Series: Inuyasha
Title: Shadows Against a Shoji Screen
Genre: romance/action/adventure/drama
Rating: pg13
Chapter main characters: Sesshoumaru and Kagome
AN: So, that chapter with Shippou/Rin/Kouga/Miroku/ect was rather a disappointment in my opinion. Yet, it was one of those chapters which had to be written, and one that I was completely stumped on. But, nevertheless, it had to be done, it had to be done. Anyways, our first Sesshoumaru and Kagome related chapter in part three! Although there won't be as many between them in part three, the ones which do arrive, are very full of tension, and action, and other things that will remain shrouded in mystery.
Warnings: slight Sesshie-chan's OOCness
Shadows Against a Shoji Screen
Chapter 25
Arms About the Future
Leaning against the cool wooden walls of the pagoda teahouse on the shores of Lake Suruzan, Kagome thought softly to herself;
Those who do not accept the future are thrown aside and left in the past.
Such was true of her, she realized as she gathered her hair and looked down at it. The ends were glimmering in the morning sunlight, the black shade consisting of all the colors of the rainbow. It was strange, she had always thought, that the darkest dye would consist of so many bright colors.
Sitting discontentedly down on a cushion, she dipped her calligraphy brush in the fountain of ink, and hung it over the piece of parchment tentatively. She wanted to create a work of art which expressed the emotions she was feeling at this moment.
A ginkgo leaf fell into the water, many ripples did it make.
Such was how she felt—she was an inanimate object falling through space, finally reaching something material, something substantial. In other words, she had found her purpose on that lantern filled night. She had found what she had been and what she was to become. Yet, in all honesty, Kagome admitted to herself, she had found two purposes on that night.
One of these purposes was as impossible as warm rain on a bitter New Year's evening. To allow herself to love, or even care for Sesshoumaru would only mean heartbreak later on; and to allow herself to fall captive to his presence—where would it take her? Only on a never ending journey of tears and hellish nights spent in solitude. She would rue it all…all of it…
No, she insisted, she would allow her emotions to remain bottled inside her. Perhaps then, at a later date, she could uncork them and savor the flavor like a fine wine. At that distant time, perhaps her heartbreak would not seem as great and as painful as it felt now.
After all, Kagome thought bitterly, the one thing in life that people could count on was change. For some time now, Kagome had felt a difference in the air about her, as though her time amongst the hills of Sesshoumaru's fortress were soon drawing to an end.
If she could just hold out a little longer, then perhaps her heart would not disintegrate into nothing.
After all, within days, there would be war.
Yes, until the winds changed, it was best to play innocent and to forget as soon as possible.
That was unfeasible. To forget—no, that was unachievable. Kagome would never forget…
For these reasons she cried every night, the shadows of her tears seemingly etched against the surrounding shoji screens.
Closing her eyes, she lay down the calligraphy brush and looked out onto the lake, now in dark shades of green and surrounded by slightly yellowing grass. Deep summer had arrived at last. It had not rained in a week, yet she had heard that sometime within the next few days an unpredicted rainstorm would arrive in country brought over from China
This did not surprise her. Such unpredictable rainstorms happened every few years, causing the agricultural world to go into uproar—for the young and inexperienced had begun to return to their crops to soon, only to find that this unpredictable rain would wash away their hopes.
Kagome wished her hopes would wash away. She wished she would just accept that fact that to love Sesshoumaru was something impossible—she wanted to convince herself that everything was impermanent, like the life of a newborn child. Sometimes it lived, other times it did not. All things were a matter of chance for those too innocent to make choices.
Taking out another piece of parchment, Kagome continued to argue with herself—it was not as though she was too innocent to make choices, but in reality she could make none. Because she was female, the decisions were not allowed to be made. Her choices would only come later—after the war had begun, after the death and despair began to permeate throughout the country side.
She felt restless and ill at ease.
Looking out towards the lake, a small smile blessed her features. Her lips turned up, and suddenly the storm which had been brewing in her eyes disappeared. The silver chaotic clouds lifted, and suddenly it was a bright blue day once again.
The brown grass near the edge of the pine forest had the appearance of a baked umber and golden glaze that was applied to pottery.
