winding path that led her to a great vista overlooking the mountain landscape. Hungrily Kagome had looked down at the sharp rocks below and wondered if she should jump. It seemed so appealing than to conform to the expectations of her class. Suddenly, as she looked down at the glistening stones still wet with rain, a great wind had swept down the slope and she had been hurtled forward by its force. A benevolent wind? Kagome wondered as she found herself nearly falling off the edge and towards her death. Yet as she hung their, suspended between life and death Kagome knew that she had yet to find things to live for, a person to live for, she had yet to be stamped to the ground…she was something that no one could ever tame…and she would not die in such an dishonorable and pathetic fashion. As she crawled back to safety, the scornful face of Sesshoumaru seemed to appear in front of her. If she had died, would he have been stricken by grief or happiness?
Why did his good opinion matter so much?
Upon returning to the house Kagome found herself both physically and mentally exhausted after the fear of the afternoon. Walking through the gardens towards her room she was shocked to see a young man standing at the front entryway. Although weary, Kagome felt a bit of hope well up in her breast as she made her way forward. The man (it seemed his name was 'Bishou') was waiting to be paid by Sesshoumaru for the groceries he had delivered. The two had talked for a moment of the upcoming Obon festival and Kagome had offered him a small sample piece of embroidery she had been working on in thanks of the information. Bishou had insisted he could not accept the gift, yet Kagome had forced it upon the confused man as she heard the soft steps of Sesshoumaru approach. Wishing him a goodbye she returned to the path and through the winding garden hoping that the foliage would prevent her from being spotted. Hurrying towards her room she glanced over her shoulder and saw that Sesshoumaru was watching her through the trees as she made her way through the grounds. His golden eyes quickly fell away and back towards the humble peasant. When Kagome glanced over her shoulders again, both Sesshoumaru and Bishou were gone. Sliding open the screens to her room she gratefully sunk onto her futon and fell asleep quite swiftly.
*
The golden light of the afternoon shone through the screens in Kagome's room when she awoke. Rubbing her eyes she looked about her room and found her lunch on a serving dish nearby. On the lacquered tray with insets of mother-of-pearl was also a piece of rice-paper tucked beneath the cooled bowl of miso soup. Adjusting her silk kimono, which had come slightly undone during her slumber, Kagome looked down at the letter in some trepidation.
It is from Sesshoumaru…she thought softly to herself, uneasy and fearful. It was not as though she hated Sesshoumaru, no far from it…yet…something had happened on the day Naraku had come to visit. Something had caused a rift between them, something dark and uncomfortable that neither had the courage to speak of. No, perhaps it was not courage that was needed for the task, but faith and trust…
Picking up the note she carefully unfolded its thick edges and read the contents slowly so as to stop the pace of her heart from beating any faster.
When you awake, come to my study.
How did he know she had been sleeping? Had he come into her room?
Her heart began to beat more rapidly and her face turned red. Kagome shook her head furiously and insisted that he must have asked a servant about her condition… Sesshoumaru would not be so bold as to enter a lady's room, especially when she was unconscious!
Yet still, even though her head was convinced, her heart was not…
*
Why was it, Sesshoumaru thought idly as he leaned against the railing to his elevated deck, that Kagome would talk to a lowly peasant like the son of a farmer? Why was it, he continued, that Kagome would give him something of her own? Had she forgotten that his sense of smell was extraordinary and he could detect that the farmer carried something of hers?
Was it possible that the two knew each other?
But then, quite suddenly, he issued: Why am I concerned about Kagome? Why do I even care?
Even he could not answer this question.
*
Stepping slowly along the veranda Kagome looked out at the garden bathed in the startling light of deep afternoon. The chrysanthemums and the zinnias seemed to stand out most noticeably with their strong and bold colors. As she studied their remarkable palate, Kagome was suddenly temped to pick a few, and reasoning that Sesshoumaru had yet to realize she was awake, she made a detour to the kitchen where she found a basket and returned to the garden with a pair of clippers in her delicate hands. Kneeling down she regarded the two flowers. They were very alike in various ways, but also very singular in countless ways. The overall form of the flowers was similar; the way they both exploded from the center like midsummer fireworks. Yet, other than that common design of the bloom itself, everything was different; the leaves and the stems for example.
Plucking a good amount of each type as well as some feathery fern type leaves, she found a shallow basin and needlepoint holder in which she could arrange the stems.