*
He could feel it. War was in the air like the soon-to-be arriving rains from China. It was heavy and unbearable and intense—the electricity ran through the countryside with the same stimulating power as lightening. A flood would emerge, a flood of rain and blood mixing together as one and being taken willingly by the earth. Would she know the difference?
Somehow, this year's war seemed different from those in the past, considered Sesshoumaru as he gazed out at his glazed, blue tile roofs. Their surfaces glimmered in the sun like the earth after a fresh rainstorm—though a slight layer of dust was apparent in their sheen. It was not as though this war would be any less important—no; in fact, this war would be the one that decided Inuyasha's fate, as well as his own.
If he lost, however inconceivable that was, what would happen? Would Inuyasha take ownership of his lands and take everything away that he treasured? Would this include Kagome, if she was to be discovered?
Often times, Sesshoumaru found it difficult to believe that she was married. She still possessed that fire, that fighting spirit, that determination…and soon, eventually, as time went by, it would diminish under the hanyou's hands. How ironic it was that the one treasure which could surpass all former desires would be owned, legally, by his half brother?
The sword seemed not important anymore. For all he cared, Inuyasha could have both swords—for indeed, life seemed so pointless nowadays. It was as though everything he lived for, the battle, the blood, the power, the fight, the chase—had all disappeared.
Closing his eyes he blocked out the world and listened to it breathe. The chirp of a bird in the far off trees, the rush of water from the mountain stream, the low whispers of the servants in the kitchen, the rustle of the wind through the pine needles…
To him, this was the pinnacle of his existence. It was no longer to mitigate his way through countless wars and battles. Perhaps he was getting older, or dull; perhaps he no longer possessed that ruthlessness which he was so famed for…or, perhaps his desires had changed.
Was Kagome what his red string of fate was connected to, and not Tetsusaiga? Was the damn piece of metal the definition of his being? Or was it, in reality, her? Was it she who would decide his destiny—or their destiny, if there was to be such a thing? More over, did she wish for such a life? A life built upon lies and guilt and deceit against the backdrop of his blood smeared past and present? Could Kagome accept that she was married to his half brother and that he, Sesshoumaru, was one of the most well known killers throughout Japan?
Was he content to live his life amongst the trees—with her? Would he find happiness with her in his arms?
Somehow, without even answering, he knew the answer.
But such was not their fate…for indeed, no matter how much each desired the other; the world would get in the way as it always did. If it was not war, or Naraku, or Inuyasha—it would be the laws of human and the shame and disgrace which forever would follow them in life.
He remembered now the reason he had decided against love when he was very young; it only brought a hollow despair.
These ideas of romance and happiness were tempting in their ideals, but in reality, it was but a wax apple that hung on the branch.
His eyes remained closed in order to see. To really look at the world it was meant to be looked at; not at all.
Yet, as the world swam about him, a certain sound would not diminish. He had not noticed it before, but it was present now, like the sudden burst of cool air that accompanied autumn…
The air was sliced again and again with that sound…the continual thump, the pause, the tension, the slice, the thump, the pause…
Opening his eyes once more, Sesshoumaru heaved a sigh and went out into the pavilion to examine from whence the sound originated.
It was now late afternoon, his fortress having been cast into the shadow of the surrounding hillsides, though the tops of the trees still dripped with the golden light, still hung in the world like a shining ornament. Surrounding them was the darkness of the day, but these selected spots clung on ferociously to a battle that would eventually be lost.
He was like those trees, that light. He would fight to the end…
The light was that of a hazy quality that accompanies the arrival of autumn—the light seen through wispy clouds and the smoke from the burning fields. It was a perforated light that did not produce any definite shadows but only vague representations of their form—as though they should have been there but did not have the spirit as to muster any limitations in general.
As the sound grew closer and closer, Sesshoumaru's expression deepened. In a few days, this land would no longer possess the same tranquility that it did so at this moment. Instead of the distant song of the mocking bird it would be the shouts and cries of men and the dim boom of cannons firing in the background.
He really should have sent Kagome away, somewhere safe, somewhere peaceful so that her innocent eyes would not have to see half-living men stumbling back to camp only to die in the morning.
But he was being selfish. He wanted her to stay until the end, until he had to watch her be carried away by Inuyasha—just to ensure that the affair would end. Perhaps Kagome would lose her spirit for Inuyasha and then Sesshoumaru could rest in peace, congratulating himself of narrowly avoiding such a hindrance…
Such thoughts were cruel—like pouring salt atop a snail or a slug.
Aware for the first time that he had arrived at the source of the sound, he was speechless. His eyes widened in astonishment and incredulity as he watched with blatant disbelief as Kagome, in full attire like that of an archer, strung an arrow onto bow. She raised her arms and pulled back—her form perfect and natural. Her eyes narrowed in an almost vicious manner and suddenly, without warning, she released…
Its path was true and without hesitation, and although she had only missed the center by a finger nail's measurement, a look of disappointment appeared on her face. She sighed and tucked a piece of escaped hair behind her ear. Bending to reach for another arrow that was neatly arranged on the nearby pavilion, she noticed for the first time Sesshoumaru's form standing near.
She flushed almost immediately, and Sesshoumaru was unsure whether to be pleased that he affected her in such a way, or wary that soon such emotions would have to end and it would be tears that he would be forced to watch.
But her smile, although beautiful on her face, hinted that perhaps her thoughts during the course of the day might have been the same as his; the fact that their affair was doomed in all ways possible. The smile did not reach her eyes; it was an expression out of kindness.
When she spoke, her voice was translucent and without substance. She was there, yet intangible, like the lazy smoke emanating from an incense censer.
"Good evening."
It was after five in the afternoon.
"Good evening," he replied in turn, his eyes wandering from her eyes to her lips and finally to her hand as she picked up another arrow.
"I was not aware you knew Kyudo," he admitted, finding that it sounded rather foolish. But, nevertheless, he had already spoken and the deed was done.
"Yes, for some time now. I practice in preparation." She admitted, stringing the arrow and turning back to face the target.
The bow flexed and it shone in the reflecting light of the day.
"In preparation for what?" he asked, rather abashed, though his facial expressions gave nothing away.
She released, and this time it was the direct center of the target.
Kagome turned to him, a true smile on her face now and she laughed, "See? You are my good luck charm, Sesshoumaru." Then she turned serious, realizing what she had just said. The happiness Kagome should not be allowed; she still had yet to answer his question. "I am preparing for the war, and guarding my life—for you will be preoccupied with other things, and so I must observe for the worst." She paused and placed the bow down against the veranda, "Would you not agree?"
"I would agree, indeed." He replied coolly, "War will soon be upon us."
Upon us.
She sighed, and leaned against the porch, her expression dim and tumultuous and fearful, "Sesshoumaru…!" she began, looking up at him, her eyes wide.
But he was prepared.
"I know what you would say," he whispered, closing his eyes, "That what we want and what we may have are two different things."
She did not speak for a moment. Perhaps she was surprised by his directness. Even he was somewhat astonished by his tone. Yet never before in his life had he been so serious.
"And so, this must end, even though it has not yet begun," Kagome whispered. She was crying now, the first time she had ever truly cried before him. Tears had welled up but never fallen—or perhaps they had been mixed with the rain, but never truly had Sesshoumaru seen them.
His eyes were open once again, and he looked at Kagome in desperation.
Turning to leave, he echoed, "Yes, we must end what has not begun."
From just over the horizon, the tip of a large cloud appeared its top red and gold, dripping with the colors of the sunset.
Sesshoumaru's slow steps halted, and looking over his shoulder, he found that Kagome had followed him, like the day into the night. She reached for his hand, and he did not pull away. Their fingers intertwined, however briefly.
That same emotion was present, the mediation to that foreordained night.
And with that action, the hillside was cast into the darkness, the gold replaced by silver and an incomprehensible whisper on the wing…
I know not whether
It was I who journeyed there
Or you who came to me:
Was it dream or reality?
Was I sleeping or awake?
*
AN:
Kyudo: Japanese archery, technically.
Hmm, reading over this chapter, I find myself dissatisfied again. Perhaps my writing style has gone down the tube. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the double post, nee??
Read, review, say "Aki ga kuru!"