Hurrying now to Sesshoumaru's quarters (for the sun was setting quickly and she wanted to have a good amount of light while she arranged them) she kneeled and quietly called out, the nervous feeling suddenly returning, "Sesshoumaru, are you there?"
Even though it was but a few seconds, it felt painfully long as the pressure began to build up inside her. Yet, she remembered, Sesshoumaru took pleasure in noticing other people's weak points; she had to remain calm and collected.
"Yes. Come in."
Sliding open the screen Kagome entered softly and made her way to her once familiar spot in front of the desk. Placing the basket and basin on the tatami covered floor she bowed graciously but said nothing.
Looking up she found that Sesshoumaru was eyeing her with a look of utter bewilderment.
"What are those for?" he questioned, motioning in the general direction to where the basin and flowers were set.
Adjusting her feet slightly, Kagome answered softly, "I thought a flower arrangement would look nice in this room."
Sesshoumaru said nothing but instead stared at Kagome for a long moment before coughing slightly, "I see."
Taking his non-committal response as a 'yes', Kagome began to trim the ends of a flower in a diagonal cut. She could still feel Sesshoumaru's eyes on her though she pretended not to notice.
Since his childhood he had not seen a woman arrange flowers. His mother used to do so and he would enjoy watching her as she carefully placed each stem and leaf. When his mother had died however, the act of watching the arrangement had also died. Sesshoumaru had seen many finished products to be sure, but he could not remember a single time since his early childhood when he would actually watch a woman trim each flower and select the best and most prime specimens. It was for this reason, he told himself, and nothing more that he watched her now so closely.
Lies, all lies.
The cutting was finished and the flowers lay scattered in the basket. Picking up a particularly brilliant golden hued chrysanthemum she whispered, "It is such a pity that chrysanthemums are flowers of the dead. They are indeed quite spectacular…"
A few of the petals were stained in a deep red, the color of wine or fresh blood. This gave the flower the look of something very classic; the imperfect yet perfect flower found in some scroll by a master. Studying the blossom, but more so Kagome, Sesshoumaru did not say anything.
Placing the flower back into the basket, she then picked up a zinnia that was a bright nearly fluorescent red with a gold and white middle. Continuing, she added, "But in truth, I prefer the zinnias to the chrysanthemums."
Put off by her comment, Sesshoumaru asked mockingly, "Why is it that you praise chrysanthemums then give your heart to zinnias?"
Kagome glanced up at Sesshoumaru. She had not really expected him to say anything. Yet as she gazed at him a smile appeared and she answered, "I do not give my heart to flowers, Sesshoumaru."
A wry smirk appeared on Sesshoumaru's lips and he groaned in amusement and irritation, "Of course not, Kagome. Let me rephrase: why do you praise chrysanthemums then in the end favor zinnias? To me, it makes no sense whatsoever."
Kagome thought for a long moment and advised, "It is a very long explanation. Do you think you could spare the time? After all, recently you have been so busy with your work."
Sesshoumaru's smirk had yet to fade and he replied coolly, "Yes, I believe I can spare the time."
Kagome laughed to herself and placed the zinnia carefully in the needled holder and bent it slightly so that it was at an angle. The bottom sides of the leaves were not supposed to show.
"Well, you see," Kagome began primly, "A chrysanthemum may be more beautiful than a zinnia by all means. Yet the most spectacular of chrysanthemums, however well grown and cherished, will wilt more quickly than the most poorly cared for zinnia."
Sesshoumaru thought about this for a second and then questioned, rather amused at himself that he, Sesshoumaru, the lord of the western lands, was talking about flowers, replied, "So you like zinnias because they are hearty? You like them because they can survive?"
Nodding, Kagome continued, "Yes, they can survive even more so than a chrysanthemum. Their outward appearance is pretty yet it does not compare to a chrysanthemum with its delicate beauty. Essentially, the more beautiful a thing is, the quicker it dies. Why love something that will disappear quickly?"
Sesshoumaru leaned back and scratched his cheek, "Yes, I suppose so. One must choose one's battles and alliances."
Kagome smiled at Sesshoumaru and wide beam and uttered, "I think, however, that in regards to you and Inuyasha," (Sesshoumaru stiffened at this remark) "It is the opposite."
Blinking, Sesshoumaru leaned forward and questioned in a serious tone, "Are you saying that you believe me weak?" His voice was low and dangerous, yet Kagome still remained cool and composed.
"No, I do not think either of you are weak. At all. You two are equal I believe."
Sesshoumaru, rather put off by this but willing her to continue questioned, "Equal? I? With Inuyasha?"
"I suppose you two are different in different ways. By yourself Sesshoumaru, you are very powerful indeed, so powerful and dangerous that this makes it virtually impossible for you to make alliances. Am I correct in my assumption?"
Sesshoumaru said nothing, yet his eyes were averted.
"You are indeed very powerful and that is why you jumped at the opportunity to be in an alliance with Naraku, even though normally I doubt you would even associate with one so rude as him."
Sesshoumaru looked up at Kagome. He knew what she was trying to convey. Kagome had known all along of his character and she had forgiven him for Naraku's rudeness. Perhaps, Sesshoumaru thought darkly, he had not forgiven himself.
"About Naraku," Sesshoumaru began. Yet, he could find no words.
Kagome smiled and whispered, "It is understood."
The two were quiet for a moment and outside the sound of a dove's wings echoed through the quiet mountaintop.
Sesshoumaru, feeling uncomfortable, urged Kagome, "Yet, if I am so powerful how can it be that Inuyasha is equal to one such as I? By the way you explain it, it seems quite impossible."
Kagome laughed agreeably, "You certainly do have pride in yourself."
"Even a beggar can have pride." He replied darkly.
"Inuyasha is equal to you because he does not have the strength that you possess. He is still so immature and this is what the lords find appealing. They see the potential in Inuyasha, but they are wary of all the defeats he has been blown."
Well deserved defeats.
Continuing, Kagome picked up the golden chrysanthemum again and placed it beside the zinnia in the basin, "It is the opposite for you two, the roles of the chrysanthemum and the zinnia have been replaced. You have the strength of the zinnia though the physical appearance of the chrysanthemum."
"Are you saying I look like a flower?"
"No, not at all!" Kagome laughed sweetly, "I merely point out that although you and Inuyasha bear many resemblances, it is Inuyasha who has the more rough and sturdy look to him."
"And so, I look weak?" Sesshoumaru humored good-naturedly.
"You know what I mean," Kagome pointed out wisely, "Inuyasha has the appearance of strength though he possesses very little. His strength is probably a persona of his hotheaded temper. People who look for strength will see Inuyasha and presume he has it. Henceforth, because he has so many followers, he is equal to you who have few."
Sesshoumaru looked at her in amusement, "And is this what you think about all day? The life of chrysanthemums and zinnias and their psychology?"
Kagome laughed but gave no reply.
The flower arrangement was finished ten minutes later and Kagome began to stand to leave, yet she promptly sat down and questioned, "Before I go…was there a reason that you wished me to come?"
Sesshoumaru glanced up from his paperwork and fumbled, "Oh, yes there was."
He had nearly forgotten.
"Why did you talk to the delivery man? Do you know him?"
Kagome flushed, and looked down at her knees, "No, I do not. I just wanted to talk to somebody."
Slightly embarrassed, Sesshoumaru continued, "Then why did you give him something of yours?"
Looking up in alarm, her dark blue eyes glistening, Kagome gasped, "But how did you know?"
Sesshoumaru stood up and walked around his table and sat down silently beside Kagome. Taking a piece of her long hair he brought it to his nose and slowly inhaled. Looking at her, he replied seriously, "I know your scent Kagome. There is not much you can hide from me."
Kagome did not move, she sat stiffly looking straight ahead of her, her cheeks aflame with color. Sesshoumaru still had Kagome's dark lustrous hair resting in the palm of his hand.
"Tell me why you gave him something of yours." It was not a question, but a demand.
Closing her eyes, Kagome whispered, "I wanted someone to know I was here. I wanted anyone, even a farmer to know I was here."
Dropping her hair, Sesshoumaru replied, "I know you are here. What more is there?"
Her eyes still closed, Kagome could feel Sesshoumaru's presence about her now though he sat a foot away.
"There is nothing more, I suppose…," Kagome said softly, opening her eyes and looking at one of Sesshoumaru's hands that rested in his lap. "There is nothing more…"
"Then why?" His voice was raising in anger and frustration now, a deep pulsating rhythm evident in its undertones.
The anger echoed through the quiet room and seemed to grow more powerful in each passing second.
"…If the word spread that I was here…living with you, then perhaps somebody would come and find me. Somebody would come and take me away." The words were spoken hastily, as though she could not sustain such truth for long.
"Is that it? Do you want to leave?" Sesshoumaru's voice was now unemotional, cold and cruel like his killing blade—yet, a quiet sorrow and disappointment was issued as well.
"No, I do not wish to go…yet I am married, Sesshoumaru. If it is known that I spend time with you alone, my husband has the right to kill me. It is the law of humans." Her voice was deep with emotion and sorrow, "Don't you understand? I do not want you or I to pay such a heavy price for...." It remained unfinished, what she wished to say. Her voice was profound and thick with emotion and it seemed as though she was about to cry. Yet, she remained strong and willful and even gained enough courage to tilt her head and look up at Sesshoumaru.
His eyes were deep and tumultuous, almost gray in color…
A deep long sigh issued from Sesshoumaru and he leaned against the table and answered, "Yes, I do understand. I understand that humans and hanyou alike are foolish. Your husband has thrown you away to the wrong person…"
Love is spring blossoms
Fragile, Charming, Innocent
Crepe-paper hope
The two were quiet, their minds full of questions. Yet, after a minute Kagome could stand it no longer and quietly gathered the basket and scissors. As she neared the door, she turned and gazed sadly at Sesshoumaru's figure leaning against his desk, his long silver hair cascading over his shoulders.
"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome questioned, leaning against the doorframe, her graceful hands resting against the patterned wood.
He looked up and gave Kagome his attention.
"This weekend is the Obon festival in the local village." she began hesitantly, her eyes averted, fearing disappointment.
"Yes?" Sesshoumaru asked, his voice suddenly very tired and ragged, "What of it?"
"May I go?"
"Why?"
Smiling softly, Kagome whispered blinking down at the tatami mats, "To find happiness."
Sesshoumaru gave her a long searching look, and finally, he answered, "Yes, you may go."
His voice turned hard and bitter, "Now leave me, I have much work to finish."
"Yes, Sesshoumaru…" she replied softly turning to leave.
"Kagome?" he called.
"Yes?"
"Everything will be the same." It was neither a question, no a statement; perhaps just a false reassurance.
The shoji screen slowly slid shut.
Then again, perhaps it wouldn't. Each had walked too far down a path of no return.
****
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*
To find out what these flowers look like, go to…
etfassociation.org/
and search under their respective names
(btw, this computer is being stupid and wont let me display WebPages for some reason!! I'M SORRY!!)
koto: a Japanese zither. Japan's most popular traditional musical instrument practiced widely, especially among women even today. It is made of wood about 180 cm in length and over 30 cm in width. It usually has 13 strings, each stretching over bridges, which are plucked with small plectrums attached to the thumb and two fore-fingers of the right hand.
Shamisen [samisen]: a traditional Japanese banjo like musical instrument with 3 strings. The body is covered with cat skin. The samisen is played with a triangular ivory plectrum (bachi) by clucking the three strings, the heavier string giving a deeper tone than the lighter one. It is used for music accompany Bunraku and Kabuki as well as other narrative kinds of folk music.
Obon: the Bon Festival celebrated on July 15—August 15 depending on the areas of Japan. According to popular Buddhist belief, ancestral spirits return to their families during the festival. Religious services are held at all temples and families pray in front of the home altar and family grave, offering incense and small sweets. Many lanterns are lit to guide the spirits in their journeys home, and so the Bon Festival is also called the Feast of Lanterns. During this festival, people throughout Japan perform Bon folk dances in the evening to comfort and entertain their ancestors. After the Bon season is over, the spirits are said to return to heaven.
Cappie note: when I went to Obon, the priest said that this festival is the celebration of happiness as well, hence forth, that's why Kagome means when she says "to find happiness" at the end of the chapter.
Taken from "A Cultural Dictionary of Japan" by the Japan Times.
AN: A rather short chapter, as far as my chapters go. ^_^; yes, this one is a lovely little waffy chapter between S/K. Anyways, expect even more in the next chapter! Woo hoo! And, of course, the return of Kaede and her hunky husband Hiroyoshi. I sort of picture him looking like a not-so-round-faced version of Tenchi's young grandfather…uhm, what was his name? I forget, I haven't seen the series in a LONG time…;;; Anyways, yeah, lets think if I can think of other guys he looks like…Perhaps an older Clow from CCS? …gah, that's about it. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter and tell me what you think? What did you guys think of the whole 'flower psychology'? I came up with it all on my own! ^-^; yep yep!
cappiepost@yahoo.com
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